VOMITING - Blog Posts
Waiting
(audio source)
i feel like puking most of the time. even when i don't feel sick i think about puking
for the important people in your life, huh.
edit: i made a follow up comic here!
I see the sun, I see the sand , I see the sea, but I can't see the air .
I can see all that's beautiful around me.
But you no what I can't see .
The thing that keeps me alive !!
And that's the distraction in life !!
We are surrounding by beauty, ugliness , and everything far and between .
But do those things really bother me ??
Where's my twisted feelings , my emotions when they run high, the 1000 words that race through my head every night !!!
But why ? Cant I see these in front of me!!
If these were on show they wouldn't be a distraction it's my lifelong goals !!
These are the main yet they kept locked away ... tightly secure inside my brain... The things we can see , touch, feel , smell are distractions in my way!!
Why can't the things that matter be so easy to reach and grab!!
To put all that matters out on a table would be a lifelong puzzle but that puzzle is my goal in life it's the only thing on this earth that's been made just for me!!!
So when you see that beautiful flower blossoming don't make it a distraction , make it a reality and amend it on your perception to alter what it divides your own path to!!!
FLower Curse | 7
[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.
s i x
Seeing everyone was getting ready with their gear made you anxious. You wanted to go with them— to protect your squad. Sadly, strong orders form the commander made you stay in the barracks.
Surprisingly, you decided to join breakfast this morning. Even if your appetite didn't exist, you sat down with your squad and talked to them until it was time to go.
"You should rest, Squad Leader! You really look sick today..." Tim said, looking worried, "are you taking any medication?"
Letting out an empty laugh, you tried your best to wear a nice smile. "Of course! When you return, I will be better. Your Leader isn't going to be defeated by a stupid cold."
"But it has been one week and you are still sick..." Trisha said, playing with her fingers, "I don't mean to say you look bad but..."
The white haired male, Simon, crossed his arms and frowned. "You look like shit, Leader." The statement made Trisha and Tim look at him in an attempt to stop his comments, but the young male didn't care. "What? It's the truth. You are skinnier, paler, and you have get into fights with the commander and the corporal, and Petra too."
"You don't have to recall all of that, Simon. Our leader is stressed enough of... these conflicts, you don't have to make him more worried." A blond woman interfered, glaring at Simon with her greenish eyes. "We have to comfort him like a good friend would do, no made things worse."
"I'm just stating the truth— come on Elizabeth, you saw how angry he was with Petra yesterday. That throw must have hurt, too." Simon muttered to not grab any attention to the topic of conversation. Sadly, his voice got louder, "You should have seen her after—"
"Stop! This is not helping at all!" Elizabeth slightly raised her voice just to interrupt Simon, which she gladly did, hearing his voice getting louder. "You don't say all of that like it's nothing to our leader! Apologize!"
And just an argument began. You were thankful the mess hall was loud this morning— if it weren't, they would have heard all of what your comrades were saying. Just the table besides you caught attention of your soldiers getting railed up, but they quick dismiss it when they saw your glare.
Tim and Trisha tried to calm them down, but their sweet and low voices didn't made trough. Elizabeth was over protecting with you, and Simon was brutally honest. These two didn't match that well, but their differences were forgotten once they were in battle. But of course, the two could talk normally in one moment and in a second they could be fighting, just like now.
"Alright, that's enough. You both calm down and sit down; everyone is watching you making a fool of yourselves." You finally ordered, rubbing your temples. A headache overcome you, maybe for not eating well yesterday and today— your bad mood was getting through.
Thankfully, the two took the order and sat down, silently glaring at each other.
"Simon is right. I'm not in my best shape right now and..." you passed a hand through your hair, sighing, "I've been in a bad mood, as you could have heard, or even seen."
There was a minute of silence, until Tim broke it with an unsure look. He didn't know if he was alright to ask this, but he did anyway, "Leader... are you sure is just a cold? I mean— I'm not saying you are hiding something or anything, but..."
"Are you saying Squad Leader [Name] is hiding something from us? Something as important as his health?" Trisha asked, muttering to herself.
And just by that, another discussion overcome the topic. But you quickly ended it by the truth— just like yesterday, you decided that the best thing to do was being honest with everyone. Well, just a little honest.
"It's not a cold." You stated, looking at your squad members, which they quickly shut their mouths. Muttering, you proceed, "we... don't know what it is exactly, and I don't know when it will go away."
"What do you mean?" Simon frowned, looking confused, "are you implying that you have an illness? And you hide it from us?" "I did." The soldiers looked at you with wide eyes at your response, Elizabeth, Tim and Trisha looked surprised and taken aback, Simon frowned, looking away. "I didn't know what it was at first... and I still don't exactly know."
"You... don't know?" Simon asked.
"No, we don't know."
"What are the symptoms?" Elizabeth quietly asked.
"I just... throw up a lot and it's hard to breathe." You decided that was the best thing to say—it wasn't exactly a lie, right?
"And no doctors know anything?"
"Nope. No luck." Seeing their faces made you worried— there were just minutes to leave, and they couldn't just go with worrying about something else. They had to stay focused in the expedition, so you quickly tried to fix the mood. "But hey! Erwin and I heard about a doctor in Wall Maria that could help me, maybe we can go after the expedition, come on, don't look at me like that."
Trisha was the first to look at you with spark in her eyes; she was hoping you were telling the truth— after all, they care about you. "A-Are you sure? Do you think he will help you?"
"Are you not telling lies? After all, you just hide an illness from us for one week." Simon bitterly said, averting your gaze. He was hurt, just like everyone else— they were your soldiers under your command, your comrades; your friends.
Ouch. But it was the truth— you fucked up. "I'm sorry; I owe you all an apology for lying to you. But I'm telling the truth; Erwin and I have our hope on that doctor."
Tim tried to light the mood, "That's good, right?! Maybe, maybe we can go with you when we got back!" He smiled.
Trisha quickly joined his joy, "Exactly! We will go when we return, Leader! That's a promise."
You laughed, feeling something warm in your chest. Knowing they cared about you, even when you lied to them, made you feel good. Looking at Elizabeth and Simon, who were still not saying anything, you asked, "could you two forgive me?"
Simon meet your gaze and sighed, "Of course, Leader. Yes, you lied to us, but right now what is important is your health, right? So don't worry."
"Exactly. Yes— we are hurt, but what comes first is your health, Leader. So don't smash your head on your desk for what we think. We care about you." Elizabeth stated, smiling at you.
You felt as if a ton of bricks lifted up from your shoulders— and you just laughed with all your heart. "You guys are the best. You better don't do anything stupid in the expedition, you hear me?" Your squad just laughed, "Of course, Leader..." they said in unison, making you laugh.
"Where are you going to be placed? And who is in charge? Tell me!"
"Calm down, Leader!" Trisha said, raising her hands, "we will be placed in the right flank along with James."
You sighed, feeling relief— Yeah, they will be safe. The right flank usually doesn't encounter that much of a problem. Yes, yes,, they will be safe and sound.
"You know how I hate to break the mood, Leader, but," Simon said, approaching you and muttering, "won't you apologize to Petra? You know, she is hurt, even if she doesn't want to show it..."
Sighing, you knew he was right— what you did was wrong. This morning you thought to apologize to her already, but thanks to everyone coming and leaving like flash you couldn't. Or maybe, you just were making up excuses.
"I will apologize to her after the expedition." You stated, giving a quick look to Levi's table— which you quickly averted when you saw the ravenette looking at you.
"Everyone! It's time."
"That's our que! We have to go, see ya, Leader!" Trisha said, leaving with Tim.
"We will go to that doctor after returning, alright?" Elizabeth stated, before leaving the mess hall.
"Yep, what she said. See ya, cap."
And after that, they all left, along with everyone else. You were alone in the mess hall, looking deeply in thought. Somehow, you didn't notice someone staying— the hand slamming the table made you jump, looking right at the ravenette.
"Levi! The fuck!" you cried out, holding your chest.
"Oi. We will talk after the expedition. No hiding." He said, looking straight at you. You just sighed at replied,
"Yeah, yeah... No more lies..." The reply seemed to satisfy him, because he was already leaving with a smirk. You stopped him before he did, saying, "Hey! If you can... can you make sure they—"
"I'm absolutely sure they can handle themselves just fine. Aren't they your soldiers, [Name]?" He said, furrowing a brow. The question made you laugh— made you feel dumb to be worried about your soldiers being in danger. They know what to do and not do— they will return.
"Of course..."
The ravenette looked at you for more seconds before leaving. You were alone with your thoughts now.
Yes. You will apologize to Petra— she is your friend, you didn't have to snap at her like that.
You will talk to Levi and explain the curse. You will go with your squad to Wall Maria, to go for the doctor. You will apologize to Erwin. You will. Everything will work. ________________________________________ You never felt so bored before— was this how it felt when you were left behind? You felt like shit. The barracks were in absolute silence. You didn't know how much time were you all alone in your office. One hour? Two? How much does an expedition last? Were you outside the walls that long? Never felt like it. You wanted them to come back already, you wanted to be with your squad and protect them here.
Unfortunately, a painful feeling in your chest began to extend itself in your throat, and you knew exactly what it was. You just tensed and throw it all out, meeting with the colorful flowers. You thought you were finished after five flowers, but the feeling of something stuck in your throat made you gag.
It felt like glass coming out from your throat; it hurt. It hurt a lot. You hardly coughed, holding your throat to bear the pain— your eyes were teary, saliva was dripping from your mouth— the fucking flower just didn't want to come out.
Finally, after it seemed like hours, you had to take the flower out of your mouth with your hand— you could feel ripping it from something inside your chest.
The flower came out with a big root. Bigger than the others, at least. There was a lot of blood with it, too. Along with the petals and flowers that came out before this one. Fuck, this doesn't look good.
Throwing the flower to the floor, you tried to catch your breath— your throat was sore and hurt like hell. You could feel something inside your chest, not letting you breath properly. Calming your nerves, you thought the best thing was to get water and then go outside to get some air— yes, that was what you were going to do.
xxxxxxx After drinking some water, you went to the stables, where the horses were kept— and when you came in, you left a sigh of relief when you saw your horse, Nora, all alone.
"Hello, girl. They left you behind too?" Approaching her, you pet her nose, only to get licked by her. "Don't worry, I'm going to stay with you, alright? We both will wait for them here."
You placed a box near her, you sat down and talked to her. Just letting out about all of what was happening lately.
"But, you know, I think I will get better. After they return I'm going to look for Timothy with my squad, and we will know if I can get cured." Hearing her snort, you laughed, "Aw, I wish I could take you with me... but I don't think I can. Will come straight at you with the news, tho!"
Nora quickly began to move, pointing with her noise at the stable's door.
"What, girl? Are they already back?" Paying attention, you could hear the horses, some voices... "Thank you, Nora! Will come back after I see the doctor!" You exclaimed, leaving the stable— you were happy they were back already. There was already sunset, why did they had to take so long?
Whatever! You will find Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth and Simon, but first you will apologize to Petra.
But the state they were in made your heart ache. Your chest tightened— why did they look so grim? Why many of them were injured? What happened? You were sure in the last expeditions there wasn’t anything this bad— yes, you don’t came back joyful but like this…?
Instantly, you approached them, they could see your worried face, and by the looks of them, they didn’t want to tell you something. Where was James? Where was your squad?
“H-Hey! Where is my squad? Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth. Simoon...?" You tried to ask a soldier who just passed you, ashamed, You grunted, going with one of the recent cadets— Kirchstein. "You!"
The boy instantly turned at your direction, sweating when he spotted you. "Squad Leader [Name]..." he could only mutter. Was he going to be the poor bastard who had to tell you the bad news? Fuck.
"Do you know where is my squad? I don't see them." You said, looking at all the soldiers to spot your friends, but no luck.
"It wich flank where they?" Please don't say right flank, don't, don't...
"In the right flank, with James. I don't see him either..."
The blond you didn't spot at first, Armin, who was beside Jean, tensed along with him. They stayed quiet for some seconds, before Jean had the courage to tell you the situation.
"The right flank was completely wiped out, Squad Leader." He gulped, fearing what your reaction could be, "there were no survivors in the right flank."
You felt as something broke. Like a glass shattering on the floor in a million pieces— something you couldn't describe in one word. Something hollow, dark, cold.
The cadets really didn't know what to do, so them both just apologized. Before they could leave, you asked one more thing. "Where's is Levi's squad?"
This time, Armin answered you without looking at you in the eyes. "They are... dead too, Leader..."
