Alastor: *reading a recipe* Whisk until pale... Lucifer, come here for a moment.
Lucifer: Hm, what?
Alastor: *grabs his arm, compares the batter to his skin* Hmm... I'd say that's close enough.
—
Alastor: How much of the Bible was even real?
Lucifer: Assume everything you read in it is false.
Alastor: I see, so Jesus never happened and God doesn't exist.
Lucifer: What? No—
—
Angel: What do you even know about addiction?
Alastor: ... Angel, I was a soldier in the First World War. I lived during the prohibition. I still take medicine with cocaine in it, and I still make moonshine in my bathtub.
Alastor: "What do I know about addiction," the nerve.
—
Vox: We could have been GREAT!
Alastor: Great what? Clowns? I don't want to be a part of your circus, Vox. Unlike you, I don't derive sexual pleasure from feeling humiliated. Take your Tony the Tiger impression somewhere else.
Vox:
Vox: How the fuck do you know who Tony the Tiger is?
—
Charlie: Look, Alastor, I'm not trying to step on your toes, but—
Alastor: You'd have a difficult time, given that I don't have any.
—
Alastor: Goodbye, chums! I'm off to have Girl Dinner with Rosie!
—
Alastor: Shut up, Susan.
Vaggie: ... That's not my name.
Alastor: ... Question, were you always an exorcist angel or did you have human relatives at some point? You remind me of someone.
—
Angel: And transgender is basically people who don't identify with the gender they were assigned to at birth.
Alastor: Oh, I see, so it's like how I tricked my sperm donor into thinking I was always a boy and made him think he was clinically insane for having memories of the contrary!
Angel:
Angel: You WHAT?!