Jevoi leans on the railing, looking out on the endless sea of stars. As much as she needs that tome, her mind keeps wandering off. That demon has crawled into her mind like a weevil. Yesterday keeps playing in her mind.
"You're trickier than I thought," says Tanglepork, her gun pressed to Jevoi's back. "Hiring staff to humiliate me, didn't see that coming."
G: Ya're welcome.
"You can clearly see, I-"
"Shut up," growls the sheriff, jabbing her hostage with the gun's barrel, "Where is it?"
"With a horny sea hag," says Jevoi, "That coven's probably used it all already."
"Stop ly~ing~," sings Tanglepork, "If you don't have it, you know what ha~ppens~."
"Diablo mio," a voice rings out; it belongs to Angustias, who is slithering down the dock. "What are you doing?"
"Arresting a criminal," says the sheriff, flashing her badge, "Stay~ back~, de~mon~."
Angustias glares at the gnome. If she's going to do anything, she has to take initiative. She subtly coils her body. As fast as she can, Angustias conjures her six swords and leaps toward the gnome, swinging wildly. One sword cleaves off the gnome's gun' barrel. Another, the hand holding it. One slices open the back. Another, the belly. One stabs a knee from behind. The last, up the butt.
A: A rather unsatisfying fight, I'll admit. After that- J: She died on the spot. L: Is that so? D: That's how the mean sheriff died?
Tanglepork's screams are trapped in the unseen bubble surrounding the trio. For all Jevoi's dismissiveness and daughterly angst, she has learned some of her mother's spells. The sheriff uses her remaining hand to try to hold her organs in as she collapses to the floor.
"A lizard who's a wizard?" Angustias less asks and more blurts in confusion.
"No," says Jevoi over Tanglepork's softening sobbing, "I'm ...an eldritch... trickster?"
"Still sounds like a nerd," says Angustias, reaching down into Tanglepork and pulls an organ up, still attached to a tangling mess of the sheriff's "pork", so to speak. "Let's play a game, the first of you two that identifies each organ gets a point."
"Kidney," says Jevoi.
"Correct," says Angustias, crushing it.
"That's not fair," whimpers Tanglepork.
Angustias drops the kidney and pulls up another. "Liver," Tanglepork tries to yell.
"Yes." Angustias sets it back in. As she does, she notices Tanglepork attempting to wiggle something out of her vest pocket. The demon stabs another sword into the gnome, this time, in her shoulder. "I know your kind's tricks." Angustias tries to pull something else out of the gnome, but it's small and buried. "What's this little thing?"
"An ovary?" asks Jevoi, glancing around nervously. "You should stop before we get caught. Just kill her already."
"Just one more," says Angustias, eyeing Jevoi with a mad fire in her eyes. "I'm finally getting why so many demons are into this." She pulls another organ up. "Besides, the gnome can't die from this."
"Please, don't crush my bladder," cries Tanglepork. She clinches her eyes and focuses on her magic. "Optica-"
Angustias punches Tanglepork in the jaw, the force cleaving the gnome's tongue off and shattering her teeth. "No spells!" She shoves the bladder back in.
Tanglepork attempts to speak, but the message is lost in the spray of blood.
Jevoi takes a step back. "I think your game's over, An-Angustias."
"Fine, it's a draw," whines Angustias, "Adios, p**a." She shoves the gnome's severed hand and gun into the open wound and flings her off the side of the ship.
Tanglepork slams into the magic sphere protecting the ship, her cracking against it, and slides down the side, leaving a bloody smear behind her.
Jevoi looks over the railing. "You really think she'll survive that?"
"Yeah," she says, "Gnome's can only die of boredom."
"That's not true," says Jevoi, turning toward Angustias, "That just how they die of age. They're still mortal. If you cut them, they still bleed."
"Oh," says the demon, now licking Tanglepork's fluids off the deck, "Eh."
Jevoi gawks at wild messy display and licks her own eyes.
