That Smartphone Is Too Weak For Him. Get That Man A Nokia.

WLC 5.B: Slippery When Wet

Jevoi awakens slowly. Her body greatly resists separation from the bed, adhering itself to it like honey. With considerable effort, she rises.

The cabin's shower is pleasant and its water warm. As she cleans her scales, Gank keeps watch on the cabin. The ship's distractions may not avail the lawgnome's thievish intent.

There had been no disturbances during the night, or whatever could be considered night in space. Does time even flow here in this outer void?

'She's here,' thinks Gank, 'Keep the water on.'

Jevoi slips silently back into the cabin's other room. Despite the door out still being shut, Jevoi can clearly see the gnome searching her things. Naked, but armed, Jevoi sneaks closer.

Tanglepork suddenly turns around, gun drawn. "Walked right into this, Kiddo," she says, "Where's it at?"

"Where's what?" asks Jevoi.

"Don't be coy~, Jevoi~," sings Tanglepork, "The faeriedust: where is it?"

"You think I'm some addict?" snarls Jevoi, still dripping wet, "Why would I have that?"

"You make it?" Tanglepork's voice carries sarcastic confusion. "I'm the one keeping my overzealous deputies from undoing your mommy."

"Cretin," yells Jevoi, "You have done my mum!"

"Every woman in town has done your mommy," Tanglepork rolls her pretty little eyes, "Regardless, you need to pay your taxes~."

"I'm not bribing you," says Jevoi, "How did you even get in here?"

L: I wish.

A: She doesn't pay taxes?

J: That's not- can we focus here?

"I asked Lurentooz for the key." Tanglepork holds up a purple tendril-esque key; it squirms in her hand. "Even out here, the law is abided."

As Pokemon had already proven, tank plus animal is top tier design.

Here’s the best fighting game character of ALL TIME….. Beartank! 🌻🧸💣

FROGS

Chihiro is troublesome little boy. He likes to throw frogs at people.

POV: The enemy leader is afraid of your pet frog.

Mikado, Red Shadow (also known as Hotarubi), Jo, and Hongou all react to this frog in this over-dramatic way. This behavior is tied to their movelist, so any character can be made to react this way.

POV: A grown woman, who is also a samurai assassin (and might be able to hear the dead), is afraid of your pet frog.

POV: You found the only ninja that doesn't like frogs.

POV: That one girl in class thinks she's so cool.

POV: You found the guy that's bullying your brother.

POV: That girl came back! She's friends with the bully!

In their defense, it's a big frog. It also continues to move around the stage and can jump off ledges. It is a pain to pick back up in first person mode.

Further, nothing is stopping any character from picking the frog up and throwing back into Chihiro's face.

WLC 3.8: Children with Knives

J: Let's not forget whose story this is.

The training room is much larger than Jevoi had been expecting. Numerous training targets of various sizes stand around the spacious chamber. Along the walls, several weapons (swords, axes, polearms) are kept sorted in stands. A few grindstones sit next to shelves of materials and a small forge in the corner.

Jevoi's eyes dart across the room; scanning the weapons, she finds her target: knives, daggers. Little blades that can fit in little hands. Her hands. She rushes to them and begins testing their handles. Forward, backward, reverse-grip. She has to find one that fits.

"Oh, ya're into this," says Gank with a smile, "Anything clicking?"

Jevoi stops, holding one sleek dagger in her hand. "YES," she exhales, swinging the runic blade a few times, listening to it sing as it cuts through the air, "Perfect."

"D'ya think?" asks Gank, she points to a humanoid dummy, "Go on, then. Give it a whirl."

The little gecko walks around the dummy and slices at it. The blade cleanly cuts through its soft plant-like material. Jevoi coos at the damage, but the gasps in realization.

"Don't worry," says Gank, as the dummy stitches itself back together, "Nobody'll see nothing."

