Red Robin - Blog Posts

i haven’t even touched the group chat yet, y’all aren’t ready for that one

DC as actual things my friends have said: Part 2

~

Dick: Woah! What’s with the face?

Jason: It’s Bruce. He never leaves me alone! I swear he’s so far up my ass I can feel him in my ovaries

Dick: You don’t have ovaries?

Jason: Exactly

~

Tim:

~at 3 in the morning~

Tim: Did you know that only 5% of the ocean has been uncovered? For all we know, there could wild JoJo Siwas in the ocean

Kon: And she attacks your boat and violently humps you

Bart: Or there could be glowing squids! That’d be pretty cool

Cassie: Have any of you ever heard of inside thoughts??

~

Tim: Why are you crying!? What’s wrong?!?

A very pregnant Stephanie: Sometimes when my eyes get lonely I cry because they’re friends with my tears :(

Tim:

DC as actual things my friends have said: Part 2

~

Dick: Woah! What’s with the face?

Jason: It’s Bruce. He never leaves me alone! I swear he’s so far up my ass I can feel him in my ovaries

Dick: You don’t have ovaries?

Jason: Exactly

~

Tim:

~at 3 in the morning~

Tim: Did you know that only 5% of the ocean has been uncovered? For all we know, there could wild JoJo Siwas in the ocean

Kon: And she attacks your boat and violently humps you

Bart: Or there could be glowing squids! That’d be pretty cool

Cassie: Have any of you ever heard of inside thoughts??

~

Tim: Why are you crying!? What’s wrong?!?

A very pregnant Stephanie: Sometimes when my eyes get lonely I cry because they’re friends with my tears :(

Tim:

They all yell at everyone else constantly about respecting their personal boundaries and shit but then they all turn around and track each other’s every move, like “i just wanna make sure you’re safe :(“

Love the idea of the batfam all being equally unhinged like Tim calls dick every two days with “why’d you take the cameras I use to stalk you down :(“ Dick is always placing trackers on everyone, Bruce just fucking shows up and watches his kids go about their daily lives, Jason’s got eyes all over the city to ping him if someone matching his families description pops up, Barbra is always listening and watching like love that shit

some quick little doodle headshots of cassie, tim, and cass. today was the first day in a while i’ve been able to draw and it feels great!

DC characters as actual things my family has said: Part 2

~at a very fancy restaurant~

Bart: Woah there’s a lot of French on this menu, oh! Speaking of French guess what I learned on Duolingo today

Cassie: What’d you learn?

Bart: When they say ‘cat’ in French they pronounce it ‘shat’! You know like sat but with an ‘sh’

Tim: Bart please stop talking

Bart: No it’s true! They say ‘shat’! S-H-A-T. Like if Kon was a French cat I’d say “Look there’s the shat right there!”- why are you laughing

Kon: Bart, um do you know what shat means in English? Come here (whispers for a moment in his ear)

Bart: IT MEANS SHIT?? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!

Bart: oh sorry

Cassie: just kill me now

Batfamily as actual things my family has said: Part 1

~

Bruce: Jason! No gang signs at the dinner table!

~

Damian: Stingrays are so smooth. They feel like Stephanie’s hands.

Steph: Was that a compliment? I can’t tell if that was a compliment.

Damian: OH I’M SORRY FOR TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU ASSHOLES FOR ONCE! GOD, I MENT THAT YOU HAVE SMOOTH HANDS!

Steph: Thank you?

Damian: whatever

~

Dick: Oh don’t worry the bite marks are just from Tim

Barbara:

Dick: I swear that sounded reassuring in my head

Tim and Bernard would obnoxiously coparent Damian so hard scheduling visitation and making up crazy lies about Bernard having a fling with Bruce (that’s actually how he met Tim) but Bruce was too controlling during Bernard’s pregnancy so he had to end the relationship and now Damian only sees his dad at night and every other weekend

. . . Funny idea my brother and I had one day: What if the batkids continuously adopted one another?