A: Yes, she died immediately and we disposed of the body. J: Then we went back to Angustias' cabin. L: Yeah, here we go. J: Don't be weird, Mum. We just talked about- L: Then why ya telling me this? D: Did you ever get your book? J: Yes, after the cruise, we- L: One hook at a time. Next yarn: why I killed that old wolf. J: I suppose, you could entertain us over desert. Here comes the cake. D: Oooooooooooooooooooooo! Cake.
As the sheriff and the naked gex stare down, Gank slips into the floor and rises outside. She knocks loudly on the door. "Ma'am, are you okay?" she yells, "You're using an excessive amount of water." The words flow with an odd twang, an errant emphasis, splashing their river.
Tanglepork and Jevoi keep eyes locked. The sheriff then motions with her eyes for Jevoi to answer and fades from sight, her gun still trained on the gex.
D: She could do that?
J: Gnomes are tricky, like short, chaotic elves.
L: They sure are.
J: Mind out of the gutter, Mum.
Jevoi slips back to the shower and quickly turns it off, then loudly rushes to the door. She opens it just a crack and leans to look through. "Sorry," she says to the tentacled cabin boy that she's surprised to see, "I didn't mean to offend, but it's been so long for me. It's so nice and warm."
"Not a problem, Ma'am," says the disguised Gank, "But we do have a sauna and a pool, if that is to your liking."
"I might- might look into that," says Jevoi, "Good-bye."
"By the way," says Gank the cabin boy, preventing the door from closing, "Captain found a bag last night. Might it be yours?"
Jevoi groans slightly in confusion and looks back at the mess Tanglepork made.
"Black leather, likely bigger on the inside?" asks cabin-Gank, "Would you have been on the deck last night?"
"That might be mine..." answers Jevoi slowly, "I'll-"
"It's been placed in the storage vault," interrupts cabin-Gank, "Feel free to retrieve it when it would suit you. Just ask the clerk on staff to assist you." The cabin boy bows and and exits stage left, fading into the floor to return to Jevoi.
"Well, isn't that nice of them, " says the invisible gnome, "You stay here; I'll get that for you."
L: Good thinking, Gank.
G: Thank ya, thank ya. I try my best to keep my house alive.
Gank watches the less-invisible-then-she-thinks gnome leave. When the door closes, she thinks, 'No trick, she actually bought it.'
Jevoi returns to the shower to get dressed. Still under her piled clothes is the bag. And still in the bag are bottles. And still in those bottles is dust. "I need to get this to Loom," she says to no one really, "Then the sheriff is her problem."
Jevoi awakens slowly. Her body greatly resists separation from the bed, adhering itself to it like honey. With considerable effort, she rises.
The cabin's shower is pleasant and its water warm. As she cleans her scales, Gank keeps watch on the cabin. The ship's distractions may not avail the lawgnome's thievish intent.
There had been no disturbances during the night, or whatever could be considered night in space. Does time even flow here in this outer void?
'She's here,' thinks Gank, 'Keep the water on.'
Jevoi slips silently back into the cabin's other room. Despite the door out still being shut, Jevoi can clearly see the gnome searching her things. Naked, but armed, Jevoi sneaks closer.
Tanglepork suddenly turns around, gun drawn. "Walked right into this, Kiddo," she says, "Where's it at?"
"Where's what?" asks Jevoi.
"Don't be coy~, Jevoi~," sings Tanglepork, "The faeriedust: where is it?"
"You think I'm some addict?" snarls Jevoi, still dripping wet, "Why would I have that?"
"You make it?" Tanglepork's voice carries sarcastic confusion. "I'm the one keeping my overzealous deputies from undoing your mommy."
"Cretin," yells Jevoi, "You have done my mum!"
"Every woman in town has done your mommy," Tanglepork rolls her pretty little eyes, "Regardless, you need to pay your taxes~."
"I'm not bribing you," says Jevoi, "How did you even get in here?"
L: I wish.
A: She doesn't pay taxes?
J: That's not- can we focus here?
"I asked Lurentooz for the key." Tanglepork holds up a purple tendril-esque key; it squirms in her hand. "Even out here, the law is abided."
The two continue to stare into the vast cosmic tapestry above them.
"I'd have thought a mortal would have seen this before," says Angustias.
Jevoi shakes her head. "We don't have stars down under."
"Aren't you from the Sesbia Archipelago?" Angustias tilted her head to the side.
"No, Inner Glow," says Jevoi, "My nana is from Sesbia, but I hatched in a crappy goblin town called Rankedge." She suddenly looks about nervously. "Eh, where are you from?"
"Brutalidad, Sathanica," says Angustias, "It's a city in Hell." She looks down to the stars below. "More like a big fort, honestly. Completely underground too, obviously."
L: Right, at the edge of the eternal war? A: The very same.
"What brought you here?" asks Jevoi, "I'm here from fighting a ghost."
"My cousin-" Angustias tries to say, but is cut off by the sudden intrusion of Luminița, and a spider crab making out, blindly throwing themselves through a nearby door.
L: Tell me more.
"Let's find somewhere else," says Jevoi, annoyed. She opens another door in. "Is this cor-"
Lurentooz has Tanglepork's head lodged into her mouth. The sheriff's body, half-undresses, twitches and kicks. Magic shifts between the duo. Lurnetooz eyes release purple sparks before her pupils break through, staring at the intruder. She attempts to speak, lifting her arm defensively. "Ah kahn ehkslayn."
"Don't bother." Jevoi shuts the door. She turns around, but Angustias has left. Dejected, Jevoi returns to her room to sleep; her knife not far from her hand.
D: You just left her? A: There's more to the story. Hold on.
Once again, the trio fell into a hole and, once again, they slammed into the ground one on top of the other: Tanglepork, Jevoi, and finally Luminița. The time, though, the floor is a hard wood.
"Get off," says Jevoi, pushing Luminița, "How did you end up on top again?"
"Why did you do that?" asks Luminița, climbing off of the gex, "You were safe. Why try to save me?"
"Don't get weird." Jevoi stands up. "I was only trying to save your hot a**e because you have my tome."
"What."
J: That is not what I said. G: That is exactly what you said.
"My book!" yells Jevoi, panic in her voice, "You have my book. Where is it?"
J: I was not panicking.
"...Back at the house," answers Luminița hesitantly.
"Excuse me," asks an until-now unnoticed woman a meter away, "Are you together?"
The duo finally pause long enough to take in their surroundings. They are in a boarding lounge of a large fancy vessel, polished clean and charmingly decorated. Standing here, in a sailor-esque suit, is a purple-skinned, tentacle-mawed biped holding a clipboard. She patiently awaits a response.
"Are we in Hell?" asks Luminița.
"Help me," mutters Tanglepork.
The woman raises a facial tendril in confusion. "No? What ever gave you that idea? You're aboard the finest interplanar cruise ship in the universe, a dream vessel of romance: the Love Craft. We'll soon be making another run, setting course for adventure." She takes a little bow. "I'm Lurentooz, your cruise director."
"That's... nice," says Jevoi, "How do we get back to Inner Glow?"
"We'll be stopping there in a few days," says Lurentooz, checking her board, "Kun, is it? We've been expecting you." Her eyes flash in realization. "Ling's daughter?"
"Of course..."
The skeletal remains whirl through the air. Jevoi covers her head with her arms and tries to keep running straight, Tanglepork attempts to evade by zigzaging, and Luminița attempts to swat the flying bones out of the air.
Gank emerges from the ground and slides back into Jevoi. 'Turn around,' she thinks, 'We have to keep her in place.'
'What are we doing?' asks Jevoi, skittering to a stop, 'What's the rest of the plan?'
'Run at her,' thinks Gank, 'Don't stop.'
With a frustrated groan, Jevoi abouts-face. 'Better be a good plan.'
Tanglepork runs past her without a word, but a look that says, 'You're gonna do something stupid, ain't ya?'
'We're sending Grammy back to Hell,' thinks Gank, bringing a subdue soulsight back into Jevoi's eyes, 'When you've got her in the circle, slap that b***h!'
