Diet culture is so fucking disgusting. I'm googling recommended calories intakes trying to figure out how short I'm falling and every fucking website I'd want to use to calculate how many calories I really need is all fucking "CALORIE DEFFICIANT!!! LOOSE WEIGHT FAST" "RECOMMENDED CALORIES TO LOSE WEIGHT" "CALORIE WEIGHT LOSS CALCULATOR"
If I lose any more, I'm gonna be having fainting spells and shit. I'm literally eating an 8th of what I should be. I love being a chef, but it doesn't leave much room to really enjoy any food.
My face is way too skinny, I'm all sunken and shit. I'm cold all the time, I'm bitchy and I'm constantly exhausted. And I'm so anxious about how little I eat it's stopping me from eating. My house is full of food, but there's no dishes, and im too tired to clean anything. And being that this is America all my food is fuckin garbage anyway, none of it has real nutrients or shit.
I'm literally crying cause ive lost so much weight and I don't know how to replace it. I'm gonna have to overhaul my entire lifestyle to accommodate more meals and build habits and it just sounds like so much fuckin work.
Everyone wants what they don't have, I guess.