I mostly write. Read at your leisure but remember that my posts are usually produced half-asleep and if you confront me for anything that came from me I will be surprisingly fierce and unforeseeably collected. Although I hope we will agree and you will have a good time.
213 posts
Latest Posts by bernatk - Page 6
How to be afraid
Be afraid that you'll drop-out from school and you'll never find another one where you can fit in. Be utterly frightened that your book will never be published and that it's rubbish. Be genuinely fearful of the fact that your body can break-down in any minute because you have a disease that you think you're "too young for". Be worried about never finding a proper job. Be scared of never finishing anything. Be completely, undeniably and irreversebly drenched with fear and worries.
It's 00:12 here, in my parents' kitchen, where I write these lines, while listening to some classy music, that I invited to create the illusion of uppercase-life. But all this, around me, is built on I don't know what. I'm supposed to know, I ought to know but somehow I feel struck by worries. I've been the guy who never felt fear, the one who never regretted failure. But the ground has been shrinking under my feet and I wasn't paying attention and now I'm just floating in nothing. I feel miserable and defeated. My body is broken and so is my spirit. I know I shouldn't give in to the circumstances but I feel vulnerable and hurt. I'm immensely frightened.
Oh goodness, why am I saying this nonsense? This attitude in itself is the manifestation of everything I am against. The Bible says I should pray and do it with a thankful heart. It's extremely hard to do. But not impossible. I'm thankful for the love of my life (yes, I know we're young). I can't express how thankful I am for the promise of eternal life. This is something, that most of you can't put your fingers on. Well neither can I. But I feel that it is not a lie or fantasy. I believe because I have this splinter in my soul, shrieking: YOU'RE SAVED. And I am, indeed. My faith is not the one of the weak. It's the one of humans. Because none of us can fight or trick death. We all are subjects to it. We all are limited and vulnerable. We are creations. I find my hope and basically my life in the Creator of all of us. Even in these times. So, cheer up :)
How to fail university
First of all, attend a university, which you are most certainly not fond of. Work really hard but not as much as you see fit, instead push as hard as expectations require, and burn out. Once you're incapable of doing anything further, it won't be hard to fail enough tests to fail several subjects. I know you're smart enough to get to the exams, even if you were a total mess when you had tests. Once you're miraculously facing a couple of exams (it's wondrous because you haven't yet failed by merely the tests), make sure you're extremely busy with unrelated business and when it comes to the very week of the exams, procrastinate! More than ever in your life! More than altogether in your life! Then, when you've done enough procrastination and that voice in your head is shouting, that you should study, do some studying but pay attention to do it very skin-deeply. Okay, you're at the exam and you've completed an utterly half-ass process of learning, a.k.a no learning at all, you can be at ease, for there's a fair chance, that you'll fail. Every single subject. One by one.
There you have it, my secret recipe for failing uni.
This is an ironic approach of telling my story at how I've performed so far. OK, maybe the end was just a predection, but a very realistic one. My point is not to gain some of yourvaluablepity, and definetely not to set up an example. Well it is in fact an example but not one to follow.
What I'm trying to say with this excessive and rather sarcastic post is hidden in the very first sentence. Do not EVER give in to reasons, that lack the consideration of YOU. Every single person is unique and has a life, that has the potential to be full. However, this diversity naturally implies the pointlessness of schemes. We can't live by the guidance of movie-themes or advices of people we look up to (or sometimes ones, that we don't even look up to). We have to find our own way. And the path, that we'll follow, will eventually determine, whether we arrive at our destination or not.
Our primary aspects of considering careers are its profitability and the likelihood of being employed. But these won't make our lives worth living. Either we accept it, or not, the truth is, that we spend a major part of our days in the little boxes we call workplaces. And it matters enermously if it's right for us. And not in a sense of us being able to provide our family with everything. Our profession has to make us happy. As St. Augustine said "Love and do what you will.".
My conclusion will be hard for some of you to swallow but please bear with me. The Bible says, that we shouldn't worry about our needs for they will be fulfilled be the Divine Providence of God. And this is what makes me calm while I rerender my plan for the future. My faith gives me confidence to say all this. This is why I'm not afraid to say, that there's a certain destination I aim for. This is why I'm on the side, that says you can bravely follow your dreams. Because when you're convinced, that your dreams are justified by the Great Maker, you fear not what is yet to be faced.
