i don't know if this'll make sense but there’s something so poignant about Bell Hells being guests in every space they occupy and having really nowhere to truly retreat to is what I think is going to metaphorically kill them in the end. I mean, dealing with the immense loss of their friend and all they have to go back to is a war encampment with beds offered to them that anyone else could occupy really drives it in
M9 had 1 physical home and 1 mobile home they were able to bunker down in for needed rest and recuperation. plus a couple cities that became complete safe havens for them. Vox Machina had an entire keep gifted to them and then when that got destroyed they upgraded to entire city of Whitestone as their main hub. Not to mention they were allowed an entire year they could live freely for themselves after the terrible heinous shit went down before the more terrible heinous shit started up. there was something so important to these two groups about having a home together that allowed them time to grow together
The hells are a bunch of wayward souls who were all eager to leave their initial homes behind for one reason or another but forgot to find a home together along the way so all they have left to fall back on is “the mission”. something something their growing strength and knowledge of the world only alienates them to it more if they aren't allowed a place to rest and process
guys guys guys, fellow critters, oh my god, everyone please go listen to ‘Strawberry Wine’ by Noah Kahan and think about Caleb and the blumentrio while you do. it’s so sweet and sad and it’s so perfect for them, my heart can’t take it
like? do you hear?? these lyrics?? they so perfectly encapsulate how Caleb thinks of him and Astrid and Eadwulf. they loved each other deeply. they were forced together due to circumstance. he misses them dearly every day. he could never be with them again.
“If I could lose you, I would”
“Strawberry wine, and all the time we used to have/Those things I miss, but know are never coming back”
“If I was empty space and you were a formless shape, we’d fit/But love leaves little runway, and every time we run/Straight over it”
and “No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft” followed by “for a moment, I see you” reminds me so vividly of drunk Caleb mistaking Jester for Astrid, and it makes me wonder how many other times his new family reminded him of his old one.
did Fjord ever laugh like Eadwulf? did Molly have the same taste in drinks as Astrid? did Caduceus and the Wildmother remind him of Eadwulf and the Raven Queen? did he ever give Astrid the same wildflowers that Yasha had pressed in her journal? did he ever wake up curled beside the Nein in the dome and think, for just a brief moment, he was somewhere else, huddled against a different band of ragtag wannabes?
widomauk is heartbreaking to me because it truly feels like Molly always had a little soft spot for Caleb. But I think Caleb was trying to stay distant and didn't really let himself get attached like that, and he just. Didn't realize how much he actually cared about Mollymauk until his Circus Man was gone. And then, in his grief, he just held onto Molly even more, with all his heart.
Burying Mollymauk with his letter, asking Jester if she can bring him back, dropping to his knees to dig up Molly's grave with his own hands. The memorial in stained glass. Making sure there's a bedroom for when the last of the Nein finally comes home.
Caleb trying to convince himself to run, that night before Mollymauk dies. "Look at this one. He's like a walking rainbow. What is this? Why are you with him? It makes no sense. He's a circus performer. He's not going to help you."
And then in Eiselcross, Caleb asking himself why he should stay. Holding the Magician card in his hands, the card Molly drew for him, and admitting, "I know that we're supposed to go where Molly is. Otherwise we wouldn't have seen the things we've seen, we wouldn't be the Mighty Nein." Heading into Cognouza with every intent to save the friend he lost.
And it's this fascinating contrast of Molly falling for Caleb fast, but never taking things further than a little playful teasing. Because he knows how terrified Caleb is of intimacy, is still working out his boundaries, isn't ready to open up like that again. And then he's gone--too sudden, too soon. And in that absence, Caleb starts to spiral and just realize, Oh, I do love these people, this team, this little family.
And maybe he loved Molly, still loves Molly, and nurtures this growing fondness for him in quiet moments, worrying at the lucky stone in his pocket and daring to hope for reunion--
wait wait wait guys have you ever thought about how the Mighty Nein are everything they shouldn’t be upon first glance
no no guys guys listen to me they’re all the antithesis of what they’re meant to be and that’s why they’re such amazing and heartfelt characters
like, Caleb is a wizard who’s afraid of his own fire magic. his own power causes him to falter in battle. his strongest spells are his most dangerous to himself. wizards are supposed to be prideful of their magic, but Caleb’s is the reason he hates himself
Beau is a monk who never wanted to be. her job is one that people normally associate with being calm and collected and Beau was a wild rebellious kid who got dragged into this line of work against her will. she never wanted to be this!! but now she is and she’s gotta deal with it!!