Jevoi can now see Ioana's silhouette in the dust storm and the runes glowing inside the ground, now several meters behind the lycan. "Alright, you old biddy," yells Jevoi, running around along the storm's spin, "You want Ling? Well, I'm at least half Ling."
Ioana howls again. "LING! VENGEANCE!" She twists to pursue Jevoi.
D: Did she anything else? G: Most ghosts form from one extreme desire; they're actually really boring people. D: What was your desire? G: I guess, not die? I'm a special case.
Jevoi stops at the edge of the runic circle and turns toward the storm. She spreads her arms apart, low. "Come on, you broken clock."
The storm escalates in intensity and speed.
Jevoi holds her ground as Ioana approaches, Tanglepork and Luminița far away in the dark, then just as the ghost hovers inside the circle, she slaps it. "Go to Hell, fur-hag!"
The magic of the runes opens a gate under the ghost and forms a barrier around Jevoi. The gate begins sucking with far greater force than Ioana's storms, pulling her in. So too are the bones dropped like water in a drain. But the gate doesn't close; it keeps sucking. Tanglepork and Luminița are pulled into it.
Luminița digs her claws into the ground, clutching desperately to survive. Tanglepork snags the lycan's leg; her screams inaudible over the rushing wind.
Jevoi hops out of the bubble protecting her and grabs Luminița's arm.
'What are ya doing?' thinks Gank.
'She has my tome,' thinks Jevoi, 'The whole reason we're here!"
"I've got you," Jevoi attempts to say, but her voice is sucked away by the wind. Jevoi, unfortunately, would not be strong enough to lift Luminița in normal conditions, nor combat the vortex, so attempting both only has one reasonable outcome: down the drain.
The whirling dust around Ioana approaches Jevoi and Tanglepork. "I shall have vengeance!" howls the glowing counter-silhouette.
Jevoi takes off running. "Tell you what," she says, "After you kill her, I can take to my mum; you can kill her too."
L: Love ya, too.
"Don't leave me here!" yells Tanglepork, scrambling to her feet. "Give me my gun back!"
"Why would I ever?" yells Jevoi, trying to figure out the mechanisms of the gun. The odd rotating piece in the center confuses her. It would be easier for her to study it, if she weren't running toward darkness.
"Don't come at me!" Luminița yells at the other women, "I'm not involved in this!"
"AND I AM?" yells Jevoi, running with Tanglepork and Ioana hot behind her, "I don't even know this woman!"
"I'm going to rip you limb from limb, Ling!" yells Ioana. The light emanating off of her continues offer a view of what the mortals begin realizing may be an infinite plane.
"Love the enthusiasm, Madam!" says Jevoi, "Wrong target!" Jevoi thinks, 'Gank, do something, please!'
'Like what?' asks Gank in Jevoi's brain, 'Ya want me to fight her?'
'You're the only one who can,' thinks Jevoi.
'I have an idea,' thinks Gank, 'Keep her distracted.' She sinks into the ground, invisible.
"Just shoot her," yells Luminița, running further ahead.
"She's a ghost, you drongo!" yells Jevoi.
"Not my bunica, idiot!" the lycan yells back, "Tanglepork!"
Jevoi aims the gun backward and pulls the trigger, but the weapon does not fire. It doesn't even CLICK.
Tanglepork laughs and throws a bone off the floor. It hits the gun causing Jevoi to drop it. She scoops it up as the gun and pulls the hammer back. She eyes Jevoi and rubs her hand along the barrel; sparkles enter the weapon. She puts both hands on the grip, turns toward the advancing dust-storm (while running backward now), and fires a glowing shot into it. A silvery explosion distorts the cyclone.
"That's how you do it, kiddo!" laughs Tanglepork, turning away.
Ioana howls in shock and the bones on the floor rattle. They rattle and shake and bounce into the air. Each begins flying in the direction of the closest mortal.
"Mamaia!" yells Luminița, "How did you screw that up, Jevoi?
