Yapping - Blog Posts
This reminds me if my first few sewing projects, where I tried to make a cactus out of felt and wondered why I was left with a malformed lump. It took me about 5 plushes of various lumpyness before I learned why strech matters in fabric. It was a similar process learning embroidery and especially satin stitches (my nemisis from the start). Needlework is truly an artform fucking up to success -w-
Truly I hate to do this to you all but; you can watch all the videos and read all the blogs in the world but you cannot learn to sew without at some point picking up a piece of fabric and fucking it up. No tutorial exists that will stop you at some point ruining this poor piece of cloth. The visceral act of holding a project and wondering where you went wrong is the only way to learn sewing; you cannot escape it. I’m sorry
MHA Talk!!
Honestly I think it's kind of insane how the fandom was able to get away with wishing ill and demonizing the women from MHA (ESPECIALLY Uraraka and Momo) bc it was in the name of gay ships but.......okay I guess
Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, I present to you... Why I think this song sounds like Dazai :D
I hold this song dear to my heart so I mainly made this post to get more people to listen to it, but I also wanted to yap about Dazai, so I guess I'm killing two birds with one stone here??? Anyways, I shall explain my point :D
Warning : this is straight up nonsense from start to finish and kinda long too (~10 min read)
So, the song starts with a rythmic chord sequence played at a medium tempo that kinda goes "dum da... da dum da... da", accompanied by a lighter, airy melody, both played on an acoustic guitar. There are also some eerie chimings in the background. When I listen to it, two images pop up in my mind:
The first one is that of a sailboat in the middle of the ocean sailing against the waves. This is because of the steady rythm, which, coupled with the melody, creates this impression of a boat going up and down the waves as it crashes against the hull. Meanwhile, the bell sounds give this feeling of large, empty space, which gave me the idea of the boat being stranded in the middle of the sea. If you can visualise this, then you'd probably also notice that the skies are covered and that the ocean seems pretty dull, almost grey – in other terms, this looks like a pretty bleak setting, right?
Now, let's say there is a sailor on board. What would you feel if you were in their place? Loneliness? Despair? Perhaps, a semblance of peace? It's hard to tell, right? This is how I feel about Dazai's character, personally. Let's say that we, as the audience, are people on land and that Dazai is the sailor stranded in the middle of the sea. Admitting we had a pretty good eyesight, all we would see is the boat floating in the faraway distance, and the bleak skies above it, looking almost like annoucing a storm. I think our first instinct would be to pity the man on board, or just be indifferent. If we were to pity him, we would surely think something like "This situation looks scary, the poor man must be terrified" or "This man sure seems lonely". But perhaps the man has already accepted his fate and we're worrying for nothing. Perhaps, the man sailed out in the storm on purpose. He could be feeling anything, really, but all we see is a boat stranded in the middle of the sea, with a storm that's approaching.
The second image is that of a lonely person walking through a crowd. The steady rythm creates this image of a person walking alone, while the melody, which makes the strumming seem syncopated, tells us our guy who's walking is having a hard time with it, as if he's stumbling or getting hit by other passers-by, which means that said passers-by don't care that much about our guy or don't even notice him. And the chimings once again create this feeling of a large space, so we can imagine this person is walking through a crowd, which would explain the people bumping into him non-stop. The reason why this made me think of Dazai is because, ultimately, he's always alone, and he will always be. He will come across many people in his life, but no one will stop and take a look at him. And he knows that. He knows that he will never meet someone like Oda again, but he has to go on, which is why he keeps walking through the crowd.
This section was the most important as it sets the tone for the rest of the song.
Now, skipping the first verses and moving directly onto the chorus section, I'd like to point out one thing : the addition of a synth. I find that it adds a little something to our picture, whether it's the boat one or the crowd one, which is tension. See, tension is an important part in music in order to tell a story, or to bring a picture to life.
