katlovesdbh

Latest Posts by katlovesdbh

So I just listened to the first ~40 minutes of c2e4 while doing somethings, just to get a headstart on tomorrow's (Today's, when I post this XD) episode. . . And I have a Many Post Ideas™ about but this one first.

(EDIT: Bsjsksk it was SUPPOSED to be first, but my schedules posts didn't work right - Please know I typed this up first XD)

!! Spoiler Warning for people who don't know PC Backstories/Caleb's History yet!!

Let's talk about Caleb talking to Toya in the boat.

Cause like, at first he's trying to get information (very wizard™ of him, imo, but also very 'on the run' wizard where knowing information and the keeping of certain strains of it are very important) - I feel this is not only to get a more full picture, but also to feel out how to proceed w/ Toya - How innocent is she in this? Was she mind-controlled? Was it more mundane manipulation?

He allows the others to explain the situation, he asks how she grew close to him after she says 'he was my friend'/the most emotional response thus-far in this point in the conversation, 'What did you talk about?', all with a sympathetic pained expression as he listens.

Alot of early-Caleb from what I've seen so far is trying to suss things out and decide best courses of action at almost every given turn - Carrying this on, his next part I feel is partly manipulation; The sympathy may be real to one extent or another, but what they/what he ultimately decides they need is for Toya to cooperate and I feel he's usin' that Charisma stat to try and secure her for that purpose (RIP that 6 tho XD)

This is all fun and good, but It's What he says at the start that brings me the most pause - He says, 'People we feel we know. . can be someone else.' - He continues on more towards manipulation, pushing gently to the forefront what he feels she needs to focus on (staying with the rest of the circus), but at that line I wonder. . .

What is he thinking about, when he says that? At first I stopped what I was doing and was like, '!!! His Parents? Does he mean his Parents??' Cause like, Yes, he knows now that those memories were false. . But still, it musta been something to 'realize' your parents were against the very country you are giving up so much to protect and serve.

But then I wondered. Is he thinking of his Parents, or perhaps Ickithon, who he thought of likely as a strict but ultimately Good teacher who also wanted the best for the Empire, wanted the best out of him for this noble cause?

Or was he thinking of himself, seen by his parents as their little spark, who was moving up in the world and loved them dearly. . . Only for him to mercilessly trap and burn them within the very home they raised him in?

!! Spoiler for Peeps who don't know the majority of the M9 Campaign Events !!

I'm sorry, but Molly saying to Toya at the start of the episode that Kyle had something bad inside him, something that made him do bad things and couldn't help it. . .

And I can't help but be reminded of how Molly rises again, way down the line through no intention of his own, and isn't quite Molly no more. . . Someone who does many really, really bad things ;u;

Just a small DM-Moment, but I REALLY like how when Caleb is trying to manipulate Toya a bit in the boat/ensure her cooperation and Liam has to roll Persuasion and rolls like dogshit (RIP that 6™ XD), instead of taking an easier route of having Toya merely dismiss his words (ofc there are times and places for a players words to genuinely be ineffective!! But it can feel bad if you're trying real hard/speaking with alot of thought and you just roll real bad), Matt has it so that Toya is simply. . Very, very understandably distracted by the presence of the scary lady who choked her to unconsciousness just an hour or so earlier XD 😬 😂

Feels like such a good choice that opens up further roleplay (esp. since Beau/Marisha hadn't spoken up too much in the convo w/ Toya thus far), without discounting Liam's really good speech (unfortunately weighed down by that 6™ XD 😂)

Ludinus your ex correspondant traitor / grooming victim and Ikithons runaway protege are in love now. yeah they're making out. they live in a cottage with cats and have a couple portrait.

Hey everyone, I know it's going to be a busy day for a lot of people, but Google enrolled everyone over 18 into their AI program automatically.

If you have a google account, first go to gemini.google.com/extensions and turn everything off.

Then you need to go to myactivity.google.com/product/gemini and turn off all Gemini activity tracking. You do have to do them in that order to make sure it works.

Honestly, I'm not sure how long this will last, but this should keep Gemini off your projects for a bit.

I saw this over on bluesky and figured it would be good to spread on here. It only takes a few minutes to do.

God, I'm still laughing about Jester blatantly lying about realizing Essek was there. I love the entirety of Vasselheim apparently watching this silly and bewildering exchange. Some random guy in disguise just helped this wizard—from the party the Bright Queen endorsed—resurrect somebody with dunamancy, revealed himself to be of Kryn origin, and immediately evaded a very sudden and pointed attempt at capture by the Kryn contingent. This party who no one in Vasselheim actually met, but who was, to reiterate, endorsed by the Bright Queen, blatantly lies to their benefactor about knowing who this guy was despite the fact that he was basically in the wizard's lap. The Divine Gate shattered ninety seconds ago and here on the ground the most unrelated minute-long melodrama is playing out for seemingly no reason.