I'm not afraid this era won't be remembered, I'm afraid it will be.
When am I ready?
We work very hard for things we want and for others that we don't. But it's about all right. However, mostly our efforts turn out to be fruitless. Why is this? Why isn't my book published yet? Why am I not married?
Most often we question the methods and the degree of our commitment but other times simply accept failure. None of this and at the same time all of this is right. How can that be?
Firstly, we can never work too hard. There's always a bit more we could do. Yes, even when we feel we've done our best. It is constantly possible to push a little harder, to get somewhat better. And there are times, when our work needs polishing. It's extremely hard to admit, when what we think we've worked for with all our might, cries out for being corrected. It's truly damn difficult to say, that it isn't that good after all.
Secondly, we easily get obsessed with a wide range of variety of things, from what we ought to keep ourselves far. And then it's inevitable, that we lay down our weapons and armours, and whisper lowly: I give up. Then we become free to do what can work for us.
But no matter what we do and how we do it. Sometimes we are destined to achieve success at certain fields, still, we struggle and yet get nowhere. That's because we might not be quite ready. The Oracle tells Neo in the Matrix: Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something. And sometimes, very rarely, it looks like we're all waiting for something, just don't know what. We think we'll know when we see it. But it's not something we can see or something that's basically external. No. Just like in Neo's case, we've got to start believing. Faith is the last barrier, that separates us from entering the promise land.
What or who is perfect?
We all have our models, and all kinds of subjects of admiration. And that is good, to some extent... It makes us push harder or just push at all. If I read a decent piece of literature, it reminds me how much I could be advanced and how many details I could fix in my previous works. And I repeat, it's a tremendous thing. We inspire each other in an endless cycle for we all are role models sometimes and we are the followers at other times.
Could I end it here? Maybe I could but shouldn't or should but just can't... Is the basic idea of perfection purely motivational and constructive? Sadly no. As long as we're moderate and wise, it helps us improve and there's always room for that... But perfection in itself is not a reason for us to act one or another way, or to change. We have to have a vision, a goal and on our way towards them, these small images of perfection will keep us getting better and better.
It's about time for me to end but I just can't leave it out: perfection is a question of the taste of the observing entity. That's why we are so brave to label things as perfect. But it just doesn't exist, at least not in this world. A question of perception. Mathematicians could argue but... Well I don't know what to say of that but I'm always ready for a little discussion...
Bottom line: love the perfect things and know, that to certain people, ones who you probably don't even see, You are perfect, too.
Let me share a secret with you: this is the time of your life. Or there's a very big potential in it. Why? Maybe: how do I know that? Quite simple: It always is. It surely sounds like a common place but let's search through the depths of it.
I'm not trying to express a carpe diem kind of philosophy, for that is most commonly mistaken for the worse. I'm not packing my message into good-sounding witty phrases for those serve little good for the people, who are very quick to scroll down and just consume the easily digestable parts of every post on the site.
Returning to our (maybe it's just "my" but as long as you're reading, we both share this) topic, what is the great deal about today? Or about your life? What grand adventure may await you? We have this concept, that these are the priviliges of exceptional people and maybe it's true. But I'm not asking you to attempt things, that are not meant for you. We are called or more like entitled to be the creators of amazing things. Some of us could be leaders of nations, movie stars, inventors but others bring these incredible things to the world, like being the ever-smiling cashiers or raising well their children. The how is always individually altered and understood, so I really cannot give you specific information. However, none of you need it! Because these ways are spectacular, obvious. Yes, we walk blindly, suffering because of our own ignorance and fear. Be courageous!
I could go on for quite long but I'm gonna stop right here. Because the rest is really up to you. I'm not telling you to find your way, I'm only asking you to look for it.
I am the midnight of a soul I'm the other side of the wall The fissure between the tops Ever-hunted blood-red fox I am the glimpse of a thought I'm the wave broken by rocks A mystery of nothing Trapped, caught by snares whilst hunting I am the smoke of a burnt-out candle The smell of night The sight of blinds I am the broken glass' torn-down handle The weight of light The might of fright But dawn follows the night I'll enjoy an eagle's flight And I already know Why I wait tomorrow
Must we suffer daily?
My brother and I had an argument a couple days ago. He was convinced, that sometimes we are required to undergo the labour of things we do not agree with or do not specifically enjoy, in order to bring monetary safety to our lives. He said, that he would have no objection to working a boring job if it guaranteed an agreeable salary.