Here, this tension manifests as some sort of antagonist pressuring our sailor/wanderer. In the case of the sailor, it could be strong wind, which almost tips his boat over, and in the case of the wanderer, a large or strong person who inadvertedly pushes him and sends him rolling on the ground. In either case, it leaves our character pretty shaken, but as the music continues, they also have to get up and move on. Well, I have vision mostly because of the lyrics, which say "Parfois on regarde les choses telles qu'elles sont en se demandant pourquoi, parfois on les regarde telles qu'elles pourraient être en se disant pourquoi pas," which basically translates to "Sometimes we look at things the way they are and ask ourselves why, sometimes we look at things the way they could have been and think, why not after all." It's such a simple sentence, and yet, it holds so much beauty and meaning. In the context of our analysis, I think it overall perfectly reflects Dazai's resolution to join the good side and his efforts to change after Oda's death. Even though there are moments when he trips and finds himself questionning the purpose of his journey, he has Oda's words to guide him towards the right path and hold onto.
Once more, I'm skipping the second verse (cuz there's not much of note) to directly talk about the second chorus. One of the many aspects of this song that I really love is how it keeps on adding more instruments as it goes on, and here, the new addition is an oboe. If listen carefully, you can notice that it plays a melody that kinda sounds like a downward spiral, which adds more to the conflict. Whether it be the growing despair of the sailor as he can't find his way back to the land or the panic of our wanderer as he keeps getting pushed around in the crowd, the main feeling here is that nothing is fine anymore. Coincidentally, the voice of the singer seems a bit more tired, a bit more desperate as she repeats the chorus. I like to think of this part as spiraling into despair as things seem more hopeless. Falling back into depression as everything seems to lose its meaning. This part is followed by a brieve yet beautiful intrumental break where trumpets are thrown into the mix, playing some sort of blues-ish melody, which really cements this feeling of hopelessness.
Finally, when it transitions into the third verse, you can notice that all the instruments are gone, leaving only the steady guitar rythm from the beginning to accompany the singer who's now whispering. Oddly enough, this part feels very quiet, almost fragile, as if the singer is exposing her vulnerability as despair wins over her. So, the 2nd chorus followed by the instrumental break then the third verse give off this impression of falling into despair, which I interpret as Dazai's worsening depression as he spent more time in the Port Mafia, or maybe his overall mental state. Dazai is a very mysterious character after all, and there's no real way of knowing what's going on in his head.
After that, the instruments come back for the next verse before going into the third and final chorus, which is similar to the second one. However, there's a last section of interest here, which is the outro, which is the exact same as the intro (except for the addition of a melody played on the oboe in the background). After all this journey, we're back to our starting point, and yet, everything feels heavier after everything we've gone through. After taking a few more steps, or drifting for a little longer if we're talking about the boat, the journey abruptly comes to an end. The ambiguous ending of the song leaves room for many interpretations of the scenarios which we came up with, but the one I prefer is the one where the sailor/wanderer simply... disappears.
After going through their trials, the wanderer/sailor had one final thing to do: leave. So maybe the wanderer disappeared into the crowd, never to be seen again. Maybe he got home safely. Maybe something darker happened to him. Maybe the sailor drifted into the horizon, and found himself a new home. Maybe he starved to death on the boat. Maybe he got caught in the storm and drowned. Whatever happened, the wanderer/sailor's story is over, and it's time for them to leave the stage so a new story can unfold. I thought that it was a very poetic ending for someone like Dazai, to vanish into thin air and be forgotten by the world, just as he wished. To slowly fade away from the focus, until something more interesting happens, so he fade into the background more peacefully.
Anywaysss this was my little delulu yappology session TYSM if you made it till the end and I hope you enjoyed it :D
Also, here are the translated lyrics of the if you are interested ehhehehe:
There's a painting over there
Of birds, their wingspreads
That struggle against the wind
There are edges over there
The distances, your pace
When you're walking right ahead
There are cracks over there
Sealed, the locks
Like kites, taken off
There's literature over there
The lack of momentum
Inertia, movement
Sometimes we look at things
The way they are
Asking ourselves why
Sometimes, we look at them
The way they could have been
Telling ourselves, why not?
There is over there
If we take the time
If we take the time
There's literature over there
The lack of momentum
Inertia, movement
Sometimes we look at things
The way they are
Asking ourselves why
Sometimes, we look at them
The way they could have been
Telling ourselves, why not?
There are the mysteries over there,
The silence under the sea
That fight against time
There are edges over there
The distances, your pace
When you're walking right ahead
There's the whispering
A sigh, an adventure
Just as tangled kites
There's literature over there
The lack of momentum
Inertia, movement
Sometimes we look at things
The way they are
Asking ourselves why
Sometimes, we look at them
The way they could have been
Telling ourselves, why not?