"Just... Just how?! A flank wiped out?! Levi's squad?! What happened!?"
"Squad Leader— We—!"
"[Name]." You heard someone call for you— a deep voice. Turning around, you spotted Erwin who was standing there, looking at you with an expression you couldn't decipher. "Come with me." He softly ordered, trying to not get you all hot headed, but sadly, that didn't work at all.
You were furious. You should have been there with them! "They are dead, Erwin!" you cried out, scaring the two cadets who were there by your sudden loud voice. "They are gone forever! I should have been there! I should have, but I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!" you repeatedly said, approaching Erwin and punching him on the chest with your fists wich he only could took.
"[Name], please—"
"No! Shut up! If I was there, I could have protected them! Damn you, Erwin! Why, why, why!" You desperately said, tears coming down. "They are gone... Elizabeth, Tim, Simon, Trisha... We promised..."
"We will go together."
Erwin knew even if you would have been there with them, nothing could have been different. Your current situation wouldn't have let you work things out. He had to said the hard truth, even if it hurt you. "Stop acting like a child, [Name]. Nothing would have been different."
"Stop! And? I should have been with them... I should have..." You muttered the last part, not finishing what he already knew you were going to say.
He sighed and took your wrist, "come with me and stop shouting. Just, calm down until we are at my office, alright?" He gently ordered, looking at you with that soft expression he often showed you. You just eventually gave in, crying and taken by the hand like a child.
--------------
When the door was shut, you instantly cried harder, grabbing Erwin by his jacket and hiding your face on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, caressing your hair. Softly muttering things on your ear, he tried his best to comfort you, but you were broken beyond repair. "I— I can't see them again!" you sobbed, "I couldn't a—apologize t-to Petra! I'm — I'm so sorry!"
He could feel his heart hurt hearing you so broken. Why were you apologizing? "[Name], don't say that. Nobody knew what would have happened, is not your fault. Nothing is your fault."
Crying louder, you just sobbed, saying things Erwin couldn't understand by your sobs. So he just hold you, trying to fix the pieces of the broken glass. You two stayed like that for what seemed hours, until you calmed down and rested your head on Erwin's chest.
"Are you better?" He gently asked, kissing your head with caring. The answer he got was a grunt and loud sniffing, before you broke the hold —that he didn't want to broke at all— and wiped your face with your hands.
"How— How is Levi taking it?" You asked, looking at the floor. You wondered how he was feeling now; maybe just like you.
"He's holding it. Petra's father... talked to him when we returned." He closed his eyes, "Levi is furious, but he knows the feeling too well, [Name]. But that doesn't make it easier..." "But... an entire flank was wiped out. How is that possible?"
Erwin sighed, going to his desk and sitting down. He began to explain what happened to you— the abnormal, or intelligent titan they encounter, how they tried to capture it and failed... You wanted to kill whoever that person inside the titan was— the person who killed your comrades.
"I'm going to see Levi." You stated, but before you could leave, Erwin took your wrist, making you stop.
"[Name], I don't think this would be a good time."
"I have to see him, Erwin. I have to. We have to talk right now." You had to— you could feel something covering your throath slowly. The bad news only made your insides worse— it was harder to breathe.
"But [Name]—"
You interrupting him by freeing your wrist, and said, "We will just talk. Just talk..." and then, you left, leaving him alone in his office.
______________
"Come in."
You slowly opened the door, seeing his miserable state he tried to cover. When he saw you, his expression changed to a grimmest one.
"Funny how now you come to me, [Name]." He bitterly said. Was he trying to joke around?
Nevertheless, you tried to hold yourself together. "I'm sorry for what happened..." You didn't want to say it out loud— you didn't even want to think of it.
He just hummed, closing his eyes. "Me too." Was the only thing he said, before everything fell into an uncomfortable silence.
"About what is happening to me—"
"I seriously don't want to hear you right now, [Name]."
Your heart sinked at the sudden statement — yes, you knew he was hurt, bu so were you! You had to tell him the truth, he had to hear it. "No— but, hear me out, Levi, because I love you I—"
"Stop talking." He interrupted you, standing up, looking at you in bitter. "Get this straight: I will never love you, [Name]. And you know why is that?"
Ouch. That hurt. A lot. That hurt, it hurt, it hurtithurtithurtithurt—
"Because the one I always loved is dead."
Right. He never loved you. What was there to talk about? Why were you trying? You knew this was over the first time you threw up that petal.
You were wrong. Nobody could have helped you wake up from this stupid love trance. So foolish. This was it— you couldn't breathe. Something was not letting you breathe— you had to get out. out out out out out.
You just let the tears flow and flew— straight at your office. You tried to grasp for air, but you couldn't. Your lungs were full with something. You needed help. You were on the floor, trying to rip off your shirt.
Help me. Help me help help helpgelpplessepleaseplaeplasleslap
"[Name], I saw you—" You heard Erwin? coming in, and when he saw the state you were in, he shout and order to a soldier who was walking near, and in a matter of seconds he went to your side. "What is happening, [Name]?!"
You tried to mutter something, "I—I can't breathe..." you felt as if your jacket was suffocating you, "j-jacket..."
He understand you immediately, taking off your jacket, making you slightly better. You could breathe just a little, but you were feeling something growing inside. Slowly taking your lungs, reclaming them...
"You are going to be alright, [Name]. Don't fall asleep, alright? Hange will come and help you." What was there to help? It was too late. Too late.
You painfully smiled at him, tears dripping from your face. You raised your hand and touched his cheek, making him frown and grit his teeth, "thank you... for staying... with me."
He took your hand with his, "don't. Don't say that, [Name]. You will live, don't say anything else."
You just smiled, looking at the ceiling. You could feel how he carried you and laid you on something soft— the couch in your office?
When Erwin turn his head to place you somewhere comfortable, he spotted the flowers laying on the floor. He saw the flower with roots. He didn't want to say it out loud, but he feared of what would happend.
Quickly after that, he heard frantically steps approaching you, instantly opening the door and revealing Hange with her assistant, Moblit. Both of them had worried expressions, and they looked frightened too.
Hange approached you, examinating the problem. Erwin stayed near you, always watching over you. Hange tried everything she could with the help of Moblit, but nothing was working.
"I have nothing else! Nothing is working, Erwin!" She desperately said, looking terrified. "Nothing!" Moblit tried to solve the tension, but he was worried too about what was currently happening. You look at the woman and smiled at her. You take her hand and squished it with the strenght you had left.
"Don't worry, Hange..." You saw her tears flow, looking desperate, you look at Moblit who was at the verge of tears, "don't you worry either, Moblit." He just averted your gaze. You let go of her hand, and looked at the ceiling again, mumbling to yourself, "who is the unluckiest of them all...?" you let out a painful laugh, "it's [Name]..."
A tensed silence overcome after that. You were barely breathing, but you were still alive. But you will be gone soon.
Someone opened the door while talking, "Oi, [Name], I'm sorry I–" but quickly stopped himself when he saw the situation in front of him. "What the fuck is happening?"
Nobody answered. Everyone stayed in silence, not daring to say a word.
"I asked something! Answer!" He desperately shouted, looking at your weak form on the couch. You were so pale, your eyes were glossy... he wanted answers! "Someone answer me!"
"[Name] is dying." Erwin stated, looking coldly at him.
"Why?! He was fine just minutes ago! What happened?!"
Moblit left the room, and Hange was sitting down on a chair near the couch, covering her face with her hand. Erwin was at your side.
"Because he has an illness no one knew about but us."
"Nobody told me shit!? What the fuck?!" He quickly approached your form, trying to talk to you, but Erwin hold him. "Erwin, tell me what is happening is happening to him!"
The blond just glared, "He is like this because he loves you."
The ravenette just dumbfounding looked at the taller man, "Oi, eyebrows, stop joking around and tell me the fucking truth!" he took Erwin by the collar, but before anything could happend you talked.
"He... is telling the truth, Levi." Your voice was getting lower by the minute.
"What kind of bullshit is that?"
"I was trying to tell you... earlier," when you said that, he averted your gaze, ashamed. "I have something that makes me throw up flowers... Hanahaki curse."
"That's not possible, how can I believe that...?" This time Hange interfered, with her red eyes looking at Levi. "It's the truth. Because he loves you, and you don't love him back, something just... bloomed inside his lungs. We didn't believe it at first but now... we do."
Levi stared at you with widening eyes. He couldn't believe the situation; but his friends wouldn't lie like that, right? No, they wouldn't. He just looked at you, and said,
"I'm sorry..." He frowned, holding the tears. Was he going to lose you too? Because he hurt you? He hated himself. He regretted what he said.
You just sweetly smiled at took his hand, "no... need. Not your fault, hmn?" you let out a chuckle, "nobody's fault..."
He kneeled at your side, caressing your cheek. He was unable to cry— even if he hardly wanted to. He muttered his apologies over and over, until you didn't smile anymore.
Finally... You could see them again. Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth, Simon, Petra, Ed, Oulo, Gunther... your comrades smiling at you. Welcoming you. Everything was blurry.
"See you..." you said, before giving your last breath.
Nobody said anything.
Levi was still holding your hand, muttering his apologies.
Hange was crying, trying to hold back her sobs.
Everyone was busy with their feelings, that they didn't notice Erwin coughing, covering his mouth.
Erwin wasn't surprised when he spotted a white petal on his palm.
e n d.
epilogue
Flower Curse | 6
[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.
f i v e
Paperwork. That was the only thing saving you from insanity. And even if paperwork was an utterly nightmare before expeditions, you really didn't mind. There was nothing to do today but finish this work, and when you weren't doing something you drowned in your misery.
How where you going to lead your squad was an enigma right now. But you strongly refused to not go to the expedition and not be present with your squad. No way were you going to let them alone— you must protect them as always, and no curse was going to stop you from your duty as a soldier. No way in hell.
Nevertheless, your health was worse this morning. The first thing you did when you woke up was throwing up the flowers inside; and all of them were full, along with blood on them. This was one of the most hurtful times you vomited— the force was so brutal; as if the flowers were tearing your throat apart. You had a hard time to breathe normally; you had to take deep breaths because you felt something covering your lungs. Your skin was way paler now, your eyes were dull and they didn't look as sparkly as before. You were a little skinnier than yesterday, consequence of your appetite being gone— you couldn't eat the breakfast Hange give you this morning. The only thing you could eat were the cookies Ziegler gifted you.
Maybe these were your last days on earth. Who knows?
Passing your hand through your hair, you let out a heavy sigh, before mumbling to yourself, "I have to take this to Erwin..."
"Yo, Erwin," you opened the door without knocking, not that the blond minded anymore. "These are finished; maybe I will give you the rest in a couple of hours." Approaching him, you placed the papers on his desk, along with all of the pile of papers that were there.
"Good job, [Name]. I wish I could say the same about finishing." Erwin stated, rubbing his temples, "I still have to talk about the strategy with everyone."
"There's nothing you can't handle, eyebrows." You reassured, making him slightly smile, "anyways, where I'm going to be placed?"
The question made the blond frown. He couldn't grasp the idea of you going to the expedition in your current condition— were you really asking that absurd question? Didn’t you notice your worsened health? or were you playing dumb?
Erwin's demeanor changed completely— his relaxed composure changed into a tensed one; the smile from earlier disappeared, leaving a thin line instead. You unconsciously tensed as well, noticing the change of air.
There was a tensed silence, before Erwin spoke again, "What gives you the idea that you are coming?" He asked, looking straight at you with those piercing blue eyes.
Blinking surprised by the sudden change, you recompose yourself and replied, a bit angry, "What do you mean by that? Of course I'm coming!"
Hearing your reply made Erwin's eyes close. The blond really hoped you were going to accept your current condition and stay behind— but he knew that wasn't going to be possible. Your stubbornness was stronger than anything.
He knew this conversation wasn't going to end well— No matter how gently he said it, so he just choose the hard and simple way.
"You are not coming by any means, [Name]. Do I have to remain your current condition?"
You clenched your teeth, "I know very well I'm dying, but this fucking shit it's no excuse to leave my squad with someone else! I'm coming with or without your stupid permission!" You weren't talking right now, you were yelling. Your joking demeanor was completely gone; both of you were glaring at each other.
"You are not coming to the expedition and that's final." He firmly stated, looking straight at you. "Your health will only complicate everything, stop your stubbornness and be an adult."
"Fuck no! I'm coming and you are not stopping me!" You sounded like a child yelling for his toy— you wanted things to go your way, but that was impossible these days.
"I'm your superior and you will obey my orders," he stood up from his seat, making himself look taller than you, "do otherwise and you will be punished."