Jevoi licks her eyes and stabs the dummy as many times as she can, as fast as she can. She twists the blade and begins slashing wildly into it, desperate to outpace the regeneration.

"Okay, slow down," laughs Gank as she walks up to another one, "Let me ya how the big girls do it!" Gank unfurls her claws dramatically and swipes at the dummy in a practiced concert of blows. Her four arms tear, rip, and shred it that it flops about as if it were alive. She throws in a few twirling slashes and kicks as well.

"That's not fair," says Jevoi, "You've got four arms."

"Sorry," says Gank, her tongue hanging from her mouth, "But that's why I'm a warrior and ya're just a rogue."

"Oh yeah?" says Jevoi, running back to the daggers, "I'll show you." She grabs another and racing toward another dummy.

Gank's slit eyes widen. "Woah, kid, wait, no," she steps in front of Jevoi, "If ya get hurt, I'm getting in trouble. Put that one back."

"You don't get to call me a kid," says Jevoi, she looks at her weapons, then up at Gank, "Try and take them!"

L: Trouble from day one.

The developing rational part of Gank's brain attempts to conjure a means of handling this situation. Unfortunately, the emotional threat to her ego prevents the teenager from having any ideas more complicated than, 'Take them.' Some may also claim that her species, hard-wired for a short life of constant violence, may also be a factor in this spur-of-the-moment decision, but that hypothesis's largely irrelevant when faced with the far more accepted theory:

L: Kids are so f*****g stupid.

Gank suddenly lunges at Jevoi, who reflexively holds the blades in front of her. Gank grabs onto Jevoi's wrists, but the gecko squirms and the weapons come dangerously close to the charda's face.

"Let go!" yells Gank.

"Make me!" yells Jevoi. She kicks Gank in the groin. Both girls gasp in pain and Jevoi almost loses balance.

"Why would'ya do that?" says Gank, she then kicks Jevoi right back, "How d'ya like it?"

Jevoi emits a long squeak, but continues struggling to pull her hands out of Gank's claws. Blood begins dripping down both of their arms.

Gank bends her empty hands inward and uses the back of her wrists to slap Jevoi's face and punch her in the gut. "LET!" Hit. "GO!" Slap. "OF!" Knee. "THE!" Clunk. "KNIVES!" Punch.

"Noooo," squeals Jevoi weakly. One blade hits the floor, but she her grip on the other. She shoves her bloody hand into Gank's face, feebly slapping her. "Let me go."

The last thing Jevoi hears before passing out is Gank's desperate voice repeating, "Oh s***e!"

WLC 4.2: Princess Suite

The empress steps forth from a magical gate into a circular room decorated simplistically in black and gold. The wizard entering behind her recognizes the design instantly. This chamber is glorified teleportation room... and yet her daughter brought her here through a gate.

"The rest of palace is protected from external spatially effects," says Jevoi, "No teleporting into the throne room, or such nonsense."

Jevoi leads Dalini, whose eyes are wide and wandering, and Ling, whose eyes are narrow and plotting, through the door. The guards in dark armor on the other side salute their empress as she leads her family down the hall.

"Was it really a good idea to bring me here?" asks Ling, scanning the structure of the palace: the trims, the scones, the door, anything and everything. "What an oppressive atmosphere," she mutters.

"We can settle our issues later, Mum," says Jevoi, marching confidently, "Dalini comes first."

"Wait, was it?" asks Dalini, hopping after, "Where are we going?"

"Hold on," says Jevoi, sweetly, before her voice turns serious as she singles out an elven maid in the hallway, "You, inform the queen of my return and of our daughter's arrival." As the maid, takes off. Jevoi yells, "And the head chef. Inform him as well!" She continues marching. "Mum, don't stare at the servants' legs."

"Was not," mutters Ling, "Why the cute little dresses?"

Jevoi leads the duo to a door and leans down to Dalini. "Now, I had to make several assumptions," she says, "So if there's anything you want changed, we can be replace it." She stands up and opens the door, "Because this is your room, and it should be what you want it to be."

