&dorcas.002 - Blog Posts
dorcxsmdws:
She slowly closed her eyes, letting her body relax at the sudden warmth. Of the room, of the blanket. She knew it would have to be short-lived, so she would enjoy it while she had it. Especially because she wasn’t sure she would remember this when she was surrounded by the dementors again – or, if she’d remember it properly. “No,” she admitted finally. “I guess I’m not okay.” But it was much more nuanced than that. She wasn’t okay, but she also was acutely aware that she was in here because of her own choices. She knew that the Death Eaters wouldn’t have been able to figure her out if she hadn’t given herself away. And she knew that she didn’t regret saving Marlene for a second, even if she had to spend the rest of her life in here. So, while she was the opposite of okay, she was able to hang onto that knowledge.
She just nodded, eyes on the ground. She couldn’t meet Alice’s eyes, couldn’t deal with seeing sympathy in them. She knew what she had signed up for. She hadn’t really considered the possibility of Azkaban, but she had accepted death. It was a calculated risk, but one that was worth it, and she couldn’t very well act like she regretted it now when she knew the possibility of a consequence was there. ‘It’s not exactly an impartial fight,” she said softly. “Moody’s good, but the Ministry is corrupt and not in our favor.. But it very well might be a losing battle, I know that. You don’t have to sugarcoat it for me.” Her voice was flat and low. She coughed to clear her throat. She wasn’t stupid, far from it. In other circumstances she may have said it less bluntly, but she was sure she still would have thought it. “I hope it’s not. I don’t want to stay here, but – If I do you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t tell them anything.” she shook her head. “Thank you for coming though. Even a few minutes away from them is a gift.”
She took the picture in her shaking hands, just looking down at it for a long moment before tucking it away in her pocket. It was good that they still had each other. It was good that neither one of them would be alone if she couldn’t manage to get out of here. If she was stuck here she was under no illusions that it would be a big and great loss for most people. Most would be sad for a moment for her and then move on; but it would be hard for Paulie and Fabian, and she was glad that they’d have each other to get them through it. “What did you name your kid?” She asked softly, knowing that she had him the day she was locked away in here, but she hadn’t heard anything.
...
Alice knew that Dorcas was fighting an uphill battle to hold on to any ounce of hope while surrounded by dementors, but it was a striking reality check to see her this way. Even in the worst moments of her time as an undercover agent, Dorcas had been able to hold some sort of positivity within her, a reason to keep fighting. She had never given up, no matter how hopeless a situation seemed or how horrible the things she saw in her double agent work got. Even when Gideon had been lost, Dorcas hadn’t lost hope -- if anything, it had spurred her on even further. But there was none of that hope in Dorcas now, no energy left to fight, not that Alice could see. “Dorcas, I know it’s hard, but hold on to the truth. You’re innocent, you did nothing wrong. That’s not a thought the dementors can take away from you.”
Alice shook her head, wanting desperately to find the right thing to say, helpless to realize that there was nothing she could do that could really help Dorcas, not until they got her out of here. “That’s not what I’m worried about,” she replied, keeping the sense of aggravation at the situation out of her tone. “I know you would never break. What I’m worried about is you.” She put her hand on Dorcas’ arm, wanting to give her some sense of human contact while she still could. “And we will get you out of here Dorcas, one way or another. We’re trying the legal route now, but we won’t stop there.” She gave the younger woman a determined look. “Don’t forget that you have three of the top ranking aurors on your side, not to mention a couple of reckless friends. If anyone can figure out a way to break you out of here, it’s us.” There was no doubt that there would be a line of people willing to take the risk: Sirius, Marlene, Fabian, Paulie.
It was scary to see Dorcas like this, to know that a mere 6 days in this place had reduced her to this resignation. How long would it take for them to get her out of here? And if she was like this after less than a week, what state would she be in when they finally did? Alice knew firsthand that many people lost themselves in this place, she had seen it over and over again. She had to believe that Dorcas was strong enough to withstand this, but there was a tiny part of her that was terrified she wasn’t. She softened slightly at Dorcas’ question. “Neville,” she replied softly. “Neville Gideon.” Alice squeezed Dorcas’ arm. “Fabian is his godfather. And he can’t wait to meet you.”
dorcxsmdws:
When they brought her back to the interrogation room she was confused. She didn’t think that Moody would need anything else from her, but maybe he did. Or maybe he was here to tell her that he tried, but that he couldn’t get her out without giving himself up. That was something that she’d have understood. She wasn’t worth anything, not really, not in the long run. Her contributions to ending the war would be minimal if he managed to get her out. She could heal, sure. She was a great dueler. But there were other duelers. There were others who could manage basic healing spells. She was nothing, but Moody was crucial. He couldn’t give himself up, or even hint at any sort of suspicion. Not the kind that could have him in a cell next to hers. Maybe that was why he was coming back. Maybe he was coming to tell her goodbye and good luck. She’d understand.
But when she walked in and saw Alice she was confused. The interrogation rooms were freezing, but they were so much warmer than the cells, out of the reach of the effects of the dementors. She could think clearer the second she crossed into the room, and clearer still as the heavy metal door closed shut behind them. When she wrapped her arms around her Dorcas didn’t react, not at first. Alice was soft and warm and comforting – but did she deserve that? How was she meant to accept her comfort after everything. Why was she even here? She should be with her baby.
But after a few moments she responded, lightly wrapping her trembling arms around her. “I’m okay,” she said softly, her expression blank, her voice a hoarse whisper.
...
Alice squeezed hard, despite the fact that Dorcas remained limp in her arms for far too long. When she finally did reciprocate the hug, it was weak. Pulling back, Alice looked into Dorcas’ eyes, worried about what she saw there. She knew very well what the dementors did to people, had experienced it plenty of times herself when she had to come here for Auror duties, but she had never been through it like Dorcas was right now. It had been six long days that Dorcas had been stuck in here, forced to relive her worst fears and memories on a constant loop -- it was no wonder that her eyes looked deadened. Alice waved her wand to cast an extra warming charm and transfigured one of the chairs into a blanket, wrapping it around Dorcas’ shoulders. “No, you’re not okay,” she replied softly, her voice filled with understanding.
Alice sighed. “I’m not really involved in the case, so I don’t really have any updates for you except that Moody’s working hard and he’s determined to get you out of here. It was probably a major stretch even to come here, but I had to see you. I couldn’t stand the thought of you alone in here after everything.” Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back, cursing the postpartum hormones. Dorcas didn’t need to see Alice cry. “They don’t have a case against you, not unless they want to take Rodolphus down too, and we know that’s not going to happen.”
She reached out to touch Dorcas’ arm, wanting her to feel human warmth and contact for at least just a little while. “I brought you something, too.” Reaching into the pocket of her robes, Alice pulled out a picture. It had been taken in happier times, at an Order meeting. In the picture were Fabian and Gideon, their arms slung around Paulie, Fabian laughing as Gideon mussed up her hair. “It’s a little risky, but I don’t think the dementors will notice that you have it, and I wanted you to have something to remind you of who you have out there waiting for you.”
Six days was not enough time to heal from giving birth, but Alice didn’t really care. She’d definitely regret it later, and Frank and Moody would be furious when they found out, but she had to see Dorcas. She couldn’t stop thinking about Dorcas sitting in a dark, cold cell in Azkaban, unsure if she would make it out. Alice knew that Alastor was doing everything he could to get released, and that since she was supposed to be on maternity leave, she should trust him to handle the situation, but she couldn’t bear the thought of not at least seeing Dorcas.
So one evening when Frank had fallen asleep alongside a peaceful Neville, Alice crept slowly out of bed and threw on her Auror robes, stopping only for a quick moment to grab something from the study before she snuck out of the house and made her way to the wizarding prison. It wasn’t a fun journey, especially when one had just had a baby days before, but Alice’s determination kept her moving forward.
The coldness of Azkaban seemed to seep through her bones the moment she stepped on the island, all of her fears about her capability to be a good mother returning in full force, now accompanied by thoughts of horrible things happening to Neville. Shivering, she made her way to an interrogation room, opting to have someone else lead Dorcas there so that she didn’t have to walk that far into the prison. When the wizarding keeper of the prison led Dorcas in the room, Alice nodded her thanks, keeping her face serious and professional. As he left, Alice waved her wand to put up some extra protections so that they wouldn’t be overheard. When that was done, she rushed forward to wrap Dorcas in a hug. “Oh my merlin, how are you? I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.”
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