You hopelessly looked at him. This wasn't what you needed right now— you had to go, you always did! Leaving your squad with someone else wasn't going to happen, you had to be there with them. You were dying anyways, what was the difference?
"You— You can't do this!" you breathlessly pleaded, looking at him with a mix of anger and desperation.
"I just did, Squad Leader [Name]. You are forbidden to go." Even if the two of you were hurt by these words and how the situation turned into, Erwin knew this was the right thing to do. If there was anything 'right' anymore in this world.
You just desperately looked at his icy eyes for any sign of softness, gentleness. But you only were meeting with a cold gaze, so you just tightly swallowed, glaring at him before leaving and loudly slam the door, scaring everyone who was near the office. You ignored the stares and went straight to your office.
The blond only sighed and sat down once again. He rubbed his temples just like moments prior, and tirelessly mumbled to himself,
"What are we going to do..."
Currently you were beyond furious— how dared he forbid you to go?! How dare he talk to you like that! He just couldn't not give you permission to not do something, could he?!
Well, he is the commander, so...
No! He was you friend! Friends should understand each other and not treat each other like a kid, right?
He can if you are acting as one.
Y—You weren't! ...right? You just wanted to go to the expedition, with or without his permission...
Well, yeah, you were acting a little selfish. But! You just are worried for your squad; what was going to happen to them? Instantly, your thoughts were in a deep sea of horrifying futures— images about how everything could go to hell if you weren't there.
Nevertheless, a knock on your door made you snap out of it. Asking who they were, you were greeted by one of your nightmares.
"It's Petra! Can I come in?"
"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" You were doing a good job at avoiding the two love-birds— Petra was busy with Levi, so Levi was with her. If we ignore the conflict of yesterday, you hardly talked to them.
And just like a dejavú, you wore your mask and smiled, ignoring the weird feeling on your stomach.
"Petra! Of course, come in!"
The door opened, revealing pretty little Petra wearing a huge smile, a blush covering her cheeks. "[Name]! It’s been time! When was the last time we talked? I have a lot to say!"
"Well, when I spit flowers because of you of course I'm going to avoid you." you grimly thought, showing your fake smile and laugh. "It's been ages, right? As you can see, I'm a little busy right now, so if you can come another time..." you tried to make her away, smiling.
You were repulsed by her. Before, only warm was felt when you talked to her, looked at her— but now you wanted her to be as far as possible from you. Looking at her gentle features only made you furious. The mask wasn't going to take too long to break, it seemed,
"Wait! I've to ask you something maybe important!" she exclaimed, not leaving her smile, "and maybe, you can help me out today..."
"Can't you fucking go away?" you thought. "Tell me, what is it, Petra? It's just all of this paperwork has to be done today." your eyebrow was twitching in annoyance, but your fake smile remained.
Her face lighten up, "Thank you, [Name]!" She approached you and sat down on the chair near your desk, "I want to gift something to Levi before the expedition, but I don't know what to gift... Can you give me ideas?"
You felt a dagger across your heart, along with something rising very slowly. Gritting your teeth, you barely hide your annoyance and reply, "I don't know, Petra... It's just that I'm—"
Petra interrupted you, grabbing both of your hands. Repulsing. "Please, [Name]! You know Levi, what if we go out and see the market together? Just for a moment!"
Stop touching me.
"But, Petra... the paperwork—"
Go away.
"Come on! Help me with Levi! I want to see one of his smiles..."
Leave.
"I'm not—"
Shut up.
"Yes! Let's go right now! Please, do this for me... maybe I can even hug him today..."
CRASH.
Do this for her? Was she fucking stupid? Weren't you dying for her? But of course— she didn't know what.
Something changed inside you. You were done playing games. If everyone had to take a hint to know what was happening to you, then you should reveal your true self once for all.
The mask you wore fell and broke.
Fuck this. Fuck her, fuck him, fuck everyone! Fury consumed your mind, leaving you with nothing but repulsion and anger, and you just gave in.
"Petra, get off of me."
The sudden change in your voice made her look at you in confusion. Your voice changed to a deep one— someone she didn't hear before.
Seeing as she couldn't take a simple order, you hardly took her arm with your free hand and forced her to leave your wrist free.
The woman looked surprised and hurt by the force on her arm, she just looked at you and tried to calm you down, "[Name], is something the matter?"
Yes, you fucking idiot. I want you to leave.
"I think you should leave." You 'gently' said to her, trying to control the anger clouding your mind like fog.
But of course, she couldn't take a simple hint to leave you alone. "No, [Name]— But we have time to go to the market..." Still with her goddamn gift.
"Alright, how can I say this so you can understand..." you rubbed your temples, "Leave."
"What? Come on, [Name], stop playing games! We are wasting time!"
"Are you fucking deaf, Petra?" you glared at her, making her blink in surprise. You have never been like this before, what got into you? And before she could say something, while you could see her didn't do shit, you shouted, "GET THE FUCK OUT! LEAVE!"
But still, she didn't do shit. She just stared at you in surprise; confused and taken aback. What happened to you? The sudden outburst made her stand in shock, not believing your actions to her.
When she didn't move at all when you yelled, you just followed your emotions. Your mind was clouded and you couldn't think properly— so you just fiercely grabbed her by the collar, opened the door and throw her in the hall, making her fall on the floor with a loud noise. Everyone who was in the hall saw it; how you glare daggers at her before slamming the door, scaring everyone by the loud noise. After everyone could understand the situation they just saw, some of them helped Petra to stand, while she still stared in disbelief.
Instantly, you threw up everything. Pink flowers stained with red. Was that… a root?
You were going to be in some deep shit soon.
You honestly thought this day wasn't going to end well. It began in a bad way, and it will end in worse way. So you just waited for your executioner to appear, not caring about the paperwork or the meal time.
You just waited, and so, the devil appeared.
The door opened with a loud noise, it appeared the ravenette forced himself in; seeing his leg up when the door fiercely opened. You weren't surprised at all by his actions— you were waiting for him, after all.
"What the fuck did you do this morning?" you heard him ask, feeling the murderous glare he was giving you.
Your nerves were crazy right now; you could feel an explosion of emotions inside you. If this wasn't the day you were going to die, then surely you would by tomorrow.
"Hey, shithead, I asked you something, and you better answer me." He demanded, slowly approaching your desk like a prey. "Nobody is going to interrupt now; eyebrows is not here, four eyes isn't. So you better fucking talk or I will make you talk."
Knowing him, you better should be talking by now— he didn't make empty promises to anybody, and you knew he was holding back a little. But you were making him impatient, and you believed his patience was running out. Nevertheless, the feelings you had for him were never going to be known by him. Or at least, that was what you foolishly thought.
"I think you know everything by now, Levi." You answered, not scared by his glare or words— you didn't have the strength. And, like you imagined, your answer only made him rile up, slamming his hands on your desk.
"I want to hear it coming out of your goddamn mouth, [Name]. Stop playing your foolish games and answer me!" He practically yelled, and you just looked at him, brows furrowed.
"What do you want me to say?!" You stood up and slammed your hands on the desk just like he did, and yelled, "That I threw Petra out of here because I wanted her to leave?! That I didn't want to hear any more of her talking?! That I don't want to see anybody of you?!"
Just like before, the mask lied on the floor, broken, shattered. There was no mask to wear on, and your true self revealed itself once again.
"What the hell has gotten into you?! Stop being a brat and explain why you hurt Petra!"
Whoever was walking through the hall or near the hall, could hear your yells. It did throw aback a few soldiers who were near; but they know better than interrupt your conflict. But some soldiers couldn't help but pry, and some of them were the newest cadets, Jaeger and Kirchstein, who were walking just by chance.
"You think it's because what happened this morning?" Eren quietly asked, looking at Jean with worry. The taller just frowned, hearing about the rumor going around about you throwing Ral out of your office.
"It may be, you know Petra is a member of Levi's Squad..." He answered, feeling uneasy. The yells were becoming louder by now, and he tried to believe the two of you wouldn't get physical.
"We should go." Eren stated, and Jean nodded. They left, leaving a last glance at your office.
Back to you, the name of her triggered something in your mind.
Petra, Petra, Petra, JUST PETRA. It's because of both of them you are like this! You should just grab your heart and destroy it— that would stop your feelings. That would work.
"Why do you care so much about this?! Why can't you just leave me alone and fuck off!"
"I care about you, you worthless shit! Doesn’t your head understand it?!"
"Stop saying that! What happens to me is none of you fucking business!"
"It is my business, idiot! Answer me already! Why are you like this!?"
He wants to know? Then he will. He will know he is killing you. He is.He isHeisHeisHeisH
eisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHe
isHeisHeisHeisHeisH
eis
Something snapped, and you cried out.
"I love you, you piece of fucking shit!" you gasped for air, only to scream the confession again, "I fell in love with you!"
The truth was out.
The realization of what you just said hit you, and you covered your mouth immediately, eyes widened in disbelief.
Levi was as surprised as you were, seeing him with his eyes widened, not saying a word.
The room was filled with silence. Neither of you could say anything by the sudden confession— minutes prior you were yelling at each other, but now the office was quiet.
And just as you tried to fix the mess you just said, Levi quietly asked, "You... what?"
Gulping, you tried to lie— say anything but the truth. But your feelings were out now, he heard it. There was no option but to talk with the truth.
"I—I'm in love with you." You confessed, avoiding his gaze.
"Since when?"
You tightly swallowed, and replied, "Since the first time I saw you."
Maybe he didn’t know how to approach this situation; maybe he was trying to think a better way to tell you he didn’t feel the same way as you did. You talked first, interrupting any thoughts he was having.
“I know— I know you don’t feel the same.” You tried to think clearly, but it was impossible. “I know you love someone else, Levi. I know, so, I… I get it.”
“[Name], I…”
“Don’t talk, please.” Meeting his gaze again, you could recognize confusion, unsureness on his expression. He was lost. “It’s better this way.”
“How do you know that? How can you know what I want? You are—”
“Because you love Petra. I’m not blind." You noted his composure shifted; he was surprised by your statement. You just smiled with bitter, feeling heartbroken. The flowers wanted an exit, and you knew if he didn’t leave right now he would see them, and you didn’t want that at all.
There. Accept it. You are going to ——, so just accept your fate.
“What do you mean—“
“I’m not an idiot. I saw you holding hands— hugging each other! I know everything!” You were getting riled up, irritated by the situation. You wanted to be alone already— he knew the truth, so there was nothing else to say. “Leave already!”
“I’m not leaving until we—“
“LEAVE! I want you out!” you shouted, pushing him out of the room like a kid would. But like you expected, he wasn’t going to leave so easily. He stood himself with the door frame, while you still were pushing his back.
“Stop acting like a goddamn brat!” he yelled, trying to control the current situation, but was unable to do so with you yelling and pushing like a child. He wanted to fix everything— but somehow deep in him, he knew this relationship you had was broken already. Both of you did.
“No! I don’t want to talk no more! I’m telling you to leave!” Trying your best to hold the flowers, your hands were trembling, your face was flustered and you were clenching your teeth. He had to leave now.
“I’m telling you, you little shit—“
A soldier hurriedly came, and taken aback by the situation in front of him at first, he quickly recovered himself and said:
“Corporal! The commander is asking your presence right now!”
Levi was irritated, giving the poor soldier a glare everyone was terrified by. The man just gulped, and explained, “The commander wants you quickly, sir!”
“Can you tell him to fuck off? I’m busy right now.” The ravenette spit out, frowning at the unlucky soldier.
“Sir! He says it’s an important matter!”
“Fuck eyebrows, shit…” he muttered, before leaving his hands off the door frame and gave you a look, “You and I aren’t finished.” And then, he left with the unnamed soldier.
You quickly shut the door and throw up. Your body was trembling, and you had to hold yourself with the desk to bear the pain. The force was harder than hours prior, it felt as knifes were cutting your throat. Your eyes were cloudy— but you could see red on the pink flowers. And also, roots. It was like these awful things were blooming inside you— it was scary.
Finally, you could gasp for air once more. You just stared at the horizon, trying to catch your breath. You sat on the floor, with flowers all around you.
Your throat was sore; you were tired and unsure about the future.
Slowly, you tried to stand up, holding the desk for support. Sitting on you chair; you opened a drawer, revealing a little brown book.
Sighing, you said to yourself, “I think it’s time to read it.,, Right, Darla…?”
First page.
It was written pretty sloppy, like a child write.
Barry and I played on the garden of Clarence today. The woman gave us permission to play, so we did!