L: How did ya screw that up?
"What did you just say?" asks Jevoi, "Then where are we?"
"Take a look, Ling," says an old woman, her voicing echoing from nowhere.
With a flash, the area is bathed in green light. This allows Tanglepork and Luminița to finally see, but blinds Jevoi temporarily.
"F*****g b*****d c**t," swears Jevoi, "Why the b****y g******n hell?" She rapidly licks her eyes and Gank rescinds her soulsight.
D: Does that mean you're going to say what Tanglepork and Loomy looked like now? J: Oh right, yes.
Tanglepork is a small gnome woman with curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks. She's wearing cute pink gloves and pointed boots, a leather vest over a mustard shirt, a loosely strapped stetson, and a matching skirt over leggings. She is currently lying on the floor looking up at the source of light.
Lumița is a large lycan woman with thick brown fur with a blue patch around her left eye. She's still wearing her red cloak. Underneath it, she is wearing a dark corset with a long skirt. She is now several meters away from Jevoi.
The light spreads out roughly nine meters and faintly another nine from a point slightly in the air, highlighting the crude stonework. As Luminița had called out, the skeletal remains of several small humanoids are scattered across the floor.
The source of the light, and the voice, is a ghastly, green lycan. Her eyes are empty and her teeth are sharp.
J: I'd rather not repeat what she said next. I didn't need to hear it myself. L: I reckon I know.
"What language," says the ghost, "To think I let that foul tongue inside me."
Jevoi gags.
"Mamaia?" ask Lumița, "What's going on?"
"Traitor," snarls the ghost, "You side with my killers? This lecherous lizard and the conniving d***f?"
"Hiiiiii, Ioana," says Tanglepork, feigning happiness, "So glad you remember me. Yay."
L: I can explain this, but ya finish this first.
"I don't know you, lady," says Jevoi, "I'm not Ling. I can send the message."
Ioana howls, "You are the only of your kind!" The wind begins to whirl dust about. "I'd recognize that filthy wig anywhere."
"Great," mutters Jevoi, "Mum doesn't even have to be near me to keep ruining my life."
Tanglepork hits the cold, hard ground with a squishy plomp, then gets crushed under Jevoi, and then Luminița, forcing a pair of loud squeaks out of her.
Luminița staggers to her feet, blindly fumbling about.
Jevoi grabs Tanglepork's gun. "Would you look at that," she says, "One of us dropped her weapon." She looks down on the soul of the gnome, scared and prone.
"Okay, Jevoi," says Tanglepork, flipping upright, "Let's talk this out."
"Isn't it sad, Loom?" asks Jevoi glancing at the soul of the blind lycan, "If we were here sooner, we may have saved the sheriff from the wolves."
"Shame that," says Luminița, "Where are we?"
"Now, hold on," says Tanglepork, "You wouldn't hurt a helpless little girl like me, would you?"
"You're, like, ten times older than me," says Jevoi, "It's time to be a big girl, Sheriff."
"Just shoot her," says Luminița, continuing to search for a wall to lean against, "And help me find a way out of here."
"I'm not going to shoot her," says Jevoi, "She was eaten by wolves."
"Why is it my job?" growls Lumnița, "If you want her dead, then kill her yourself!" She trips over something. "Are these bones? Why are there bones?"
"With what?" asks Jevoi, swinging the gnome's gun around, "Her gun with my marks on it? My special knife?"
D: Weren't you trying to do that? L: That's when the cutie had a weapon. G: Yeah, killing someone who can't fight back is uncool.
"Not killing me is good too," says Tanglepork, tightening her arms on her chest, "Also, bones? What kind of bones?"
"So you want my teeth marks on her?" yells Lumnița, getting further away, "Can you even see her down in this devil's a**e?"
"Of course I can. What are you freaking out about?" yells Jevoi, "It's just your nana's basement!"
"My bunica didn't have a basement."
Keeping her eyes on the gnome's soul, Jevoi slips out of her cloak and slowly crawls along the ground. She creeps around to the side of the old home.