The room was bigger than the entirety of Ling's old home/lab. Fluffy white and soft pink with a few pastels of other colors stand in sharp contrast to the dark, foreboding palace halls. The walls are painted with a cloud motif. A simply massive bed sits opposite the door. A pile of stuffed toys and dolls lie in the left corner by the bed and a bedside table in the right. On the table is a black and gold bell. A mostly bare bookshelf stands in center of the left wall. There are a pair of doors on the right wall; one open: a closet. In the center of the room, under a fancy light, is a small table and chairs, with a mock tea set upon it.

Dalini stares, overwhelmed, unable to speak.

Jevoi takes her hand and gently walks her into the room. She flashes a smug look over her shoulder at Ling.

"This is-s-s my roooom?" asks Dalini.

"That's right," says her mother, leading her to the closet that has several dresses hung inside, "All of this belongs to you. So pick one out and let's get you clean."

Dalini picks out the pink dress in the center, her expression still mixed between disbelief and ecstasy, "I LOVE IT SO MUCH!"

Jevoi stops her daughter from removing her current clothes. "Wait, you need to take a bath first." She gestures with her head to the other door.

Dalini runs over to it and throws it open. It leads to an immaculate bathroom.

"Now, can you take a bath by yourself?" asks Jevoi leading her to the tub, "Do you know how these work?" She points to the knobs by the faucet. When her daughter shakes her head, Jevoi shows her what each part does.

"What's the bowl-chair for?" asks Dalini, as the tub fills with water.

Jevoi takes a few seconds to ruminate the implications of that question and scowls at Ling standing at the doorway. "How have you become worse at this, Mum?"

I like the idea of a marilith (or any multi-arm) wielding a random assortment of weapons at once. Practical? Probably not. Cool? Hell yes.

Hi everyone! I wanted to show you some monsters I've been doing for MorvoldPress' project: my takes on a Copper Dragon, a Marilith, and a Storm Giant.

You can get the full-resolution images for your own use on their Patreon patreon.com/morvoldpress

And you can commission me directly on my ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/haclif/commissions

Let me know what you think!

WLC 6.G: Magic Duel 3v3

L: The first rule of magic duels is don't get into magic duels. The second is to remain calm; if ya lose your s***e, ya soon won't have s***e left to lose.

The first to move is Tanglepork. Dodging an opportune swipe of Ioana's claws as she runs away, she reloads her gun. She quickly turns and fires, but her nerves betray her and the bullet barely misses the lycan's head.

Ioana's fierce gaze remains locked on her prey as she commands the air to twist around her. It becomes like a miniature tornado as she chases after the gnome.

Gudrun locks eyes with the minotaur. "Obey me," she says, her eyes alight.

L: The third rule of magic duels is to know what your opponent can do and prepare to counter it.

"Not this time, b***h," says Honeycrisp, shaking off the force trying to insert itself into his mind.

Gudrun pulls out a silver wand. "Fine."

Honeycrisp focuses and magic courses through his body, accelerating him. Sparks dance upon his horns.

L: Corollary: Know what your opponent knows ya can do and don't do it.

Ling raises a wall of ribs, splitting a third of the room away, isolating the lycan and the deputy from the rest of them. The massive ribs connecting ceiling to floor have gaps too small for most of the room's occupants. "This way, Porky," commands Ling, as she positions herself by the passage to the portal room.

J: How many wall of bones spells do there really need to be?

"Ling," whines Zingiber, "You're supposed to be fighting me." She releases a blast of glittery fire into Ling's face, but the gex licks her eyes clean.

Tanglepork takes a liking to the idea of people not seeing things and turns invisible, then attempts to sneak around Ioana to reach the bone wall. Her steps are calculated to match the rhythm of the other fighters.

Ioana sniffs about and detonates a burst of fire where she believes the gnome to be hiding, but by some gnomish trickery (possibly breakdancing), the deputy remains unharmed.

