rua is so sweet, offering solutions to problems lili was probably making bigger than they actually were. it’s to a point that lili felt the need to further whine, arms winding around the other, almost leaning on her, as she groans — the workshop had been fun but the evaluation was truly going to be the death to her and her creativity (and she severely lacked in that department), “ughhhhhh, why can’t we just go on shows together — i wish this evaluation was a paired thing, at least, if you were by my side i wouldn’t feel as weird about making a fool of myself.”
and it was the truth.
looking dumb by herself was one thing — but doing it together, at least it shaved off some of the embarrassment.
then she pauses, pulling back to give rua a look. “please tell me you are not seriously thinking of stuffing your mouth full of marshmallows on national television as a form of entertainment.” she frowns, shaking her head, rua was much too good for this industry. “if i can be cool, you can be cool too.”
rua had a point, she could just be super competitive and witty and cool in that way but did lili want her public persona to be that of a cool girl? hadn’t she wanted to be someone so far off from her regular persona a la double life?
་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ previously、
rua pauses drinking the water and blinks at lili's words for a moment before slowly nodding. "i think, anyways...?" she caps her bottle and places it next to her before thinking. "astrid sunbae seemed to think me being able to fit a lot of big marshmallows in my mouth was a good talent but i have a hard time calling it a special skill, you know?" it felt a bit silly to, honestly, but she supposes that is probably expected when it comes to variety shows. "i might just go with that," she shrugs, still a bit unsure herself. at the same time, it's not like she had many other potential skills she could use that would also be possibly entertaining.
"i guess anything can be turned into a special skill or talent, in a way," rua says after hearing lili's concerns and mulling them over, trying to recall what she had learned from the workshop and how you can find surprise so-called 'talents' from the most minor and random things. "like how did me being bored one day and deciding to try stuffing my mouth with marshmallows after seeing the chubby bunny challenge becoming a trend become something i could use for a variety show?" rua laughs because she never would've guessed that random moment would come in handy at a time like this.
an idea suddenly hits her at that moment though and she sits up straighter like something had physically struck her. "oh! but you're a good dancer right? that could be your talent too! it doesn't always have to be something funny... you could just be cool, too?"
it's then that she remembers something else from the workshops and decides to bring it up just in case it might help the other. "you could also just go the route of being witty and clever, and bantering with the cast and other guests on a show, instead of just focusing on a specific skill to show off... or maybe just being super competitive if its a show or segment with missions and games," rua suggests as she mentally goes down the list of shows she's watched in the past and what she's fund personally entertaining while watching them.
the problem with lili was her ego.
in this business, it proved to be her make it or break it point and for lili, she could not sacrifice herself to the masses just for a few laughs — it was below her. she loved herself far too much to make herself look dumb just to receive her awaited fifteen minutes of fame. no — she was far too talented for such a thing.
( at least, that was how lili often viewed variety-dols ; sacrificing their sanity in exchange for the automated laugh machine, it was something lili could never bring herself to do )
thankfully, she found a kindred spirit in rua — her tears ( there were no tears ) and complaints not falling on deaf ears as someone who shared lili’s very same sentiments. if anything, if lili wanted to be funny — she would find her dry humor fanatics on her own; unfortunately, dry humor did not make for amusing national entertainment.
she looks to rua then, almost begrudgingly saying do i have to before nodding, tossing her notebook to the floor and straightening up where she had been slouched — appalling lack of poise aside — lili had been stressed out over this workshop.
“wait, wait, wait — have you already decided what skill you’re going to do? ugh — i can only go so far as using korean as my second language as funny but i don’t know what skill i have other than that and that can’t be called a skill, could it?” maybe she was overthinking it, overstressing — the workshops of the past hadn’t been this hard. lili had put her head into it and ran through it with the determination of a bull. this, this, couldn’t be handled with the same ease.
་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ a closed workshop starter for @lgclili、
rua honestly had some doubts about her variety potential; she didn't see herself as particularly funny, naturally or otherwise, nor was she super willing to make a fool of herself in the name of entertainment if it came down to that. sure, she could be sociable and wouldn't shy away from conversing with someone older or more senior than her in the industry but the possibility of still being boring is very real.
however, she supposes that's exactly why she was put into this workshop to begin with - to change that. was she improving though? rua wasn't quite sure but at least she wasn't alone. she looks over at lili next to her and finds it funny that they're practicing for their final evaluation together because it was like the blind leading the blind. they were trying, don't get them wrong, but nothing felt right and neither of them felt confident enough about their variety talent to point themselves in the right direction.
"okay, maybe we need to try pretending we're in a specific variety show?" rua suggests, plopping on to the floor of a practice room they had managed to reserve and grabbing her water bottle nearby to take a drink from. even if they weren't dancing, rua has to admit that she feels most comfortable here, as opposed to using something like a meeting room or elsewhere to practice. "one of us can pretend to be a mc and the other a guest, and then we'll switch roles?"
lili laughs, a breath pushed forcibly as she straightens up from her end pose. “you’re much too kind, and you’re probably lying but i’ll take it.”
reaching for her towel, she pats along her forehead before letting it drop to the rest of her belongings. “maybe — maybe a partner would be better.” she sighs, still uncertain with the compromise, finally coming back to sit beside rua.
