Baffling That Tumblr Thinks Character Face Sprites And Game Manual Pages Are "mature", But Death Gifs

WLC 5.3: Women Arguing in Total Darkness

Tanglepork hits the cold, hard ground with a squishy plomp, then gets crushed under Jevoi, and then Luminița, forcing a pair of loud squeaks out of her.

Luminița staggers to her feet, blindly fumbling about.

Jevoi grabs Tanglepork's gun. "Would you look at that," she says, "One of us dropped her weapon." She looks down on the soul of the gnome, scared and prone.

"Okay, Jevoi," says Tanglepork, flipping upright, "Let's talk this out."

"Isn't it sad, Loom?" asks Jevoi glancing at the soul of the blind lycan, "If we were here sooner, we may have saved the sheriff from the wolves."

"Shame that," says Luminița, "Where are we?"

"Now, hold on," says Tanglepork, "You wouldn't hurt a helpless little girl like me, would you?"

"You're, like, ten times older than me," says Jevoi, "It's time to be a big girl, Sheriff."

"Just shoot her," says Luminița, continuing to search for a wall to lean against, "And help me find a way out of here."

"I'm not going to shoot her," says Jevoi, "She was eaten by wolves."

"Why is it my job?" growls Lumnița, "If you want her dead, then kill her yourself!" She trips over something. "Are these bones? Why are there bones?"

"With what?" asks Jevoi, swinging the gnome's gun around, "Her gun with my marks on it? My special knife?"

D: Weren't you trying to do that? L: That's when the cutie had a weapon. G: Yeah, killing someone who can't fight back is uncool.

"Not killing me is good too," says Tanglepork, tightening her arms on her chest, "Also, bones? What kind of bones?"

"So you want my teeth marks on her?" yells Lumnița, getting further away, "Can you even see her down in this devil's a**e?"

"Of course I can. What are you freaking out about?" yells Jevoi, "It's just your nana's basement!"

"My bunica didn't have a basement."

WLC 5.C: Doom Service

As the sheriff and the naked gex stare down, Gank slips into the floor and rises outside. She knocks loudly on the door. "Ma'am, are you okay?" she yells, "You're using an excessive amount of water." The words flow with an odd twang, an errant emphasis, splashing their river.

Tanglepork and Jevoi keep eyes locked. The sheriff then motions with her eyes for Jevoi to answer and fades from sight, her gun still trained on the gex.

D: She could do that?

J: Gnomes are tricky, like short, chaotic elves.

L: They sure are.

J: Mind out of the gutter, Mum.

Jevoi slips back to the shower and quickly turns it off, then loudly rushes to the door. She opens it just a crack and leans to look through. "Sorry," she says to the tentacled cabin boy that she's surprised to see, "I didn't mean to offend, but it's been so long for me. It's so nice and warm."

"Not a problem, Ma'am," says the disguised Gank, "But we do have a sauna and a pool, if that is to your liking."

"I might- might look into that," says Jevoi, "Good-bye."

"By the way," says Gank the cabin boy, preventing the door from closing, "Captain found a bag last night. Might it be yours?"

Jevoi groans slightly in confusion and looks back at the mess Tanglepork made.

"Black leather, likely bigger on the inside?" asks cabin-Gank, "Would you have been on the deck last night?"

"That might be mine..." answers Jevoi slowly, "I'll-"

"It's been placed in the storage vault," interrupts cabin-Gank, "Feel free to retrieve it when it would suit you. Just ask the clerk on staff to assist you." The cabin boy bows and and exits stage left, fading into the floor to return to Jevoi.

"Well, isn't that nice of them, " says the invisible gnome, "You stay here; I'll get that for you."

L: Good thinking, Gank.

G: Thank ya, thank ya. I try my best to keep my house alive.

Gank watches the less-invisible-then-she-thinks gnome leave. When the door closes, she thinks, 'No trick, she actually bought it.'

Jevoi returns to the shower to get dressed. Still under her piled clothes is the bag. And still in the bag are bottles. And still in those bottles is dust. "I need to get this to Loom," she says to no one really, "Then the sheriff is her problem."

