I See This, And Raise You

Y'know what?

Yeah.

funny worm!

the problem is that going to bed at night feels like a chore whereas lying down for a forbidden nap at 4pm feels like the pinnacle of decadence

Well i mean... It is, but they weren't supposed to know. Stop exposing all of my homoerotic subtext activities, the feds are gonna find o

okay this is REALLY funny actually

God gave me terrible aim so I couldn't toss a basket ball into the heavens yelling headshot and kill him instantly.

the cdc said we can kiss each other on the mouth

official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

Sometimes, everyone knows the answer, but no-one is willing to tell you what it is.

Vintage lobster postcards.

I cannot explain to you how much more immensely fun work would be if I could play Skyrim while I was there. "But that wouldn't be work" you say, nay, I would still be working, I would just not be bored when I'm not having to talk to people. It's a small difference. But it makes all the difference.

In conclusion I want my work to provide me with a gaming setup.

Ah, wait I forgot:

Help two men try to make a call because their car broke down, which ultimately didn't work. I then let them use my phone, which apparently was out of minutes, despite me having never made a call in the last three months.

So far today at work I've had to:

Clean blood off of a door,

Manage three entrances by myself, all very far apart,

Learn how to turn off the handicap lock,

Let two groups into the building at the same time, from opposite doors,

And catch like, 30 seels in Pokémon Go.

I got here two hours ago.

Why won't Jekyll say what he did as Hyde. He confessed to murder but won't admit to shenanigans