The rest of the world suddenly remembers why they stopped inviting Wildemount to anything.

there's something so funny about how the early Nein talks like Fjord has a high charisma but only took intimidate and lie as his skills and also only talks when it's clear everyone else has fucked the situation so bad he has to step in. Jester, Molly, and Beau all have proficiency in lie but all three of them have +0/+1 to Charisma and prof bonuses aren't that great at early levels and also none of them will shut up. Sam has a negative to charisma and cannot stop trying to talk because he hasn't really registered that he's not Scanlan any more. Caleb has both a decent charisma and also has a proficiency bonus to lie but he really only uses it in PVP. the ONLY person who took persuade was Jester.

i am laughing at caleb and nott assuring each other that if things go sideways they'll be the first out the door, together, and nott says, "they'll never know who we were!" and caleb confirms, "caleb and nott" which is so hilarious in retrospect because THEY didn't even know who each other were. if they'd left? yeah, the others never would have known who they were. they only would have known caleb and nott, never veth and bren. and neither of them even know they're both using fake names yet

Everyone who doesn't speak German, I want you all to understand just how good Liam's German accent is.

Especially compared to for example Matt's (as the Zemnian guy in the bar) - that's what I'm expecting an American guy to sound like when he's doing a half-decent German accent; like, well that's not reeeally what I speak like, but sure, I get what you're going for.

Liam tho? This is genuinely how we all sounded in my highschool English class. Hilariously authentic. No notes from my part.

Here's a CAT

So far my favorite bit of re-watching C2 is Caleb being asked about the Academy and immediately deflecting by summoning a cat. "My backstory? HERE'S A CAT, ASK NO QUESTIONS."

YESSSS~~ and to my recollection he doesn't even hesitate to do so, yeah? Just with his full chest, 'Caleb Widogast'

I remember another post a while back said that it was the Nein who made Caleb 'Caleb', or something along those lines, and that it's who he became - I don't recall the details but I remember it was a real neat take LOL XD

absolutely charmed by the fact that in the first few eps Caleb uses his full name when talking to stangers / the crowns gaurds. in his mind he still isnt caleb. at least not yet. so why should he change his alias?

I did a watch-through of c2e1 a few months ago so I'm going off my memories of that, but I recall realizing that - during the Circus Performance - Caleb was clapping a little along w/ everyone else during each performance (which in itself felt more to me like he was blending in). . . Until the fire act.

I've seen others mention how still he gets when stuff from his past is brought up, and I forgot if he went fully still here, but it stood out to me that while the others were clapping, impressed, he wasn't clapping at all™

My Therapist: "American-Accent Caleb isn't real and cannot hurt you." Caleb c2e1:

My headcannon for the attendants at the Stone-Lavorre Destination Wedding (on the moon??)

Invited and showed up

Expositor Lionett of the Cobalt Soul (Best Man/ Maid of Honour/New Mother) her wife: The OrphanMakerTaker (renowned harpist and murderer stay at home mom) and an undisclosed number of recently amassed orphans.

Professor Widogast of the Soltryce Academy (Best Man/ Will-turn-into-a-TRex-and-walk-Jester-down-the-aisle) his partner: the Wanted War Criminal Cobalt Soul Archivist Essek Thelyss Seth Domade (designated driver teleporter) and his brother colleague idk man they just know each other stop asking questions: Taskhand Verin Thelyss (Commander of the Krynn Dynasty’s Umbra Watch and canonical Ashari weeb)

Veth Brenatto (Maid of Honour/ Founder and leader of the Wildemount Wildlings/ recovering? Alcoholic) her husband: Yeza Brenatto (owner of Brenatto’s Better Self Apothecary, doing Okay please don’t ask him about that time he was kidnapped and ate his own clothes. Or that time his son burnt alive. Or what’s going on with the current status of his marriage) and their son: Luc Brenatto (Flower Boy - too old to be a flower boy. Mad that he was asked to be a flower boy. Teenager.) Also Nugget the Dog (ring bearer. Ate the rings.)