Gudrun fires a purple beam from her wand, but Honeycrisp defects it with his horn. "S***e," she says, calmly. Foreseeing the sheriff's next move, she conjures a shield in front of her.

Honeycrisp charges forward, his horns smash open the shield. While his target is unharmed by that, the hook to her face makes quite the impact, knocking free a tooth, which explodes. The shrapnel then defies physics and embed themselves in the dwarf's neck.

Ling conjures a facsimile of a dryad -a type of tree nymph- that wraps her arms around the elf. "Hey there, cutie," says the dryad with a wink.

L: Preventing your opponent from casting at all is the strongest option. A lot of magic requires somantics.

Zingiber forces an arm free. "Getting off on this, Dr. Ling?" She gestures wildly. "Then check this!"

Unfortunately for Zingiber, her spell fails for multiple reasons: Tanglepork is out of the area, Honeycrisp (bull) and the dryad (plant) don't have the targeted anatomy, and Ling, because of her experiences in Wizard School, always begins the day with protective spells like Genital Mirror Shield. Thus, the caster herself is the only affected person.

Zingiber clutches her guts as her Ovarian Explosion nearly rips apart her insides. "Mistake."

J: Who even crafted that? Why make that?

"Serves ya right," shouts Ling.

Invisible, Tanglepork sneaks up to the ribs while quietly reloading her weapon and squeezes through. Aiming back through, she takes another shot breaking her disguise. The bullet, buffeted by the wind, glances the lycan's shoulder. "Oh, come on," the deputy grumbles.

If Ioana were the beast she looked like, she'd just run up to the ribs and try to smash through, but the witch is smarter than that. The bones form a fence she can cast through and, with the wind making her a difficult target, she's free to do so. She condenses a suffocating cloud around the gnome. "You can't escape," she growls.

"Help me," demands Gudrun to Zingiber, taking a defensive step away. She locks eyes with Ling and a mental bomb causes her to recoil in pain.

J: How many counters do you have? L: One more than I think I'll need.

"Time to put you b***hes in your place," says Honeycrisp.

"Can you shut your f**king mouth for five b****y minutes!" yells Ling.

"Great idea!" Honeycrisp forms a zone of silence around himself and lunges headfirst into Gudrun, impaling her on his horns and lifting her off the ground.

L: A lot of magic requires incantations too.

Now unable to hear, the false dryad looks to Ling for instruction. Ling gestures for her to keep Zingiber in that area close to the sheriff. Ling then condenses the cloud around the deputy into a shield of water.

Zingiber punches and knees the dryad, bashing onto bark-coated flesh. Breaking free, she scrambles out of the inaudible zone.

Tanglepork peers around the shield (reloading) and focuses on that first bullet, the one that's still in the back of the lycan's skull. The tiny piece of lead becomes hotter, burning its way into the witch's brain.

Screeching with pain, Ioana draws in through the floor as much spiritual energy as she can. The sheriff cannot avoid having part of his soul drained and the dryad wilts, while Tanglepork's fidgeting about causes her to be less effected and Ling avoids it entirely by hopping onto the wall, taking note that Zingiber is casually unaffected.

Gudrun thrashes about, desperately trying to free herself from the horns. Her punches and kicks are not enough, however.

A bright light flashes the room as Honeycrisp channels electricity through his horns and Gudrun's body. He then charges at Zingiber slapping her across the room with her dwarven cohort's charred, but still living body.

L: Anything is a weapon. Everything is a weapon.

Ling takes a moment to think. Two of these witches should be dead now; why aren't they? It must be that contract. She commands the weakened dryad to grab the elf again (which she does). Ling yells, "Porky, we need to leave."

Zingiber once again forces her arms free to aim another spell and then shoves the dryad away. The sheriff collapses as his muscles detach themselves from his bones. Ling recognizes her own spell, Tendon Tearer.