We made flower’s crowns, lied on the grass and watch the clouds go by. It was very peaceful!
I like Barry. I hope we can get married when we grow older!
Tomorrow I’m turning ten, and I’m super excited of what Barry will gift to me!!!!
You looked grimly at the page. You felt as you were intruding her secrets— but Barry gave this to you for a reason, right? Even so, the small feeling on your gut told you to stop reading the thoughts of this poor girl.
But you ignored it, and continued.
At the next page, Darla wrote Barry’s name with hearts around it.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
♡♡♡♡Barry and Darla♡♡♡♡
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Flipping the page, you read about Barry gifted his favorite book, and Darla was happy about the gift.
The next pages were the same, thoughts about Barry and her love for him.
Strangely, after some pages the writing style changed to a very elegant one; you came to the conclusion Darla grew up and forgot about the journal, seeing the sudden change of writing.
I was foolish.
I thought we could be together. I was dumb and stupid for believing so.
He never loved me, and he will never do.
I saw Lisa and Barry kissing each other! They are lovers!
Nobody told me anything— I had to see it with my own eyes.
I ran to my house, what else could I do? Telling him I love him when he is with someone else? I can’t do that. I can’t.
The page ends there. You turn another one, just to see an erratic writing.
i’m scared
I’m throwing up flows
Why?
Mom said it’s a curse, that one a very ffwe peple have this
Why im so unlucky????? Hy did I do to desrve this?
Somebody, help me
Im scared
Please, I don’t want to die like this
The page had dark small spots— you believed it was from tears stained by the paper.
This was heartbreaking. You could feel her pain— you could understand it perfectly.
Another page. This time the writing was more collected.
I threw up a lot of flowers today.
They were white.
I’m scared.
I want my mother.
I need my mother.
Mom…
Next page.
Mother explained I have this curse because I love Barry, and he doesn’t love me back.
Something bloom inside my heart? Or something like that, I’m not sure.
How does she know that? She didn’t answer me.
I hate Barry now.
But I love him, too.
Hahahaha. What a fool.
HhhahahahaahahhahahahahhahahhahahhhhahahahhahahahahahhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Next page.
flowers again.
white
red
Next,
Why me?
Why?
Why me?
Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Whywhywhywhywhwywhywhwywhwywhywhwywhwyhwyw
Mother mom mommy…
Next.
I can’t leave the house.
Mom doesn’t allow it, and I don’t want to see Barry.
Stupid, dumb, idiot Barry.
Handsome, funny, Barry…
There’s no help for me.
Mother says a Doctor will come.
Next.
The doctor came, and said he wasn’t sure what was this.
I opened my mouth and he tried to see inside, and whatever he saw it made him scared.
The doctor and my mother talked outside, and I could hear the cries of my mother.
I’m going to die.
Im going to die
I ing o d
[Intangible]
D I n g
M o m
e lp m
s m b d y p e s e h e l p
[Intangible]
You gulped, and flipped the page.
The page made you uneasy, seeing how messy the handwriting was, and how everything was a mess.
IM GONNA DIE
M H E R
SOME B D Y
E L P
F L
O W R S
IN M
Y
L U N GS
C A NT B R
E T
MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMO
Next.
flowers very pretty
mom loves flowers
pretty little flowers
flowers little pretty
little flowrs orsfj
flowersfloweesaldkirwdfkwierskfiwrsfkiwrflowerslfowrsaskj
Next.
barry i miss you
please love me
Next,
little unlucky girl
who is the unluckiest of them all?
Hahahahaha
Its darla
Next.
my throat is hurt
i spit blood
its hard to breathe
Next.
[a drawing of a sunflower]
sunflowers are pretty
I hope I can throw up some
Hhahaha
Next.
I
C N T
B R A H
M OM M M Y
MOTHER
MOM
H L P E
L A SE
F LOWER S
H LP H U TS
[Blood stains]
Turning the page, you were meet with a blank page. You flipped it, trying to find another journal, but there was nothing. That was the last page she wrote.
You slowly closed the journal, leaving it in the drawer.
You just stared at nothing in particular— trying to shake the mortifying feeling. You were scared, scared of what would happen to you by tomorrow.
You weren’t scared— you were terrified,
You could feel something clogging your throat, making you unable to breathe properly. The feel was stronger after your talk with Levi.
Holding your head with both of your hands, you calmed yourself, not shading a tear. There were not tears left— it was enough.
No one came for you, and you didn’t look for anybody.
s e v e n
Flower Curse | 5
[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.
f o u r
“And you say you have nothing important to do today?“ you asked, walking through the busy corridors beside Erwin.
“I didn't exactly say that,“ he replied, “yes, I have other matters, but you are more important than them.“
Blinking, you just nodded in acknowledge. The comment made you slightly surprised, but the feeling about how he worried about you made you warm.
“Did you say anything to Levi?”
“I just told him and Mike we were going to have some matters in Wall Sina,” he hold a smirk, “Levi actually looked taken aback for not bringing him, Mike just nodded.”
“Obviously. You two are always together, he knows something is up.”
“Indeed. He's irritated about how you ignore him,” he gave you a look, “you didn't see him all morning, right?”
The question made you scoff, “Of course not. Why would I want to see him if everything I do make the flowers arise? I just make my health worse by just looking at him.”
The reply only made Erwin humm, deep in thought.
Why would you see him? What good would be in that? He only hurted you— and he didn't even know. Every time he approached you, you just replied with short sentences and flew as fast as you could without looking at him. Even Hange and Moblit helped you out by calling your name or saying you were needed somewhere else, taking a nasty look from Levi every time. It was just little time about the ravenette's patience ran out.
A sudden memory from this morning came up to you.
////
You were currently walking in the corridor, with a mountain of paperwork between your hands. They needed to be finished soon— so you hurriedly walked to your office.
That would have been wonderful. But, lately, things going 'wonderfully' wasn't allowed in your life at any means,
"Oi. Where the fuck have you been?"
Wonderful.
"Levi! Nice to see you. Right now I don't have time, bye!" You tried to hurry the hell up and be as far as possible from him, but he is Levi. He doesn't let anyone escape from him.
"Hell with that. You have been avoiding me, why?" he demanded, harshly taking your arm and making you stop on your tracks. You almost fell if it wasn't for his strong grip — you believed there was going to have a bruise in a couple of minutes.
"Pff, avoiding you? Don't be ridiculous. I've been busy, now, if you excuse me..." Trying to get off from his grasp was impossible. He wasn't letting you walk off like other times, he was pissed.
His frown was more apparent than before, he was glaring straight at you. You could tell he was done playing games.
"Don't take me for an idiot, [Name]. It's been nearly one week and I've only seen you once. What's happening? Don't you dare fucking lie."
You frowned. You tried to play it off at first— but him wanting answers was getting on your nerves. Maybe you were acting selfish for not telling him anything — but you honestly didn't care for that. "I told you I've been busy. Don't you have nowhere to be?" You answered, gritting your teeth. He should be with his Petra right now, shouldn't he? Why was he looking for you?
Your answer only got him riled up, by the looks of his face. He took your collar with no care, making you drop some papers on the floor. Face to face, you could see how angry he was— his eyes were more than expressive, his mouth was pressed in a thin line and you knew he was holding back.
"What has gotten into you? You are not at the mess hall when I am, you don't train the cadets anymore and you certainly don't look for me. What's the goddamn reason? Answer me."
Before you could say anything, a certain couple came and interrupted your little 'fight'. Hange and her assistant, Moblit.
"[Name]!! I just was looking for you, lucky me!!" Noticing the state you were in, she placed an arm around Levi's shoulder and spook right on his ear, "Shorty!! Sorry for interrupting but little [Name] has to come with me~" She stated, smiling goofly.
Her actions made him snap at her and move his grip from your collar and arm, now placing them on the scientist's collar, sending her a murderous glare. "Listen here, shitty glasses— I'm not in the fucking mood right now so you better—"
As Levi spoke right in front of her face, Hange made a signal with her hand to make both of you leave while he was shortly distracted. Moblit helped you run the hell out of there, leading you to Hange's office, place you were stuck until Erwin came for you.
//////
Remembering the raven's iron grip on your arm made you touch it without thinking— suppressing a hiss when you felt pain. There was a bruise for sure, lucky for you. You barely were healed from your past injuries at the training grounds; with only yellowish bruises left on your skin. and ocassional pain when they were touched.
“Anyways,” you broke the silence, “how did you find Ziegler?”
“Some squads collected information from wall Maria, Rose and the underground. We eventually got something about him— he owns a bakery in Wall Sina, in Stohness District. He is also married.”
“Married, uh...” the thought about him carry on his life made you wonder of your own– would Levi do the same thing? Get married? “How old is he?”
“Sixty seven years old.”
“Damn, little Barry grew old. I wonder how his life has been after that..."
Before you could leave the place, one of your squad members called you with nervousness, making you turn around. Spotting a certain ginger girl with brown eyes shifting nervously, you blinked strangely.
“Uh? Trish, what's up?” you brightly asked, putting your usual façade instantly.
She saluted to the both of you, and then relaxed at Erwin's command. "The corporal has been asking for you! And he is more irritated than usual...” she looks around as if looking for him, “and is making all of us scared about what tasks are for us...” she sighed, “he even scolded Jaeger for just sneezing and made him do cleaning duty in all the castle by himself! He's terrifying today!”
You laughed, “Sadly, I can't go and see him right now. I have some urgent attends to attend to, so kindly say I don't time for him and to stop being an irritable piece of–” before you could finish your sentence, Erwin cleared his throat in a manner of ’hold yourself’, rolling your eyes you finished, “just say the first thing.”
“S–Squad Leader! He's going to have my head! I can't say that! Think about my life!” she desperately exclaimed, ignoring that her Commander was right there, thing that made you laugh more. Nevertheless, you hold your laugh as best as you could, “Trisha, I believe you are brave. Try to sugarcoat my words and I believe everything will be over. The sooner the better, right? Right. Bye–bye!” grabbing Erwin's arm, you practically ran out of there, ignoring the calls of help Trisha was yelling.
“B-but! Squad Leadeeeer!”
_________________
"We're here. Do we know where his house is at?" you asked, stretching your arms while looking around the District. It was pretty busy; people walking around, children playing... The usual within the walls.
"Yes. His bakery and house are close to each other, let's go." The blond said, already walking off. Hurriedly, you ran to his side, walking at his pace.
The walk was quiet— not that you complained. You were practically watching everything you could from this dristrict; afterall, it wasn't everyday you could go to Wall Sina as you pleased. Erwin was lucky to do that thanks to his rank as the commander.
It was easy to notice that Wall Sina was the most expensive and beautiful place between the walls. The ground's pattern looked pretty, the people here dressed very... eccentrically? And how they talked was 'sophisticated' in their little minds. They sounded ridiculous in your opinion.
You envied their ignorance for a second. How they could live as if people weren't scarifying their lives for theirs. And the mocky glares they sent to the both of you made your blood boil— before you could storm off right at their faces a hand grabbed your wrist, making you stop.
It was Erwin's. It was a strong hold, but not painful. He looked right into your eyes, and the pair of serene eyes that resembled the sky captivated you. Blinking, you just stared, waiting for a response.
"Calm yourself." Was the only thing he said.
Nodding, you closed your eyes and sighed, clearing your mind. Getting angry for things like this wasn't worth it— especially with what you were going trough. Opening your eyes you were met with his warmn gaze once again. This time no word left his mouth, he returned looking in front of him and began walking.
His hand never left yours.
_____\\\\______ "Here's the bakery, the house should be..." Erwin talked while you ignored him. Your attention was in the store in front of you— what seemed to be that man's bakery. Trought the glass you could see diverse pastries— cookies, pieces of a delicious chocolate cake and bread that looked freshly baked by its perfect looks. The scene made you practically droll— but some certain pink cookies caught your attention.
Pink cookies neatly placed on a small porcelain plate painted with small pink flowers you didn't recognize. It matched with the cookies themselves, because their surface was decorated with what resembled pink roses. The sudden image of flowers made you abruptly end your appetite, and out of curiosity you seeked the pastery's name.
Written so elegantly in white paper— the name was “Flowers of Darla”.
Gulping, your gaze traveled to the shop's name— as if you were going to see something you didn't want to, if that made sense.
“Darla's Pastries“
That was... unexpected and expected at the same time. Why would he name his store with her name? With what purpose?
