I Just Sneezed And My Ass Crack Popped

Stranger: Ooh, look, a dog.

Me:

Stranger: *makes kissy noises to my dog.*

Me:

Stranger: *BARKS at my dog.*

Me:

Stranger: Oh, it's an emotional support dog.

Me: Actually-

My ass may be chronic but my pain is iconic.

My favorite thing about having a best friend who shares custody of a single braincell is that one second you are acting like graduates of Harvard and having really deep conversations, and the next you are acting like 5 year olds laughing at fart jokes.

(@ask-and-i-answer I love you)

No but imagine Luke Cage and Shuri meeting.

She's probably working on setting up one of the Wakandan outreach centers and he's just walking by and notices someone struggling to move something. Of course, bring the absolute gentleman that he is, he moves it with minimal effort. Shuri sees this sad, but strong, man and adopts him on the spot.

I don't dress for the male gaze. The male gays dress for me.

Just introduced my younger cousin to ✨Vine✨ and he said that they did a Fortnight dance.

FORTNIGHT DIDN'T EXIST DURING VINE

Me: You know how to play the fiddle???

You go to hell, but Satan tells you he’ll send you to heaven if you can beat him in one game of your choice.

I was braiding my little cousin's hair and I was wearing a deep cut shirt and as I was leaning over her, the crystal in my bra fell out and hit her in the head.

"I'm okay." I say as my bones crack into a thousand pieces.

"It doesn't hurt." I respond when asked about bruises all over my body.

"Really, I'm fine." I tell my friend as I can physically feel my muscles separate from the surrounding tissue.

"I can make it." I assure my mother before entering a mall with no mobility aids.

"It's gotten better." I lie to my doctor.

bad pain day, 2023, me

alternate titles include “ouch :(“ and “my fucking hips hurt”

Classy badass women with family issues wear red leather jackets. It's canon.