TRIGGER WARNING!!!! SA, Depression, Self Injurious Behavior, Suicidal Tendencies
TRIGGER WARNING!!!! SA, Depression, self injurious behavior, suicidal tendencies
The hardest part of living with sexual assault is having to continue living. Countless weeks I've spent, fake smiles, pretending everything was normal while I crumbled inside. I've spent every waking moment haunted, feeling unclean, because of the actions a man took once he decided that I owed him my body.
I thought it got easier. It did for a few months. And now I'm back at the campus where it happened. My heart aches everytime I step foot on the sidewalk. I avert my eyes from 2 buildings, where two different men took something that wasnt theirs, something I didnt give them. Their selfish actions did this.
Sometimes all I want to do is scream. I want to scream in the middle of campus what unspeakable things these men have done to me. What they have done to others. Instead I bite my tongue, and duck my head as I continue to walk to class.
The only safe haven on campus is my professor's offices. I've spent many hours sobbing there, receiving advice on work and studying. Now I sob the for a different reason. And now my professors gently gesture for me to enter their office, offering words of comfort and support.
One had a story very similar to mine. On the same campus she was raped, 19, a virgin. I was 18 and 19. She is my hope for the future, my hope that it gets better, my hope for a PhD, because she did it.
I feel sick, everytime I look at something that reminds me of them. I cant be in red lighting. I cant play certain games. I cant hold my boyfriend because I'm afraid of his hands, so gentle and kind, because of the cruel hands of another.
I feel a lot of things. Anger, at them for believing they had the right to do this, and at the world for letting this happen. Angry for trusting them. Angry at them for using me as a plaything, disregarding my humanity. Sorrow for the loss of my innocence, and for all the pieces of myself I lost.
Sometimes I feel like I'm shards of myself stuck in my old body. In reality, I should be fragmented, broken, but instead I stand, eyes down, hiding my broken pieces, and posing as someone who isn't hurting.
I want to say this because it happened to me. I want to say this because it's real. I want to say this because it can happen to others. I'm sick of staying quiet and allowing my rapists to ultimately win as I break down and get swept away by the wind. I am more than a statistic. No means no. Being pushed, pressured, or coerced into saying yes means no. Being inebriated means no.
Please stay safe. Always travel in groups. Let your friends know where you are at and with whom.
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I’ve seen multiple people genuinely asking whats wrong with playing their music on a speaker/their phone in public rather than through headphones. While it baffles me that you can’t reason it out I’m taking it in good faith that you genuinely don’t know - so here’s a list of reasons you shouldn’t:
- It sounds bad. It doesnt matter if people like the song, you might be close enough to your phone speaker for it to sound largely as intended, but everyone else is getting a distorted mess.
- Unwanted noise is extra stimulation in the already overpowering public space. Yes this is particularly bad for neurodivergent people but I actually want to acknowledge that this effects Everyone. Everyone has a stimulation threshold and unwanted music easily pushes people closer to it.
- Its distracting/disruptive. People want to focus on their own conversations, listen to their own music through their earbuds, or just be alone with their thoughts. Your music is intruding.
- Differing taste. This one is less significant but people around you just dont always like the same music you do. In extreme cases they might actively hate a song you’re playing.
- People have the right to as close to silence as they can get. If they’re in a shop playing obnoxious music they can leave, they can change the radio in their car, they can skip the song on their playlist. They have no control over what you are putting on and in bus situations they can’t get away from you.
- Any other number of reasons; Maybe your music is offensive, maybe its uncensored and there are children about, maybe someone just got horrible news and your perky feelgood song feels like salt in the wound, maybe someone’s sick or hungover or in pain and your music feels like a drill to the skull. You might think your music is good, it might make you smile after a hard day. Nobody is saying dont listen at all, just put in earphones. To everyone around you its the equivilent of a drunk guy singing loudly and off key at the back of the bus. Maybe it makes some people smile to think he’s having a good time, maybe some people are scared his lack of boundaries will mean he could act out, maybe some people wish he would just shut up.
Goncharov Lore Thus Far, based on the top tumblr post results
Main cast are Goncharov himself, his wife Katya (née Michailov), and Andrey
One side character is named Mario Ambrosini. He is described as a “sad boi” and is involved in gambling.
Set in Naples and involving a drug ring/mafia. The plot seems to involve Russian organized crime attempting to get a foothold in Italy.
There is a Boat Scene. Katya survives via resourcefulness.
Andrey and Goncharov have a substantial amount of homoeroticism. Andrey also has an internet in Katya. This forms a true love triangle.
At some point, Katya threatens to shoot Goncharov. This is framed as a Girlboss Moment.
There is also a Beer Bottle Scene.
Katya fakes her death.
starbucks barista: ive got a caffe mocha for… “russian spy”?
everybody: [remains seated and eyes each other suspiciously]
barista [throwing his CIA badge at the floor in defeat]: dammit i thought for sure that would work
STOP PUTTING DIO IN THOSE BIGGEST TIDDIES POLLS!!!!! THOSE BOOBS DO NOT BELONG TO HIM!!! DISQUALIFY THAT PASTY BRITISH BITCH!!!!!
everyone shut up theyre having a conference call
The council will decide your fate
Tumblr Code.
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australopithecunt reblogged this · 3 years ago
Matt, 22, history graduate program, they/them. Nonbinary, physically disabled, and autistic. Why am I here
262 posts