Tw Violent Imagery - Blog Posts
YAYYYYY CHAINS
Play My Way by Jakeneutron
(blood + slight gore/organ CW)
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picrew and last song you listened to <3
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my artwork for popee the performer zine 2024 (contain trigger warnings)
AnSaki random AU drabble
tw for blood and graphic imagery (its not like, violent violent but still ig ???)
An remembers one time someone saying that memories are closely connected to scents. How something as simple as the scent of rain on a cold day can send you back to a time when you were a child and were running in the rain even for just a moment.
It's happened to everyone at some point. It's happened to An at some point. Many points. It happened to An right now. She wishes it was anything further than the truth.
Blood. That one scent that she hates so much. That one scent that drives her mad at a mere drop of it being presented to her.
When she smells blood, she sees red.
Red on her hands, her mouth. Red on the ground and near her feet. Deep and rich in hue, sickeningly metallic in flavour. The only thing she hates more than that is how she knows the taste— has it ingrained and carved into her mind, a stain being unable to be washed off—, how familiar she is with it, how her body craves it.
Nothing changes, everything changes. Her tears don’t wash the red on her hands off. Her ear twitches and flicks and sends shivers of pain down the side of her head, down her neck. Her fur bristles against her too tight clothing, radiating even more pain through the rest of her body. Her tail swishes and serves as a mocking reminder of what she can be, what she can’t be, what she so desperately wants to rip off.
Her knees buckle and forces her to collapse on the body she’s standing over. Her claws dig deeper into skin instinctively, teeth tightening. A voice in An’s mind bites at her, claws and digs its fangs into her brain. The urge to just shred the corpse into nothing but bones and feel blood drip down from her mouth again is overwhelming and suffocating.
She— She really doesn’t want to give in to her bloodlust. To give in to her deep seated craving for flesh and blood and— An shuts her eyes close, chest tightening as her breathing grows ragged.
God— hate wouldn’t even begin to describe what she felt towards herself. An despises and loathes every part of herself. Every little inhuman part of herself, parts that freak out and try to claw out of her skin at the slightest scent of blood, twitches at mere mentions of it. She desperately wants to just tear off her tails and her ears and her claws and her fangs and bleed out on grass.
She wants to, she’s tried to, her scars show her mistakes and her failures. Her throat burns and feels raw as she hiccups, the way her fangs dig into her skin is like a taunt. An feels her already weak control slip even further as something inside her shifts and—
“An…?” Someone behind speaks.
Her ears shoot up, pin to the side of her head as she turns around. She recognizes that voice, knows it, it’s it’s—
“…Saki…!—“ An forces out, voice grainy and unrecognisable.
An stands up quicker than she can process it, rushing over and throwing herself at Saki, at one of the only girls that’s ever understood An, one of the only girls who didn’t run from her bloody wake and instead held open arms for her to return into. Her chest shakes, trembles, form hunched over to compensate for the height difference.
Her hands are balled up, claws digging into her palm in an attempt to not hurt the girl. The red mist in her thoughts starts to depart at the simple presence of Saki. Her grip is tight on An, arms wrapped around her back and supporting her trembling body.
“I’m— ‘m sorry—“
“Shh shh, rest your voice, it’s okay.” Saki deflects An’s attempt at an apology, instead letting her bury her face deeper into her hair. The tears in her eyes pour out all over again, her chest shakes with overwhelming emotions.
“W-why…how…how…?” She asks instead between sobs, breathing out shakily as Saki cards her fingers though tangled hair.
A short pause, Saki nuzzles into the sternum area of An’s body. “I heard you. That’s what I meant by “rest your voice”, you dummy.” She says softly.
An apology bubbles up in her throat again, it comes out as a strangled whimper. Her shoulder slumps and she hiccups a third time. Saki doesn’t say anything else, she focuses on calming her down like she always does. Small kisses pressed near her neck, fingers trailing down her hair, a hand rubbing her back.
And it works. An feels her claws retracting back into normal length nails, joints shifting around in her legs, her clothes don't feel as constricting as before. The only thing that remains are her ears and tails, but she was more than okay to just deal with it.
Saki seems to notice it too, carefully pulling away from An to look at her with soft pink gazes. "Do you want to go home?" The girl asks carefully.
An blinks back at her, slowly. The answer to the question feels obvious, too obvious. Yet her currently exhausted state could care less, the word home home home fills her with so much relief that she could pass out on the spit.
Home– Not the place in the kingdom she had to begrudgingly call her home. It's Saki's home. Her home. Saki is her home. Her home. Two words she can repeat over and over again and smile, feel relief from.
"...I do.." She answers, ears drooping to her side. "I do…"