As Tanglepork continues to burn a hole through Ioana's head, she yells to Ling, "How?" She takes another shot from the other side of the shield, sinking a bullet into the lycan's chest. "Eat that!"

Ioana retreats to the entrance door, as if daring her enemies to try to get through her. She stomps on the ground, causing the already misshapen cubes of the room to twist around becoming a series of crude pyramids. Now even just standing here is an issue.

Gudrun pries her body off of the sheriff's horns and pathetically crawls away. Her bleeding, burnt body struggling to cross the threshold of sound due to the floor's sudden shift.

Honeycrisp sends a message via vibration directly through the floor and wall to Ling's ear bones. While she doesn't know the exact meaning, it isn't hard to guess the intent.

J: Why would you keep saving him? L: Because it's the right thing to do. A: Meat shield.

Ling restores the sheriff's ability to move -his muscles reattaching themselves- and orders the dryad to muzzle the elf; the dryad's solution is to shove her hand into Zingiber's mouth.

Zingiber bites the hand and pulls a brown jewel out of her robe. She stabs it into the dryad's ear and detonates it. The dryad's mostly headless body dissipates.

Tanglepork pulls a glass bottle out of her pocket and lodges it into the barrel of her gun. The special bottle is launched by the force of her shot and explodes on impact with the lycan, whose whirling winds erupt into flame. "Give up already!"

Ioana quickly draws the moisture in the air (and the water shield) onto her person, suffocating the fire. Realizing her wind had burned away, she conjures a shield to deflect further gunfire.

Gudrun crawls further from the sheriff and attempts to scramble his brain, but cannot tell what effect she actually has.

Honeycrisp leaps with intent to crush the elf, but his vision is blurred and wobbly like a drunkard, and he smashes his fist centimeters away from her head. She weaves around the following blows.

Ling continues to rack her brain. She kicks off a burst of mental energy, accelerating her thoughts. Zingiber mentioned several construction-related spells and this lair is blatantly artificial, that entity needs mortals to interact with this world, and the witches seemed to have thought that sacrificing children into the portal was the point. ...Maybe they built the portal? So, having them harm it would break the contract?

"Porky, this way," she yells as she forms an arrow of light pointing to herself in front of Honeycrisp, "Pull back!" Ling hopes that the witches will follow after them.

While Honeycrisp is distracted, Zingiber sees an opportunity. The sheriff's horns are covered in her friend's blood. Reaching up and grabbing them, the elf drives the blood like knives into his skin and rips his face off.

A: I like this woman. Obviously became a demon.

"You f**king b***h!" Tanglepork's rage cannot penetrate the muted bubble the elf remains in, but her bullet can, barely grazing Zingiber's nose.

"Time to end this," says Ioana, teleporting right behind the deputy. A swipe of her claw slices open the gnome's backside.

"Help me," calls out Gudrun, putting pressure on her bleeding wounds. She tries to lock eyes with the deputy, but the gnome is too wrought with emotion.

Bleeding profusely, Honeycrisp slams his fists into the elf's guts, sparks passing through her organs with each strike.

"Can't get near the k**bhead," Ling grumbles. She calls upon the sheriff's flesh to mend itself, stealing pieces of Zingiber's hands in the process.

Zingiber dodges another swing as she rolls out of the silent bubble and does a wild swinging display spraying her own blood about into floating runes that drive themselves into the sheriff. On contact, the pieces of herself stuck in his face explode, taking his head with them.

Screaming with rage and grief, Tanglepork races toward Ling across the crooked, spiky floor and tries to shoot the blood-dancing elf. The bullet comes nowhere close.

Ioana chases after and commands pieces of the stone floor to erupt as a cage around the gnome, but the agile deputy leaps to freedom.

"Stop," demands Gudrun, but the deputy refuses.

L: But the most important rule of a magic duel is:

"We're getting the kids," yells Ling, ostensibly to Tanglepork, "And then we're getting the f**k out of here." She conjures a massive potato to block the lycan's path.