Yes, I must admit that economy and money are very important parts of the world's present arrangement and basically I'm quite settled with this. But I believe (or at least hope), that this system can work effectively even in case you have a job to your liking. For example, you have a literature-related diploma and you go and work as a literary agent or as a publishing company's assistant. You might never become J. K. Rowling in magnitude but you'll work with material you're compassionate about. AND you're still not starving.
Naturally, not everything is highly profitable. And my brother has absolutely no vision of a profession he'd enjoy. For him it's a situation, where, even if he tried, he probably would never find the job of his dreams. Because his obsession is something that has no similarity with any existing job. (Though I'm not quite sure if my brother has any interest in anything at all)
So according to me, and you should take my thoughts lightly, we live in a comfortable historical period, when we are allowed and enabled to pursue happiness in nearly every possible way. Laws are meant to limit us but that's just sanity... Now is a great time to attempt to do marvellous and memorable things. We have all chances to become the people we wish to be.
There are always words of recession and political distress but these news only hold us back, though we would actually have the chance and capacity to transform into our own dreams. We shouldn't listen to the voices, that keep us slowing down and take unwanted and misleading turns.
Today is the perfect day to achieve anything but I'm not quite sure tomorrow will be the same, so let's be quick to break-up with the dead-end habits and misbeliefs.
How have we got here?
A guy sat next to me in Maths class and we discussed how he ended up at studying to be a mechanical engineer. His conclusion was: "This career is chosen by many errant people." He originally planned to be a psychologist just couldn't get into the uni. I didn't even try any other institution apart from this one. We're both a little lost here but only for the moment.
I hope I'll have something closer to my heart to do in the next semester :)
Beliefs
"Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs" sings Jon Foreman. This is a great advice to us, modern-day people. We let ourselves be shaken by nearly everything: science, new religions, even the opinions that aren't identical to ours. Nowadays people are lacking confidence and mostly confidence in what they believe. In what WE believe.
On the contrary, when we don't believe in something, we mostly have absolutely no idea what that thing's about. We don't read the literature of the religions we don't agree with, so this means we are very far away from being given the right to disagree, since we aren't informed. When someone denies evolution, or science, they don't have a physics, chemistry or biology degree, they just are willingly ignorant.
At the end of the day, we don't have strong faith or strong doubt, but even when we do, it's based on nothing. But why is that? It's because we can't listen to all debates, read every book, perform each experiments to support our beliefs or doubts. In fact it would be impossible, since humanity hasn't yet answered every questions, we are too young a specie to know it all. This means that every faith and doubt will be open for discussion for an exceedingly long time.
Opinions and beliefs make us, people, so diverse and it's wonderful. However, it's quite trivial that in the end only one faith will prevail and on a distant-enough day we will know who was right because every single belief system, no matter if they say it differently, excludes every other. You can try and model religions as different paths to the same place but it doesn't work. They're contradicting each other. If one's true, the other is inevitably false.
I know there have been countless flame wars generated by religious differences. You might even bring up the crusades as a fine example, however, the crusades are so much opposed to how christianity is defined that the "holy crusades" were acts of the least christian roots. Just saying... But where am I going with this? Fighting over who's right or who's wrong is folly. Think about it, truth will prevail. Forcing your ideals on others will never produce new believers, only averse souls. I, for one, am a believer of Jesus Christ. And yes, I'm convinced that I'm right about what I have faith in. I stongly think that everyone should believe in what I do, STILL, my onlytool to achieve this is live my life by the principles I believe in. You have the choice to disagree. I'm sad if you do but it's completely up to you.
Cheers :)
Dreamless Generation
This is a generation, which is lacking perspective. Young people coming up are converted into uniformed entities, slaves of a system they don't understand and therefore they hate. Quite shocking, although true.
Without much dramatisation, I can say, that a vast majority of people I know, work jobs they never wanted. It's not neccesary because they are forced to do something they're reluctant to, simply they have no visions of their own. It's fairly disheartening to see, how young people pick careers based on a story they've heard, or what their parents did, or what pays the most or any other common reason why they, or it's customary to say: WE choose this.