WLC 3.9: BLOOD

"What do I do? What do I do? What do I do I do?" chants Gank, walking in place. The unconscious child on the floor continues to bleed from her arms in front of Gank. "Right, blood. I have to stop the blood," she says to herself.

Gank begins running around the room looking for anything that could help her situation. As she paces about, she licks the blood from her own claws.

J: I can see you struggling to keep your mouth shut, Mum. L: I wasn't saying anything.

"Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?" Gank searches frantically for the salve she knows is somewhere in this room. "I know ya keep it somewhere here; ya suck at healing, mom." She spots a box sitting beside a shelf, and throws it open. "Jackpot."

The box contains potions, powdered medical herbs, and other supplies. "I'm going to get caught the next time she checks this thing." She grabs the salve and a towel and races back to the bleeding child.

J: Why didn't you grab the potion? G: You were bleeding; I was panicking. L: She was, like, fourteen.

Gank slathers it over Jevoi's arms, desperately trying not to cut her further. She then wraps the towel around the limbs and pushes gently on them. She feels the slowing rhythm of Jevoi's heart.

"I think this was how it worked. How'ya feeling?" she asks and receives no answer. "Yeah. That makes sense." She looks at the blood drying on the floor and has an idea.

Dipping her claw in the blood, Gank begins painting a magic circle around Jevoi. "It's like this, and this," she says to herself. Her claws shaking, she manages to etch the runes she knows. "Okay, okay, okay." She slaps the circle, the spirits of the cave answer the call and pulse life through Jevoi's body.

"All I have to do now is..." Gank looks at the bloody evidence still around here. She sighs.

Gank begins licking the blood off the floo-

D&J: EUAGH L: Why? G: Ya don't have room to judge me. I know where ya put your tongue. J: No, eeegh.

To repeat: Gank begins licking the blood off the floor and a primal urge rises within her. The soft meat of a helpless animal is right there. It must taste so good. A rare cut from so far away.

"No, focus." Gank throws those thoughts away and keeps at the floor.

L: So, on the topic of rituals: outside we were blessing the land.

Is this what the kids call "drip"?

Pretty excited for tomorrow's The Gaslight District pilot episode :DD

WLC 2.6: A Whole Lot of Hole

Down into the darkness the party did travel, climbing down by hand. One of Kalyani's staves carried a spell that allowed Maraja to imitate Ling's natural climbing.

"Do you really do thhiss every week?" asks Kalyani, carrying her entire weight on her hands alone, "Care to ssay why, dear?"

"Plant research," says Ling, climbing slow enough to keep pace while also carrying the priestess' bag, "I'm experimenting with biolumies in the Cave."

"Bio loomies?" asks Kalyani.

"Rocks and shrooms that glow down there," says Ling, "Trying to find a way to farm in the dark."

"For what purposse?" asks Kalyani, "The food crississ issn't from lack of light."

J: It is odd that you started there. L: Well, it's all I could afford at the time.

"If food can grow in the Caves," answers Ling, "That's a reason to get those b*****ds down there to stop raiding other parts of the Glow."

"Iss thhat why you moved here?" asks Kalyani, "And from where?"

"From Ozzel," says Ling, "Went to Lemonbum's Wiz School. Thought my accent would make it obvy. Where ya from, Sister? Ya don't sound local either."

"Her eyess led me here from thhe cloudss of Shheshhaparvata," says Kalyani, her voice more melodic, "Every few yearss, I-"

"CAN YOU STOP TALKING?" shouts Maraja, whose descent was far more cautious, "HOW ARE YOU SO CALM?"

"Breathhe, dear," says Kalyani, "Move one limb at a time."

The light from above suddenly ceases to be; Bobbobo had closed the dome.

"THE OPENING CLOSED," yells Maraja, her voice cracking, "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!"

J: Why didn't you have any light with you? L: Ya think seeing how far down it was would help? Or seeing the light be swallowed by the abyss? The temptation of looking down would've killed her. J: Point taken.

"Mate, panicking is just making ya slower," says Ling, "Which means ya're up here longer. I'd be bottomside already if I weren't watching ya. Remember why ya're here."

"I'M TRYING!" screams Maraja, "WHAT IF WE FALL?"

"Then I'll jump after ya," says Ling, "I'm a wizard; I've a spell to save ya."

"WHY NOT USE IT NOW!?"