"No, you're not," yells Zingiber forming further runes. With a great forceful push, the corpse of the sheriff is launched at the doctor, who dives out of the way. The body tumbles into the corridor and explodes, collapsing the tunnel.

L: Never forget why you're fighting.

"Zingiber, you fool!" yells Ioana, but it is too late.

"The final line has been crossed," announces a booming voice, "No simple task was beneath your ability to fail. The violation of the contract has ceded all boons I have blessed upon you."

From the liquid metal in Ioana's brain and the burnt, ruptured organs in Gudrun's body, the two die with no fanfare.

"What?" Zingiber staggers forward in confusion, the blood-loss killing her slowly. "That's not fair."

Tanglepork stops running. Ling and she carefully walk toward Zingiber. "You killed my boss," says Tanglepork, out of breath.

"Whatever," says Zingiber, focusing on Ling, "Going to kill me, Ling? Plenty of ways to make me suffer. You could sta-"

"I'm talking to you," says the deputy.

"I don't want y-"

BANG

The deputy helps Zingiber paint the ceiling a delightful new shade of pink.

"Bl'ell, Porky," mutters Ling, "You didn't-"

"It's over." Tanglepork sits down.

Ling turns to the collapsed passage. "I'll get the kids..." She looks around at the bloody mess that was once three witches. "...And ya... deal with this?"

Baffling that tumblr thinks character face sprites and game manual pages are "mature", but death gifs aren't.

Checking the List

I have significantly underestimated this scale of this task.

While doing this, I've reconsidered the lizard for now, but I have another idea: Tumblr structure seems a fine place to try writing a "found document" type of story. It's about a corporate lawyer devil in a post-apoc city.

Edit: I may go through with the lizard story.

WLC 5.9: Hey, Demon, It's Jevoi

"G'day," says Jevoi, "Is this- this seat taken?"

The marilith looks at the mortal, but only briefly. She rolls her eyes and continues staring at her food, strange purple meat. "Sure, whatever," she says, "Pretty gutsy walking up to a demon."

D: So what did you talk about? J: Philosophy. L: What kind? J: That's not important.

Jevoi sits down with her drink in hand. "Well, I mean," she struggles to say, "Who says demons have to be bad?"

"The gods?" says the baffled mailith. She stabs the meat; it oozes in response.

"Not really a fan of them anyway," shrugs Jevoi, "Seems like there's a lot of problems they're choosing not to solve."

The marilith looks up, bemused. "And how'd you fix them?"

"My mum always said that we have to keep working to override the people seeking to make everything worse."

"You believe that?" The marilith twirls her fork. "Just try harder?"

"No," says Jevoi, "If there are people dragging us backward, then logically the best thing we can do is get rid of them."

"Get rid of them... how?" asks the marilith. Her gaze intensifying.

"Kill them," says Jevoi blunt, swift, and cold, staring into the marilith's eyes.

A: That look in your eyes that day. I still remember it. L: So ya let her into your cabin then? Eh? Eh? J: Mum, no!

Looking into those eyes, it is as if the whole room has gone silent. The marilith had never had a mortal look at her this way before. She laughs, and says, "Want to walk with me? Name's Angustias, by the way."

"You can call me Jay," says Jevoi, sipping her drink.

"Afraid to tell a demon your name?" asks Angustias, coyly leading Jevoi out the door.

"You're not the first demon I've met," says Jevoi, following coolly.

A: You were trying so hard to be an aloof rogue. J: And you were trying to be seductive. A: I was succeeding.

The duo step out onto the deck and looking out of the bubble surrounding the ship. The stars and galaxies sparkle and shine in the great dark void.

D: Stars? L: Distant lights in the surface world's sky. J: Magnificent beacons of power that fill the cosmos. A: They're really not that special, just plasma.

The pair lean on the railing, neither sure what to say, and so, they linger in silence. A good silence, to be fair.