First of all there's one particular thing, that needs to be clarified. Experienced (I purposefully don't say wise but more on that later) men often advise not to choose a profession based on emotions but rather on rational thinking. I'm convinced, that even YOU were told this at least once in your life and YOU must have found this to be a great advice. But it's in itself controversial. Why? Because what is called rational thinking is an emotion, named fear. Fear of bankrupcy. When you start out from what you deem to be the safest or most guaranteed way of life is only a desperate choice, trying to provide a trustworthy method to survive. You're just too afraid to move out into uncertainty. Let's stop for a moment, and think, how many people are poor because they've pursued their dreams? Well I don't know but I think less, than the ones attempting to ensure monetary stability...
Whenever you hear your successful relatives, friends, acquintances speak of how they got rich, they tell their stories and you listen with your jaw dropped. When you analyse your life and your opportunities, you found it to be hopeless to do the same thing and even if you have the guts to make the same move, it will almost certainly end in catastrophe because what works out for one, doesn't have to do the same for the other...
After numerous disappointments and probably humiliating situations, you lose your enthusiasm. And when you're the most vulnerable, the predators come: parents, friends, older friends; people, who basically think they have a brilliant piece of mind, that they could share with you to perhaps help you out of your misery (which is, by the way, self-inflicted). They tell you, how you MUST MAKE RATIONAL DECISIONS. Or, TIME TO GROW UP and ACT RESPONSIBLY. But there's nothing savvy in how they try to drive you to fields you're not particularly good at and/or interested in. Yes, it may mean a respectable salary or a family house AT LAST. But it will also, most certainly mean the extermination of the potential that lies within you.
Whenever you get the advice to live by rationality and not to go for you dreams, you're being drifted away from the one and only way of real success. The one, which can provide you a nice fortune, but more importantly a SOUL. And when you truly dedicate yourself to a passion, to your vision, the money, the fear, and the lack of perspective will be gone. Not every dream leads to a million dollar contract in Hollywood but you might want to see the difference between craziness and passion; the second one can always lift you up.
Personally YOU and I are capable of doing the most amazing things. We will be the remembered writers, freedom-fighters, engineers, scientists, singers, and really anything at all. Please, let's not act with disdain toward this. Let us become the people we were born to be.
And a last word to the people with their advices about rationality: I'm not a billionaire-rock-star-secret-agent-astronaut, just a person like you. I can't say I've seen more or I've achieved more. I respect and honour you. BUT I suspect (and I might be wrong (though I'd be surprised)), that you've been disappointed, let-down. You've been to the bitter end and you try to save young souls from wrecking their lives because that's what happened to you. Or at least you think. Don't give up. You, yes YOU can still go to places you haven't dreamt of and you can be a person you'd admire. Just please, give it a second chance. And if it doesn't work out, change something in your plan and go for a third try, a fourth one and so on.If it doesn't work out try to figure out what might be against God. If nothing, your "failure" is not a problem. "Love and do what you will" /St. Augustine/.Just don't give up and don't make others give up. Believe me, this generation has a lot of potential, it just needs a little encouragement.
Dare you to move
"Everybody waits for you now. What happens next? Yeah, what happens next? I dare you to move ... Like today never happened before." sings Jon Foreman. Dare you to move was and probably still is a great hit but there's more to it, than just radically high sales.
There are neccesarily times, when we're on the floor, or just struggling to find our way. This is how we live. Searching for the right thing to do. But what do we do in these times? I believe there's nothing we could possibly achieve on our own, we need someone to dare us to move. That first step, with which every journey begins, is the one, that we are incapable of making.
I've been all about surviving lately. I worked hard, so that I wouldn't fail on tests, I never went out with friends, so that I could save time, I relaxed only on one day of the week, I've even neglected my meals. My one and only goal was to last until the big romantic turn, which I've been waiting for for ages now, would come.
Turns out, this was a very futile attitude because now, after months of merely enduring, I'm left with no success. I was hoping to get a literary agent, or an editor, or something to get published. Actually, I was quite confident about it. I know my novel is good, and I believe it's the best I could do, or even beyond that. But it just didn't happen. Those, who replied, were sadly giving negative answers. I've kept my hope, saying I have like four more answers to come, one of those will surely be a contract offer. But it's been a long time now and yet, the mails have stopped to come.
What do I do now? This is what I kept asking myself in the past couple of days. My studies are at the lowest level, which suffices for staying in. My book most seemingly is not very good at selling itself. There is no miraculous benefactor, who would support my career as anything.
