Hi, how are you? ♡
My initials are EL and I'm 19 years old, Leo ♌️
• How can I improve my skills to connect with new people and build genuine relationships? Please.
How can EL improve their skills to connect with new people and build genuine relationships?
In your current situation your only problem is that you are very misaligned, specifically you give more than you receive. You try too hard to "give" in your relationships disregarding your own needs and values. You need to change that focus: What do you value most in a connection? That they are honest with you? That they have integrity and don't bend their will? For example: That they are honest people or do you value people who connect with spirituality? What we value is not carved in stone—it changes. But it is important for you to know what your core values are. It is also important for you to know what your needs are and whether the connections you have align with them. A simple "I feel..." or "I need..." makes a big difference. Let’s say you value “supportiveness” in friends and when you have an important event you want them to be there for you or even show up (if their calendar isn’t full that day). Like a friend that couldn’t make it to you receiving an achievement and finds a way to “attend” during their lunch break by watching the livestream and leaving comments. Communicating an "I need you to support me in this, because I don't feel valued" or “I need you to support me on this, because I value ‘supportiveness’ (your core value) a lot” will cause you to stop being the only person in charge of giving more than you receive. If others don't listen to your needs despite communicating them or don't align with your values (or both because everything is interchangeable!), you need to let them go.
If you want to improve your ability to connect with new people and build genuine relationships, your main obstacle is in finding a balance between letting things go and starting over. You experience anxiety in doing so. It's like a fear of the unknown. You may overthink how to approach people, afraid of being taken advantage of again. You have so much to give, but you don't receive what you are looking for, what fulfills you emotionally and makes you feel valued. You end up in a state of discouragement, perhaps even anguish to see the circumstances in a more optimistic way and without fear—of starting over. The best thing you can do is to realize that the happiness and emotional satisfaction you seek in your connections was simply misguided. You need to improve on three things: one, balance how much you give and how much you receive; two, let go of the bad experiences you had by being more optimistic, cutting off the ones that are currently not working for you and letting go of discouragement; three, rethink your focus, communicate your values and needs and prioritize yourself. First you must know that the emotional connections you form with others are not your only way to make you feel full and complete, you have so much love to give and to spare—you can fill yourself without any problem. Don't expect others to fill your cup when you can do it too, and never betray yourself (your values and your needs) to connect with people. You will never lose by prioritizing yourself.