Sometimes we look at things
The way they are
Asking ourselves why
Sometimes, we look at them
The way they could have been
Telling ourselves, why not?
Just heartfelt yapping
Forgive me I'm gonna get kinda emotional in this one, I'm even putting it on the main blog to make this a human moment you get what I'm saying
To start this off as a cliche, ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a writer.
Like that was my dream job because I loved reading so much and it was such a helpful escape from my p shit home life and I wanted to write my own story to escape into. I wrote in notebooks, I wrote on sticky notes, like anything and everything I was writing on.
I was pretty ruthlessly bullied all of my time in school and one of the major targets was my writing. I was the cliche teachers pet who liked to write and read so I was a easy target. It discouraged me a lot and eventually, I just stopped.
When I got to high school I started to write fanfiction because I loved reading it so much, it gave me that same feeling I used to have as a kid reading all the books I loved. I didn't post much, my magnum opus in numbers is actually a Fallout 3 fanfiction I wrote my senior year into my first year of college lol but I was writing and I was happy.
Then I got to college and I struggled a lot. I was the most depressed I had ever been in my entire life up to that point, I was in a place that was not accepting of me being transgender, I had a terrible "boyfriend" who crossed so many boundaries, I didn't have good friends, i was in a career path I didn't want to do and I had had my top surgery basically taken away from me because I got pneumonia, which I was hospitalized for and had to take the time I was supposed to have off recovering from surgery to recover from that and just so much shit.
I tried to write again but I couldn't and then some "friends" of mine how find my writing and bullied me for it so bad I had deleted so much stuff I wish I still had out of embarrassment. I mean at least over 100 works, gone. I hate that I did that so much.
Then years went by and beyond docs with not even a 100 words on it, I didn't write extensively.
Then BG3 came out and I was so full of lore for my character I just had to write it. I was going through what would be the worst phase of my life and mental health ever and I could find no outlet beyond BG3 and it was starting to drive me a little crazy so I tried my hand at writing again. I made my older sibling cry with what I had written, I had people messaging me telling me how they were crying over my character I had written and I thought, maybe I can do this.
Than life got shit again and I didn't write lol.
Till god damn Veilguard and bioware once again caught me in their clutches and I started to write again.
I dusted off the old tumblr I had made in highschool, revamped it and posted and my god the response was so incredibly sweet.
Ever since then, I have received nothing but love and just the most incredible kind things said to me about my writing and my characters. How people love them, how people want more of them and how they like the way I write.
I always wanted to be a writer and I am one now, and I just want to thank you all for that <3
Sorry for the ramble and for a bit of the dump!
TLDR? I love you and appreciate yall being here <3
I was 10 when I went to a family friend’s house and met the coolest girl my pre teen self could’ve imagined. Her room had black curtains, posters of artists I didn't even know at the time, pretty perfume bottles and lots of makeup and markers. I was amazed. She was so kind to me —teenagers are usually mean to younger kids, but she wasn’t, she answered all my questions. I wanted to know everything about her. Then I saw a weird, big-toothed figure with round crystal eyes in one of the shelves next to her closet, I don’t remember what she said about it.
Years later I found a figure just like the one I saw on the internet and of course, I thought of her.
Her memory fills me with love, not for her, but for the kid I was and my old ability to be impressed by the small, beautiful things in life.
At that moment, I would’ve killed to be like the girl I met. Now, I would kill to be that little kid.
Umphff…(obsessed with him, I YEARN for him)
legit thought, its like the concept of being gay is fine but actually being gay in front of peoples faces is totally wrong and digusting.. its ridiculous to be quite frank that people expect paige to be straght when shes christian when there are probably hundreds of thousands of christians that are also queer. its almost like believing in god doesnt denote who you love and how??? two elite athletes like paige and azzi dating is exactly the representation we need in mainstream media these days, The only problem is that they would most likely get a lot of hate from all sectors of people. The fantasy that straight men create around female celebrity's in general where they cannot have any sort of partner (kpop for example) because it "Ruins" the fantasy that is created where the consumer of the female celebrities media is making some sort of parasocial relationship between the consumer and celebrity. obviously this can be linked towards the male loneliness epidemic but i could talk on and on for days about it. the point being is that the fact that there is a possiblity that two of these ELITE athletes could be dating, is in my opinion so amazing.
