Latest Posts by australopithecunt - Page 7

if u were c-sectioned you were never birthed

you were removed

i wasn’t c sectioned tho, i was made out of sourdough by a small italian man in 1437

Territories where married gay couples can buy rifles to protect their marijuana plants.

by u/born_in_cyberspace

Parents please check your kids candy this Halloween. I found the old warrior cats website in my kid’s candy bar

Ok so, I saw someone wearing crocs today and I got cursed flash backs to our discussion about dias croc wall, and I think we need to share this with the general public

Oh dear. The time has come. Please fasten your seatbelts because this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Well ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else in between.

Today is the day you all learn about:

Lord Diavolo and his obsession with croc shoes.

Warning: You may laugh hysterically. I couldn't keep it together writing this.

I'd like to begin by saying this all came about because of this picture right here, created by the lovely @nia23. Thank you for the pain and laughter this has caused me.

Let us begin, shall we?

This began with the pink crocs. A fitting choice for the prince of Devildom.

However, this is not the only pair of crocs he would own. Oh no. He owns a whole wall.

To make things more fun. Lord Diavolo also has the little croc charms. There is no doubt in my mind that he also owns one of the Lucifer on a unicorn emote.

As a Prince, and one with possible unlimited finances, there's a very high chance he has multiple drawers full of those little charms.

He also wears his crocs everywhere, opting for them over normal shoes.

You think he doesn't have a pair for every occasion? Wrong.

He wears them to meetings with the elders, flaunting his disastrous shoes by putting his feet on the table and explaining each and every charm to them.

Yes, he wears them in his demon form too.

Now let's get into the fun stuff.

Upon Lucifer's fall with his brothers, Lord Diavolo strolled up in his neon green crocs. Absolutely impossible to miss.

Too embarrassed to tell the truth, Diavolo tells everyone that Lucifer's first words in Devildom were about the soil, while they were in fact "what in the fuck are those?" as he pointed to the prince's feet.

The first outfit that the prince gave Lucifer upon his time in Devildom, included his very own pair of crocs.

Turning to Barbatos, he uttered the words "how far into the depths of hell have I fallen?"

A sigh, and a disappointed look from the butler, as he replied "too far." Lucky Barbatos was able to hand him a normal pair of shoes.

Unfortunately not everyone had been as lucky as the eldest. Lucifer's brothers also got their first pair of crocs.

Asmodeus was hit with it the worst. Crying not only because of his fall, but because he now thought he would have to wear crocs for all eternity. Lucifer eventually got him normal shoes.

Diavolo tried to cheer him up by gifting the newly fallen angel with yet another pair of crocs. This time they came with Asmo's name, spelled out in charms. Asmo locked himself in his room for a week, crying, and unsuccessfully attempting to burn the fire-resistant shoe.

The prince still sends him more charms in attempt to please him. It doesn't work.

They now all have multiple sets, in varying colors. None of which are worn. Or seen. Ever.

Though, Lucifer once had to wear his out in public with the prince. He cried that night when he returned to his room, shameful that he ever had to be seen in them.

Barbatos once tried to rid the prince of his horrific shoes. He now has to count every pair each morning and night to reassure the young lord that not a single shoe is missing. They now haunt his dreams. Literally.

He has even checked every timeline, but they're all the same. Every. Single. One.

The young lord actually found them in a human magazine. Barbatos ordered them as a joke to show him how unflattering they were. Now they have cursed him.

This is now the inside of Lord Diavolo's closet, and everyone has to see it when they come to Devildom. No, you don't have a choice. His racks are also gold, just in case you were wondering.

My work here is complete. I hope you enjoyed. You may unfasten your seatbelts and watch your step as you exit.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!! SA, Depression, self injurious behavior, suicidal tendencies

The hardest part of living with sexual assault is having to continue living. Countless weeks I've spent, fake smiles, pretending everything was normal while I crumbled inside. I've spent every waking moment haunted, feeling unclean, because of the actions a man took once he decided that I owed him my body.

