Osdd1b - Blog Posts

Little Intro

Hi, My call me Dee! I'm a 23-year-old NonBinary[Neutrois] Spoonie. Over the past few years, I've gotten a few official DX’s after suffering for years since I was really young. Its been hard trying to come to terms with things and accepting my mind and body for what they are and the illnesses I do have. It's taken this long to stop fighting myself and consider extensive therapy and medicine. I tried when I was younger but being a mentally Ill and hurting kid I didn’t want to accept certain things. Especially when society makes things like mental illness so taboo. But I’m 23 now and I realize I went through nothing a child should ever have to, and yes I survived but at the cost of my mental and physical well being. Coming to terms with that, and that I can't and will never be fully able-bodied is hard. I'm hoping that eventually, I learn to accept and love myself the way I am and stop comparing myself to others. A bit about my conditions:

Mental:

•C-PTSD

•Anxiety/Panic Disorder [Severe]

•BPD

•Bipolar

•Depression [Severe]

•Dissociative Disorder

•DPDR

•OCD

•Paranoid Personality Disorder

•Maladaptive Daydreaming. [not sure if this counts much.]

| I also think I have OSDD-1b but I'm too scared to tell my new Doctor just yet.

Physical:

•IBS-D

•Fibromyalgia

•PCOS

•Psoriasis

•Terrible sinus/ear issues that we don't know what it's from yet.

•Eating Disorders. [A and B, as well as BED]  •Sluggish Gallbladder

Medications:

Going to start Vistaril soon for my anxiety. Hope it helps. If anyone is on it too let me know how it helps for you.

Tldr; I'm using this blog as a way to help vent and come to terms with things about my mental and physical health. The past few years have hit me so hard. A lot of trauma memories resurfacing because of trying to recover from abuse and a bad childhood. The stress of this flaring up my body and a lot of invalidation from my mother and family. I just want to at least make a small place for myself where I can feel that I somewhat belong, even a tiny bit.

So..Lets see where this goes. :)

The Garden (system term)

The Garden is a Headspace Location term which refers to the area in headspace where headmates initially form . In a system that has a garden, when a special interest(s) // hyperfixation(s) becomes especially prevelant, a seed is planted in the garden . The greater the interest, the more the seed thrives and grows . As time goes on, these seeds will grow into plants . When a split or formation occurs, the plant blooms at that exact point, and the new headmate is brought into full formation . Some plants may never bloom, while others may grow rapidly, being planted one hour and brought into full bloom the next -- it depends upon the system . A system may have a headmate who tends to the garden to keep it in check -- this headmate may be called a gardener or gardenkeeper . The gardener may prevent plants from growing too quickly, thus quelling rapid headmate formation . The gardener will also tend to the already bloomed plants and keep them healthy, as these directly affect the status of each headmate and vice versa . If the system lacks a gardener, it's possible that headmates will form at overwhelming speeds, especially if one is neurodivergent + very attached to their special interests // hyperfixations . Without a gardener, headspace may experience a sort of innerworld earthquake (which may be referred to as a seedquake or gardenquake) as half-formed headmates struggle to make their way up and out of the ground of the garden . When a system is experiencing heightened emotional levels, whether positive or negative, this can potentially act as a a sort of speed-up for sprouts, or even seeds that haven't broken the surface yet . This is referred to as emo-bonemeal, or emotion bonemeal, due to how it causes the plants to thrive . Terms that may be used by Garden Systems: ☆ n. seed -- the first hint of a headmate forming; an interest planted into the garden ☆ n. seedling // sprout -- may be used to describe the growing seed, or as an endearment for newly-formed headmates ☆ n. bloom -- may be used in reference to a fully formed headmate's plant ☆ n. gardener // gardenkeeper (role) -- a headmate or headmates who tend to the garden; such as keeping plants from growing too fast, keeping soil soft and tender so as to prevent seedquakes, maintaining blooms, etc. ☆ n. gardenquake // seedquake -- when a seedling headmate is struggling to grow, or is about to form, thus causing sort of earthquakes within the innerworld ☆ v. bloomed -- an alternative to the term "formed" ☆ n. emo-bonemeal // emotion bonemeal -- heightened emotional levels causing plant growth at potentially alarming rates THIS IS NOT FINISHED i'm just too tired rn xd

REPULSOURCTiVE AND TRAUREPULSOURCTiVE !!

@ ,,, REPULSOURCTiVE !! : a system headmate term used to describe a fictive introject who is repulsed by being associated with their source, while still being very connected to it .

@ ,,, TRAUREPULSOURCTiVE !! : a system headmate term used to describe a fictive introject who is repulsed and possibly triggered by being associated with their source due to in-source trauma, while still being very connected to it .