i just want to go off for a second, and i would love some input from other people as well.
the thing that shocks me SO MUCH about the pazzi discussion, Especially on tiktok, is just how much “subtle not so subtle” homophobia there is surrounding sports. if there is even the THOUGHT of two women athletes dating, some people will comment “this shit makes me want to pull my eyelashes out,” “i am so sick and tired of this pazzi bullshit,” “paige is literally a christian so she can’t risk disappointing god,” and some will even spend Hours of their day scrolling through edits on tiktok JUST to comment “THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS youre going to ruin their friendship! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS STOP SHIPPING THEM.” “God forbid a girl has a best friend….”
i mean shit, i was on reddit and one comment innocently asking if they’re dating - it received 47+ downvotes and so much outrage in response.
it is just So weird to me. the thought of two women dating is so ludicrous to some people and it’s gross. i am sure if they are dating, they have their reasons for not hard launching. i am so willing to bet that this homophobia is another reason why.
and it astounds me just how comfortable people are with being homophobic. when i come across speculation videos of paige or azzi maybe having a boyfriend, there isn’t a single comment telling anyone to cut the shit or pleading with them to make all the speculation stop. there aren’t dedicated people who go around on all the straight speculation videos commenting how disgusting it is.
of course, as a lesbian myself, i am always aware of just how homophobic people can be. but to see it so BLATANTLY will always be unnerving to me.
I am a trans girl. I have been for a long time. I wish I started my transition earlier when I first realized, but better late than never. I'm on HRT for 10 weeks exactly. Almost time for my 3-month follow-up with the doctor.
I'm coming out on Tumblr now because it hurts me so much to hold it in irl. Perfect opportunities pass for me to come out to my family and friends and it hurts, but I'm not ready for social change. My body doesn't match my brain yet and I need it to at least be closer than it is now to matching in order to come out. I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe at the sight of myself. I need to be confident because nobody else will be for me. I need to be as happy outside in public as I am in the shower playing with my hair and discovering my new body for the first time.
I think it would help if I had more trans friends, people who could guide me and help me. People who could come over and do my makeup and help me try on nice outfits that I can be proud of. People I can be comfortable being myself around. I'm never myself unless I'm alone. Even with my boyfriend I'm a little reserved though I should try not to be, he's so sweet and supportive and as a trans man knows very well what I'm going through.
I hope very much that someday soon I can wear my favourite skirts outside my home, or feel pretty when I look in the mirror, or feel like I deserve the happiness I feel when my new breasts ache.
Maybe I'll be a little more talkative on the subject now that I've made my very own first post that isn't a reblog.
YAPPING BOUT MY CHARACTER DESIGN ISSUES GRARHHH
Considering redesigning Kurtis’ human form because he looks like litteraly half of my male OCs 😔
The formula for practically all my male OCs is literally
• reddish blonde hair
• curly hair
• mullet
• TON of face/ear piercings
I can name liek five like that and I will
Eris, Julien, Rory, Charlie, Teddy
+ with diff colour hair
Winston
Anwho rant over rember to listen to the wind and disobay gammy
Grammy warned you
But you went ahead and talked to the wind anyway
/ref
So I've been watching one piece since Feb last year, and rn I'm on ep 1071..I'm in tears this is painful to watch and not in the "it's horrible" but that I know what's ganna happen but I just can't take it, it feels like I'm watching the sky explode and to see stars for the first real time in my life it's a mythical thing
never realized how nice having a well insulated water bottle is
like this past week water went from dreadful liquid I'm forced to have to wonderous cold drink that is nice and also still keeps me alive
In light of all that's gone down with Team Plasma...
// (Spoilers) Currently replaying B2 and what the flip why do I get these damn splicers 😭 Is Ghetsis's whole shtick with the DNA splicers not criminal??? WHY DO I, THE PLAYER, HAVE A TOOL OF CRIME IN MY KEY ITEMS POCKET
thanks for responding to my ask! i'd be interested in moodboards for Antigreen, i'd love to find out more about other inspirations for it. (also, is Calliope's last name an intentional reference to mondegreens?)
