Never Forget That His Ass Goes Teehee

Raichi would be so pretty if he just stopped trying to look like a gremlin every waking moment.

Like look at this pretty bitch,

please teach me your eyeliner ways

Oh, and then there's,

Such a ✨PRINCESS✨

But no:) He wakes up every morning and decides to,

And my personal favourite,

Raichi, bro, are you okay?? Velociraptor looking fucking headass

please don't ever change i still love you

Happy Maid Day!

they should make it legal to kill your friend's shitty parents

(Hi Juangarde anon here)

You want headcanons? I’ll give you headcanons (at least for my own AU where 2-4 never happens)

- I hc that they’re t4t (Juan is ftm while Matt is transfem), so they would always support and comfort each other on their transitions and stuff like that

- They tried to learn each other’s languages and gave each other cheesy nicknames

- Just like your hc, Matt does name pets after objects. But for my hc it’s specifically footwear lol, like Boots, Shoe, Socks, etc

- The older actors (Will, Jack, etc) and a few other people in the showbiz kinda knew about their rivalry being forged, and played along with it for the views. They also sent both of them and Adrian to therapy after the Inpax incident in this AU so

- They definitely swapped jackets more than once, but it’s not like they really care about that

- Juan actually has a dog and Matt adores the canine very much (although Shoe is still superior), basically they love their fur babies

Sorry if it’s too long, but yeah, i’m glad i finally have someone to talk about Juangarde with lol. So thanks again and hope you have a nice day :))

I'm absolutely obsessed omg I will talk about the boys with anyone for as long as they'll let me ansbfnvjd

More content for them has me like 💞💓💞💕💓💓💓💕💞💕💓💞💕💕💞💓💕 I'm gonna eat conk creat. Have an awesome day!!!!!!

DanandPhilCrafts + Fucked Up Queer Devotion + Christian Homophobia: An Essay

We’ve all been talking about the willingness of Dan and Phil to perform the ritual, we’ve all been talking about the intimacy of carving out your lover’s heart, but I have not heard anyone talk about the fucked up side of Dan and Phil’s (fictional) relationship with each other, and with Him, so here goes.

On the craft channel, Dan and Phil act overwhelmingly positive, like satanic children’s show hosts, but this is clearly a farce. We see them drop their smiles quite a few times during the crafting- most notably in Glitter Faces when Dan’s craft turns out wrong, and when Phil cuts Dan’s hand. “Don’t cry, craft” is directed towards the audience, but it seems Dan and Phil are following their own advice. Cults, after all, prey on vulnerable people. While they do seem scared of doing the ritual, and their involvement with Him, they are, however, definitely willing. In

The blood on Dan after he kills Phil is interesting; The handprint on his shirt isn’t a sign of a struggle, but rather Phil just grabbing his shirt- that’s pretty intimate, honestly. The blood on his face could’ve been caused by a bunch of things: blood splatter he wiped at? wiping at his face (eyes?) with a bloody hand? or Phil holding his face? (I like the third option) The blood on his nose might totally have been accidental, and just a thing that happened, but it could also be an allusion to the cat whiskers, in the spirit of bringing things back to the beginning and whatnot.

After the ritual is complete, there’s the obvious tarot symbolism. @freckliedan has a great post about this, but I’ve got more to add, so bear with me. Yes, Dan and Phil are framed as the lovers, but that’s not all. While the sexual deviance associated with the devil card has clear connections to queerness, it’s main association is usually unhealthy relationships and dependence. We also see Phil always giving Dan the directions, implying some kind of power unbalance. Applied to Dan and Phil’s (fictional) relationship, we’re told that it’s just not as healthy as their real relationship. These characters, while obviously in love and super devoted to each other, are not in a healthy relationship.

Furthering the unhealthy relationship idea is when Phil calls Dan “Sampson”. In the Bible or whatever (I’m not Christian sue me) Sampson topples these pillars, killing both himself and his enemies, which has a clear parallel to Dan’s stacked ingredients falling over, but the use of “folly” is interesting, and suggests a further connection. Sampson had married a prostitute, and she sold him out, basically, leading to his enslavement and later death. In this story, this is the clearest and most obvious act of folly by Sampson: marrying someone who he shouldn’t have, someone who it was taboo for him to be with. Connected to Dan and Phil, it suggests that their relationship is dangerous due to the social taboo, but it’s also implied that Phil will betray Dan.