Fjord is a warlock who never wanted power from his pact, which is why you’d think a warlock would make their pact at all. but no. Fjord made his pact because he wanted to live, not because he wanted power. he was a scared orphan who hated his tusks, not a buff, muscled, angry half-orc like people assumed
Nott is NOT, that’s the whole crux of her narrative! she wasn’t pretty, like a halfling girl was supposed to be. she wasn’t a goblin, she was just transformed into one. and not only that, but despite being a three-foot-tall alcoholic kleptomaniac, she’s the mom of the group!
Jester is a Cleric whose god isn’t actually a god and who would much rather bash bad guys over the head with her lollipop than have to stop and heal her friends!! she’s a bubbly, optimistic ray-of-sunshine, but you know when she says she’s gonna change the world with friendship she means it as a threat
Mollymauk is an amnesiac, but he doesn’t want to remember who he was. if you ask him, that wasn’t him! he might be a flirtatious hedonistic carnie, but he’s also single-mindedly devoted to making the world a better and more loved place than it was when he found it. he’s a liar, but he means well. he’s an arrogant fool, yes, but he’s right! he did it! he left it better!
Caduceus seems like he’d be creepy and grim from growing up in a graveyard, but he’s actually the most chill out of the entire Nein by far. he’s calm, he’s sweet, and he’s comforting, more than anything else. you’d think he’d be amazed by seeing the outside world for the first time, but he spends the whole time knowing that one day he’ll return home, that he wasn’t supposed to be the one to leave
Yasha is a barbarian with skeletal wings and a dramatic, monochromatic look, but she’s a complete sweetheart. she’s Molly’s best friend, she was a carnival bouncer, she’s a lesbian disaster who collects pressed flowers in a book out of love for the wife she lost. those black wings were actually hiding soft white feathers
Essek was born straight into the den of politics, he was a spymaster, he literally started a war for his own gain, and yet. he’s sounds irredeemable on paper, but. he’s not!! sure, the Nein kind of have to drag his alignment kicking and screaming into neutral, but they manage it. Essek learns and grows and he overcomes his nature. he becomes good, against all odds
guys guys guys don’t you see it!! look at them!!they’re such compelling characters!! they’re everything they’re not supposed to be!! dude y’all how didn’t I realize this earlier!! they subvert their narratives in the most interesting ways ever and I justhshsbhshshsjnsmshsnhsfn!!
One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
Honestly the fact that the other Assembly members are helping Ludinus is a surprise. But it also is kinda expected. He thrives in the viper’s nest, he always has. Even the Vanguard has tenuous relations and I doubt he has any misgivings about how that is. He’s been the head of the Cerberus Assembly for centuries, he knows backstabbing and undermining like the back of his hand. And Ludinus probably loves that shit.
Because truly he can’t handle genuine relationships. Sincere care or compliments. It’s why Jester throws him off so much. Because her smiles are real. Because her compliments are genuine and not backhanded.
The fake smiles and promises, the underhanded slights and backstabs is the world Ludinus moves like water through. He plays the political game so very well. Delilah, the charismatic witch, herself said it. Everyone knows Ludinus is a snake but they all fall for his traps anyway. But people like Jester throw him off because it breaks his world view. It breaks the idea that the world is dog eat dog all the time and you have to play this game to get yours. He rejects these genuine connections, romantic and platonic because “it’s beneath him”, but truly also because he can’t fathom the idea of those things meaning something real, having worth in a world in which those are all tools to manipulate and gain something from you, distractions from a larger goal.
The conversation he had with Essek is reframed in this light. It is not just that he thinks Essek gaining friendship is a distraction, makes him weak. It’s that he cannot see how a wizard similar to him can believe in such things. “Maybe you should try friends” was a sick burn but also there is this notion that Ludinus doesn’t get that. He doesn’t believe that is possible. True friendship isn’t something good or meaningful, it’s supposed to be a tool. In his mind Essek should have used the M9 to get further ahead.
Oh yes I do believe he does care for Liliana in some way. But it is also in the way that he needs her for his plans. Everything he does is framed around his goals, his needs. Because he cannot see relationships as anything but transactional. Subconsciously perhaps he desires deeper connections, but he will consciously bar himself from committing to such a thing because he has no faith in such a thing.
So yeah he is going to surround himself with people that hate him, people that he knows will backstab him at some point. Because he gets that. That’s familiar to him. He can deal with hatred and jealousy, but he can’t deal with genuineness.