"If I use it too soon, it won't work."

"Remember, what shhe ssaid yessterday," says Kalyani, "Disstractsion. Tell uss more about thhiss lady we're following."

"Okay, okay," says Maraja, trying to calm her breath, "I can... do that."

WLC 6.2: Amber

Deputy Tanglepork steps inside, but hesitates. "Is that safe?" she asks of the glowing crystals lighting the room.

"Yeah," says Ling, "Ya want to stay outside?" Ling gestures and a bubble forms around the pair, both in and out of her house.

"What is this?" The deputy looks about in awe of the shimmering shield and the distorted view of the world outside.

"Privacy bubble: people can't see or hear through it."

"That sounds threatening," says Tanglepork, "And probably illegal."

"Not yet it isn't," says Ling, sticking her hand out and in the bubble, "But I get it. Fortunately, my own invention; haven't taught a soul." She returns her focus to the deputy. "Now, why ya here?"

J: She really called that one. L: Strewth, I'm impressed ya figured it out on your own.

"I need to know who's entered and exited the Underdank."

"I gave those file to the sheriff," says Ling, irritation rising in her voice, "I just said that."

"There are children missing, Ling," says Tanglepork, looking her dead in the eye. "The sheriff is blaming you."

"Sprogs on walkabout and that c**t's playing blamsies?" growls Ling, "What are your leads? Macca's way or Splish-Splash?"

"Can you... repeat that?" asks Tanglepork.

Ling takes a deep breath, "If the sheriff's not looking for the kids, then I will. So, what are your other leads? Could they have gone past Old McDonald's farm or Splish-Splash River? Whose tykes are missing, too?"

"You wanna help?" says Tanglepork, taking out a notepad, "Okay, yes, it's six kids, maybe seven."

"Maybe seven?"

"Sheriff's not counting Matches."

"Who's that?"

"Homeless orphan, lurked around the other side of town for about half a month. May be unrelated."

Ling sighs. "Next time ya know someone who might be starving, send them my way."

"Will do." The deputy begins reading her notes. "First, we have Hanzy and Grater, Toothfist's kids; last seen leaving school last week. Never made it home."

"Goblins," says Ling, "That's why it's taken this long to notice. Hanzy's the one with the weird spiky growths."

"Second, Graupel and Rosen Rotweiss, twin kobolds, allegedly assisting 'a dwarf' every couple days, disappeared earlier this week."

"Any I.D. on this 'dwarf'?"

"Not yet. Vague enough to be in any direction too... including the Underdank."

Ling shakes her head; it's not worth commenting on.

"Third, Gene Geneson Jr., parents claim he ran away a few days ago."

"Genette? Yeah, I can take a swing at why she'd do that."

Tanglepork checks her notes, "She?"

"Not your business," waves Ling, "Shouldn't have said it. Regardless, possibly our 'dwarf.'"

"Uh, finally, Loxi Goldberry, mayor's niece, went out looking for Gene yesterday."

J: Oh, Loxi... A: Who is she? J: Nothing, no one really. L: Jevoi's first crush. She was in tatters when Loxi and Genette started dating. J: I was not! D: I thought it was Gank. J: That is also false.

"There we go," says Ling, "The reason the sheriff's acting now. Have anything from the kids? Hair or nails?"

"I know what your thinking," says Tanglepork, pulling a pink hairbrush out of her bag; it is covered in blonde elven hair, "We already tried this."

"That's curious," says Ling, snatching the brush, "But let me try first."

Ling focuses on the girl's discarded hair and sends a pulse of magic through the world. There is no reaction from anything.

"Told you," says Tanglepork.

"This is a big clue," says Ling. Noticing the deputy's confusion, she continues, "If the location pulse isn't detecting her, it means something, or someone, is actively blocking it."

"Or she's not on this plane of reality."

"Both directions worth looking into," says Ling, handing the brush back, "Anything for the other kids, just to be certain?"

L: We checked; no signal for any of them, not even Matches.

WLC 3.A: A Fishy Ending

Outside of the tower, Ling begins praying, "I humbly call upon ya, OH GREAT DAGEXTAN!" The others chant the name behind her. "Bless this land to feed this world, guard this land from those beyond death, and," Ling points at the wormsworn, "Accept this offering!"