—

Jaybin: Yeah, B is in the middle of the adoption process, so...

Dick: Hey. You know what'd be hilarious?

Jason: Huh?

Dick: If I adopted you. That way, you'd be Batman's grandson. Make him feel old.

Jason: . . . 'Aight bet.

Jason lived with Bruce, he was Bruce's son, but much to Bruce's annoyance and irritation Dick managed to snag the legal rights over Jason, making him Dick's "adoptive son." But, it wasn't that big a deal, Bruce guesses. Anyways, that's how Jason became Jason Todd-Grayson-Wayne.

—

Now, Jason did not like Tim when he came back from the dead, definitely not fond of the little f*cker. However, he became somewhat okay-ish with his existence after Bruce's "death" and, also, thought it'd be funny.

Jason: Hey, pretender.

Tim: What?

Jason: So, you have no legal guardian since Bruce died.

Tim: He is not dead.

Jason: Sure, sure, sure, anyways, you need a legal guardian and I don't give a f#&$ what you do.

Tim: . . . Elaborate?

Jason: I have the papers printed out already.

And, thus, Timothy Jackson Drake-Todd-Grayson-Wayne is born and also Bruce's expression is hilarious when he finds out. Dick celebrates having a grandson and Jason realizes quickly how he's f*cked up whenever he receives calls from Tim's school that he dropped out of or has to get a call from the hospital when Tim has his weekly near death experience...

—

Damian was much easier.

Damian: Timothy, I have heard the most ridiculous rumor that you are Grayson's grandson and adopted by Todd!?

Tim: Oh, yeah, it's funny.

Damian: . . . I want in.

Tim:

Damian:

Tim: Bernard, you want in on this?

Bernard: Hell yeah!

Damian is a bit to proud when he holds up his new birth certificate, stating "Damian Thomas Al Ghul-Drake-Todd-Grayson-Wayne-Dowd." Bruce is really, really not impressed and Cass is so glad she's manages to avoid this odd family tradition...

So, by law, Damian is both Bruce's son and great great grandson, Dick's great grandson, Jason's grandson, and Tim and Bernard's son. Bruce eventually forces them all to a courthouse to get paperwork done so he can make them all regular siblings and all his children, but they all complain the entire time and Tim accuses Bruce of taking him from his Father, Jason throws in some fake tears, Dick makes himself dramatically pass out... The press eat it up.

—

The positioning of the wooden post is making my brain scream kon is there too but gothamites hate the supers so they conveniently block him out of each shot.

What happened to me?! when did I start shipping timberkon so hard I see timber stuff and make it about them instead?!

Once Tim and Bernard are publically dating, paparazzi tries to get the most pictures that they can of the two on dates cuz neither have public personal accounts on any social media (both have accounts but it doesnt have their name or anything)

These pictures of them on a date goes viral

Tim as Tom | Bernard as Zendaya

Omg this is such a good series so sad the authors worried about it being ooc bcs I already can’t separate it from canon in my mind it’s so well written!!!

If you're a fan of Bernard Dowd, you should definitely check out this series of fics!

I love that the author explains it as a coming of age story gone wrong.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2642986

YES but specifically it needs to have a scene of Tim chewing out some high school boys for also wanting to get pregnant, à la issue #61. Need Ives going "Yeah Josh had a little girl and he says it totally rocks!" and Tim goes on one of his corporate sounding PSA's where he really sorts out those troubled youths.