I've been thinking, maybe I should really concentrate on my current studies and get a diploma as an engineer - it pays well. But then, I want to be more than that. Free. Of course I'm not getting a degree in philosophy, or arts but still... Something else. I'd love to keep working on my book and write new ones. I want to travel, make acquintances, act memorably, and always remain myself. I just have absolutely no idea how to do all these without making sacrifices I wouldn't wanna. Naturally, I'm ready to give up things but I was referring to relationships I'm not willing to damage.
And suddenly, just now, I see clearly, that there's so much potential. So many things I used to believe in just a couple months ago. Why is my faith in them fading? I'm at the contradiction line. If I make one more step in the direction of this surviving-lifestyle, I'm done, I'm going against everything I am and want to be. Here's the trick: I have the motivation. There's someone, who says: I dare you to move. He picks me up, He's doing it even right now. Despite how I see my present state, I know there'll be deliverance, so I aim for that. If I'm true to my beliefs, to my past decisions, there's always redemption and restoration. I can't wait for tomorrow to begin :)
Come, try, Guess my name, But here’s the catch, Get it wrong, Your life I’ll snatch
Rumplestiltskin (via skeletondetectionagency)
All the suck for the awesome
Difficulties may come. Or actually do come. We like to call even the less trying days hard ones, too, but now I'm speaking of real difficulties. As I said, we come across those times.
I'm convinced you know what I'm talking of, when I say being the burn-out one, doing the monotonous routine you swore to never do, dreaming big but always being stuck in second gear... These all are quite common symptoms of a-normal-life.
I've just arrived at the end of one of these periods. It's been a quarter year, that I lived through many sufferings. But I must admit, that most of them were self-inflicted, for all this served an indeed great purpose: the benefit of my personality.
I've been very reluctant towards my studies in mechanical engineering. I grew to hate my uni, and all that came with it. BUT this time has come to an end, when I realised, how incredibly much I've gained from this. I learnt truly spectacular and useful matters, and I've made important acquintaces, valuable friendships. True ones. Much more true ones, than what I foresaw for the period.
All in all, I'm clearly grateful for the thing I hated the most in the past couple of months, since I feel like I've become a better man through them. It makes me delightful to have been able to just remain on the surface.
Oh boy, I'm exhausted, so I suppose this post will end up as some nonsense but I hope, that for some of you out-there, it will mean what I meant...
Hope comes with faith. Faith is originated from past experiences, revelations and decisions, while hope in the other hand, is belief in uncertain things of the future, which could not be thought of without the first word of the sentence. Of course, without hope, what good would faith be?
Modern-day weddings
I've been on a big number of weddings now. On fabulous ones, with huge fortunes invested and on plain ones, that were almost for free. On ones, where it wasn't the first marrige, and on ones, where it wasn't the last.
It makes me wonder: what kind of wedding did they want. Though the most obvious question is: why did they want to get married on the first place? It's totally out of fashion, as many say, it's just a piece of paper, or a bureaucratic approach of romance. These modern views shoot a bullet straight through my heart and everything I love about love.
Marriage is supposed to be the sacred covenant, which establishes, that the subjects really want to spend the rest of their lives together. In love. In olden days, divorce was forbidden, or at least scandalous. These days we interpret it as obligated suffering throughout life. But why? Love should and can last forever. It can follow you through all your years and can make them worth to live through. I have seen examples of this kind of attachment, and this is what keeps me believing in marriage.
A couple days ago I was at a wedding. It was a very small-scale one, simplistic but somehow magical, inspiring, wonderful and delightful. At the dinner, there was some quiet music, no dancing, no big party really, only a few games for the young couple. It sounds utterly boring, however, it was a true example of their care for each other. The guests weren't neglected, or such, only they were shown what real love looks like. And it looks like a fairy tale.
When there is real love between two, it deserves a chance. And this chance isn't just living together, or making love, or fancy gifts. It's way more than that. True, honest love needs a fireplace, where it can eternally blaze, keeping warm those around it. It needs reassurance of its value, lifespan and absoluteness. If you marry the person you love, you can create a home, a family, basically a life, without doubt, without insecurity. Okay, it needs a little more than marriage but marriage is a fine brick of the house of a great life.
I want to believe, that marriage can be the great start of the grandest advanture of our lives. :)