I Think About This Sometimes. How Did I Learn That There Are Some Things You Just Don't Do To People,

I think about this sometimes. How did I learn that there are some things you just don't do to people, no matter who they are or what they've done? I used to think I learned it as a young adult working my first few jobs. I did some childcare and a shitton of foodservice, and in both types of work it was really clear to me that if I didn't do my job right -- if I made a mistake with an allergen, or forgot to lock the child lock on the basement door -- someone could be badly hurt or even killed. That was a heavy thing to realize and it made me so aware of my responsibilities to other people, it really solidified it for me that you don't do to your enemies what you wouldn't do to your friends. But I think I must have learned it earlier. I think I learned it by...needing help from other people, and getting it. I think I learned it from times when I was in trouble, and someone helped me. The people around me had enough empathy for me, enough of the time, that I learned empathy too. Maybe "learned" is the wrong word, even, because it wasn't a thinking process. I think empathy is more like grammar: it's not a sense like sight or touch, it's a thing you can feel if the people around you have it. You absorb it from them via mirror neurons.

It's funny because I know, in a cerebral way, that abuse can damage children's empathy. But it's really different to see and feel how that relates to me, personally, and to the people I know best. I have the empathy that I have because people were decent to me when I was small. That's it, that's the entire reason. And that's so strange because it wasn't something that was in my control. It's not something I had, or have, the power to choose.

Lately it's giving me patience for people. Because no one is born an asshole. And because something that's been damaged can be repaired, sometimes.

really devastating to realize that my belief that “there are some things you can never to do to another person, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done, because they are a person” is held by so few people. they aren’t upset by the unjustifiable, they’re simply unhappy that it happens to the ‘wrong people.’