Also both girls who're excited about teen pregnancy being black, and being "set straight" by their mature white peer does NOT escape my notice. DC writers striking again bro :/

tim drake mpreg. reblog if you agree 🤪

my dc blog isnt working so here

i like to think when tim drake came out the family was overwhelmingly accepting. i always thought tim wanted to come out because he wanted to feel comfortable telling people about bernard and stuff but i just know when he told the family they went fucking insane for him. bruce wasn’t really surprised, he knew one of his kids would be queer. nevertheless he’s very happy and proud of tim. i feel like tim would tell bruce first and they had a nice talk about it. dick was SO happy to hear that tim and bernard were dating, he secretly always knew tim was a little gay for bernard and when it was confirmed to his face he was so happy for tim. jason was really proud of tim for coming out. he was happy that tim found someone and was able to share with the family. i like to think alfred knew like dick did but bruce kinda told alfred, however alfred was very happy for tim. KATE WAS OVER THE MOON. i absolutely adore the headcanon that she’s the gay wine aunt that was incredibly excited to support tim. because it’s canon tbh. SHE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDED TO KNOW. not saying damian didn’t understand, because obvious he does, but he just didn’t know how to take it. of course he was happy for his brother but he didn’t really understand why tim needed to come out. he just thought love was normal. (bruce explained) cass knew. she has a very good gaydar and i bet tim told her a good while before he told everyone else. she was happy to meet bernard and she helps tim get him gifts and helps plan dates. I LOVE TIM DRAKE SO MUCH OMGGGG HES MY BABY <3

CRYING I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Fashion meme with the Batfam 

Personal hc that before Jason, dick was a total teenage dirtbag.

Dick was always seeking his father’s approval, just to see if he *truly* cared. Bruce was always so preoccupied with Wayne Industries and off world missions that he never took time to truly acknowledge Dicks feelings.

There would be several times Wally would put out Dicks cigarettes before he could protest. Arguing “they aren’t good for your health!”. Dick would simply just vow to buy more and smoke in secret for the next time.

In his civvies, Dick would get arrested for “disorderly conduct” because he doesn’t believe in blind obedience. On a deeper level, the Gotham police reminds him of going to Juvie when his parents died, and Dick can’t help but lose it a little. It’s a PTSD response for him, to reject the local Gotham PD.

Dick and Commissioner Gordon are on a first name basis for how many times he’s picked Dick up for causing too much ruckus around Gotham. Bruce always pays his bail and wordlessly takes him home.

In his later years as Robin, Dick would get in trouble for experimenting too much amongst his peers. Getting invited to parties, drinking too much, smoking too much… it’s almost a cyclical thing for Dick to stumble through his open window at night, or to wake up hungover in someone else’s bed.

All of this was an attempt to see if Bruce truly cares, if he would actually stop Dick from making these unhealthy choices that are slowly killing him.

Dick constantly sought his father’s approval, but never truly got it. Bruce understood what it was like to be an orphan, so he would let Dick make these mistakes without interfering. From Dicks perspective, it seemed like Bruce never truly cared…

There are Monsters in the Dark

[Bruce waking up to Jason looming over him]

Bruce, bleary eyed: Jason? Why- why are you watching me sleep?

Jason: I need your help.

Bruce, groaning: What did you do?

Jason: Excuse you, I did nothing but be my perfect angel self.

Bruce, deadpan: Ah yes, angel and Jason. Two words that are basically synonymous. Well then, my angel child, I'm sure this can wait till tomorrow after I have had at least 3 hours of sleep.

Jason: It actually can't, because there is currently a monster residing under my bed.

Bruce:

Bruce, blinking slowly: Jason, you are 22. There isn't a monster under your bed.

Jason: Oh, silly me, let me just inform the MONSTER under MY BED that there is apparently an age limit on that sort of behavior.

Bruce: You can't be serious, Jay.

Jason: Deadly. Much like the monster under my bed. And as my dad it is your job to get rid of it.

Bruce: *Getting up and angrily putting his robe on* Alfred help you, Jason, if you woke me up at 4 am to kill a spider.

Jason: Firstly, it's not a spider, Bruce. And secondly, there is no need to invoke the name of our lord and savior, Alfred Pennyworth.

Bruce: *rolling his eyes*

[Bruce getting on his knees to check under the bed]

Bruce: See, there's no- F*CK! *Bruce slamming his head against the bed-frame upon seeing Tim dressed as the Joker under the bed*

Jason, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, I should have filmed that.