The bell from the door alerted you of someone leaving the store— being that someone Erwin himself. You didn't even notice when he went into the bakery! "[Name], Ziegler's house is..." He stated, but before continuing talking he noticed your mouth suspiciously wet, making him raise one of his big eyebrows. "Your mouth is... wet. Here, let me..." He finished, holding your chin and taking from his jacket's pocket a handkerchief he carefully cleaned your mouth with, with a strangely soft gaze you never saw before.
Finishing cleaning your face like a mother would have done, you thanked him and both of you returned walking as nothing happened.
Nothing happened, right?
"Who was in the bakery?" You asked, looking at the blond's face.
"His son." He shortly answered, not leaving his gaze from the path ahead, making you wonder in your thoughts.
He had a family now. He didn't forgot about Darla— but he moved on. You didn't even know if Darla was dead or alive, but the ending chapter of the book surely pointed out that she was no longer in this world. You and everybody were sure that Darla was no longer than a memory— someone who just came and went.
The thought made you sad for her.
It looked like Erwin noticed your troubled expression; because he gently took your hand with caring and meet your eyes, that unlike his, yours were filled with anxiety and fear.
There weren't words needed, the warm touch was enough to calm you down and nod. He stared for a moment, before returning to walking. It was only a short walk now, because he stopped right in front of a house.
The house was like every other one of the district— white, looking impeccable and neat. The commander went to the door and knock it three times, with you nervously behind him. The door opened, revealing a chubby woman with brown hair tied up in a bun, leaving some revealing hairs on her sides and bun. Her gaze looked tired but gentle— hazel eyes sparking with life. She was dressed with a casual orange long dress, unlike some other you saw before.
"Hello, gentlemen. Can I help you?" She asked, smiling at both if you. You returned it with a smile that didn't reach your eyes.
Luckily, Erwin was a perfect example of how to talk with someone, because all of his demeanor changed into the "good charming guy".
"Good afternoon. We're looking for Barry Ziegler, is he home?" Erwin asked, returning the smile with one that looked very real. Better than yours, for sure.
"He is, what are you exactly looking him for, if I may ask?" The woman cautiously questioned, not that you blamed her. If two soldiers —and especially with one of them looking like shit— from the Survey Corps were looking for your husband who lived in Wall Sina, you would be weirded out for sure.
"We wanted to discuss something about his book— It's an important matter, so if you could notify him we would be grateful, ma'am."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "Alright, please come inside." She opened the door and made way for you two to come in. She closed the door once you were inside and said, "Have a sit, you can take some cookies if you want, Excuse me, I will talk to him." And with that went upstairs, disappearing from your sight.
The home looked... nice. The wall were painted in white with what seemed to be a roses pattern. At the center of the living room were two sofas, with a table on the middle. There was a plate with cookies on it— the same roses cookies you saw before, in the bakery.
There were some bookshelfs too, and a big window were you could see the pathway you were walking, but it was covered with curtains. There was another room that you guessed was the kitchen.
You sat down along with Erwin in one of the couches. Giving a look to the cookies made you hungry again, despite the fact of it's hidden meaning. Without thinking much you took one— hey, the woman gave you permission to eat, so why not? Taking a bite, your surprised gaze took the blond's attention, because your sudden change if demeanor made him raise an eyebrow.
"These cookies are..." you looked at him in awe, "very good." Blinking, you offered him your half eaten cookie, ignoring that there were others cookies he could take, "you have to try them, Erwin. This is the best thing I've ever eaten in my whole life." And you weren't lying— the pastry was something youi never tried before. Wall Sina was recognized by a lot of things, and one of them was it's pastries. But you never guessed it was that glorious, it was like... taking a bite of heaven.
Erwin couldn't stop letting out a chuckle. He took the cookie and ate it— you waited for any expressions he would make, but there was no change.
"It's good." He stated.
"Good?! It's fantastic! I want to eat hundreds of this!" You said, looking like a child in Erwin's eyes. You took more and more cookies, and some of it was left on the sides of your mouth, making a mess of yourself. Your expression was relaxed and smiley — you were in a bliss.
The sight of you made the blond stare at you. It was rare to see you relaxed lately— with all that was going on you couldn't catch a break and be yourself. Something that he... missed. He was always checking on you on all times, seeing if you were in pain or needed support, that you often did. He would held you when you would break; whispering things on your ear until you calmed down or fell asleep.
And watching you right now, like a child eating candy made his gaze softened. It was a moment he would treasure— forever, until his last day.
Looking at your joyful face made him spot the cookies' crombs on your cheeck and the sides of your mouth. And without taking his handkerchief, his hand approached your face, placing it on your cheeck and with his thumb cleaning your face. The action made you instantly look at him in confusion, but before both of you could do anything, the sound of someone coming downstairs made you two return to your serious faces and stand up from the couch.
Who came down was an old man— his hair was all grey, he had a beard and wore glasses. His wife was accompanying him.
The man looked at both of you with an expression you couldn't catch. "Hello, gentlemen. Please, sit down." You obeyed him, looking curiously at him.
"I will go to the bakery, I have to see how Thomas is doing," his wife said, smiling at both of you before leaving.
Both of you returned your attention to the man— who sat down on the other couch across yours. "I'm Barry, but I guess you already know my name."
"Yes. I'm Erwin Smith and he is [Name] [Last Name], pleased to meet you, Barry." Erwin said, looking directly at Barry. "We're are here to discuss some matters of your book."
"I've never had soldiers coming on my house to discuss on my works before. This is quite... surprising." The writer stated, raising an eye brow.
"Well, this is an important matter. But we don't want to discuss the book itself; we want to talk about something that was touched in your work."
"And wich of my works are you talking about? You have to be more specific."
"Hanahaki Curse, sir."
When Erwin said the title of the book, Barry's face changed from relaxed to one of surprise, and then, sadness.
"Aah... that one," he closed his eyes, "what do you want to discuss from it?"
"Was it... was it all real?" This time you asked, a little unsure.
He let out a sigh, and replied, "Why would you think that? All of my works are fictional."
You gulped, "Because I have the curse."
He instantly opened his eyes, widening them as if he was in disbelief. There was a minute of silence, and then the man talked again, cautious. "You... have it?"
Nodding, he sadly sighed. "I see." Rubbing his temples, he got up from his seat and went to the window, taking the curtains off. He stand there, looking at the outside. "What questions do you have for me?"
"Where is Darla?" you asked.
"Gone." He replied, "She never stood a chance. Nobody does, usually."
You winded at that; nobody lives.
"Aren't there no survivors from this?" Erwin questioned, "Then, how do you know for the flowers to cease, you have to be loved back?"
"That's because the only living proof I knew was Darla's mother." He placed his hand on his back, thoughtful. "She was the only person I knew. I've knew three people that had this; Darla's mother, Darla, and one of my close friends."
"Did he make it?" you asked, already knowing the answer.
"No, he didn't." He turned at you, "This illness is so rare. The last time I heard from it was thirty years ago. But now... here you are."
"Why doesn't every person who isn't reciprocated has this?"
"I don't have an answer for that."
You were getting desperate. "And doctors? What do they say? I'm sure they have investigated something, right?"
"I'm afraid not. This... topic is forbidden to talk about, the King itself doesn't want anyone aware of it."
"What? The King covers this? But with what reason?! If this was know, maybe the doctors could do something to fix it!"
"[Last Name], humanity right now needs more population. What would people do if they knew about this?"
What would they do...? Well, they would be more cautious to love someone else... and if they were more scared of love, then...
"People would fear falling in love with someone, and then nobody would..."
"Exactly. Nobody would want to be with someone if there is a chance to die like that. Even if the chances of having the illness are slim, the King doesn't want to take chances." He returned to his seat and proceed, "I almost got in trouble for writing it, actually. But, explaining my reasons and saying all was fictional, worked. The Military Police can be... like talking to animals. They don't want to hear you— the King's word is always final."
"That's... nuts! And— and there isn't anything I could do about it?! I have to wait until I die?!" you exclaimed, getting nervous and scared. "There's no cure?! Anything?!" Your hands turned into fists, turning them white by your force. Erwin tried to calm you down, placing a hand on your shoulder.
"I refuse to believe that," Erwin stated, looking at Barry, who eyes were saddened, "there has to be something else."
"You already heard the cure. The one you love has to reciprocate your feelings— no surgery has never been done before. That, is impossible."
"That... that can't be..." you murmured, covering your face with your hands.
"What about Darla's mother?"
"She's gone, too. Quickly after Darla passed, she did aswell." He looked in thought, and snapped his finger when he remembered. "Let me get something, I will be right back."
He left upstairs.
You suffered, trying to hold the tears that wanted to get out. Erwin only squished your shoulder in silence.
Barry returned with a book on his hand, and placed it on the table. "This was... Darla's journal." he passed his hand on it, with a soft gaze. "Martha, Darla's mother, gave it to me when Darla passed. She said to me that... I had to have it."
Signing, you tried to stay mentally strong and not to break. Erwin's warming touch was the only thing in this goddamn room helping you stay sane. Relaxing your hands, you looked at the older man, waiting for an explanation.
He approached the book at you, "And now I'm giving it to you." Hearing that, your eyes widened.
"Giving it to me? Why? Darla was no one to me— I... I don't have the right to have it."
A sad smile formed on his lips, looking at the journal with melancholia. "You have it now," he said, "you now understand what she went trough— This old man doesn't have to keep this no more, there is no use of it for me."
Unsure, you took the journal with caring. "How... how did you find out...?"
"That she died because of me?" You nodded, "her mother told me just when she passed away... I was wondering why she was avoiding me every day..." He slightly smiled, looking lost in thought, "when I found out I was devasted. I didn't even understand what Martha was explaining to me.
A girl throwing up flowers just because her love isn't reciprocated? Impossible — That's a thing you read in fairy tales. But, I guess the world has been more fascinating lately, right?" he let out a dry laugh, looking at the two of you. "I wish things would have been different."
"Would you have loved her back...?" you kindly asked.
Sighing, he closed his eyes and replied, "I'm afraid not. The one I fell in love with was my actual wife, Lily. If Darla would have told me she loved me, it would have been the same answer she knew all along."
You gulped, feeling cold all of sudden. There was no way out— no doctors, no cure, no love... you will die. You will.
"I... see..." was the only thing you could say. Thought of your final days were flashing through your mind; would it be peaceful? painful?
"We don't have more questions. We should leave, we are thankful of your time." Erwin said, helping you stand. The blond noticed how you were in a slight state of shock.
"No, my apologies for not giving you the answers you wanted." The old man took a small box; it was white and decorated with flowers. "Here," he gave it to Erwin, "I noticed your friend liked them– that's the only thing I can give."
Erwin took the box and thanked him. Barry opened the door but before you could leave, he stop you both. "Ah! Now that I remember... There is a doctor in Wall Rose— Timothy Eisenhower, an old friend of mine. He has been investigating this illness, but with no patients there's no way to know if a certain surgery will work." He explained, "here, let me write his direction..."
At least, hearing that a doctor was investigating this horrible thing made you slightly relieved. Nevertheless, knowing that if a surgery never done before was the only way, you knew that was as risky as being outside fighting titan in an expedition. Dangerous.
"If you go with him tell him that you know me. He has been cautious about this— with the King's word and all."
"Of course, thank you again, sir."
"Don't thank me. I hope everything goes well for you."
Hope wasn't helping you at all. _____________________ "What should we do now?"
"Return to the barracks. It's late, and with the expedition around the corner I have to get everything on time."
"Yeah, the expedition..." Will you be able to be ready for the expedition? Nothing did matter anymore. If a titan or the flowers killed you, it would be the same. You will die anyways, right?
"Let's not forget Eisenhower. I will write a letter for him— maybe Hange and you can meet him tomorrow, if everything goes well."
"Well, I'm not getting my hopes up. A surgery never done can kill the patient too." Letting out a humorless laugh, you said, "but I dont have nothing to lose, right? I'm dying anyways."
"We don't know what will happen, let's get to every possible way to fix this, [Name]."
"Sure thing, Erwin..." ________________ Twilight. Were you really that late? How many hours you were outside? Time seemed too short, but maybe it was just you.
After returning to the castle, Erwin went to his office and you went directly to your office. Well, tried to. A certain grumpy short man was just waiting for you outside your office; arms crossed and looking pissed. Yahoo, what else could go wrong today?
"Hello, Levi." You greeted, trying to open the door but the ravenette was blocking your way with his entire body on the door. "Can I enter my office, please? I'm exhausted."
"You didn't give me a explanation before leaving. Now we are here, without any distractions— so tell me, what are you hiding?" He glared straight at you, no sign for moving. You were getting exasperated.
