Once I Invited Someone Over And She Took One Step Inside, Sniffed Around, And Said "wow. It Smells Like

No one likes my posts but I still think I am so funny

You ever think about ancient inventions that may no longer actively be used, but which were so geniously designed that technically speaking, they still work?

Consider that old historical monk haircut. The tonsure looks like that on purpose, to keep them humble and away from temptations of sin. And it still works exactly as intended. Do you guys have any idea how much gay porn there would be of medieval monastery dudes knowing each other biblically if their haircuts were not so unfathomably unsexy.

if you destroy the illusion magic holding my physical form together youll find a single withering parsnip in its place

Me to my coworker: I'm sorry Gillian, but i really don't want you watch me eat soup and put on ointment like the old lady i am.

My coworker: :(

Can we get...??? The screen cap??? Or???

coupled with like. you know how in mandy there’s that scene where she walks out of the water and he looks at her through the fire and the only look we get at her is from the neck up and she looks like this gaunt and kind of grotesque and incredibly beautiful otherwordly thing with one enormous throbbing eye. and you’re like oh he loves her.

[picking at my scabs] heehee hoohoo texture be gone. surely there will be no repercussions

I see this, and raise you

Not me but god

share your dumbest kitchen stories go

Just found out I've been running my air purifier for three months with NO FUCKING FILTER IN IT. I'VE JUST BEEN STIRRING THE FUCKING DIRT AROUND IN THE AIR. I HATE IT HERE.

What if I don't know who I am, but I'm doing weird shit anyway?

a graph based on my observations