It's funny to hear these "you matter" and other shit of this type from people, when you're literally a useless piece of muscles and organs, and can't go and commit su!c!de because it's too painful.
Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol
I have no idea why, but everyone became so supportive out of blue... Literally, my parents started talking about that I need a psychologist, and that they'll bring me to them. My classmates let me vent out, and gave me support, but the problem is... I don't want help anymore. I already made my decision. But the worst thing is.... I relapsed. But, sometimes I think, what's happening with me? Why I feel like this and etc. But I just started to think that's just a phase, hormones or something... Even though I have it for 3 years, Lol
I talked with my parents about that I wanna die, but they started to judge me. Today I understood that nobody needs me, and I'm not need to stay here in this world. I want to commit suicide, and I will commit suicide, maybe on my funerals they will understand that I wasn't okay?:)
World would be better if I'd be dead or aborted
uh, oh! I wanna shoot myself again!
I wish, I could just die and don't suffer anymore, fuck my life
I'm feeling useless, maybe I'm just fooling myself, huh?