"Explanation for what? I already told you I have been busy, holy shit." You replied, "can you move already? You are in the goddamn way." Now it was your turn to glare at him; you were done playing nice.
"What the fuck has gotten into you? You look sick, you don't talk to me. You have been acting like a goddamn child; explain what the hell is happening." He harshly took you by the collar, getting close both of your faces, "Where did Erwin and you go? When I was looking for you, Trisha just told me you couldn't see me. But why exactly?"
Gritting your teeth, you replied, "that's none of your fucking business, Levi."
The reply only made him riled up, because he grabbed your collar and slammed you against the wall, making you grunt. Uh oh— the flowers were awaken once more, you could feel inside, wanting to get out.
"Hell with that — it is my fucking business, you piece of shit. You better watch—"
"Levi, in my office right now."
Hearing your savior, Erwin, made you sigh in relief. You didn't know how or why he appeared right in time— maybe because he was going to check on you? In any case, you silently thanked him.
Levi frowned, he was truly pissed about the two of you getting interrupted; he wanted answers but it seemed impossible. He glared at Erwin, still grabbing you by the collar. "No. No until [Name] explains—"
"What I said was an order." Erwin demanded, with an aura of intimidation that got you uncomfortable. Levi only grunted in irritation, and took you a last harsh glance before letting you go. He walked away, and before Erwin did too, he gave you a strange look you couldn't really decipher.
Without taking more time, you opened the door and closed it when you were inside; locking it. In an instant you were throwing up all of the flowers inside you— purple flowers.
Patting, you stayed kneeled on the floor, trying to catch your breath. Your only thought was "Why can't I stop loving him?"
Yeah, why you couldn't? You knew he didn't love you— so what was the reason for still being in love with him? Was it love stronger than your hatred? How so? You just wanted to get cured; free from this horrible illness. But that seemed impossible. Why was it that hard to stop loving? Why, why you love him so much...?
Why was this a punishment? Why you couldn't just... love him from afar? Why you were so unlucky that you got this curse? Why? What did you do?
You got up with the strength you had left— taking the journal from your pocket and placing it on the desk, you sat down, looking lost.
"I'm... tired." Was the only thing you say, before everything went black, and you dreamed about better things and a joyful life.
Without noticing, a tear escaped.
Petunia: The petunia symbolizes resentment and anger.
s i x
Flower Curse | 4
[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.
t h r e e ___
Your health wasn't an excuse to not doing your job. Erwin wanted you to rest until there was a solution— but you weren't going to obey him. You didn't want to slack off and be the center of attention, you just wanted to stay off radar by everyone. Especially, by your illness' cause:
Levi.
Just thinking of him made you sick and warm— yes, you liked him a lot, loved him, even. But the other part of you made you repulsed of him. You thought the cause of that repulsion was the curse you had, but sometimes, you just wanted to stop loving him. Just to stop the suffering.
But that was impossible, wasn't it? You just can't change your feeling for someone in an instant. The only thing you could do was hide your feelings in the darkest place, with your flowers' company. Hide them from prying eyes, away from everyone. Just your emotions, the flowers and you.
Was this illness really going to kill you? After all you have been through? You didn't want to believe this at all— flowers were more deadly than a stupid titan! Unbelievable. How could it be? Flowers filling your lungs just for unrequited love? You had a hard time believing this ridiculous "curse". But, sadly, this was as real as the titans.
But then... how come nobody knew about this illness? Was this another thing the King hide? How could this be real?
A knock on the door snapped out of your thoughts. “Come in.” You said, rubbing your temple in exasperation.
A blonde picked shyly, then came in and saluted. “Squad Leader [Name], the Corporal is asking for your presence on today's training.”
“Fuck.” You instantly thought. You didn't remember today's task: help Levi with training. Was your luck better than yesterday? Or life was just laughing at you? You passed your hand on your hair, letting out a sigh. “Thanks, Arlert. We should be going or the grumpy old man is going to beat my ass.”
Armin didn't laugh at your comment— the blonde just nodded and smiled. The relationship with the cadets and you weren't that bad in your opinion. You enjoyed talking with the little kid about the outside world— something that was very forbidden to do. Arlert even had a book of the outside that shared with you, by your big surprise.
The kid was very clever; maybe as clever as Erwin. Something unnerving— could this young kid see the same thing Erwin couldn't not see? Could he see your sickness? You noticed your face paled this morning. You wished to whoever to put a blindfold to everyone around you.
Leaving your office with Armin at your side, you jokingly asked, “How is training today? Is the Corporal harsher than before?”
“The Corporal is being a little... harsh, yes. But I don't see much difference as in other training,” he placed finger on his chin, looking thoughtful, “But he seemed a little irritated that you weren’t there.”
“Of course he is going to be like that. I forgot I had to help him training.” You nervously stated. “What's today's training for?”
“We are training with our Vertical Maneuvering Equipment.”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” What was worse? Close combat or the damn VME? Both options sounded horrible, but using your gear at your current state made you nervous. When your system wanted to throw the flowers this morning, it didn't gave you any warning like before. You just couldn't contain the urge of throwing it all out. Would the sudden force of the gear make you vomit?
You hoped Levi didn't want you to do use your gear today. You always showed your cadets how to use the gear properly, and when Levi wanted to explain something, you helped him showing the cadets your abilities. This wasn't looking good.
The blonde noticed your silent demeanor, thing that made him confused. “Is something wrong?”
Snapping out of your dark thoughts, you smiled as brightly as you could and looked at him, “There's nothing wrong! I just was thinking about how angry is Levi going to be, you've seen how he gets at the simplest things.”
The cadet looked at you, unsure, before nodding slowly.
You were sure Armin resembled Erwin for a second.
“About time you arrived, lazy shit.” You instantly heard the man of your dreams, —or maybe nightmares— when you arrived with Arlert at the training grounds.
Trying to playing it off, you said, “Hey! I'm not that late, just... thirty minutes late, not that bad.”
“Anyways, somehow you came just in time.” The raven stated before looking at Connie and Eren, the newest recruits. You didn't like what was he going to say, you knew it. “These two can't go faster with their gear, and it seems hearing what i'm saying is too hard for them,” he said irritably, looking at the two nervous cadets, then looked at you with his usual frown, “and I expect you to show it.”
Damn it, damn it, damn it! If you refused, he would ask questions, and the answers would not satisfy him at all— you barely got out of the previous situation thanks for Erwin being there, but now he wasn't. Be an adult and resolve your problems.
This wouldn't be that bad, right? You just had to do some harsh movement. You previous thoughts were you being ridiculous; nothing will happen. Everything will be alright, no need to worry. Everything will be okay. Stop overreacting, nothing will happen.
Armin noticed your discomfort, and before he could said something, Levi looked at him and harshly ordered, “You are still here, Arlert? Go back in training.” The blonde got taken aback looking at his scared face, and ran off with a "yes sir!".
Trying to sound normal and collected, you replied, “Sure thing, what do I need to do?”
“Alright, listen closely you two,” you said, looking at Springer and Jaeger, “For this to work you have to work with your whole body, something that I noticed you don't do in your training today.”
“But I moved more than before and I still can't do it! It's impossible to go faster than that!” Connie exclaimed frustrated, “I don't even know how Jean is going faster than me!”
“That horseface actually go faster than me too, that stupid horse...” Eren mumbled. You just let out a laugh, and tried to act serious— Levi was watching you three from afar. Looking specially at you, though,
“Don't say 'I can't do it' because you certainly can,” you looked at Connie, “Listen, Springer. The Corporal is the fastest of us, you know why?” the cadet shacked his head, taking interest, “It's because of his height. He is very short- just like you. I even can say that you could match his speed at some point.” You tried to raise his spirit, thing that succeeded, by the looks of his joyful face.
Now, looking at Eren, you said, “Jaeger, you have to work with your movement. Just think when you are in air as you... are dancing.” By the looks of his expression, he really didn't fully understand your statement, because his confused frown. “Now, now, don't give me that look. It sounds ridiculous, but it does the job. Just imagine the people dancing at the festivals— they are in sync. You have to be in sync with you gear, just like a dance.” To make them fully understand you had to show them, something you wanted to avoid but it seemed impossible.
“Alright, let me show you. You have to see closely, understand?” They nodded, looking excited. Gulping, you looked ahead into the forest. Ignoring the voice in your head stopping you to do this, you prepared yourself and nailed your hook at the nearest tree, and then, you flied.
At first, it didn't feel that uncomfortable. Your mission here was to not be that harsh with your movements, but showing the speed to the cadets was the point of this, so avoiding any movement seemed impossible.
“Now I have to turn...” You reluctantly thought. Your grip tightened and in the second your hooks nailed in the trees, at first you prepared for the worst, but when nothing came you relaxed and even smiled. Even taking a look on the two cadets made you relaxed; they were in awe and the corporal just looked pleased.
“See? Nothing to be wo-”
And then, you felt it.
Your thoughts got interrupted thanks to the familiar sensation on your throat. The feeling made you alerted and disorientated, making you lose your grip on the blades and unhooking them off the tree. The falling wasn't that flawless, looking at how high you were.
You fell on some bushes, making your fall at least not that bad. When you hit the ground you instantly threw up white flowers, ignoring any pain you felt at the moment.
Full little flowers. At first sight, they were beautiful, but not for you anymore.
You practically forced yourself to stop vomiting, and held any flowers from coming out. Knowing the others will come to see if you were alright, at least you had to bear with all the pain until you could get out of there. Trying your best to cover the petals with the bushes, you tried to stand but failed to do so.
“Squad Leader [Name]! Are you alright?!” you heard both Connie and Eren calling for you, and less than a minute they were with you, helping you to stand. Gulping all petals who wanted to come out, you tried your best to just smile.
“Phew! That was a nasty fall. Sorry you had to see that, and i'm the example here, haha...” dusting off your clothes made wince in pain, thing you tried to hide by just laughing. The pair of cadets just kept talking and trying to not worry you that much. They both eventually stopped talking when a certain corporal appeared, with an expression you know very well— he was trying to know what happened, read the situation.
“Cadets, both of you will look for Petra and tell her she's on training duty.” Hearing his orders, both of them saluted and left. He looked at your poor act of getting it together, and asked angrily, “What the hell happened?”
Come on, [Name]! Keep it together!
“My hooks didn't sunk in the tree, simple as that.” Scratching your head, you proceed, “Actually, maybe the hand-grip isn't that-”
“Stop talking shit.”
You gulped. “Uh? What are you talking about? I said my hooks—”
“Quit lying to me.” Levi approached you, taking your arm roughly, making you gasp in pain. Actually, your senses awoken again— now fully feeling the pain in your arm, leg and ribs. “You know I hate lies. More if they come out of your mouth.”
You didn't say a word at all. You didn't dare to make the situation worse.
“Can you walk?”
Leaving his grip on your arm, you tried to take a few steps; you could walk, but you were limping with your right leg. And every time you took a step, a sharp pain was felt in your knee. Levi sighed in irritation, and helped you walk by taking your arm on his shoulder and placing his hand on your waist.
“What a pathetic attempt.”
The closeness made you sick, and the flowers wanted to be released.
“We'll go to the infirmary, then.”
Your ribs didn't break, thankfully. You just had some colorful bruises covering your right leg, left arm and waist. It wasn't that bad, not as bad as the flowers, at least.
After getting parched up, you both went to Levi's office, just to do some "relaxing" paperwork you both had to do. You always went to his office to make him company, something he didn't mind. You had to play it safe— if you avoided him, he would ask questions, and when he asks he wants real answers. Things you couldn't give.
Somehow, your little talk made you forget about all of the feelings and thoughts you were having. There was just the two of you, like it always has been. You forget about the flowers, and they seemed to forget about you just for a moment.
“You have something on your hair.” you heard the raven say, seeing his hand coming closer to you, taking off a leave. “And there's something on your face, too. Disgusting...” Even when he said that, his fingers touched your cheek, cleaning it off, before cleaning his own fingers with a napkin.
The event made you slightly blush —at least you hoped—, and thank him.
“A-Anyways, did Petra said anything about Eren and Connie?” you asked, remembering the little talk both of them had an hour ago, when you were in the infirmary getting check on.
“They did better,” he replied, writing on his papers. “They wanted to know badly how you were, though.”
“Aw! They care about me!” you exclaimed with a big smile. Even if you wanted to play it off, the feeling of the kids caring about you warmed your heart. “How adorable!” The feeling just made you blush.
Your words made the Corporal look at you with a questioning gaze. “What? Do you think they are the only ones caring about you?” Levi asked, stopping his work. “How disappointing.”
