I just realized I’ve spent at least an hour trying to find a tumblr post that conveys how I feel right now or at least encourages my thoughts out of the jumbled up mess they are currently in and it’s like, why can’t I make that post myself? Why can’t I just unravel my thoughts the way I usually do in my journal? Why must I, in a way, torture myself today? Trying to fill I void I already know how to fill and trying to rid myself of a feeling I already am well aware of how to get rid of but I am currently just choosing not to. Like I guess it’s because today was one of those days where it sort of sinks in more than usual just how trapped I feel in my life, but even then I know I don’t have to make it worse. I don’t have to binge eat, I don’t have to force myself to do exercises I very well don’t have the energy for, and I don’t have to starve myself either. There’s other ways to go about my sinking feeling than self destructing.