Applesforthis - You Can't Get There From Here

I'm thinking a lot about the subject of racism and fandom recently because I'm about to publish a fic that's written from the perspective of a character of color and I'm white. I feel a lot of caution around that and I want to explicitly invite any BIPOC readers to let me know how my fic lands with you. Your experiences in particular of it are really important to me. <3 (I'm planning to post in about a week, leaving this here in case any readers look me up after/while reading)

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

[Image descriptions: a series of 2018 tweets from user "G. Willow Wilson" (@GWillowWilson) reading:

It's a mistake to think a dictatorship feels intrinsically different on a day-to-day basis than a democracy does. I've lived in one dictatorship and visited several others--there are still movies and work and school and shopping and memes and holidays.

The difference is the steady disappearance of dissent from the public sphere. Anti-regime bloggers disappear. Dissident political parties are declared "illegal." Certain books vanish from the libraries.

So if you're waiting for the grand moment when the scales tip and we are no longer a functioning democracy, you needn't bother. It'll be much more subtle than that. It'll be more of the president ignoring laws passed by congress. It'll be more demonizing of the press. End image description.]

This one, specifically, is waiting for you. Her name is Jennifer. The other arapaima are not waiting for you, they have other stuff they need to be doing today.

^ for the unaware

I think about this sometimes. How did I learn that there are some things you just don't do to people, no matter who they are or what they've done? I used to think I learned it as a young adult working my first few jobs. I did some childcare and a shitton of foodservice, and in both types of work it was really clear to me that if I didn't do my job right -- if I made a mistake with an allergen, or forgot to lock the child lock on the basement door -- someone could be badly hurt or even killed. That was a heavy thing to realize and it made me so aware of my responsibilities to other people, it really solidified it for me that you don't do to your enemies what you wouldn't do to your friends. But I think I must have learned it earlier. I think I learned it by...needing help from other people, and getting it. I think I learned it from times when I was in trouble, and someone helped me. The people around me had enough empathy for me, enough of the time, that I learned empathy too. Maybe "learned" is the wrong word, even, because it wasn't a thinking process. I think empathy is more like grammar: it's not a sense like sight or touch, it's a thing you can feel if the people around you have it. You absorb it from them via mirror neurons.

It's funny because I know, in a cerebral way, that abuse can damage children's empathy. But it's really different to see and feel how that relates to me, personally, and to the people I know best. I have the empathy that I have because people were decent to me when I was small. That's it, that's the entire reason. And that's so strange because it wasn't something that was in my control. It's not something I had, or have, the power to choose.

Lately it's giving me patience for people. Because no one is born an asshole. And because something that's been damaged can be repaired, sometimes.

really devastating to realize that my belief that “there are some things you can never to do to another person, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done, because they are a person” is held by so few people. they aren’t upset by the unjustifiable, they’re simply unhappy that it happens to the ‘wrong people.’

Same energy

I am LOSING MY MIND with excitement.

(Via M.S.'s instagram x)

I'm too stoked. I can't focus, can't work, I can't think about anything else right now. Here is some stoked music:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Image description: a comment from user @polyceridae reading, This is how clowns do BDSM /End image description.]

I just really really love this post, y'all. Like, so much. <3

Wait, so you said that you can learn to trust others by building friendships, but how does one go about doing that? Wouldn't someone I don't know be creeped out or annoyed if I suddenly walked up and started talking to them?

Friendships are built of repeated low-stakes interactions and returned bids for attention with slowly increasing intimacy over time.

It takes a long time to make friends as an adult. People will probably think you're weird if you just walk up and start talking to them as though you are already their friend (people think it's weird when I do this, I try not to do this) but people won't think it's weird if you're someone they've seen a few times who says "hey" and then gradually has more conversations (consisting of more words) with them.

I cheat at forming adult friendships by joining groups where people meet regularly. If you're part of a radio club that meets once a week and you just join up to talk about radios, eventually those will be your radio friends.

If there's a hiking meetup near you and you go regularly, you will eventually have hiking friends.

Deeper friendships are formed with people from those kinds of groups when you do things with them outside of the context of the original interaction; if you go camping with your radio friend, that person is probably more friend than acquaintance. If you go to the movies with a hiking friend who likes the same horror movies as you do, that is deepening the friendship.

In, like 2011 Large Bastard decided he wanted more friends to do stuff with so he started a local radio meetup. These people started as strangers who shared an interest. Now they are people who give each other rides after surgery and help each other move and have started businesses together and have gone on many radio-based camping trips and have worked on each other's cars.

Finding a meetup or starting a meetup is genuinely the cheat-code for making friends.

This is also how making friendships at schools works - you're around a group of people very regularly and eventually you get to know them better and you start figuring out who you get along with and you start spending more time with those people.

If you want to do this in the most fast and dramatic way possible, join a band.

In 2020 I wrote something of a primer on how to turn low-stakes interactions with neighbors and acquaintances into more meaningful relationships; check the notes of this post over the next couple days, I'll dig up the link and share it in a reblog.