L: I reckon, ya were still dressing like I had at that age. J: You dressed as a rogue to hide your wizardry; I dressed as one because I was one. We are not the same. L: And the wig? J: It's a good wig; it fits the outfit.
Jevoi spots a broken window, but feels Gank pulling her away. The shattered glass could hurt or, more importantly, make noise.
'Up,' thinks Gank, 'No one ever looks up.'
Unfortunately, Jevoi's boots prevent her from climbing the surface as fast or quietly as she could, so she continues around the house toward the backdoor.
L: And that's why we don't wear shoes, Dalini. J: You can fly, Mum.
Jevoi can see the soul of Tanglepork also approaching the house from the other side. She remains perfectly still, waiting for her target to approach. The ecstasy of an assassin, the eyes of a monster.
G: Rude. Those are my eyes.
Tanglepork slowly enters the open door frame and sneaks into the house with her weapon drawn. Jevoi sneaks in behind her as she enters into another room on a collision course with Luminița.
Carefully, Jevoi draws a knife from her side. It's sleek, sharp blade is etched with a vampiric rune and it's been far too long since she's had a chance to feed it. The black hilt is almost invisible in the dark forest home. Jevoi brings the knife into attack position; her heart beating rapidly, she slips closer to her target.
L: We heard it before: ya wanted to be an assassin. J: If you're going to force me to listen to your tangents about women; you should allow the same for my weapons.
The three women, all ready to strike, were getting dangerously close together. One must wonder who would strike first. None would suspect who it would be.
As Tanglepork enters the room Luminița hides in, Jevoi lunges for her. The lycan leaps out of her position at the gnome, who attempts to fire her gun, but her aim is thrown off by the floor collapsing beneath her. The other two fall in immediately after.
J: It was about twelve years ago. L: After that cult nonsense. J: Yes, Mum. One story at a time.
A lanky black-cloaked figure walks alone down a dreary forest path. The path is old and seldom used. The sun overhead shines upward illuminating the other side of the world, reflecting back down far dimmer and weak enough to blocked by the few clouds. The noises of the forest sing: the breeze through the trees, the chirping of bugs, the hooting of an owl, and the howling of wolves in the distance. The figure marches forward, boots stomping on dirt, as her mind wanders.
L: I figured. It's when you ran away from home again. J: Let me tell the story, Mum.
The trail leads to an abandoned home. Years of neglect have let nature tear it down. It's roof has largely collapsed, it's door broken open, and the tell-tale signs of animals litter the property.
A figure cloaked in red waits by the broken door. As the other figure approaches, she growls, "Are you looking for trouble?"
"I have seen enough of it," answers the first.
The figure inside leans her muzzle out and says, "Set them down there."
"Tome first," says the one outside.
"That's not how this works," growls the one inside, "You put them down and I'll tell you where your d**n book is."
"I'm not putting it down," says the one outside in a matching tone, "Until you prove the tome is here."
"Maybe you can just give them to me then?" asks a dainty, third voice from the trees.
"Were you followed, d******e?" yells the voice in the house.
"You really think I didn't know about your granny's old house, Luminița?" asks the voice in the woods, "You, in the black, let me see what you've got there. It's nothing illegal, is it?"
"Of course not," says the black-cloaked, "There's nothing illegal in these woods, Sheriff."
"True that," says the voice in the woods and then a gunshot rang out. The black-figure fell to the ground. "Shame your mommy couldn't bail you out tonight, Jevoi."
D: GASP! Is that how you died? J: I didn't die. L: Tanglepork? Hmm. J: Yes, Sheriff Tanglepork.
Jevoi remains still on the ground. Gank's ghastly hand gently places the bullet onto the ground and her eyes envelop Jevoi's. She can see the soul of a gnome hiding amongst those of the trees, sneaking toward the house.
"You want to run~, Loomy~?" asks Tanglepork, singsongly, "You can try~eye~!"
Jevoi can see the soul of a large bipedal wolf lurking in the house, poised to strike.