(TW: small vent & slight mention of suicide)
BPD culture is ruining peopleâs lives. Never on purpose. Even when youâre not trying to be shitty, all you end up doing is hurting everyone around you. Every single thing you do, small or big, ends up hurting somebody. Everything. BPD culture is being nothing but a burden to everybody in your life. I canât even leave the world to lift the burden off everyone because that would still hurt people tremendously. Why canât I just be good to the ones I love and make them happy? Maybe someone would stay. But I am shit and hurt everyone until theyâre forced to leave me. BPD culture is everybody leaving you or hating you.
.
no. i am not. thank you for listening
(i keep forgetting to log on + school and life is an ASSHOLE)
project sekai pmd au when < made a moveset + assigned pokemons to them already
tw for blood and graphic imagery (its not like, violent violent but still ig ???)
An remembers one time someone saying that memories are closely connected to scents. How something as simple as the scent of rain on a cold day can send you back to a time when you were a child and were running in the rain even for just a moment.
It's happened to everyone at some point. It's happened to An at some point. Many points. It happened to An right now. She wishes it was anything further than the truth.
Blood. That one scent that she hates so much. That one scent that drives her mad at a mere drop of it being presented to her.
When she smells blood, she sees red.
Red on her hands, her mouth. Red on the ground and near her feet. Deep and rich in hue, sickeningly metallic in flavour. The only thing she hates more than that is how she knows the tasteâ has it ingrained and carved into her mind, a stain being unable to be washed offâ, how familiar she is with it, how her body craves it.
Nothing changes, everything changes. Her tears donât wash the red on her hands off. Her ear twitches and flicks and sends shivers of pain down the side of her head, down her neck. Her fur bristles against her too tight clothing, radiating even more pain through the rest of her body. Her tail swishes and serves as a mocking reminder of what she can be, what she canât be, what she so desperately wants to rip off.
Her knees buckle and forces her to collapse on the body sheâs standing over. Her claws dig deeper into skin instinctively, teeth tightening. A voice in Anâs mind bites at her, claws and digs its fangs into her brain. The urge to just shred the corpse into nothing but bones and feel blood drip down from her mouth again is overwhelming and suffocating.
Sheâ She really doesnât want to give in to her bloodlust. To give in to her deep seated craving for flesh and blood andâ An shuts her eyes close, chest tightening as her breathing grows ragged.Â
Godâ hate wouldnât even begin to describe what she felt towards herself. An despises and loathes every part of herself. Every little inhuman part of herself, parts that freak out and try to claw out of her skin at the slightest scent of blood, twitches at mere mentions of it. She desperately wants to just tear off her tails and her ears and her claws and her fangs and bleed out on grass.Â
She wants to, sheâs tried to, her scars show her mistakes and her failures. Her throat burns and feels raw as she hiccups, the way her fangs dig into her skin is like a taunt. An feels her already weak control slip even further as something inside her shifts andâ
âAnâŚ?â Someone behind speaks.
Her ears shoot up, pin to the side of her head as she turns around. She recognizes that voice, knows it, itâs itâsâ
ââŚSakiâŚ!ââ An forces out, voice grainy and unrecognisable.
An stands up quicker than she can process it, rushing over and throwing herself at Saki, at one of the only girls thatâs ever understood An, one of the only girls who didnât run from her bloody wake and instead held open arms for her to return into. Her chest shakes, trembles, form hunched over to compensate for the height difference.Â
Her hands are balled up, claws digging into her palm in an attempt to not hurt the girl. The red mist in her thoughts starts to depart at the simple presence of Saki. Her grip is tight on An, arms wrapped around her back and supporting her trembling body.
âIâmâ âm sorryââ
âShh shh, rest your voice, itâs okay.â Saki deflects Anâs attempt at an apology, instead letting her bury her face deeper into her hair. The tears in her eyes pour out all over again, her chest shakes with overwhelming emotions.
âW-whyâŚhowâŚhowâŚ?â She asks instead between sobs, breathing out shakily as Saki cards her fingers though tangled hair.
A short pause, Saki nuzzles into the sternum area of Anâs body. âI heard you. Thatâs what I meant by ârest your voiceâ, you dummy.â She says softly.
An apology bubbles up in her throat again, it comes out as a strangled whimper. Her shoulder slumps and she hiccups a third time. Saki doesnât say anything else, she focuses on calming her down like she always does. Small kisses pressed near her neck, fingers trailing down her hair, a hand rubbing her back.
And it works. An feels her claws retracting back into normal length nails, joints shifting around in her legs, her clothes don't feel as constricting as before. The only thing that remains are her ears and tails, but she was more than okay to just deal with it.
Saki seems to notice it too, carefully pulling away from An to look at her with soft pink gazes. "Do you want to go home?" The girl asks carefully.
An blinks back at her, slowly. The answer to the question feels obvious, too obvious. Yet her currently exhausted state could care less, the word home home home fills her with so much relief that she could pass out on the spit.
Homeâ Not the place in the kingdom she had to begrudgingly call her home. It's Saki's home. Her home. Saki is her home. Her home. Two words she can repeat over and over again and smile, feel relief from.
"...I do.." She answers, ears drooping to her side. "I doâŚ"
um at the one person that follows me (auri hi father) i will use here to post like my drabbles bc project sekai makes me ill
I HAVE NOT POSTED ANYTHING HERE BUT I SWEAR IM NOT A BOT I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO USE THIS WEBSITE