The ground rumbles, harder and faster than the worms and spells had made it prior. It bursts open under the what remains of the undead pests. The massive fish-headed avatar of the agricultural god devours the monsters in one sucking bite.

"Return to Samsara, ya wiggly b*****ds," yells Ling.

The avatar leaps out of the ground, flailing his elven-looking limbs as he dives back into the ground. His splash is a healing wave across the battle-scarred land.

"We are so lucky that worked," says Oighrig, finally landing, "Your divine connections have saved us all."

"No worries," says Ling, "'Sides, ya'll did most of the work."

"I would never have thought to use the corpses themselves as the runes, Your Darkness," says Oighrig, "A most impressive display."

"Thank you," Melandria says with a bow.

"That's nice," says Ling walking into the tower, "But I got to check on my kid. Gash, you're still responsible."

Before Ling can get to far, Melandria's shadow hand stops her. "I know a faster way," she says. She pulls the group into the shadows and to just outside Gank's room.

Gash opens the door without knocking. Inside the room, Jevoi lies asleep on Gank's bed, with the charda sitting on the floor reading her tome. She shushes the adults as they enter.

"See, nothing to worry about," whispers Gash.

"Ya're lucky," whispers Ling, "Ya got a responsy kid here." She walks up to the bed. "Good on'ya, kid," she says to Gank, before picking up Jevoi, "And time to get ya back to bed."

L: I'd take it back, but... G: It's funny, now.

"Can I hold her?" asks Melandria, "No, I'm sorry. Ignore me."

"Go ahead, Mel," says Ling holding Jevoi up for the Shadow Queen to grab, "Sorry, I was... acting like that down there."

Melandria gently scoops Jevoi from her mother's arms and rocks her slowly. "You've nothing to apologize for Ling. The circumstances were... difficult."

"Struth, that was a stressful five minutes," says Ling, "Just glad she's okay. I was ready to end one of ya."

J: You did not say that. L: Yeah, I did. G: Was there, can confirm: she did. J: Your memory's wrong. G: Ghosts have perfect memory; I can't forget even if I try. L: I'm a wizard; I don't forget anything I don't want to.

"Mom, stop," says Gank, swatting one claw at Gish who is rubbing her head.

"Gank, was it?" asks Ling, "How'd you like a little job?"

G: One of the worst decisions of your life, right? L: Not even top ten.

Throwing and Battle Damage

Mikado sadly only knows one of the possible throws. With the Naginata, her signature weapon, she can break her opponent's neck. I can cheat her into using the others, but let's talk about a Story mode oddity first.

Neck breaker demonstrated by a fully battle damaged versus Mikado on a clean story Mikado.

In the second game, all four limbs and the torso can be damaged. This is marked with either bloodstains or bandages.

Story damage is in the game's files and code, for all six starting characters' versus outfits and the four unlockable characters from Slash mode, too. This is despite that none of them should be in Story mode.

Uno Reverse Card! This is what Mikado's story outfit looks like with all five damage points.

Mikado, that illegal! You can't use throws in Group Battle Mode!

WLC 6.B: And They Were Broom-Mates

As Ling approaches the metal windmill, the ground under it groans and shifts. A chunk of land rises up, revealing a crude staircase.

"If anyone is still alive up there," demands a young woman's voice from the dark, climbing upward, "Identify yourself."

"A passing wizard," says Ling, "Who's asking?"

"I am the Gr- hold on, give me a second," says the voice, hurrying up the stairs. As she reaches the surface, she announces, "I am the Great Witch Zingiber, Herald of Calamity."

Zingiber is a tan elven woman, barely a few centuries old, with fluffy red hair. She wears an extremely dark red cloak. Her ruby earrings are so large that the bend her long pointy ears (as they are hooked into the tips). She posed dramatically when she emerged and sneaks a look with one eye to see what reaction she garnered.

"By the Gods," says Zingiber, dropping the pose into one of exaggerated shock, "You're Dr. Ling, creator of Tendon Tearer! It's such an honour!"

L: It was a nice feeling being identified for magic for once. Wish it had been my food magic...

"Ripper, my rep precedes," says Ling, "Sorry 'bout ya're spell minefield, but I couldn't give ya a bell."

