Some May Say That I Couldn't Sing, But No One Can Say That I Didn't Sing.

Every breath is a second chance.

John Foreman

Hope comes with faith. Faith is originated from past experiences, revelations and decisions, while hope in the other hand, is belief in uncertain things of the future, which could not be thought of without the first word of the sentence. Of course, without hope, what good would faith be?

And that taught me you can’t have anything, you can’t have anything at all. Because desire just cheats you. It’s like a sunbeam skipping here and there about a room. It stops and gilds some inconsequential object, and we poor fools try to grasp it—but when we do the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you’ve got the inconsequential part, but the glitter that made you want it is gone.

F Scott Fitzgerald - The Beautiful and Damned

You: I'd say it's complicated but then...

How to stay friends

Befriend with the humorous guy in your class when you're 13. Let this friendship be loose and neglect each other. Then, when you hit the age of 14 or 15, start making inside jokes, watch movies together. When the others think you're weirdos, start dreaming big, believe, that the two of you can achieve antyhing. Then you'll be ridiculed by the people surrounding you, but you won't mind because they all seem to be irrelevant a-holes, since you two really WILL do something big. Someday... Then have a girlfriend, the normal teenage-love, which is idiotic and harmful in more than several ways. When your friend is against it, don't rely on his advice and make a fool of yourself. When it ends, just admit you were wrong and return to being friends. Graduate from school, go to uni. Grow up, start searching for jobs. Get acquinted with new people, who are fresh and exciting to you. Start feeling odd, then normal, then odd again and finally realise you're just a person, ergo completely like all other humans. And at the end of the day, when one dream collapses after the other and you're, again, running after your dreams from years ago, you know who's the one to call to help you out in writing a damn query letter for the thousandth time. Yes, it's them, the good old friends. They laugh at you and they always say you're just the same and repeat their old phrases over and over again but it doesn't bother you. Because they're your friends.

We all are lucky to have these people. Friendships might not be the brightly blazing fires of life but they will certainly be the most important relationships of it. Because someday you may find the girl, who used to be your closest friend, standing in front of you, lowly whispering 'I do' in a wedding dress, while your old friend keeps mouthing a joke about your favourite movie in the background...

Procrastinating and ending it

Yes, so I've been indulging myself with a lot of things lately just because everything was looking so very up. But this 'era of peace' is over. Not that something is spoiling my life's apparent balance, simply I am lusting for more concentrated self-induced chaos. By that I mean of course work. Unlike most modern artists, I wouldn't want to be given that free space for creativity, but I really wish to be active and not in only one field but in as many as I can possibly manage. Getting work done! starting TOMORROW! (for a fact)

Remember this: randomness rules ;)

On Post-Holiday-Season Depression

I think many people are experiencing post-holiday-season depression now that we're past Christmas and are already in the new year. We've compressed most of our expectations, hopes and honest desires into a dream we thought would come true at this time of the year. I'm not saying that this week inevitably tumbled short on it because this typical sadness doesn't come from disappointment but from having gone through the whole thing without any of it contained--with only some material evidence, proving that it really happened.

With my girlfriend we have a little 4 years old tradition for Advent, where we make these heartwarming calendars for each other. One little surprise for each day. It's never really anything that amounts to a christmas present or something, just chocolate or tea or some small ornament (these from her and I wrote a novella broken up into pieces, one for each day). This tradition of ours isn't making this part of the year a huge, outstanding whirlpool of awesomeness. No doubt though, it certainly feels very nice and I'm always looking forward to it but it's not a big feat, really. However, when I run out of small packages I feel like crying. This routine of getting something nice for each day and giving something that I hope is encouraging, is missing terribly. For me its lack is so heartbraking that whenever I think about it I genuinly feel like crying.

The same applies for Christmas Eve, only on a bigger scale. That's the day, when my year reaches its climax. But it's gone. I still have my presents and memories but I couldn't hold on to the day itself.

New Year's Eve is also just a scar. It's a lot like sunrise or spring: a beautiful, romantic, shimmering start. Well, the promise of starting over again, which we humans can't help but believe in and to my greatest surprise it isn't completely baseless... New Year's Eve is a shiny, happy celebration most of the time but when it's past we're left with doubts about our convictions and hopes (ironically I've found this to be baseless).

When this part of the year is past and we're stripped from the air of sometimes loud, sometimes quiet ceremonialism, we can feel very low (surprisingly suddenly).

Often times I wonder if there's a cure for this sad state but I had the bitter revelation that there isn't.

When it's Christmas or New Year's Eve, or even when it's Advent, we may be gifted with something unearthly. I think these holidays allow us to see things we couldn't otherwise. And we're moving toward this transcendent greatness, only we don't always have the privilige of being lifted externally in addition to our futile efforts. These unutterable big things are what generally guide our imagination, when we're formulating definitions of everyday greatness and when we're trying to break out from the everydays.

I'm extremely sad by having all the celebrations brought to an end but I have my hopes intact and dreams unbroken--actually, I have them strengthened.

Timing living

I've been all about timing lately. If it was up to me, I'd live the rest of my life in one week. But of course it's futile thinking.

A very successful man was lecturing last Saturday, and he was giving business and life-leading tips. There was one point in his speech, which grabbed my attention and it found its way to deep inside my head: there are things, which we would urge but it is not YET time for them.

Yesterday (last night) I read the Bible, book of Esther, and the main motive, which I noticed is, that in that historical period, everything was going according to a plan. The participants of the story must have been just as lost, as I feel sometimes but looking at their whole life ine one, I must admit, that every little step had its own meaning and importance.

Maybe life is like a house, where every brick has a number on them, determining where they must be put. If we were to try to put the bricks not in order, the whole building would simply collapse... There's only one way to make it right: in order, step by step.

:)

Battle of tastes

What book (Out of ALL!) has the best opening lines?

Modern-day weddings

I've been on a big number of weddings now. On fabulous ones, with huge fortunes invested and on plain ones, that were almost for free. On ones, where it wasn't the first marrige, and on ones, where it wasn't the last.

It makes me wonder: what kind of wedding did they want. Though the most obvious question is: why did they want to get married on the first place? It's totally out of fashion, as many say, it's just a piece of paper, or a bureaucratic approach of romance. These modern views shoot a bullet straight through my heart and everything I love about love.

Marriage is supposed to be the sacred covenant, which establishes, that the subjects really want to spend the rest of their lives together. In love. In olden days, divorce was forbidden, or at least scandalous. These days we interpret it as obligated suffering throughout life. But why? Love should and can last forever. It can follow you through all your years and can make them worth to live through. I have seen examples of this kind of attachment, and this is what keeps me believing in marriage.

A couple days ago I was at a wedding. It was a very small-scale one, simplistic but somehow magical, inspiring, wonderful and delightful. At the dinner, there was some quiet music, no dancing, no big party really, only a few games for the young couple. It sounds utterly boring, however, it was a true example of their care for each other. The guests weren't neglected, or such, only they were shown what real love looks like. And it looks like a fairy tale.

When there is real love between two, it deserves a chance. And this chance isn't just living together, or making love, or fancy gifts. It's way more than that. True, honest love needs a fireplace, where it can eternally blaze, keeping warm those around it. It needs reassurance of its value, lifespan and absoluteness. If you marry the person you love, you can create a home, a family, basically a life, without doubt, without insecurity. Okay, it needs a little more than marriage but marriage is a fine brick of the house of a great life.

I want to believe, that marriage can be the great start of the grandest advanture of our lives. :)