“you literally read my mind,” lili admits, like a breath of relief to finally be speaking her mind to someone who wasn’t all gung-ho about their current predicament. the others couldn’t wait to express themselves creatively, and yet, all lili felt was exhaustion. “like who am i kidding, i think — i’m just not meant to be choreographing”
it wasn’t to say lili wasn’t creative — no, she could be if she put half the mind into it.
but to be frank, even lili couldn’t fake putting her heart into something that she didn’t really care for — and maybe that was why everything was feeling so wrong. her passion was misplaced, it had only taken now to realize that no matter the excuse she put up — it would always feel wrong because lili wasn’t someone who planned and created, at least not in the form she was in now, no — she was the executioner.
she was the model to the artist, she would breathe life into the idea — not have the idea, itself.
( at least, in lili’s not-so-humble opinion )
“how is your stuff coming along?”
་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ previously、
as long as lili isn't expecting well, concrete and actually helpful advice, rua is happy to watch whatever the other has come up with so far. even if she didn't know much about techniques and styles and all that, she can at least tell if something is pleasing and nice to watch.
when the song starts playing, rua can already picture the kind of dance that's likely to follow. it screams contemporary (she at least knows that much) but the thing about this genre of dance is that, it's very... free and there's not exactly rules or structure to follow or adhere to, or else it wouldn't be considered that style anymore. to her, one of the defining features of this kind of dance is a flowy-kind of feeling, with some powerful moves when the song hits certain notes or peaks - and that's more or less what she sees when lili starts demonstrating what she's put together so far.
part of her is in awe though, that the other had already come up with this much and although lili calls the movements stiff, rua doesn't think she's giving herself enough credit. "i don't think it looks silly," she says with a light laugh. "it's much better than anything i could've came up with honestly." although that isn't saying much, considering her absolute lack of knowledge and ability to choreograph but that's not the focus here!
"maybe you just need to get used to the movements more?" she suggests, wondering if the 'stiff' feeling lili speaks of is because the dance doesn't feel natural to her yet. "i've barely done any dance like this so i think i'd feel really out of place if i tried to suddenly." but she's not sure if that's really the source of the problem, her just guessing, or a personal issue. "or maybe the moves are meant to be done with a partner?"
she knows what they’re looking for — it was kind of hard not to know. it’s the usual: creative beyond your means, doing what no one has ever done before — that kind of thing, making a mark for yourself out of the box you called home.
however, for lili — she hardly cared about the creative process. for lili: it was probably beyond her and her expertise. as long as the song or the choreography didn’t make her look like a laughing stock, she was fine doing something that someone else had put their blood, sweat and tears into engineering.
but now, as she puts her own blood, sweat and tears into whatever this could be — it exhausts her, and she’s ready to take a quick way out; but not before making sure that whatever the fuck this came to be didn’t look like she just pulled it from the depths of who knows where.
“nah, nonsense — all i need is a new eye.” ( and unwarranted, half-hearted praise ) “i’m trying to match the beat but i feel like it’s coming off as stiff.” and it probably is considering this was far out of lili’s line of comfort.
playing the song from her phone, lili lets lovely filter out into the quiet. with the help — and a healthy bribe — from one of the other trainees who had skillfully isolated the metronome in the song, she was concentrated on hitting with each move is louder than the mellowed songstress who was mumbling in the background but each move she did felt weird — disconnected, and as she does these movements before rua’s eyes, they feel even more amplified as wrong.
“god, it looks silly, doesn’t it?”
honestly speaking, rua wasn't that interested in choreographing.
thinking about having to come up with different steps and moves then combining them into something that'd be presentable as a full dance is a tall wall she's not sure she wants to try scaling - but as it goes with all things she's taken on since becoming a trainee, she's at least open to trying. she'll never know if she might end up liking something if she doesn't give it a chance so when it was basically a requirement to focus on their personal creative skills, rua chose what she felt were the most appealing to her out of the given options.
still, she wasn't quite confident in what she picked; it showed in how she had absolutely no idea what she should be doing but not wanting to appear like she needed to be hand-held through the entire thing, rua opted for googling choreography tips and looking up videos on youtube for ideas and inspiration in the corner of the practice room she had claimed for herself. no one had to know, right?
that is, until she hears someone calling her name which causes her to look up from her phone in surprise, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. when she processes that the person--whom she remembers (hopefully, correctly) to be another trainee named lili--who said her name was not trying to expose her and instead, was asking for her advice on something, rua feels a small sense of relief - but only a little bit and the feeling doesn't last for long either.
she's not sure how much valuable input she can give considering she was just searching everything up a mere moment ago but rua doesn't want others to find that out. so she smiles and says, "i don't know how much i can help but sure," before walking over to lili and nodding. "what move are you trying to do?"
BLANK SPACES. lili hates to bother (she doesn't, in reality, she is the bother) but desperate times call for desperate measures — @lgcrua
her head is blank. a struggle lili has never once encountered before. then again, not once had she ever thought she would be attempting to choreograph something for herself again. it’s been years since ballet school and the recitals and the long nights of endless, frustrated grueling over steps and motions that lili had thought she had put behind her.
and yet —
she stands, with her hands on her hips as she lets the song play again through her airpods; repeating the motion as languidly as possible so that she doesn’t tire herself out like all those years ago when she would just run full-throttle into every move.
it still didn’t look right — didn’t feel right either — as she does the move thrice over. because of this — she could feel the vein in her forehead ready to pop, frustration bubbling to the surface. lili hated being wrong, but she also hated wasting her time.
from the side she spots — rua, was it? — plucking a pod from her ear, she waves with as much finesse as she can muster despite herself, “hey — rua, right?”
“can i get your opinion on something? i keep doing this move but i feel like it doesn’t look right.”