Laughing, you talked, “What am I hearing? Does Levi care about me more than the cadets?”
“What if I do?”
Your grip on the pen tightened; your heartbeat went crazy; your blush covering your cheeks went deeper, covering your ears. Words seemed disappear of your vocabulary— you didn't understand how some words could steal your breath like that. But it was because it's him. The one you like the most. Time seemed to stop.
It seemed that the sight of you made him smirk in pleasure. He come closer to your face, looking directly at your eyes. “I asked something. What If I care more than them?”
[Name]! Remain your composure! “W-Well, uhm...” clearing your throat, you proceed, “Then you care about me. That's... all...”
“Why you always forget?”
“Forget? Forget what?”
“About how I can't stand your lies.”
“Lies?! Ahem! What do you want me to say? It's nice that you care about me.” You stopped thinking about what you were saying, so you just let whatever thing came out of your mouth. Uh-oh. Good or bad thing? “I care about you too, anyways.”
He arched his eye brown,“Is that so?”, he slightly smiled, by your surprise. “More than the cadets do, I assume?”
“Of course. We've know each other since you came here, right? Actually, I think I'm the first one who didn't fall for your scary face, along with Hange.”
“Ah, how could I forget how irritating you were,” closing his eyes, he proceed, “even when I knocked you out, you kept being a childish little shit, always returning.”
“Hey! But you love this little shit, don't you?” Laughing, you returned to your work, uncaring of the answer.
“I'm glad you stayed.”
You froze. Levi wasn't the time of saying this like this to you; there were always harsh words in a playful nature. But nothing like this before. Nevertheless, him saying that made a smile on your face.
“I'm glad too.”
After that, a pleasant silence fell. The only sound the both of you heard was the pens writing on your papers and the sound outside. You didn't notice the sky turning dark, until an ocasional glance to the window made you exclaimed, “It's dinner time!”
The Corporal looked at the dinner and let out a hum, you only proceed to stand up from your seat and stretch. “Let's go, Levi. We forgot to do tea, so let's hurry up!”
“Go first, I will join soon.” He replied.
“Alright, then. Will make tea when I get there.” Nodding your head, you didn't bothered to bring you papers with him; it was normal for you to leave them arranged on a part of his desk. He always said "take your shit with you", but you always laughed it off. Strange, because this time, he didn't say anything. You left, but your thoughts made you slow your walk.
You noticed Levi was being more... open to you. Could that be a sign? Maybe? And now that you remember it, flowers weren't trying to get out of your throat. You even forgot about the illness, about the pain, about your future... You felt... nice, warm. Just like before the curse.
Could it be that... you had a future with him? The sudden thought made you blush and smile in embarrassment. Was he, maybe, in love with you? The conversation repeated on your head - and your mind kept re rolling the exact same phrase.
“I'm glad you stayed.”
“What if I care more than them?”
You stopped walking, and come to the realization that you actually wanted to make a move. Nothing could go wrong! The conversation of today made you believe that something could happen between the two of you! A bright smile made through your face thinking this— there was hope after all!
There was not time to waste, then! Your mind was made up— you were confessing right now. No one could interrupt you now; everyone had to be getting dinner, so the two of you couldn't be bothered. You nodded to yourself, and went back to Levi's office.
You couldn't believe it - this was all like a dream to you. You actually were going to have a future! You were going to be cured; everything was going to be alright from now on.
Noticing his door slightly opened, you scolded yourself for not paying attention to close it properly before leaving. Hey! That's not important right now! Shaking your head, you couldn't wait to open it and tell Levi your true feelings. Oh! You couldn't wait to tell Erwin and Hange about—
...
.
.
.
.
.
Ah. How could you forget? So foolish.
The sight in front of you made you petrify.
What was that you were feeling...? Surprise? Fear? Or was it... Heartbreak? How could you point the exact time your heart shattered, and the flowers bloomed once more in your heart? The realization fell like a ton of bricks. You never meant to be loved by him, it was for her. It never was for a person like you. Not you. Never, ever, for you. How could you forget? How? You were in denial.
The sudden realization made you snap out from your illusion.
NEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOU.
You are a fool.
You really thought he loved you?
What a pitiful sight.
Go and cry, there's no saving you.
Thoughts invaded your mind like a parasite — repeating themselves with not a chance to be stopped.
And what was the sight that made you so unstable? Well, maybe you know it already.
Two people were embracing each other, with the moonlight above them, looking beautiful as a couple. Who were this two, you ask?
Levi, and Petra, obviously.
The petals were awoken once more, and with such a bestial force you never felt before.
Covering your mouth with your hand, you couldn't stop some petals to escape and lay on the floor, by your ignorance. You just ran out of there, and went to the only place your unstable mind wanted you to be.
Erwin arranged his paperwork again for maybe, the sixth time this night. There were never ending letters to respond, check once more the strategies for the upcoming expedition, and more, more letters.
“Seems like a sleepless night, again.” He thought, rubbing his temples.
Little did he know his lack of sleep wouldn't be only the papers.
The sudden noise of someone opening his door made him annoyed— and before he could scold the responsible person, he stopped himself as he saw you kneeling on the floor, vomiting white petals— no, flowers.
Without thinking he went to your side and rubbed your back in a gently manner. He remained calm, but something his sight caught made him horrified.
White flowers were decorated in red.
Outside, he remained clam, but in the inside he was more than worried; if vomiting flowers was a bad sign, vomiting blood with them was far worse.
You eventually stopped; you only could gasp, trying to breath. Your nostrils were leaked water, your lips had blood and saliva, and the only comforting thing that made you sane was Erwin beside you.
“I'm going to die, Erwin,” you could only say, with desperation in your voice. “I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die...”
Erwin tried his best to hush you, “That's not true. We are going to fix this, there's a solution...” and he continued and continued, trying to calm your sobs and pleas. Hearing you like this, so broken, desperate, made something inside him ache. He only embraced you, holding you. You only wanted someone close to you, someone to hold you.
He had to move things fast, and find a way to fix you before it was too late.
“Let's go, then!” a certain blushing girl said, smiling brightly. The raven only nodded with a soft gaze, walking beside her, until something on the floor took his attention.
“Flowers?” Levi thought, looking at the white petals on the floor. Kneeling, he took some and look at them quietly. Beautiful at first sight, hiding the true meaning they had.
“Aren't you coming, Corporal?” Petra said, turned at him.
Levi hummed, covering the little flower on his front pocket, and returned walking, “[Name] is waiting.”
Cyclamen. Cyclamens are symbolic of resignation. It’s the flower that means goodbye too.
Because it is poisonous, death is also attached to its meaning. It also presents the fact that good things come to an end and so it’s also the type of flower you might want to make use of at funerals – because it speaks of departure aside from moving away and retiring.
f i v e
Flower Curse | 1. White Petal
[levixmale!readerxerwin]
english isn’t my first language, so sorry for the grammatical errors!
this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease.
summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.
The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.
1
Love hurt. Even more with the disease you had; some people could say it was ’poetic’ and so ’romantic’. You could have thought that one day a long time ago; just because this curse was so rare to have or yet so slim. You had yet to find someone who had this in real life and not in some fairy tales in child books or romantic novels for adults.
x x x It all began when you were alone in your office, working on some stressful paperwork Hanji handed you to finish for today. You were so deep in your work that the knock on your door wasn't heard at all. It was at the third attempt that you heard a female voice you knew to well. “Who and why?“ you irritably asked, one hand on your temple and another holding a paper not yet finished. “Petra Ral, bringing more paperwork, sir” she answered opening the door as you told her to come in. Sending you a gentle smile, she gave you the papers and spoke with some playfulness in her sweet voice, “It seems everybody is really busy today! Your voice scared me more than the Corporal, [Name]!“ You only closed your eyes and slightly laughed, sitting more comfortably on your seat. Looking at her, you tiring smiled, “Sorry, Petra. Somehow today we have a lot of paperwork, and you know paperwork is boring as hell,” you both laughed, “How is the Corporal? Is he handling this better than me?” You knew she tried to hide her blushing when speaking about her Corporal, but you were to observant to not notice it. You always are observing every little detail about everyone, even her with no exceptions. You knew she and you had feelings for the same person but unlike her, nobody knew about your feelings about the Corporal. Well, just Erwin knew; the man was like a hawk. He knows everything and sees everything; just like Mike magical nose. These two were weirdos, but great friends nevertheless. “He’s been stressed, but making him some tea relax him,” Petra gets near to you and covers her mouth, as like telling a secret she only knew about, “I think I'm making better tea lately! He’s been complimenting me a lot!” this time the blush on her cheeks was stronger and smiles at you with a dreaming smile you always saw on other cadets when talking about their lovers, just like that Jean kid in lunch looking at Mikasa with a cheesy look. You knew loving the corporal was a bad idea. Levi wasn't that talkative about liking someone in that way, hell, you don't even know if he loved someone in that way. Yes, you both were great friends, the two of you liked to drink tea together and talk about the present and future, about the new recruits and their skills, joking together or just stay in a comfortable silence. You treasured his friendship, so ruining it by confessing was an absolute and horrible mistake you weren't going to make. He didn't loved you that way and you were okay with that. Until Petra came and everything began to hurt. You wished being observant wasn't one of your skills. You wished you didn't notice the glances they gave each other when they were alone or someone wasn't looking. You wished you didn't see the sparkles on both of their eyes. You wished deep in your heart, to not notice how Petra ’accidentally’ brushed her hand on his and he didn't say a word. You wished, you really did. Lies was one of your strong skills too. If talking to the Corporal and not showing any affection or jealously when glancing at their actions wasn't like wearing a mask everyday a skill you didn't know what was. Nobody break trough your thick mask, unlike Erwin. The fucker very well knew about all of your façade, how could he not? You two were close and just to see into your eyes he knew everything. “Is that so, Petra? It seems like you being his wife isn't that far far away...” you grinned, making a cheesy face at her. Only to get her blushing like a tomato, covering her face with both hands. “Don't say that THAT loud! Someone can hear you!” “As if no one knows, little Petra. Why don't you both go in a date already? At this rate someone is going to make better tea than you... I'm just saying...” you teased her with a playful smile. Petra was your friend, you couldn't feel bad things for her. She was really sweet and pretty. She was like a sister to you, and you were a brother to her. You didn't intended the relationship being like that but it just happened. “You think so?! But— what if he doesn't like me back?” “Petra, my dear, I'm sure he likes you back.” you reassured her. “You really think I don't see how he looks at you? You know how he feels. I know.” you thought, feeling a sharp pain in your chest that you ignored and faked a smile. “Maybe I will tell him soon... Thank you, [Name]. Also, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't make good tea! Thank you again for the tips. Levi really likes it.” “You're welcome, Petra. Good luck on telling him, I'm sure he feels the same way.” Saying farewells both of you returned to your work. When she left, your expression changed completely with a grimmer one. You didn't smile; just stared at nothing in particular. You were thinking on how they would look together, how they would hug and say each other “I love you”. The thought repulsed and hurt you; sickening you. A pain in your chest made you snap out of it, making you to cough harshly. You felt as if something wanted to get out of your throat; but it didn't feel like vomit at all. It stopped when you coughed a white petal, something that confused you completely. Did you breathe in petals by accident? That was unlikely, there weren't any flowers nearby. But then, how did this petal got in? Something felt very wrong to you. You just stared at the petal dumbfounded, not really knowing what to think of it. You just placed it next to your paper, already forgetting about it.
t w o
daijoubu-p core
daijoubu-p mikus with ms paint brush i got
Mikoeo and Shiku (my nicknames for them😛) Mikoeo is a combination of Miku and oeoe, which is an onomatopoeia for vomiting
Shiku is pronounced similarly to 49 in japanese (like how miku is 39) but it can also mean "painful death"
Movie Vomit Scenes
Here's the link to a supercut of 2,000 movie vomit scenes. Enjoy!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OeldhJQn-KcNJyJ7DStZdZizpijs4rRE/view?usp=sharing
Movies & Television Shows With Vomit Indiscretion Shots
I've been curating this list for a while & thought I'd share it with anyone who might be interested. I'm a longtime lurker who just wants to give back in some way to the creative emeto/sickfic/whump community that's brought me so much joy & acceptance. I'm not technically savvy, or I'd post the actual clips myself. I barely know how to navigate this site. Anyway, I hope someone enjoys these scenes as much as I have. I will update the list as I think of more. Feel free to reach out for timestamps of specific scenes.
