Thoughts - Blog Posts

“can we go back to normal?”

considering my normal has been fainting in the shower, not being able to breathe, a heart rate of 190, social avoidance, and feelings of hopelessness,

no. no, we can not go ‘back to normal’.

i was a lover, you were a lesson.

“i dream for the day you give me your heart, because i will hold it closer than i hold my own.”

- abby

i was only a sentence in the book of your life.

but you were the main character in mine.

- abby

Some days are so beautiful and melancholy that you feel your heart bleeding out as the light inevitably fades from them, stopping as night falls and waiting to be reawakened by the arrival of another day some incalculable amount of time away in the unknowable future that will bring back this nameless feeling that is now crystallized in your memories.

America is no longer the cream of the crop. We are the chaff you put in a barn so animals can shit on it. Been embracing stupidity hook line and sinker since Regan, or probably before that. Good job defunding free will and free thought along with education. Goddess, we're dumber than a rock pile.

i really want friends but i am not funny

After playing Assassin's Creed [ezio's] and then playing Far Cry 5, I was waiting for the deputy to say Ezio's line. You know the whole "Requiescat in Pace." In a sense of killing the seeds.

God I love these games

But do you see my vision

Thor comic issues: Loki mind-swap Odin

During what issues on the original Thor comic run did Loki mind control/switch minds with Odin?

Not Sims 4 CC related but something I just saw and it's so true and inspirational. I hope it's also to you all. 😊

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.

C.S. Lewis

"When I die I wanna go to heaven""when I die I want everything to stop""idk what I want when I die"

Well I want to nurse every animal dead of human negligance, cruelty or ignorance back to health and lead them to a nice place for them. Thats it. Thats what I want. I wanna spend eternity shaping new fins for sharks and healing burns on souls who died in a fire, and play with abandonned cats and dogs who died alone in the streets.

Thats it, thats what I want.

I just had the weirdest dream of my life...someone close to me was dead but i knew i was in a dream and thus nothing was real, but the persons in my dream was angry at me for saying that it was not real "why are you like that ?! You shoukd be crying for our friend ! I knew you were antipathic but what you are doing right now this is another whole f*cking level !!"

I understand that it was super strange for them but that not my fault if it was a dream, i just told them the truth but no one believed me.

To anyone who was born in one country and grew up in another,

Does it feel weird to you too when you recite the national anthem of a country that you know will never consider you their own even though they're all you've ever known? Did you also have to force a different accent onto your tongue so people would stop looking at you when you spoke with that face that meant they weren't listening to what you said, only the way you said it? Did you dread bringing a copy of your birth certificate to school and try to slip it onto the teachers desk before anyone noticed or saw as if you were passing confidential information? Did you try to be more of this or less of that so you would look like something that belonged? Have you also been a guest that overstayed your whole life in a country you call home?

Maybe, maybe.... The reason why mouthwashing is called such is because Jimmy needs to rinse his fucking mouth out. You know like when your parents tell you to wash your mouth with soap when you said a swear word. Jimmy is inherent liar, he lies to others, he lies to himself and subsequently feeds his delusions and victim complex. I mean, it kills 99,9% of germs, maybe if Jimmy drank it they wouldn't be able to take root... At least externally where everyone can get influenced by them. Others got 'corupted' but Jimmy could get 'cured'

I wish summer time comes early this year so I can bathe in the sun and not worry about school again.

it was so hard losing my liver but i had to move on, fam

“The hardest thing about moving forward is leaving something behind - and usually it’s a part of ourselves.”

— Unknown

Hello Everyone!! I know I haven't been on here in a while. Honestly I don't even know when was the last time that I got on. But anyways....I know that by now everyone knows what happen with Seungri and all the crimes that are coming to light. For the most part I have been watching what is said on the news. And only like maybe 2 to 3 people that have posted videos about it on Youtube. And I haven't really commented on any cause honestly I’m really mad because the other members had warn Seungri about his friends and how once they where gone to do their military service he was going to be the face for the group. And I feel like he really didn't take their advice to heart. I know he retired from the group because he didn't want his “scandal” to hurt the group. But the damage is done. Its just sad to see that he didn't think much of the warnings that the other members gave him. It so disappointed to see that this happen. But I'm truly glad that what was done has come to light so that those who have commit a crime can be punished by the law. Regardless of how much money they have if a crime is committed they should be punished by the law. Anyways that is my little rant about that. I’m also curious to read your thought on this subject. 

No... I never meant to say the things I said. I never meant to make you think that all I say is lies. I'm sorry for being so two-faced with you. I just have so many emotions that I want to show you that I try to show as many as I can. I'm sorry for never completely trusting you... I just feel that I can never fully trust anyone no matter how much I want to.

Thoughts of a Gemini writer

I am a sensitive person.

I feel things deeply, even if it doesn’t always show. I learned to downplay my emotions, to water myself down in an attempt to be more palatable.

Because when enough people tell you that being sensitive in a bad thing, you start believing them.

-a work in progress I’m posting.

I have two sides

Sometimes I feel urge to make/adopt/buy a lot, really a lot of characters and have literally a hundreds of them, but sometimes I want to have as little OCs as needed.

From time to time I think I couldn't handle that much characters, but I had many of them in past and it wasn't hard for me 🤨

Random moment

"Void" by Astha Kesri

- Written by Astha Kesri

- Visuals by Vaishnavi

The text has been formatted by amalgamating the various stages my brain tends to process emotions through. With poetry and, without it.

I am extremely thankful to Vaishnavi for visualizing this piece. I can’t think of anyone else who’d film my poetry as you have. I look forward to more such collaborations where both of us can pursue our love for creating art.

@metamorphesque @kill-your-darlin @ashstfu @ritikajyala

- "Inventing Love" by Astha Kesri

(inspired by the idea of food as a love language; portrayed beautifully in most K dramas; intrigued by these very episodes of metaphoric depiction, my own analysis of certain soft human emotions conveyed through food…)

@metamorphesque @kill-your-darlin

- "the dead soldier's quest back home", Astha || 27.2.2022

- "Self portraits, roses and her brain...on fire", Astha

- "Autumn", Astha

"I slept, and slept, with my brain alive"

"I mistook a broken mirror for anonymity, and pared a hundred "me" within"

- Astha, "my two week old butterfly days" *a random collection of my 2am monologues*

00:18

" If I could love you, I'd write about us everyday" - Astha 24.01.2022

The tragedy of being an artist is having to withhold a thousand souls in one body,

escaping only to conquer or to be doomed...

Such keen observers, how reticent to the naked eye,

yet, overwhelmingly exposed, aggressively honest, spatially present,

as if to mock oneself...

How January of a month to birth a poet in me ~

- Astha, "I should've painted my face blue", 18.01.2022

Awake , to make sense of everything...