Speaking of unhealthy relationships, that’s sure what they’ve got with Him! Leading up to the ritual, Dan and Phil are shown to be scared of Him, even though they call Him their friend. Dan’s head shake when Phil says “crafting has improved my life in numerous ways” is very telling. At the end, Dan’s shoulders tense at His first footstep, however, when He actually touches Dan, he doesn’t seem scared at all- forgive me for this next point, but from the way he kinda leans into the touch and tilts his head back, it seems more like he’s going for “turned on” rather than “scared”.

“Okay, cool” you say, “but what does it mean?” Well, Dan and Phil’s relationship in this series is not just about homoerotic undertones- this is an allegory for toxic queer sexual relationships. Why would they make something about toxic relationships when they’re in a healthy relationship? With the toxicity, and the power imbalances, and the satanism, Dan and Phil’s (fictional) relationship is a representation of Christian fears of queerness, and the supposed immoral/corrupting/anti-Christian effects of being in a queer relationship. The fear Dan and Phil show throughout the series is representative of internalized homophobia. They’re scared to align themselves with Him because it means accepting their own queerness. Dan shows more fear than Phil throughout the series (like after his glitter face turns out to be a pentacle) which parallels his real world internalized homophobia that he’s experienced. By holding hands with the devil (or baphomet?) standing behind them, Dan and Phil have embodied every conservative fear about queerness, but have come out on top. Through their YouTube channel, we get to do the same.

(quote is a pete wentz livejournal post)

"i am that gasp of breath on your deathbead (stale and panicked) but you're still dying for me. i got a list of things in my head that i miss about you. id love to write them but i dont want to give myself away to you this easily."

-- AA 2-4 SPECIFIC SPOILERS --

No because this is so Enrida. It is so Matt coded. Gasp of breath on your deathbed ???? So on the nose here but like Yeah It's Suffocation. But you're still dying for me ???? And the use of 'for' as a preposition is so interesting because you can take it in the way of "you're dying because of me" but also "you are dying and you're doing it for me. a last act of devotion, even though I don't fucking deserve it." and I think that is so cool.

Things in my head that I miss about you. Present tense. He misses Juan in the here and now. He knows he fucked up. He made the worst mistake of his life and Juan is dead and he can't change that, he can only continue missing him. But keeping it all inside his head is all he's allowed to do. Because he's got an image. He's got their carefully curated rivalry to uphold. He can't reveal it. I don't want to give myself away to you this easily.

really enjoy that engarde asks to call his lawyer while talking to phoenix and that when he does and phoenix’s phone rings he picks it up and says ‘hello?’ as if he’s expecting someone else and then they just continue the conversation over the phone while looking at each other. especially enjoy that he does this bit twice and that phoenix goes along with it both times. obviously indicative of something deeply wrong with engarde but arguably even more of something wrong with phoenix

ace attorney clue idea that i thought of forever ago and never finished until now 🔎

Ya know one of the reasons I ship Kuzusouda is because if a situation played out where Fuyu realizes how dense Kaz really is, he might actually have the balls to grab Kaz’s face like-

“YOU’RE MAKING HER UNCOMFORTABLE YOU OBLIVIOUS, MINDLESS ASSHOLE! SHE’S NOT TEASING YOU, SHE GENUINELY HATES YOU AND YOU MADE IT THAT WAY!”

Or something like it in a effort to change things because he’s so fucking done with it. Done with Kaz in general. Done with everyone doing nothing to fix the problem. Begrudgingly done with everyone assuming, like he did at first, that Kaz knows how he’s coming off and that he still acts the same despite it.

And so then by indirectly helping Kaz to get a clue and apologize to Sonia profusely, he gets a firsthand experience with Kaz’s real personality. And you know…he might actually start to like him. Maybe.