TIMESTAMPS
The Haunting in Connecticut (first 5 minutes)
The Bates Motel (Season 1/Episode 1- 39:17 & Season 5/Episode 10- 34:40)
Contracted (1:16:15)
The Killing Floor (1:22:50)
The Kid Detective (1 hour in)
Lessons in Chemistry (Episode 1- 22:25-23:40)
Land of Mine (33:29-33:48 & 39:00-39:25)
Mr. Robot (Season 1/Episode 5- 22:43 & Season 2/Episode 3- 19:40)
The Art of Getting By (34:17)
Indignation (1:02:11-1:04:00 + nice build-up before it actually happens)
The Reader (3:17-4:00)
The Guilty (1:17:37)
The Riot Club (20:30, 1:00:16 & 1:22:15)
Burning Days/Kulak Günlar (about 40 minutes in & 1:09:36)
Poldark (Season 5/Episode 3- 30:05-30:50)
American Animals (31:10 & 1:25:00)
Gentlemen Broncos (1:02:18)
The Inbetweeners (Season 1/Episode 2- 17:44 & 18:22)
The Disappearance of Alice Creed (around 57 minutes in)
The Book Thief (42:32)
Thalé (first 5 minutes)
Ravenous (first 5 minutes)
Fandango (9:50)
21 Grams (1:09:20 & 1:49:29)
Monster’s Ball (30:20, 3:25 & 1:18:18 are audio only)
Let’s Kill Ward’s Wife (1:03:59)
Bad Influence (1:04:10)
The Scenic Route (41:12, 42:13, 42:22)
Fire With Fire (42:53 & 1:06:53)
Dead Bang (24:08 & 24:16)
Dead Bodies (2003) (about an hour in)
The Mule (47:52 & 1:23:22)
Rogue Trader (49:13, 1:12:22 & 1:15:15)
Miller’s Crossing (1:20:22)
The Coldest Game (53:07)
Shrooms (30:39 & 32:16)
Tales From the Crypt- Forever Ambergris (just before the 20-minute mark)
The Young Poisoner’s Handbook (15:00, 1:17:00, 1:22:00 & 1:32:00)
Rescue Dawn (1:20:00)
Aftermath (2017) (52:26)
Aftermath (2021) (around 1:10:00)
The Outlaws (21:30 & 22:28)
Crash Pad (22:00-audio only & brief visual 56:03)
The Crying Game (1:04:00)
The Resistance/Mukavemet (51:00 & 54:00, it's kind of hard to find, but this site has it m.ok.ru)
This Crazy Heart/Dieses Bescheuerte Herz (about 30 minutes in)
UPDATED 5/11/24
Becoming Elizabeth (Season 1/Episode 1- 20:12)
Savages (1:16:04)
Sex Education (Season 2/Episode 6- around 30 minutes in, Season 2/Episode 7- first 5 minutes)
50/50 (28:07)
The Killing (Season 1/Episode 5- 21:16, Season 4/Episode 3- 24:51)
Stambul Garden (50:27)
Rush (6:28, 23:27 & 1:32:40)
District 9 (30:03 & 36:16)
Drive Me Crazy (1:02:32 & 1:08:39)
Venom (39:45)
A Serbian Film (1:05:59)
Detour (17:40)
White Squall (33:57)
Narc (29:48)
True Detecive (Season 1/Episode 6- first 5 minutes)
The Overnight (34:50)
The Butterfly Effect (38:08)
First Light (6:46)
13 Minutes/Elser (28:25)
UPDATED 6/13/24
The Righteous Gemstones (Season 1/Episode 7- 18:45)
Mrs. Fletcher (Episode 3- around the 25 minute mark)
Dreamland (1:24:50)
Call Me By Your Name (1:49:26)
Palo Alto (15:14)
Limitless (2011) (51:02)
Patrick Melrose (Episode 1- 43:20)
Blitz (38:20)
The Painted Veil (1:50:32 & 1:51:46)
100 Code (Episode 8-43:01)
Kingpin (24:45)
Zola (55:46)
Outer Range (Season 1/Episode 8- 29:00)
Siblings (I can't find the entire movie, but the clip is on YouTube: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mqylJmqYudQ)
Bravo Virtuoso (51:49, m.ok.ru is the only site I can find currently streaming it)
Next Time I'll Aim for the Heart (1:35:16)
The Inbetweeners (Season 3/Episode 4-23:18)
Gone (2007) (48:35)
A Place Beyond the Pines (29:21)
Filth (1:01:18)
Weeds (Season 6/Episode 7- 19:56 & 20:21)
Tangerine (17:59)
UPDATED 6/28/24
Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas (1:19:13)
Blue Ruin (1:06:53)
Calibre (32:44)
99 Homes (28:45)
I ❤️ Huckabees (1:27:13)
Hostel (43:10 & 1:03:49-1:04:04)
Friday Night Lights (Season 2/Episode 1- 25:55)
Moon (57:00 & 58:35)
Triangle of Sadness (1:05:11-1:22:09)
Mr. Jones (2019) (1:16:32)
Barry Lyndon (2:47:31)
Saving Private Ryan (5:24)
Mad Men (Season 1/Episode 7- 45:11 & Season 6/Episode 1- 53:29)
The Expanse (Season 2/Episode 2- 26:52)
Future Man (Season 1/Episode 10- 17:15)
Dead to Me (Season 3/Episode 1-16:03)
Last Looks (49:07)
UPDATED 7/2/24
Dinner in America (2:47)
The Passenger (2023) (1:14:48)
Cherry (2011) (25:06)
The Cleansing Hour (18:43)
Sorority Row (10:14 & 10:46)
My Best Friend's Girl (1:18:22)
The Boys (Season 3/Episode 3- 53:39, Season 3/Episode 5-3:04 & Season 4/Episode 1-3:51)
Search Party (Season 1/Episode 4- 18:59, Season 3/Episode 6- 8:33)
Jarhead (49:33, 57:56 & 1:27:15)
15 Things You Didn't Know About Bigfoot (48:37 & 48:54)
Love Comes to the Executioner (1:02:52)
UPDATED 8/12/24
Veronica Mars (Season 1/Episode 21- 21:15)
Californication (Season 1/Episode 2- 24:21)
Band of Robbers (23:26)
It's Kind of a Funny Story (19:31 & 1:13:22)
Falling Skies (Season 4/Episode 11- 23:45)
Ghosts of War (1:14:04)
Playing It Cool (1:15:12)
Industry (Season 1/Episode 1- 35:04)
Guillermo DeToro's Cabinet of Curiosities (Episode 5- 16:16)
The Cat & the Moon (1:27:29)
UPDATED 8/28/24
Ashes in the Snow (52:26)
The Absent One (1:46:12)
Catherine, Called Birdy (58:45)
Puppy Love (1:33:50)
The East (2020) (25:43)
Jack Goes Home (53:12)
UPDATED 9/1/2024
Peaky Blinders (Season 3/Episode 6-8:26 & Season 6/Episode 2- 2:31)
Kon Tiki (44:50)
Arthur the King (1:00:50)
Saltburn (2:01:36)
The Rider (11:21 & 1:03:06)
Summer of 85 (1:06:22)
The Lighthouse (1:25:44)
The Hitcher (16:40 & 29:49)
Upgrade (18:05 & 40:05)
Apollo 13 (40:30)
Breaking Bad (Season 2/Episode 10- 15:15)
No Country for Old Men (1:08:02)
House of Wax (1:28:42)
Y Tu Mama Tambien (1:34:58)
Soulmates (Season 1/Episode 5- 39:10, 39:53, 39:57, 40:02, 42:06 & 43:32)
UPDATED 3/28/25
FEMALE EDITION
Cuckoo (2024) (1:11:29)
Beast (2018) (1:10:48)
A Perfect High (32:31)
Never Goin' Back (34:39 & 1:14:52)
Nowhere (2023) (1:07:04)
Bit (34:25 & 1:13:34)
Line of Duty (50:04)
There's Something In The Barn (37:18)
True Spirit (2023) (1:18:44)
Jeepers Creepers Reborn (11:31)
The Duel (2016) (42:06)
Horse Girl (2020) (23:46)
Two Witches (15:02 & 1:06:28)
UPDATED 3/28/25
Mickey 17 (26:43, 27:07, 27:47, 57:05 & 57:21)
Novocaine (36:55)
Snack Shack (1:17:09)
Life (2015) (54:07)
Backdraft (29:41)
The Lost Brother/El otro hermano (3:34)
The Wilds (Season 2/Episode 5- 0:35 & Season 2/Episode 8- 31:39)
The Peripheral (Season 1/Episode 8- 28:12)
Based on a True Story (Season 1/Episode 2- 6:46)
1883 Season (Season 1/Episode 1- 15:25)
Another End (12:40)
The Order (2024) (1:43:28)
Industry (Season 1/Episode 1- 35:05 & Season 3/Episode 5- 14:19)
Please Don't Destroy: The Legend of Foggy Mountain (46:03)
Finestkind (6:33)
Abigail (2024) (1:28:42)
Big Nothing (32:29)
The Terminal List (Season 1/Episode 3- 44:59)
Ripley's Game (1:05:24)
UPDATED 3/29/25
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia:
S1 E6- 19:37 (FEMALE)
S2 E9- 9:15
S5 E12-18:52
S6 E4- 15:10
S7 E1- 13:30-15:10
S7 E2- 10:08
S7 E5- 15:21
S8 E8- 5:05
S9 E7- 14:43
S13 E8- 10:50
S14 E6- 20:11
S15 E4- 17:23
S16 E5 9:54, 10:36
Horrible Bosses (43:30)
A Million Little Pieces (15:15)
Fury (16:51)
Spy Game (45:18)
Killing Them Softly (34:16, 34:23 & 34:57) War, Inc. (25:49)
13 Reasons Why (Season 1/Episode 3- 50:51)
Fargo (Season 3/Episode 3- 40:55)
The Outsiders (36:11)
No One Lives (27:35)
Art School Confidential (1:06:46)
UPDATED 4/13/25
Museo (1:47:28)
Sin City (1:43:17)
Hatchet (2006) (1:13:21 real vomit)
GOAT (1:03:20 & 1:03:26)
The Righteous Gemstones (Season 4/Episode 1- 7:42)
Maps to the Stars (20:08)
Infinity Pool (24:56)
CHIPS (1:05:38)
The Judge (43:40, 57:50 & 1:18:14)
Cherry (2021) (1:33:15-1:33:32 & 2:05:58)
Suburbia (1:06:08)
Parks & Recreation (Season 3/Episode 13- 20:13)
TIMESTAMPS COMING SOON
Beau is Afraid Take Shelter Rules of Attraction The Inbetweeners Movie Super Dark Times ER (Season 4/Episode 12) Shameless (Season 3/Episode 12) Young Guns (after they take peyote) To The Ends of the Earth Horatio Hornblower (The Even Chance) The Amityville Horror (2x) One Day (Episodes 5 & 14) Masters of the AIR (Episodes 1, 2, 5, 7 & 9) Brain Damage Here (2011) Workaholics (We Be Ballin'/Heist School/Meat Jerkin' Beef Boys/The Worst Generation/Fry Guys/The Most Dangerless Game/Termidate/Party Gawds) Clay Pigeons Holy Rollers Boardwalk Empire (Season 1 episode 11/Paris Green) The Serpent (true story & almost every episode has vomit) Tosh.0 (Season /Episode 20/Hurl-a-Whirl) Gabriel's Inferno Part One Bully Murder by Numbers The Sister's Brothers Silent Night (2023) The Night Before While We're Young Cheap Thrills Southpaw Fox Catcher Baby Reindeer Succession Shameless (Season 3/Episode 12) The Pledge I'm Still Here The World's End Crazy Heart Repo Man Super Troopers Chopper Another Round Heavy Metal Amateur We Were the Lucky Ones Hunters The Snapper Blades of Glory Carnage Harpoon
Roses Are Red
author: taitofan
summary: The rose petals that fall from Riddle's lips are red and yellow, love and jealousy, and his emotions are slowly killing him. (Hanahaki AU)
Why the hell does vomiting suck so much? It's supposed to be helpful right?
Body: Hey there's poison inside you.
Me: Oh shit what do we do?
Body: Don't worry, we just need to vomit and get it our of your stomach.
Me: Oh ok then lets just do it.
Body: It's also gonna be the worst thing you experience for at least a month.
Me: But why I thought this was supposed to help and be good
Body: It needs to suck as much as possible
Me: Why?
Body: Because
Me:
Body:
Me:
Body:
BBLLLEEUEUEUUGGHGUGUGHGGHEEE