I thought it got easier. It did for a few months. And now I'm back at the campus where it happened. My heart aches everytime I step foot on the sidewalk. I avert my eyes from 2 buildings, where two different men took something that wasnt theirs, something I didnt give them. Their selfish actions did this.

Sometimes all I want to do is scream. I want to scream in the middle of campus what unspeakable things these men have done to me. What they have done to others. Instead I bite my tongue, and duck my head as I continue to walk to class.

The only safe haven on campus is my professor's offices. I've spent many hours sobbing there, receiving advice on work and studying. Now I sob the for a different reason. And now my professors gently gesture for me to enter their office, offering words of comfort and support.

One had a story very similar to mine. On the same campus she was raped, 19, a virgin. I was 18 and 19. She is my hope for the future, my hope that it gets better, my hope for a PhD, because she did it.

I feel sick, everytime I look at something that reminds me of them. I cant be in red lighting. I cant play certain games. I cant hold my boyfriend because I'm afraid of his hands, so gentle and kind, because of the cruel hands of another.

I feel a lot of things. Anger, at them for believing they had the right to do this, and at the world for letting this happen. Angry for trusting them. Angry at them for using me as a plaything, disregarding my humanity. Sorrow for the loss of my innocence, and for all the pieces of myself I lost.

Sometimes I feel like I'm shards of myself stuck in my old body. In reality, I should be fragmented, broken, but instead I stand, eyes down, hiding my broken pieces, and posing as someone who isn't hurting.

I want to say this because it happened to me. I want to say this because it's real. I want to say this because it can happen to others. I'm sick of staying quiet and allowing my rapists to ultimately win as I break down and get swept away by the wind. I am more than a statistic. No means no. Being pushed, pressured, or coerced into saying yes means no. Being inebriated means no.

Please stay safe. Always travel in groups. Let your friends know where you are at and with whom.

objectively the best found families exist on the two extreme ends of the competency scale: on the one end, extreme competence porn. everyone is so fucking good at what they do, and are so goddamn good at doing it, they all have high regards for eachother and their skills all complement eachother perfectly.

on the other end? half a dozen people, one braincell among them and it bounces around like a windows screensaver. whoever has it, doesn’t have it for long.

Tbh relationship goals, I gave my bf a dead millipede once

gave my gf a dead butterfly yesterday

That’s me in the corner! That’s me in the cor

ner!

Losing my re-

corner!

Trying    c o r n e r       t h a t ’ s     m

Hajime during the beginning of chapter 5: oh god oh fuck my horrible malewife is dead

i was putting papers in folders today & the resident tattletale starts calling my name & i can hear in his voice that its some stupid shit but i finally turned around & it was just

[ID: a crude drawing of a masked child at a desk wide-eyed and frantically pointing at the kid at the next desk, who has their mask down and their entire slobbery hand shoved into their mouth like its normal.]

AWWWWWWW

My little brother..

So my seven year old brother loves Undertale. Whenever he wears his winter coat, he puts his hands in his front pockets and giggles while quoting Sans. It’s adorable.

Well, today, I was drawing something to post later when he taps my shoulder. So I look over, and he just lays out these four sheets of paper…

…Do you recognize that last one?

Its Omega Flowey. He drew Omega Flowey’s intro, complete with evil laugh.

So he looked at me, all excited, and said that it was his “Undertale comic” and that I had to put it on “the website” so that people could see it.

If it’s not too much to ask, could you guys maybe leave a like or maybe even a reblog? It would seriously make his entire year if people actually noticed his drawings, he’s always drawing pictures for everyone.