Alright fasten your iridescent seatbelts because I'm about to ~yap~ about Antigreen (AO3)
First up: what's in a title? Food (flavor) colouring, for one:
Quarks are the fundamental building blocks of matter, and there's six flavors: up, down, charm, strange, top (formerly truth), and bottom (formerly beauty). They all carry colour charge, which can be red, green, or blue, or for antiquarks their opposites: antired (cyan), antigreen (magenta), antiblue (yellow). The core six in AG (Callie, Ettie, Sawyer, Annette, Erika, Michael) all get a color and a quark each. (Which is which is left as an exercise to the reader lol)
Magenta is most interesting to me because it's not a spectral color: it's the only one of the six that's not monochromatic, or 'real', it's an illusion we perceive when something has high amounts of both red and blue light.
The visible spectrum: you won't find pink here!
That's the kind of dichotomy I was going for with 'Antigreen': the word evokes both greenness (the Earth, growth, but also stagnation, a toxic color that often meant death ) and antigreenness (pink, irreality, something unnatural and alien). It's the perfect word to marry the two together; it represents CalliEttie themselves to me!
Pink/magenta also has a history of being used to represent the titular Colour Out of Space, one of Lovecraft's better short stories, about an unnatural alien hue that arrives on Earth. It's used this way in a few adaptations, below which is a gif from the 2019 film version:
(The Colour Out of Space, 2019, IMDB)
Pink is used for various eldritch stuff in other media too, once you notice it once you kinda start to see it everywhere, beware...
The 2019 Colour is good, but I honestly think Annihilation (2018) is a better expression of similar ideas. It concerns a group of women investigating a meteorite that's landed at a lighthouse and is slowly warping the surrounding area:
(Annihilation, 2018, IMDB)
Shit does indeed get warped as fuck; I recommend.
Annihilation has some really great examples of the Gothic sublime . Think glimpsing a tidal wave, staring up at a mountain, or being on the edge of a black hole. Something so great and terrible that it overwhelms the senses, the kind of awful beauty that brings tears to your eye, and can't be easily described in words.
That's what cosmic horror's all about! imo, anyway: Antigreen is about what happens when a(sapphic)n earthly and unearthly realm meet, and I've hopefully made Esther seem suitably sublime.
Anyway that's the inspo behind the title, and why Esther's strongly associated with the color pink (of my made-up/constructed color names, nemaphlox would be the applicable one I guess).
I'd leave it here for now, with plans to do another of these for Callie and Ettie, but I have to also answer your question: (remember that? It was so long ago and so many pixels above, sorry)
> Is Calliope's last name an intentional reference to mondegreens?
Yep, again, spot on! A mondegreen is the English term for misheard lyrics, and is autological: it describes itself. I swapped the last two letters, making Mondegrene, for a few reasons:
- obscures the origin to make a slightly more plausible surname
- enables various bad French calembours like mond de grené ("grainy world", fitting for a little speck like Calliope). Disclaimer: I rather suck at French
- also similar to French grenade (pomegranate), a fruit with very gay associations
Lastly (I promise!) I'll link the cover art I had made with the ambigram I designed. The swirls are intended to evoke tracks in particle-detecting cloud chambers!
Thanks for putting up with this~ I will do more of these if people enjoy them!
I just had the most horrifying revelation ever
Sl bbasically I was going to my cousins wedding (but like not quite the wedding just like the groom has to give the bride some money idk what they're called) and my mom was like we gotta giver her a gift yk. My my brother said "biao mei" which is incorrect as we only use biao when it comes to those not under our surname. So like people on the mother's side or aunts side, cuz my aunt is married too, and also she's older than us so we gotta use jie.
And my ma said that we use tan jie to refer to her I think that's how it's said... And she sajd
You can marry your biao cousins, but not your tan ones and I was like. Is that why you asked if I wanted to marry my cousin? (mom side)
throwback to the one time I wrote two male best friends- Matthews and Izumi- in a war-prone world with impending doom and Matthews turned out to have been a spy from the enemy nation all along, but then he betrayed his country three chapters later cuz he had begun caring fr about Izumi.
And did i tell that Izumi almost punched him but then realized he couldnt even raise a fist at that face and broke down crying.
then the Matthews dies under the meteor to save Izumi.
