applesforthis
Fannish things, writing, other stuff. Often NSFW. My pronouns are they/them.
275 posts
Latest Posts by applesforthis
This post is about transitioning and dancing and sex, but it's also about everyone whether or not you do those things. Please keep doing the next risky scary thing, the thing that makes you more alive and more in your body and moves you closer to what you love.
You have to keep transitioning until you discover that you actually do love dancing and sex. Please.
i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem
Did you know you can make apple syrup by using a steam juicer then reducing the juice by 6x and viola syrup?
Whoa! That's neat. This is actually my first time ever hearing about steam juicers. After I got your ask I went and read about them on Wikipedia. Where I come from we just squash apples in a cider press. It's fast and messy :-)
Incredible video captures humpback whales swimming underneath the northern lights in Norway.
RF. Alvarez (American, 1988) - Watching the Rain (2024)
We never really talked about it but The Ugly Ducking that grew up to be a beautiful swan was still probably pretty fugly from a duck’s perspective
[Image description: tumblr post tags from @mettaworldpiece reading: #misogynoir #transmisogynoir #passing #antiblackness #ppl who say things like this do not consider antiblackness #ALL black ppl are degendered and hypergendered at the same time that is how Black men can be fetishized for their sexual organs but still #be denied manhood and called boys #for Black women womanhood is held as conditional #as in it is placed on them whether they identify w it or not can be stripped away w no consideration for the person affected #even the concept of passing comes from 'white-passing' or from raciallized Black ppl who could move thru white society w/o feeling #the violent conditions of antiblackness #for me there isnt a person who doesnt know im trans as soon as I open my mouth #that does not mean I move with safety when not speaking tho as misogynoir conditions people to take their toll of every Black woman #they come into contact w #for example the suburban constructions who got mad when I walked past their catcalls did not know I was trans #but that didnt stop them from acting like they were going to swerve and run me over when I tried to walk past to work /End image description.]
u look like a giant buff woman idk what u mean "dont pass" lol.
So I wanted to respond to this one, not to evaluate my features as “passing/not passing” but to talk a bit on racialization and transness as a larger Black trans woman. I am going to be speaking on the experience of cis women in addition to trans women.
Yes, I’m 6’2” and 260lbs. There are plenty of cis women my height/weight or larger/taller! It is not inherently a trait of solely trans women to be large. But this also means that I don’t always pass, because a lot of cis women who look like me don’t pass all the time either no matter what they do.
In this outfit running errands, I got hit on a bunch, gendered appropriately a bunch, and honestly felt the most femme I have in a while. Meanwhile, I still had a man start screaming at me on a metro train because he could see up my dress while I was sitting and “I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS MAN’S UNDERWEAR!”
Often, assumption of masculinity for largeness, for height, is something that gets inflicted on tall cis women as well, moreso if they’re an athlete or otherwise buff or “unfeminine”. Many end up with a complex about it that affects their comfort presenting anything less than high femme even as cis women by adulthood, because it’s implied they have to “make up” for their height/frame by being more feminine.
So despite this not being something limited solely to trans women, it does get significantly amplified on trans women when we have other features or traits that may affect it, such as voice, visible stubble, etc.
On top of that, Black women are often racialized as “more masculine” bc of systemic societal antiblackness. While it can happen to anyone that visibly reads as a Black woman, it gets notably worse the darker your skin is and the larger you are. I’m very lightskinned, so while I still experience it, it’s also not nearly as bad as it would be for someone much darker than me with my build.
So for larger Black trans women, we get a double whammy of “passing” tribulations, as we get the misogynistic assumption of “the larger you are, the more masculine you are” and the misogynoiric assumption that as a Black woman, we are inherently more masculine.
Both of these factors are completely out of our control as larger Black trans women. They aren’t something that can be changed by anything we do to try and “pass” because they are baseline societal bigotries currently - fuck, Megan Thee Stallion is quite literally one of the most beautiful cis women on earth while also being larger and she’s still CONSTANTLY accused of being a man/masculine online even in some of her most “feminine” presentations.
So when I say that I “often don’t pass” I’m not commenting on my features, what I think “outs me as AMAB”, etc. im commenting on the baseline societal transmisogynoir that states that someone who looks like me, transfemme or not, often does not pass.
Many people will still gender me appropriately from the jump, hit on me, catcall me, otherwise treat me like a woman - but just as often I will be categorically excluded from even possibly passing for people who have engraved these social bigotries to heart, and recognizing that doesn’t affect whether I’m “valid”, whether I’m attractive (bc I’m a fucking Goddess and stunning), etc. but affects my SAFETY and the likely of experiencing transmisogynistic or transmisogynoiristic harm or violence.
Passing is not about whether you are attractive or not, it’s about safety.
Fossilas: crinoid stems and stars including a 6 pointed pentacrites and a pyritised ammonte
WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS
What’s the lie your character says most often?
How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?
How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?
What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?
Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?
What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?
What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?
How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?
Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?
What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?
If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?
What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!
When do they fake a smile? How often?
How do they put out a candle?
What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?
What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?
What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?
Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?
What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?
Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?
What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?
What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?
What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?
Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?
What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?
How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?
What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?
What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?
How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?
When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?
When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?
If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?
How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?
How do they greet someone they like / love?
What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?
Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?
What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?
What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?
Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?
How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?
What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?
If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?
What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?
What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?
What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?
Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?
Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?
Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?
Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?
What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?
What’s a phrase they say a lot?
Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?
Who would / do they believe without question?
What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?
What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?
If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?
What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?
How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?
I think we need to appreciate this part of Brennan Lee Mulligan's WIRED interview a lot more:
"The evangelical right in this country needs to manufacture outrage to hold onto its voting block. [The satanic panic about DnD] was arbitrary, as the targets of their outrage always are. Fight the power."
[Image description: screenshot of another tumblr user's tags reading: #oh!! they're hunting right? i heard they do this together sometimes #that coyote is playing though omg he is showing prosocial behavior to a creature that can't speak his language... #aren't badgers solitary too. maybe he is this badger's first friend. omg /End image description.]
[Image description: text reading, All the best things in life require a degree of embarrassment, or at least the possibility of it. Dancing, singing, sharing art, cooking food, having sex, holding hands; there is risk in it all. You could burn dinner or sing off key; no act of self expression or love is exempt from this danger /End image description.]
embarrassment has good bones
People's knees are so cute
At the Window - Ilya Pyankov
Russian , b. 1972 -
Oil on canvas , 110 x 65 cm.
Oh, heck -- I'm sorry, y'all. I was sleepy the day I reblogged this and it seems I did my research a little too hastily. I can't find a legit NASA source for the above image...or any legit source at all, in fact. I fear it may be AI after all. Bummer. :-( The good news is, there are very lovely real pictures of Jupiter available here. AI is flaming dogshit but Jupiter is fucking awesome. Some highlights:
Lest I deceive anybody a second time, I do want to be transparent that most of the images that are submitted by the public (including the above four) seem to have been edited to enhance color or contrast, zoom in, or crop. There are also a few on the website that are very much an artistic rendition and merely inspired by the raw images. If you want to see just the raw images from the spacecraft cameras, you can do that by selecting "Junocam" (and not "Public" or "Both").
NASA just dropped the closest image ever taken of Jupiter.
Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.
May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude
Window Reflections - Kristie Bretzke , 2024.
American , b. 1950s*
oil on linen panel , 20 x 16 in.
*1978 Education graduation