Is plankton a jalapeño

read his name a few times and come back to me

A porcupine’s Halloween present (+ original sound effects)

tshirt that says BAD AT BEING A WOMAN on the front WORSE AT BEING A MAN on the back worn with shorts that say NEVERTHELESS STILL KICKING

Very sexy shirt found in San Antonio Tx

good evening! what the fuck

LUKE IS MY SON AND IF ANY OF YOU DISRESPECT HIM ILL CRY WHILE BEATING YOU UP

a wild todoroki has appeared

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

concerned parents

kiddos 

Help....

recovery sensei

Does anybody else get legitimately worried when a fanfic author who was updating regularly just suddenly disappears with no warning? Like, is it a serious case of writers block or are they in a coma? Did they just up and quit? Was it me? Were my reviews not good enough?! Did they die 😳?! Were they kidnapped? Do I need to file a missing persons report? Excuse me officer, there’s been 13 weekly updates and now nothing for months! Find them! What’s their name?! Name!? I don’t know their name but they write 3k+ chapters and I need them safe and back in my life!

a uni survival guide: tips from a phd

if there's one thing i know about, it's college. i've done it, i've taught it, i've lived and breathed it. these tips are for first years in particular, but honestly for everybody. i think it's so important for people to have balanced lives in these years -- academics are not everything. you know what didn't help me in the real world when i was afraid i wouldn't live through it? my fancy college note-taking format. you know what did help me? the friends i made there who i knew would get on a plane and fly across the country in a matter of hours if i told them i needed them.

academic

- figure out where class is held ahead of time: don't be that kid who's late on day one, i beg of you

- use the writing center: especially for basic grammatical editing, which a lot of professors don't have time to mark on papers

- speak up in class: talking through ideas helps you work through them, and asking questions about something you don't understand can open up great lines of conversation

- find a regular schedule that works for you and stick to it: my college schedule was morning free time, class, lunch, class, practice, homework. that consistency was a life-saver

- keep a planner: it's so important to have a central place to track deadlines, assignments, and engagements

- annotate your reading: when you're stressing about a paper topic, being able to go back to what you've highlighted and written in the margins is a life-saver

- color-code your coursework: i use the same color highlighter, pen, and notebook for any given class. it's super helpful

- if you can't focus while studying with friends, don't: i reserved group studying for days when i didn't have important work because i can't be in a room with other people without talking to them. if your school has one, the quiet floor of the library is your best friend

- treat yourself to a "fun" class: art was always my place to just sit back and chill, a way to end the night all zen in the darkroom instead of conjugating russian verbs in a fluorescent-lit cinderblock prison. for you, it could be gym, it could be pottery, it could be some random course about, like, the history of cooking or something -- explore!

- profs are people too: don't be too nervous around them. also, know that if you're struggling -- even b/c of something in your personal life -- you can admit it, and they'll almost always understand why you missed a deadline or bombed a test

- go to office hours: it's the only way to get to know professors in big courses, and it's so helpful for both your grades and learning how to navigate relationships with authority figures

social

- don't let academia keep you from your friends: it's a case-by-case basis, but sometimes it's okay to let the reading slide and spend time with friends. i graduated seven years ago and my college group text still talks every day. that's so much more important to me than the fact that i never finished brideshead revisited

- joining a club is one of the best ways to make friends: i played ultimate frisbee through college and it was the source of so many lasting relationships, as well as the way i met all my local friends when i was abroad

- say yes to things you don't know if you'll like: you'll surprise yourself. me? turns out i love drinking games. and theme parties. and skinny dipping. and rock climbing

- don't be that person who looks down on their peers for partying: honestly? that person kind of sucks. you don't have to party if you don't want to, but actually, a lot of those people are super nice and also good at school -- don't just write them off!