And the final conversation was supposed to be like, Matthews in Izumi's arms imagine.
"Maybe in another life, we could have been something more." Matthews lets out a short laugh which turns to cough.
"More than enemies?"
"More than best friends."
Izumi stares, unblinking. "You already are. You always will be."
BUT MATTHEWS EYES ARE CLOSED NOW, IZUMI REALISES. SO DID HE HEAR THAT? OR NOT? but izumi breaks down crying anyway, repeating 'you always will be' over and over again.
And yea, it took me a hot minute before writing that scene to realize, "wait, this lowkey gay."
yes I know my anxious thoughts are irrational that doesnt make them shut the fuck up tho, I need a comically sized mallet for that.
Im a yawner not a hater, everytime I get angry I just wanna take a nap instead. Im not cut out for that life
the sheeplings are underrated!!!
!!TW YAPPING!!!
I feel like there are two ways that a person headcanons c!schlatt and c!puffy as twins/siblings. the more common way “oh they are siblings la la la” or my way “oh ... .they are siblings….” Do you see the differences!!!
they has sooooo much fucking potential!! Now I do have to say!! Some of the reasons I love the idea of them being twins is because I'm a twin myself and I love twin characters and headcanons, so I'm a little biassed but the big reason is that the story and the lore behind it is sooo deep!!! The amount of angsty art and fanfics that this headcanon can make is so massive!!!
But think of it!!! They are so different yet so similar, they are like the sun and the moon!! Two sides of one coin!!!! Two people who used to be so close, that used to cry on each others shoulders, that used to share their hopes and dream together, fighting against a world that is to big for them to handle only for them to drift apart by one small insignificant, a butterfly effect that impacted their opinions and lives for good!!! Growing up together but slowly losing each other!!!
One growing up closed minded, stuck in his way and one growing up adventurous and childish both unable to change but in the others eyes the other doesn't look the same!! And just as they are the same they are connected to each other, both ending up on the same island able to see each other again but instead of them tripping over their feet and dresses as they run to each other with childish whimsy to finally rejoice and live with each other they just stand there staring at each other confused at who they see in front of them!!! The idea of being able to see your brother again and he's changed, he's weak, sick and a monster!!! Watching as the boy you used to run in fields with becoming this disgusting, abusive creature and all you can do is watch it all happen, all things you could have done wrong spinning around your mind, how you could have just been there for him maybe he wouldn't be like this!!!
Oh and schlatts death!!! SCHLATTS DEATH!!! Just imagine watching YOUR OWN BROTHERS DEATH!!!! Unable to confront him or connect with him!! Finally having him back after 10 years only for the world to rip him away from you again!!! And not only that you don't know how to feel!! Your happy, relieved that his toxic smoke cant reach to any other, your happy that the ppl of his country can finally smile again, that they can finally breathe again….but that was your best friend….your own flesh and blood, the person you used to lay in the womb with, the person who you grown up with….your own brother…..watching him lying limp on the floor as the ppl of manburg crowd around him, his breathing harsh and hoarse, lying there like a scared child, like a wounded sheep, huffing out breaths as he looks around confused unable to make you out from the crowd, his eyes bloodshot, sad, hopeless…..spending his last day, his birthday surround by utter chaos…… you wouldn't really know how to feel…
Uhhhhhh i love them, they make me sick, Anyways that's all!!!
So I woke up and noticed I fell asleep before the last tetro episodes came out. I did a quick watch (like an hour between me yapping to my friends about it), AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? 💔 never ask a hiroaki or hasegawa fan what happened april 4th, 2025
SOMEONE HELP BECAUSE YANAGI SHIGEKI NEEDS TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
I was scrolling on yt shorts and saw a video abt a male figure skater, and it made me think of Yanagi, so I started giggling and shit and then I'm just like "wtf he has nothing to do with this" AND THEN I go on tumblr and read this thing and Shigeki is mentioned once in 7 SEVEN WORDS. And I went fucking ballistic. hyperfixating on a character is wild I recommend it heavily
Also, I kinda hate posting empty-handed, so here's this thing I whipped up
The purple flowers in the middle are supposed to be like.. for his favorite color, so I have two versions, one where it stands out and one where it's also colored!! Art by misha-v I absolutely tweaked when I saw it