PSSTTT ,,, COLOR REASONING !!!!!!!!!

red = repulsion

green = disgust

indigo = past

blue = source

black = separation

grey = trauma

The Garden (system term)

The Garden is a Headspace Location term which refers to the area in headspace where headmates initially form . In a system that has a garden, when a special interest(s) // hyperfixation(s) becomes especially prevelant, a seed is planted in the garden . The greater the interest, the more the seed thrives and grows . As time goes on, these seeds will grow into plants . When a split or formation occurs, the plant blooms at that exact point, and the new headmate is brought into full formation . Some plants may never bloom, while others may grow rapidly, being planted one hour and brought into full bloom the next -- it depends upon the system . A system may have a headmate who tends to the garden to keep it in check -- this headmate may be called a gardener or gardenkeeper . The gardener may prevent plants from growing too quickly, thus quelling rapid headmate formation . The gardener will also tend to the already bloomed plants and keep them healthy, as these directly affect the status of each headmate and vice versa . If the system lacks a gardener, it's possible that headmates will form at overwhelming speeds, especially if one is neurodivergent + very attached to their special interests // hyperfixations . Without a gardener, headspace may experience a sort of innerworld earthquake (which may be referred to as a seedquake or gardenquake) as half-formed headmates struggle to make their way up and out of the ground of the garden . When a system is experiencing heightened emotional levels, whether positive or negative, this can potentially act as a a sort of speed-up for sprouts, or even seeds that haven't broken the surface yet . This is referred to as emo-bonemeal, or emotion bonemeal, due to how it causes the plants to thrive . Terms that may be used by Garden Systems: ☆ n. seed -- the first hint of a headmate forming; an interest planted into the garden ☆ n. seedling // sprout -- may be used to describe the growing seed, or as an endearment for newly-formed headmates ☆ n. bloom -- may be used in reference to a fully formed headmate's plant ☆ n. gardener // gardenkeeper (role) -- a headmate or headmates who tend to the garden; such as keeping plants from growing too fast, keeping soil soft and tender so as to prevent seedquakes, maintaining blooms, etc. ☆ n. gardenquake // seedquake -- when a seedling headmate is struggling to grow, or is about to form, thus causing sort of earthquakes within the innerworld ☆ v. bloomed -- an alternative to the term "formed" ☆ n. emo-bonemeal // emotion bonemeal -- heightened emotional levels causing plant growth at potentially alarming rates THIS IS NOT FINISHED i'm just too tired rn xd

uhhmm question.. /nf

what do you think of non-traumagenic and/or non-disordered systems..? /lh

>^>

i know it's a subject of lots of discourse in the community ,,, i don't think it's right to hate on anybody, or to tell anybody that their experience is invalid or false, it's just- different from what we're used to, yk ? something i also see a lot is ppl getting rlly upset bc "endogenic systems don't have trauma" or whatever- but they actually- *can* have trauma, and frequently *do* have trauma !! it's just not directly attached to how their system or headmates formed !! i think everyone has a right to their own experiences, but also that no one has a right to faking these kinds of things, yk ? but also, no one has a right to just claim out of the blue that someone is faking something based on their limited personal perception of what that someone releases onto social media, yeah ? it's hard sometimes to figure out that balance, how to sort the rotten from the ripe, yk ? but i think as long as everyone is loving and caring and listening, then it's going to be okay traumagenic systems have already been through enough, and endogenic systems likely have too—why do we need this added discourse based on how certain systems//headmates formed ?? some endogenic systems form from loneliness, which is sure painful, but it can be hard to tell if it qualifies as trauma, but that doesn't undermine the fact that there's other little guys in ur cranium now bopping around w u !!! i think everyone should just be nice, not fake disorders, and culture love and understanding :3 so ya !!

riding the wave, so here's a bunch of flags for it too

i wanted to coin a headmate origin term bc i have two headmates who formed on the full moon, but there's not a term for that :( so !

Plenalugenic - a term used for systems//headmates whose origin has something to do with the full moon, especially if they were formed under it .

i put it on pluralpedia :3

i wanted to coin a headmate origin term bc i have two headmates who formed on the full moon, but there's not a term for that :( so !

Plenalugenic - a term used for systems//headmates whose origin has something to do with the full moon, especially if they were formed under it .

i wanted to coin a headmate origin term bc i have two headmates who formed on the full moon, but there's not a term for that :( so !

Plenalugenic - a term used for systems//headmates whose origin has something to do with the full moon, especially if they were formed under it .

searched #agere bc my boyfriend's regressed rn nd i feel like looking at sfw age regression content will help me interact with hyx better !!! pro: CUTE CUTE CUTE AUGH i rlly like this stuff it's making me- oh- con: it's making me want to age regress RLLY RLLY BAD but- i don't- rlly have a safespace :( plus i've- never age regressed before (i think-), nd i don't know if i'd b valid bc i dunno which age i'd regress to nd everybody seems 2 know that :( man this is just like how i wish i could leave front, but i don't seem to be able to- it's the paranoia, man, it doesn't let me do anything :((((

would anyone be willing to chat to a baby osdd-1b system abt everything ? like- we don't seem to have an innerworld, and i (the ,, host - ? ig-) never ever leave front, but the others can join me in front and leave, but they don't- know where they go- we don't have any amnesia barriers between alters, at least to our knowledge, so we all share everything we're kinda- rlly confused ,,,, i've been actively denying their existence since i was like- 5 ? i'm 18 now ,,,, would anyone be willing to ,,, idk, help ? give advice ?