I'm So Fucked Up With These Diseases Thing. Everyone Is Taking In My Disability First Instead Of My Personality.

I'm so tired of feeling nothing. I'm not sad nor happy. It's just... Emptiness?

LITERALLY, THE NEED:

Hope that someday he'll be available, so I'll be able to buy him... Or at least he'd have a normal and cute bootleg... I don't really care about plushies being bootleg or not, as long they're looking decent.

I talked with my parents about that I wanna die, but they started to judge me. Today I understood that nobody needs me, and I'm not need to stay here in this world. I want to commit suicide, and I will commit suicide, maybe on my funerals they will understand that I wasn't okay?:)

Not accept by "a friend".

Few weeks ago, I was obsessed with idea of finding new friends to chat in discord with, so I started to try to find friends. And I found one. He was good, and funny, we liked talk together, so we kept chatting.

Yesterday, I did a coming out to him, and he started to mock me, but I didn't say anything. Then he started to say something like "Not think/associate yourself with any gender isn't normal", "There's only two genders", "I'll block you if you keep doing it" and etc.

In the end our friendship ended, cuz I don't wanna listen that I'm insane just because I'm being myself. I don't and won't understand people like him.

I have no ideas what to post, I'm sorry

Years will pass and I will never understand, why, just why, there's only 2 sides when it comes to my illness? Some of you immediately start to pity and pamper me, treat me as if I barely understand something, while the other consists of people who are almost the same as the 1st type, but these are trying to do it differently, trying to look caring and understandable, but in the end they are almost the same. And also, since when the phrase "I'm not letting my illness stop me." Became something ablestic? No, I don't want to treat myself as a snowflake. I don't want to do something less, because YOU think that I'll have a flare up. Flare ups are only MY and MINE DEAL, NOT YOURS. I don't want to sit and whine about how fragile my body is. This only makes me look WEAK. Since when I need to work less, just because I'm ill? Maybe I WANT to work?? Maybe I CAN work?? Maybe, it is YOU the one who sees only code in my med card?!

SOS, WHY DOES ALT ADAM IN VOL 5 LEAKS LOOKS SO GOOFY YET CUTE, I MEAN I WANNA SQUEEZE HIM SO TIGHT HE'S TOO SILLY

The sudden urge to delete all my disability related posts, so people won't see and won't like it, so it won't remind me of being sick>>>>>

Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol

I wanna back in this summer. It was... Good. But times passing, things are changing, so I hope that summer in 2024 will be good.