Bruce, wide-eyed looking at Jason: What is wrong with you?

Jason: So, so many things. But this right here, was genius.

Bruce: Tim! Get out from under the bed, now!

Tim: *Crawling out from under the bed* Sorry, Bruce. But that was pretty funny.

Bruce: No! It wasn't! That is the most horrifying sh*t you two have ever pulled!

Tim: What about that time in-

Bruce: And yes. I am including the incident in Shanghai.

*Tim and Jason grinning and high-fiving*

Bruce: No! No high-fiving! This is not a high-fiving moment! I could have seriously injured, Tim.

Tim, snorting: When? After or before you screamed and hit your head against the bed?

Bruce: *Unimpressed bat-glare*

Bruce: I'm returning you both.

Jason: Sorry, there's a no return policy on broken orphans.

Tim: *snorting and high-fiving Jason again*

Bruce: Stop high-fiving! This is serious!

Jason: Yeah, yeah, Old Man. Save the lecture. We're on a time crunch, we still have to dress Timbers up as Ra's and hide him in the Demon Brats closet.

Bruce:

Bruce: Why are you two like this?

Jason, shrugging: Blame it on the childhood trauma.

[Tim and Jason walking out of the room]

Bruce: Alcohol. I need Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Bart: I dumped a bunch of butter and cinnamon and sugar onto bread then toasted it and ate giant Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Bart: Tim almost set off the smoke alarm tho when his fell into the bottom of the toaster and we couldn't get it out lmao!

Justice League Meeting

Superman: where's Batman? The meeting was supposed to start 20 minutes ago.

Wonderwoman: could he be in danger?

Green Arrow: someone maybe should call him BEFORE we go into defcon 1

Superman: [calls the bat-line]

Oracle: [answers] this is O. How can I help?

Superman: Hi Oracle. Batman was supposed to be at the tower 20 minutes ago. Do you know where he is?

Oracle: let me check... yeah, he's at the cave, I can connect you to the security cameras?

Superman: Please.

Oracle: ok.

-The batcave shows up on screen, Bruce and some of the kids present-

Batman: [Mid sentence] -OUTRAGEOUS STUNT!!

Damian: [scowling, arms crossed] -tt-

Batman: Do NOT scoff at me, young man!

Jason: [snorts]

Batman: Are you Laughing?! This is reckless even by YOUR standards Jason!

Jason: yeah... but you said-

Batman: [menacing] What?!

Jason: [looks at Dick and mimes "young man"]

Batman: Don't look at-

Dick: [loudly and jovially] THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN

Batman: Wh-

Steph: I said YOUNG MAN [spins to point at Tim]

Tim: [Fingerguns at Steph] Pick yourself off the ground!

Batman: [floundering] En-

Dick: I said YOUNG MAN

Jason: 'Cause you're in a new town!

Duke: [from the locker rooms] There's no need to be unhappy!

Batman: [to Duke] You're not even in trouble!

Steph and Tim: YOUNG MAN there's a place you can go!

Dick: [throws an arm around Jason's shoulders] I said YOUNG MAN! When you're short on your dough!

Jason: You can STAY THERE!

Batman: That's EN-

Dick and Jason: [turn to Damian, grinning expectantly] and I'm sure you will find-!!

Damian: [glaring and without enthusiasm] ...many ways to have a good time.

Batman: Don't-

All the batkids: [chorusing] It's fun to stay at the B-A-T CAVE

Batman: [finally loses it] WHY???!!

-

Superman: ...

Green Arrow: ...well someone has to say it.

The Flash: That he should get an award for parenting that lot?

Green Arrow: that clearly inherited behaviour has nothing to do with genetics. I grew up with Bruce Wayne; he deserves every second of this

Stephanie: Yoink is the opposite of yeet.

Jason: But it’s just as fast.

