Jekyll: I love dogs who are obsessed with licking people. "This human is pleasing to me, I have to put my tongue on it".
Hyde: Dogs treat us like we treat cool rocks.
Jekyll: Your relationship to rocks is apparently very different than mine.
Jekyll: Whenever I meet a problem that makes me sad or frustrated because I can't seem to fix it, I look at a photograph of all the Lodgers together.
Jasper: Aawwwww-
Jekyll: And I think; "If I can keep these dumbasses alive and out of prison, I can do absolutely anything".
Jasper: -... Oh.
Jekyll: Let's ignore the fact the Lodgers are, in fact, the cause of most of my problems.
Lanyon: Self care is stupid, I want to beat my dad with his own bones.
Jekyll: Did you just-- Did you just say what I thought you said?
Lanyon: I'm-- what?
Jekyll: Did you just... Threaten to murder the source of your problems and trauma with a vague and ominous plan of action?
Lanyon: I... I believe so, yes?
Jekyll: Oh my god.
Lanyon: What??
Jekyll: You are turning into ME.
Lanyon: I... oH NO I AM-
Jekyll: Jasper-- Jasper, hey Jasper, Jasper listen to me-
Jasper: I- Yes??
Jekyll: What do you call a werewolf that knows a lot of things?
Jasper: I... Don't know?
Jekyll: An... AWARE-wolf :D:D:D
Jasper: I...
Jekyll: Get it??? Aware like WERE-
Jasper: Sir, please, I get it, but when was the last time you slept?
Jekyll: I have NO IDEA :D:D:D:D
Jekyll: Sometimes I dream of becoming a vampire
Hyde: To live forever and not grow old?
Jekyll: To avoid seeing your ugly face in mirrors.
Jekyll: I turned out perfectly fine! I'm perfectly okay!
Jasper: Sir, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.
Jekyll: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!! NO ONE ELSE PUT THE BREAD IN!!!
Jekyll: Sitting on and touching warm rocks... Now that's the good stuff...
Jasper: Are you... A reptile?
Jekyll: What are you-- a cop? Mind your business...
Lanyon: Jekyll, please, may I ask WHY there are a bunch of frogs in your office?
Jekyll laying down in a pile of frogs: They looked so cold outside! I had to bring them inside! :(
Lanyon: Henry, they are frogs-- frogs are supposed to be cold! They are wild animals!
Jekyll: :(
Jasper: Sir, on a scale of 1-10, please rate your pain.
Jekyll: Pi.
Jasper: Pi?
Jekyll: A minimal but a never ending number.
Jasper: What the actual f*ck.
Jekyll: Selfcare is drinking highly toxic chemicals right out of the anti-contamination beaker whilst letting the darkness that dwells within the depths of your soul overtake you.
Lanyon: No.
Jekyll: Slurp.
Pish posh mish mosh hot shot. Who do you think made you those mind-altering inhibitors in the first place? A business major!?
Don't let my posh exterior fool you! I am one with the streets. Not a single cap in sight.
Song is 'Streichquartett No. 3, 'Kaiserquartett' In C Major, Op. 76: I. Allegro (First Part)' [Transcripts under cut.]
I live in a low income housing environment that goes by the government name of "Section 8." Me and a group of my allies control certain areas of this section in order to run our illegitimate business. We possess unregistered firearms, stolen vehicles, mind-altering inhibitors and only use cash for financial purchases. If anyone would like to settle unfinished altercations, I will be more than happy to release my address. I would like to warn you; I am a very dangerous person and I regularly disobey the law.