Thinking About Self Hatred And How It's Such A Plague In Blue Lock. Thinking About How Rin Can't Look

Oh my god. The tears in Luke’s eyes when Percy says the betrayal line. The desperate pleading for them to run away. That he doesn’t want to hurt Percy. The tears in Percy’s eyes. The fear and shaking. Percy apologizing for actually hurting him. The look of horror on Luke’s face as Annabeth comes in. How horrified he looks when he looks down at Percy, who he HURT. The realization that Percy won’t join, and the equaled horror of hurting a twelve year old child.

Then he runs.

they should make it legal to kill your friend's shitty parents

Kinda tempted to write a KuniGiri fic and maybe try my hand at the 5 + 1 style with them? I've been an avid fic writer since 2018 (got my start in 2014) and I know I could do a bllk fic justice and what better way to break into the fanfic community than with something for my fave pairing??

I'd probably keep it as Kunigami centric POV (but I only write 3rd person) and explore like a "5 times Kunigami can't bring himself to look at Chigiri and 1 time he can't tear his eyes away" based on the whole "keep your eyes on me" from the post BM/MC game conversation.

Doing some analysis with post-WC Kunigami would be really fun also, like going into the apathy and self loathing that is always so fun to write. Idk if there's interest but I will write this (at some point) for myself if no one else.

talking with bestie about whether matt or juan would propose and i have reasoning for both. Here It Is.

Juan: He's been engaged once before. Clearly that did not work out. Unrest in pieces, bitch, I hate you Inpax. He's determined to get it right this time, because he's with the right person this time. Matt has always been the man he was meant to be with. They will always find their way back to each other, and Juan wants to ensure that there's no way he could ever lose him again. He's also a hopeless romantic as we know and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think he has a scrapbook laying around of different proposal ideas. He knows the shit that Matt has gone through, and probably not even the worst parts of it. That's a terrifying thought, and he wants to put as much of that pain in the past as he can. He wants to move forward with their lives, he wants to promise himself to Matt forever. He wants to promise Matt a soft forever, a delicate one, free of hurt and anguish. He's going to do it right.

Matt: Honestly, he needs a sense of control in his love life. So much of his relationships haven't had any of his input, and while of course Juan is nothing like that, the fear remains. Trauma does that to a guy. Again, fuck you Inpax. He likes the comfort and security of being agentic, making decisions. And he knows that Juan is the type to provide the grand romantic gestures instead of receiving them. Matt wants to change that. When his life went to shit, he lost control, he wasn't there for Juan, he couldn't provide comfort and love and care. He's back on the right track now. He can make up for lost time. He can get down on one knee and in spite of all his flaws, all his mistakes, the sins of his past that nearly cost his beloved his life, he can pledge to love this man forever. He already does. But Juan likes this cheesy shit (and Matt is learning to, though the process is slow). He wants to make Juan feel loved, he wants this proposal to be everything he's ever dreamed of. Everything he couldn't get the first time. It would be grandiose. Sentimental. Multifaceted. Intimate. A perfect whirlwind combination of what's in Juan's scrapbook and that charismatic clumsiness, maybe the heat of something A Little Too Personal, that is undeniably Matt Engarde.

okay yeah and these are my ramblings. enrida/juangarde i love you. The them. The sillies.

*cutely orders a hit on you*

obsessed with engarde dropping his benign idiot persona to reveal that he’s evil and your immediate assumption being ‘oh he was pretending to be stupid as part of his persona he’s actually smart’ and then the game wasting no time at all in saying no he’s still incredibly stupid he’s just also evil

Just wanna say thank you for your Juangarde content (as a starving Juangarde fan and as a Juan fan in general haha) and for the fact that you realized how bad Inpax and her relationship with Juan and Matt is. I’m just tired of people viewing her as entirely angelic and all

These two are also kinda my comfort ship too so, even a mention of them is cool to me and your posts did exactly that, thank you again lol

Oh my god stop I'm literally gonna cry (/pos) over this— Believe me anon I am also starving over content for these two so I decided to Be A Chef and make my own food lmao!!

And yes yes yes oh yes I will be the first person to shout from the rooftops how absolutely horrid of a person Inpax was. Between the age gap and the power dynamic???? No wonder these two boys were kinda crappy lovers at times, they were TEENAGERS. KIDS. what are you as their adult supervisor doing dating and getting engaged to them!!!!!!!!!!! i hate her so much . and omg if juangarde is your comfort ship pls pls let me give you some headcanons of them i think are really cute, I'd love for someone else to hear the machinations of my mind—

Matt has a few pet names for him. Yes he’s the type to use ‘dude’ and ‘bro’ romantically, but he’s also disgustingly romantic once he’s done some healing, and he’ll use the corny shit like ‘mon ange’ and ‘mon musique’.

When they were younger, pre-Inpax, so like 11-12, they were never able to dance together at award show afterparties because that wouldn't align with their (fabricated!!!) rivalry, so they have to wait until they’re back in one of their hotel rooms (Matt comes to his more often, since it’s not like he’s got parents looking after him) to get time to themselves. They get their time to dance together in the late hours of the night, candles and the city skyline surrounding them, music playing from one of their phones.

Juan sings to Matt when he’s having bad nights (be it his road to recovery/sobriety or Inpax related trauma) because nothing can calm him down like his nightingale.

Matt names all his animals by picking them up and holding them like an inch away from his face and just saying the first thing that pops into his mind. His first cat was Armchair, of course we have Shoe, and then when he names a cat Vacuum and Juan sees this ritual for the first time, he goes "You are not gonna get to name our kids if this is your method, I don't want a kid named Jukebox or some shit—" (shoutout to my bestie for that Juan dialogue) and then Matt almost drops the animal out of shock, looks at Juan with the biggest widest puppy dog eyes, and just "Did...you say 'our kids'...?"

Anyway I literally love these two so so so much and I want to keep pumping out content for them I've got a hurt/comfort type thing on the way that's pre-2–4 and I'm working on a long-form multichaptered fix-it fic that will be canon divergent!!!! And of course more posting here whenever the boys invade my brain and I have a Thought

i think enrida/juangarde should be more popular but i also fear that their dynamic and characters will get bastardized and woobified so maybe I Am Content with only having like 5 people on this earth care about the boyfriends