Tim: The lord yeetith and he yoinketh away.

Bruce: I think I’m having a stroke.

dick grayson: but I mean, an arranged marriage? that’s just too out there for me to be okay with.

tim drake: oh, I don’t know, dick, an arranged marriage might be fun. you know stephanie and I have something like that. sometimes I’ll dress up as an opossum and scream at stephie until she gets up to smack my ass with a broom and then she chases me around our bedroom, and we-

jason todd: tim! tim! ‘arranged marriage’, alright, not 'deranged marriage’!

yeeeeee

dick and tim have been excommunicated from the church, no i will not elaborate.

tim and bernard as my next installment of the batfam dance au !!!

this au is pure escapism haha

prev here

common sibling behavioral pattern

a healthy dose of shitposting ( and self love) wont hurt anyone :)

‼️Peter Parker In Gotham Fic Idea‼️

A Peter Parker In Gotham fic but not the Tom Holland-Peter but the 20 year old Peter Parker who has both collage, work and patrol. Who shamelessly flirts with both Nightwing and Red Hood as Spider-Man but literally dies when meeting them out of costume.

The guy is used to Deadpool and is not impressed or shocked at anything the Bats do. You d!ed? Okay and? You k!lled somebody with a ballon? Sound believable. You stalked me? Okay, what do you want me to do about it?

He is tired and done with everyone’s sh!t, he will befriend your villains and your neighbours. He will stop a fight by treating to call your and your enemies parents. Does he have their numbers, yes.

Batman and the Joker fighting:

Spider-Man, a hand on his hip: Mr, do you want me to call your butler?

Batman: You don’t have his number.

Spider-Man, phone in hand: Are you sure?

Alfred: Mr Batman, get home it’s dinner

Joker: Wtf

‼️BATFAM FANFIC IDEA‼️

Bruce gets split into his core personalities. I think there was a Teen Titans GO episode where this happened with Raven.

An 8 year old, sad and lonely Bruce who cries uncontrollably unless someone holds his hand

A 17 year old Bruce Wayne who dances on tables and flirts with literally the whole Justice League (who are very uncomfortable with a 17 year old version of their friend flirting with adults)

A tired dad Bruce who lectures people, drinks wine and takes care of 8 year old Bruce

The Justice League and Batfam have to figure out how to keep them calm and alive until they can put them together again

Next time anyone would wonder what the hell is going on in Batfamily they just should remember the fact the first Robin was raised in a circus

Dick: You asked me about my new lover, Bruce

Bruce: *not looking up from Batcomputer* And who is that?

Dick: *pointing at a wanted poster with Deathstroke*

Bruce: Wilson? Are you serious, Dick? I suppose we made it clear after your relationship with Jason, didn't we? You should keep away from psychopathic killers

Tim: *peeking up from the book* Isn't it a family trait?

It's raining nonstop where I am so I'm just picturing the Batfam during a flood.

Red Robin uploads a TikTok from the safety of a roof saying "watch him go!" As Red Hood keeps trying to drive his bike against the current. A big wave comes by and he's slowly dragged downhill. The caption reads "don't drive during floods".

Batman and Robin are on the ground helping civilians out of cars when the intensity doubles and in minutes Damian goes from wading knee deep in the water to swimming. The emergency batfloaties get triggered and he floats away as Bruce fails to grab him by half an inch. "Robin serenely drifting in the current" becomes a meme.

Someone takes a picture of a very flustered spoiler trying to squeeze the water out of her cape. The second she lets go the weight of the water makes her fall ass over backwards. Black Bat ends up giving her her waterproof cape.

Signal makes mirages of sharks in the water to scare the shit out of any criminals. Oracle uploads the recordings with Benny hill as background music. Bludhaven escapes the worst of the storm and Nightwing sends pictures to the group chat patting the barely wet concrete just to rub it in. He still slips on a puddle and eats shit, Barbara sends that to the group chat.

Babs' shirt makes want to fly into the sun