I Just Want To Sleep - Blog Posts

Why is sleeping so hard

It's literally one of the most natural and necessary elements for living human beings

And yet here I am, sleepless

Me @ myself every morning: I need you to understand that work is vital to your survival, and you must get out of bed post haste

And yet I keep replying with "is survival really that important tho"

I want to sleep, but my blood sugar won’t let me

Hiii- hello- heyyyy Asotyyy <333 I have a very important question for you (PLEASE RESPOND!! 😔)

Can you draw...

...kross? 💕💕

Funny ship dynamic, I like it.

And I'm trying to learn how to draw a background, yes, I feel bad...

Why not?

You know, toys + clown outfits. I don’t know if this can be done as a separate AU or Verse-

So, I had old designs a few months ago, so I decided to edit them.

Yes- CORE TOO.

Hating everything that breaths at the moment.

Everyone is asleep and I'm sitting here and can't sleep from my disturbing thoughts, so I'll write them here, maybe it's familiar to someone:

1. I just turned 18 years old and just finished school, and I'm already working. At the same time I work with thoughts that I need to earn money to provide for myself, to help my parents, to make repairs in the apartment, to pay for my studies, to pay for my wants in the form of a new phone and tablet. This is all under the fact that no one is chasing me, no one is rushing me, and I chose the way to like a damn for what? A good life? I seem to have it now not bad, but ambitions in the form of "you can live better" make me spit on my health and work, work, work and work again.

I can't sit down and watch a movie on my day off because the anxiety of "you're wasting your time", "you should try harder", "you should succeed and that's why you have to work" starts. Because of this, on my only day off, instead of sitting quietly and watching a movie I've wanted to watch for a long time, I listen to it in the background because I'm doing other things: cleaning the apartment, painting, cooking, etc.

2. For the first time, I made a choice independent of my parents' opinion and wishes. I decided to go to college to be a designer and yes, I know that in this field of fucking competition, and I am a person that if you do something better than me, then well done, you are good. No, I'm not gonna give up my favorite thing that's been with me since I was a kid. I love to draw and I will continue to do it, but the fucking anxiety will scream in my head that I'm "not good enough", that I "need to try harder".

I know it's just stupid reaching and chasing the perfect result, but I can't get rid of it. It's like if I stop working, working hard every day, I'll break down.

All that saves me from depression is constant labor. Without it, I will feel useless, a "shame" that I didn't achieve my goals and meet my expectations.

It's a fucking vicious circle when you realize you're tired, but you can't stop working, because if you stop, your life will stop on the cross you put on yourself.

Tfw you’re trying to watch movies illegally online and get sent to NSFW sites

Me getting a good nights sleep: [footage not found]

( ͒ ඉ .̫ ඉ ͒)

How did I actually survive before coffee was introduced to my diet like seriously someone please explain this to me

हिंदी रोमांटिक गीत hintçe romantik şarkı offical video

16.03.2025 (sun)

Studied a lil bit b4 guests came over, so couldn't do the stuff as planned but I had a nice time, so ;)

Stuff I did ~~

• studied/revised lec 2

• almost finished watching lec 3 (10 minutes left lol it was time for iftar)

• done with about half of lec 3 notes (literally can't write any notes while watching the lec cuz I'll end up missing everything and will have to rewatch that part. So I watch it once and understand the material and kind of watch it for the 2nd time for the the notes)

• complete pending eng notes I was supposed to do yesterday lol

I thought to doing some other stuff as well after the guests were gone but it's 11:30 pm and I am BEAT or beet ?

Have a math test tmrw for which I'll just flip through the notes cuz the stuff ain't that hard. Don't think I'm gonna try and study b4 school cuz I love sleep too much lol ^^

BYEEENNNNN

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Update: Took a nap right after my last post because I was dead tired and thought it’d help me stay up later. Well... that nap turned into 3 hours, and then I went straight into my favorite hobby: procrastination. Actually started studying around 10:45 PM and only managed to touch chem.

Tried revising today’s numericals, which should’ve taken me 30 minutes tops, but it ended up taking almost an hour because I was struggling with basic multiplication (and also why are so many decimal shits). Like, why am I like this? F you, CBSE, for not letting us use calculators—but it’s not like I can use them in entrance exams either, so guess I’m stuck suffering in silence.

Honestly, I’m so mad at myself, but I’m too tired to even spiral into a self-hate session or breakdown. I’m just here, floating through my regrets. Thinking I’ll try to squeeze in physics during the bus ride tomorrow because time? what dat ?

The OG plan was to finish Lec 2 & 3 today, do Lec 4 after school tomorrow, and attend Lec 5 live.

Reality check? I’ll just do Chem Lectures 1-3 tomorrow and 4-6 on Friday because right now I’m tired down to my soul. Like, this is exhaustion on another level. fml I’m crashing for the night.

Let’s hope tomorrow-me has her life together *sigh*

GNNNNN

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Study time ~ 0:55 hr

12.03.2025 (wed)

Just got back from school and honestly, today’s been lowkey trash. Couldn’t focus at all and zoned out for the entirety of physics—like, my brain just went NOPE. So now I have to relearn everything from scratch 😭. I’ve been trying so hard to be consistent, but it’s days like these that really test me. So yeah, gonna lock in and grind to make up for it.

Today’s To-Do List (aka the battle plan):

Chem - Revise numericals.

Chem - Study Lec 1 (it’s been haunting my to-do list for a week now) + Lec 2 & 3 (I’m not going to bed until these are DONE.)

Phy - Relearn today’s class (because clearly my brain took a day off.)

It’s me vs. my procrastination today, and I’m NOT losing.

Toodles ~~

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Here is my version of a tiktok trend made with the cooperation of @clarichoupie . This is the edit on which I spent the most time but I clearly wanted to finally show to my friend what I really like .. (don't let it flop there are 480 photos in the edit XD)

So here are 100% of the things that make me feel good in my life and that I will never let go.

I invite you to also do the trend if you are good at editing!

Walking.

What is a pause?

We don't know that. We only know movement.

This is pretty and interesting.

Look at it. Appreciate it.

I will scream at you untill you do.

Give it to me!

Look

See

I want it

Attention!

There ist food you'll eat.

When does it end?

I don't want to see anymore I don't want to hear anymore I don't want to see anymore I don't want to…

Go, we have to

Move

Now, sleep. We won't let you rest. It's loud and scary.

It repeats again. All the same. The same all over

Hold me close and sing softly about starry nights and fairy lights.

I feel really ill and all I want to do is fall asleep in your arms

Hiii! Do you guys know any good recs for Linkin park fics? 🙏🏼💋💓

There is a roach in my room and for the past week it's been terrorising me, I'm personally too scared of it to go anywhere near it but my father is always asleep when it comes out, and i think it knows that. Over the past few days it has gotten progressively closer to me, and has somehow made it's way into the little gap between the drawers in my nightstand, next to my bed. I cannot sleep. I fear if I do it will scurry its evil, disgusting path all the way to my bed. I tried spraying it with the deoderant i keep next to my bed (I dont have anything better for it, i have a cat and idk if roach killer is safe for them or not) in hopes of luring it out so i could trap it in a jar or something, but i fear it only made the area smell nice and as such more appealing.

It has already won.

This is now the roaches room.

Please save me.

I have bronchitis- maybe even pneumonia- and I’m dyeing my hair for the second time in two weeks

what even is my life