// Tooth and Nail stream spoilers
So that was quite a lore stream wasn't it?
Just dear god
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(Long tambling below and more nonsense thoughts)
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On one hand, STILL A POSSIBILITY FOR C!OWEN AND C!MAGIC TO RIP MY HEART OUT AND DESTROY MY EMOTIONS THANK GOD
FINALE PART ONE IN EIGHT DAYS LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO
But my god
c!Owen killed them all, he really, he actually got away with all of them. He isolated them all and watched them all die, made sure that no one would ever find them. And just god, he actually killed them all.
He has done it.
He destroyed his home, bashing in crates and the fencing. Scattering all his things and letting vines overgrow. He had no home, there was no home. He let his thoughts consume him, laughing as he spiralled down and down and down and down.
He wanted it all to end, he wouldn't accept anything other than one of them to die after this. He was tired and if it ended with him, so be it, but he couldn't let himself live and Krow live as well. He wanted an ending of some sort to a war that ended long ago that he KEEPS FIGHTING WHEN HE DOESN'T NEED TO AND I-
*sobs*
And just that little part where we heard his father's voice, and he jumped back (probably hit himself), gooooodddd lord I feel unwell about that part. Dear god.
And yet
Puddy
He didn't kill Puddy, he still cares he cares maybe I dunno he just-
He told Puddy to stay in the second clearing and he didn't butcher him like we thought. Didn't offer up Puddy to Guts. He didn't discard all his attachments, he let Puddy go and live on in the ruins of another clearing. And told the little piglet who had been his sole comfort, who saw his little mistakes, hear his little poems and rants and pains. A companion who saw Owen in those long hours of writing down a will that no one will probably read. To them, Owen told the little piglet that he shielded from Krow's dagger, he told Puddy to stay away...
He didn't discard all his attachments.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm fucking inconsolable just my god.
On one hand, c!Owen has always been on this road, a path in which he can't return from, he has been on it since he turned away from c!Apo, who he grieved and cried over, who haunted him for years in cherished memories. He was doomed when he told the tiefling to run back and he sealed his fate by ending Apokuna. The one person that carried more weight in his mind than anyone else had before he remembered.
And for Rasbi, he didn't even give a chance.
She never stood a chance.
And I don't know how much weight Graecie's words would hold. If she even wakes up in time, if she sees Owen and learns how much he has changed. If she will care enough to reach out after learning all he has done.
And Magic.
He used Magic and in the end, he betrayed her trust and he used her to kill. And she was never meant to be the one to save him, she would not be able to, I don't think.
I don't think there is anyone that could change his mind, on one walking in the maze or existing beyond its confines that could make him want to be redeemed. No one that could make him leave the hill collapsing on itself, step away from that ledgd, a cage filling up and drowning him.
I don't think anyone could convince him to save himself.
They wouldn't forgive him anyways, for good reason after all. He killed the demons and he deceived them all, he did the worst of them all really. Why save the monster that hurt them so much, who would only remind them and hurt them because he blinds himself and would deny he had done wrong.
Too much wrong.
He can't be saved and he won't allow himself to be saved.
I know
I know
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But I am a fucking fool holding out, and even if Puddy is doomed to the maze burning them all, I don't care. Owen loves that goddamn pet and I can't help but see the Owen that loved once when he told Krow to leave him with Puddy. And I want him to stop, god I want him to want to change even if he sealed his fate and would be hated forever. I WANT HIM TO HEAL STILL I WANT HIM TO BREAK THE CYCLE
AND I HATE THAT I CAN'T SEE HIM DOING THAT
But still I want him to and I am clinging onto hope like a drunk fool.
I want the Owen that hesitated to hurt, the one that wanted them all to thrive, the one that would reassure his friends, who was a protector.
I miss him, goodness I miss him.
Because as much as I cheered on Owen and looked on for all he has done, he doesn't do it because he enjoys it, despite what he says.
He has hurt others and he lets himself stay hurt.
Killing Krow, the last of the demons in the clearing won't give him the peace he thinks it will let him have.
Even if he somehow hides it any longer, even if narratively someone wasn't going to probably find out what he has done, it will eat himself up inside.
It is a hollow victory that means nothing.
It was never was going to give him that closure he chased after for so long.
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The closure he will never give himself, staying as he is. He was never going to get a happy ending, staying as he was.
And really that is what it comes down to, changing, recognizing truly what is done and the emptiness and that he sealed any chance of forgiveness from anyone left that cared.
It is the closest a person can get to being irredeemable. By refusing to change, over and over.
And would it matter, when there is no time left to change?