- show up for your friends: go to their games, their concerts, their art shows, their standup nights. show them that what matters to them matters to you, too

- set aside a night to do a group activity with others: whether your vibe is wednesday night trivia, a weekly "terrible movie" showing, or a get-high-and-watch-nature-documentaries-type thing, these are great ways to liven up the week and de-stress

- this is a great time to figure out who from high school really matters to you: you don't have to force relationships that were built mostly on convenience if there are friends at uni with whom you click more. people you became friends with purely based on the coincidence of where your parents lived do not have to be your forever friends. they can be! but they don't have to be

personal

- don't expect too much of yourself: a 4.0 is not the end-all, be-all. if your family or somebody tells you it is, tell them to call me, and i will personally talk some sense into them

- take advantage of university support services: mental health counseling, free yoga classes, multi-cultural societies, etc

- drink water: please, please don't get kidney stones in the middle of the semester, says the girl who got kidney stones in the middle of the semester

- let yourself take breaks: if you need to lie to a professor and say you're sick when really you're just feeling down and you need to sit in bed and watch a movie, that's totally valid

- don't freak about individual assignments: my students come to me freaking over a B+ and i tell them, honey, no job interviewer is ever going to ask you about your second paper from communications 101. i wish i'd known that

- go see speakers if there's someone interesting coming to campus: these talks are always cooler than you expect. i'll never get over the fact that i didn't go see anita hill when she came to my undergrad

- do your laundry on the same night every week: i can't explain why this is so helpful but it really is

- keep up on the news and the memes: read the school paper, the school blog, the memes page -- college politics and inside jokes are fun and convoluted and fascinating

- set the groundwork for long-term self-care: all of the above is really just to say -- university isn't just for learning about the french revolution, it's also about learning how to balance, how to handle failure, how to ask for help, how to make a salad that doesn't totally suck, etc

kirishima WAS the first brick at stonewall

here’s the full comic written by highschoolers and the homies of YPAC, and drawn by me.  SROs are trash, I had bad experiences with mine when I did highschool. My mom issa teacher and she spends her own paycheck on supplies for her students cause the school is too busy pitching funds toward school cops who are negligent (at best) or escalate violence (at worst).

This comic was made in collaboration with homies from MPD150 check em out.

So are you going to tell us about the giant hyperpredatory sperm whales or do I have to go google some nightmares myself?

we’re all familiar with the Sperm Whale of our modern seas, largest of the Toothed Whales! it’s also completely specialized for eating squid and squid ONLY, a comfort to anyone who’s ever managed to get just a bit too close to those enormous razor jaws.

but this was very much not always the case! the earlier members of the Sperm Whale lineage were much less… discerning.

early Sperm Whales all resembled our friendly modern swimming school bus to some degree, but the main difference was in the jaws- early Sperm Whales like Acrophyseter and Zygophyseter all had wide, powerful jaws with ENORMOUS teeth suitable for snacking on fish, dolphins, aquatic sloths, and pretty much anything else they could fit down their enormous gullets, kind of like a modern Orca.

and from 12 to 7 million years ago, these things RULED the seas. Megalodon who?

but the greatest of these was Livyatan Melvillei, which was the size of our modern Sperm Whale. 

reaching up to 60 feet long and weighing well over 60 tons, it this thing was a Sea Monster in every sense of the word. 

it is so BONKERS huge that they named it after the Hebrew name for the Biblical Leviathan (and also Herman Melville, who would have gotten a real kick out of it). I cannot overstate how unsafe it would be to share an ocean with this thing. Moby Dick would have been an entirely different book if it was still around. 

so what does a 60-feet hyperpredatory whale eat?

*Groucho Marx voice* WHY, ANYTHING IT WANTS. 

(but mostly other whales.)

Livyatan spent most of its time cruising around looking for delicious smaller whales to shove into that nightmare maw up there, a lifestyle choice we call macroraptorial. though in a pinch, anything else would also do. 

(basically, if you were a mid-sized baleen whale in the paleozoic seas you were just SHIT out of luck, between Megalodon and this thing.)

Livyatan may have died out as little as 5 million years ago, meaning it might even have been around to make the early ancestors of Orcas regret their life choices! (Livyatan is the only animal that could possibly make an Orca regret anything, but God, at what cost)

but die out they did, and that’s probably a good thing for us. why don’t we all just take a moment to really appreciate our modern hyperspecialized Sperm Whales, especially the part where they don’t eat us!