"Don't worry about that," says Zingiber. She turn around and waves for Ling to follow, "Come in, please." She giddily kicks about before squealing and charging in.

Into the darkness, Ling descends. Her orb's shine guides her until a distant glimmer sparks into view. This staircase must reach into the Underdank. If that's the case, then the sheriff was half-right.

The room at the bottom is bare, lit by the single smokeless torch hanging on the wall. A large metal door stands in the far wall inscribed with runes.

"Apple crumble and filch," says Zingiber to which the door opens. "Let me show you around."

The cavern was carved in an uneven yet cubic way, a chaotic and artificial mess. The dark stone lit by yet more smokeless torches and splattered with dried blood. An arrangement of mini mesas form a set of table and chairs with small cushions set upon them.

L: The room was a tripping hazard deathtrap. One wrong step and there's a pointy corner in your face.

"This is our main room- oh, I NEED to introduce you to the rest of the coven!" Zingiber turns down a corridor and yells, "Gudrun! You'll never guess who's here!"

"This better be good, or they better be dead," grumbles a distinctly dwarven voice from down the way.

Stepping into the room in an extremely dark green variant of Zingiber's witchy robe is a brooding pale middle-aged dwarven woman. Her hair, beard, and overdone eye shadow are as black as the stairwell Ling just crawled down. Both her long hair and beard run through simple sapphire bands.

"Why'd ya let a stranger into our lair?" asks Gudrun, "What part of secret is escaping yer erratic brain?"

"But this is Dr. Ling," whines Zingiber, "The genius that created all those body horror spells I've been practicing. She's my inspiration."

"So, ya're the lovely partner to this little psycho?" asks Ling, "Where's the third?"

L: Not a fan of being labeled a body horror wizard.

J: Then stop making new body horror spells.

L: Those are my "stop trying to kill me" spells; ya have to keep making new ones or your enemies will learn how to counter ya. Anyhow, I knew I had to distract these two to search the place.

"Elsewhere," says Gudrun, "How'd ya guess?"

"All covens have at least three witches," says Ling, "But I guess I can be your third 'til morning." Ling licks her eyeballs.

Zingiber squeals again, but Gudrun seems hesitant.

"One of my idols wants my body," she says to no one specifically. She swiftly spots Gudrun's face and falls to her knees before her. "Please, please, please, please-please, pleeeeeeeeease. We HAVE to."

Gudrun shakes her head, "We shouldn't. Not without her."

"Well, if she wants to be an equal part of this relationship then maybe she should be living with us instead of leaving us alone."

"Fair," says Gudrun, "Alright, lizard, hope ya're better than my ex-hub."

"I'll get the honey and the chaaaains!" says Zingiber darting off.

"Wait," says Ling, casting a spell on the elf. The confirmation sign appears over her head. "Carry on." She turns to the dwarf, "So, ya and this one, huh?"

"Ma always said not to stick yer tongue in crazy," says Gudrun, "But what Ma don't know won't kill her."

"Strewth."

WLC 7.1: Accidentally Posted Early

With dinner and the stories over, Empress Jevoi rings a phantom bell. "Let us retire then," she says, "As promised, I have agents ready to accompany you to bed, Mum."

Ling feels arms grab onto hers: lithe arms, yet a firm grasp; two people, nearly identical. Ling turns to see one then then the other.

They are a pair of vrow, but subtle traits in the eyes, brow, and ears hint at orc descent. They have a slight green tint to their violet skin,long raven hair, and shimmering yellow eyes. Both are clad in leotards with long gloves and boots and masks covering their mouths. One is in purple, the other pink.

"G'day," says Ling, "Didn't think ya were real."

"I made a promise," says Jevoi. She gestures to the ladies. "You know what to do."

"G'night, Dalini," says Ling as they haul her away, "Got some wizarding to do."

"G'night, Nana," yells Dalini, lifting her face off of her plate. "Have fun with your friends." She resumes sucking the plate clean.

After Ling has been removed from the room, Jevoi sighs. "This was a terrible mistake."

"It's not going to work," says Angustias.

"No," says Jevoi, alert again, "I mean the cake." She points to Dalini jittering about, now trying to eat the plate.