I Wish, One Day On Maths Lesson I Could Stand Up, And Stab Myself!!!

PNES are PNES. It's a psychological, conversion, functional, dissociative seizure. Of course it's non-epileptic. But. Often missing the word of the seizure being functional can harm those who have non-epileptic, but NOT psychological seizures.

Non-epileptic ≠ Functional.

Get over it.

Fuck it. As someone who was born in Russia, I fucking despise the all angry and alcoholic russian stereotype. No, not all russians drink vodka. No, we don't have constant winter. No, we aren't angry 24/7. And no, most of us don't have the "typical" russian accent. I'm tired of "russian" characters who are just a walking stereotype.

I just needed to say this, thank you.

Years will pass and I will never understand, why, just why, there's only 2 sides when it comes to my illness? Some of you immediately start to pity and pamper me, treat me as if I barely understand something, while the other consists of people who are almost the same as the 1st type, but these are trying to do it differently, trying to look caring and understandable, but in the end they are almost the same. And also, since when the phrase "I'm not letting my illness stop me." Became something ablestic? No, I don't want to treat myself as a snowflake. I don't want to do something less, because YOU think that I'll have a flare up. Flare ups are only MY and MINE DEAL, NOT YOURS. I don't want to sit and whine about how fragile my body is. This only makes me look WEAK. Since when I need to work less, just because I'm ill? Maybe I WANT to work?? Maybe I CAN work?? Maybe, it is YOU the one who sees only code in my med card?!

No. My epilepsy is NOT a disability. Why though? Because it doesn't prevent me from doing ANYTHING. It doesn't affect me all the time. Yeah, someone could say "B-but seizures are a disability!!!" Yeah, they could be. But, have you read the criteria to get disability with epilepsy? No? Okay, I'll list.

– Frequency of seizures. If they are too intense and happening too often (for example a few times per day.)

– Decrease in intelligence.

– Mental issues.

– Impaired ability to move.

– Developmental disorders.

So, that's why epilepsy doesn't make you automatically disabled, it just makes you ill. So, I prefer to use the term "sick, but able-bodied." Instead of disabled. Y'all should accept that disability is a status given by law. So, if you're getting money for your disability, and you have this status in your documents – you're disabled. Or at least if your disease is affecting you most of the time like POTS, fibromyalgia, arthritis etc. you're disabled.

But even if chronically ill means being disabled... I still prefer to be called able-bodied. I'm not disabled. So I don't deserve to be called disabled. Leave space for someone else, not me.

I'm waiting to be hated for my opinion. I don't mind anymore. I don't want to call myself disabled and bury myself in my illness. If I'd be hated for that, but I'd still be able bodied, I don't mind. You can call me like you want, and call yourself a disabled if you have epilepsy, because I'm talking about MY CASE not YOURS.

Thanks for reading. Stay healthy.

I wanna create a bot, but idk which one, send requests, Ig

I tried to k!ll myself by cvtting my veins, but the saddest thing is that the knife didn't reach them.

WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUT MYSELF?? WHY CAN'T I SLICE MY SKIN AGAIN LIKE I USED TO?! I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF THESE DISABILITIES, SEIZURES AND OTHER SHIT. I JUST WANNA BE HEALTHY OR ALLOWED TO MUTILATE MY BODY. I WANT TO HAVE THE CONTROL I LOST.

Okay, okay, I try to understand everything, but... why PE it's required? I know that sports it's important, and it helps being healthy, and etc, but why I should do sports when after run I feel nausea? Why can't I just do some exercises, and that's all? For example, I also have problems with hands (tremor, but for now I'm not diagnosed yet) and my tremor gets harder and harder when I do sports, and in the end I feel bad and humiliated. So why can't I just don't go on PE?

It's kinda interesting, how Tumblr randomly stopped recommending my posts. Kinda feel useless without likes, lol

When you suddenly realize that you need to do your lessons, but your whole body is hurting and also twitchy and a small activity could turn you into a shaking mess: