Deep - Blog Posts
“Was none of it real, or was it real and you still left?”
- abby
I used to be so dependent upon you. Now I realize it was you who needed me to need you.
There’s a statue of you in the gardens of my mind.
At least I have my cat.
Sorry about the clothes on my back being in the way when you stabbed me
“Even in my dreams, I run to you”
LOVE, DEAR ABBY
…
first
second
third — one, two
fourth
sixth — one, two, three
eleventh
twelfth — one, two
fourteenth
fifteenth
twenty-first — one, two
twenty-eighth
twenty-ninth
LOVE, DEAR ABBY
“I will never regret you”
“I miss the person I used to be when I had you.”
“I saw the back of someone who looked like you and my heart skipped a beat.”
LOVE, DEAR ABBY
I look back now and know that younger me is so proud
Let go of what doesn’t bring you happiness: feelings, objects, people…
“I live for you more than I live for myself.”
“One morning this sadness will fossilize
And I will forget how to cry
I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change
Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye”
Painting: Automat by Edward Hopper, 1927
Song: Fireworks, Mitski
Foamy waters
“I look to you from the passenger seat, the wind from the wide open window blowing my hair back. You smile and sing along to your favorite song as it blares on the car radio. You throw up your hand to move with the beat, looking over at me as your smile gets bigger. I turn up the music even more. I don’t want this moment to end.”
Love is in all of the unexpected places, treasure it
You must realize there are consequences for your attractions
Tired, ancient soul,
What secrets do those eyes hide
That you shelter so close to your chest
A chest that is bursting at the seams
With raw anguish,
But beautiful soul
Pain isn't meant to last
And neither is happiness
These fleeting emotions
Hold not tight to them
Because the only immortal here
Is You
~Me
" A Legacy "
I suppose we humans are like the very stars whose dust we came from. Each of our individual selves might seem like a speck among other specks in the deep, ebony unknown, but each of us hold such significance that our demise would impact the planets we once held close, the neighboring stars and much more. The blinding light and energy we would create would last for generations, our explosion echoing in the quiet, loneliness, creating just the right amount of power for something else to create, to begin, to bloom, to breathe. And in our deafening silence, the rest of the stars shall bow in respect. Somewhere, light years away, something enters into existence holding a piece of your light in it. A legacy continues from death to rebirth.
~Me
Creativity
You know, I’ve either had a family, a job,
something has always been in the way
but now
I’ve sold my house, I’ve found this
place, a large studio, you should see the space and the light.
for the first time in my life I’m going to have a place and the time to create.”
no baby, if you’re going to create
you’re going to create whether you work
16 hours a day in a coal mine
or
you’re going to create in a small room with 3 children
while you’re on welfare,
you’re going to create with part of your mind and your body blown away,
you’re going to create blind,
crippled
demented,
you’re going to create with a cat crawling up your back while the whole city trembles in earthquake, bombardment, flood and fire.
baby, air and light and time and space
have nothing to do with it
and don’t create anything
except maybe a longer life to find
new excuses for.
~Charles Bukowski
"No War"
I looked to the east and there was a war.
I looked to the west and there was a war.
I looked north and I looked south and there was a war.
I looked within and there was a war.
I felt no peace, no safety, no comfort anywhere.
With bone deep, aching tiredness, I looked at the arduous journey before me with quiet, blank eyes.
Whatever my destiny maybe, I started with the war within.
I bled and cried out emotions, pains and fears.
Years of souls haunting me from beyond their graves.
I fought and I fought and I fought.
They whispered sweet nothings in my ears. Their sirens call piercing as they wail and they wail and they wail.
I still fought and I fought and I fought.
And before I knew, their voices grew weak.
They washed over me like sea foam, dull and bleak.
Then I built and I built and I built.
After what felt like centuries, I lifted my head.
I looked to the east and I looked to the west.
I looked to the north and I looked to the south.
There was no war, only peace.
~Me
"Totemism", Dime-Store Alchemy: The Art of Joseph Cornell by Charles Simic.
"The Sparrow in my Head"
There is a little sparrow in my head that likes to cause a mess.
It distracts me with its shrill screeching
that bounces against and vibrates my skull.
It flaps its tiny wings and causes a flurry in my head, like a feral hurricane.
It drills against my brain and causes pulsing migraines
and sometimes it nips at my eyeballs.
There is a little sparrow in my head
Shackled and caged behind bars of steel.
It is bruised,broken and battered
And its wings are clipped.
To set it free somebody will have to crack open my skull.
"It's not fair", cries the sparrow.
"Oh but it is fair", I reply,
"Just like, a head for a head,
a tail for a tail,
an eye for an eye,
and your freedom for mine."
The little sparrow gives a sad chirp and droops its wee head.
"Do not despair, little bird", I consol,
"One day you'll be able to fly,
high above, higher than the sky.
For just like in the circle of life,
the day your life begins,
is the day mine ends.
So chin up and wait some more,
just a little more time."
There is a little sparrow in my head that weeps tears of patience.
There is nothing else it can do.
~Me
*Inspired by Bluebird by Charles Bukowski*