Champion of the Wildmother Caduceus Clay (Best Man/ designated cleric ‘will cast lesser restoration after you throw up’ / caterer it’s ok there will also be non-vegan options) and an unknown number of his parents and siblings that have never been to a wedding before and probably shouldn’t have started with this one)

Current Plank King Kingsley Tealeaf (Best Man/Fjord invited him here so he could steal back his boat) and a handful of miscellaneous pirates here for the free booze

That group of weirdos they met on the moon and didn’t expect to actually survive show up, including Lesbian (Purple / Beau and Yasha wanna fuck her ), Bisexual (Dead / Beau and Yasha wanna fuck her), Short Guy (Gay Sad Fighter) , Blue Guy (heading up the wedding band), Fire Lady (Hot, Wants to fuck Beau and Yasha), The Minotaur (Evil? Veth is gonna ruin her marriage tonight for sure Officiant???), Rocks (Rocks. free light feature.) and Strange Old Man (Caleb wanted him here. They hoped he might have passed in his sleep by now)

The Ruby of the Sea, Marion Lavorre (Mother of the Bride. Semi-retired courtesan. Agoraphobic. Wishes her daughter would’ve please just thrown an indoor wedding.) her husband? boyfriend? paramour? They’re not putting a label on it yet: The Gentleman, Babenon Dosal (Father of the Bride. Semi-retired crime lord mob boss human smuggler (repented) man of ill repute, kinda mad he wasn’t asked to walk his daughter down the aisle but whatever. Getting slammed down Big Style tonight and every night by Exandria’s Wet Dream)

Vandran (Father ‘Old Guy Who Was Nice To Him At A Pivotal Age’ of the Groom. Is having a number of rather concerning Tusk Love flashbacks. Thinks he probably should’ve stayed on his island. Jester keeps trying to set him up with Captain Adella (formally of the Drensala Vis. Now of Stone’s Throw Shipping) … there might be something there.

Marius LePual (pirate sailor, still not a murderer, immediately hammered)

Seafaring legend Orly Skiffback (pirate tattooist, is not tattooing for free. Is not in charge of Marius tonight)

Dwarven explorer Dagen Underthorn (no one’s sure he’s definitely here tonight. Beau thinks she saw him by the magic portapotty. Beau is drunk)

Enchanter Pumat Sol. And also Enchanter Pumat Sol. And also Enchanter Pumat Sol. The fourth one couldn’t get the time off work (half of the enchanted party decorations here are rentals from the Invulnerable Vagrant. They are not giving jester her deposit back)

Kiri (Flower girl. A more age appropriate choice. Luc is teaching her how to Crossbow uncle Fjord when he’s not looking) also the entire Schuster family is here too.

The Lightbringer of Uthodurn, Reanmimere (Flower girl back up ring bearer after Caduceus retrieved the rings from inside nugget it was super gross she bears the rings as a giant snake)

Professor Eadwulf Grieve of the Soltryce Academy (former-government-spy-assassin-wizard, currently the Cerberus Assembly’s equivalent of the gym teacher who also covers sex ed. Was startled by a Jester-Sending in the middle of the night and RSVP’d yes on impulse. Astrid wouldn’t help him get out of it. She kept laughing at him and it was mean)

The Traveler (Officiant / not a god / sometimes a weasel)

Sprinkle (always a weasel / dreams of a cosmic death / dyed blue to be Jester’s something blue even though… Jester… is blue?? Sprinkle is not having it)

Invited but did not show up:

Expositor Dairon of the Cobalt Soul (said to Beau ‘dear gods don’t make me go, I’ll do whatever you want.’ Is now covering Beau’s paperwork until she’s back from vacation)

Calianna (still hunting bowls. Sends her love.)

The Bright Queen (returned an official notice flanked by two armed guards to please not contact her by message spell again unless there is a war.)

Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Becke of the Cerberus Assembly (absolutely thrilled that Eadwulf accidentally agreed to this shit. Would rather submerge herself in hot oil than be at this wedding herself. Said so to Jester’s face. Also the Soltryce Academy is currently down two faculty members and somehow that’s her problem and you have no idea how hard it is to find a good substitute who isn’t gonna teach the kids evil.)

Vilya of the air ashari (the second that Rumblecusp was floated as a location she decided she was actually super busy that week.)

Jamedi Cosko (said ‘I don’t know you’. Is sticking by that.)

Allura Vysoren (sent a very expensive gift. Is making the conscious decision to separate herself from the Mighty Nein for the sake of her blood pressure. One adventuring party to babysit is more than enough) and Kima of Vord (barely remembers who these people are except the tall one and her hot wife)

Keg (currently a centaur. It’s awkward seeing the girl you once fucked be happily married with stolen orphan children while you’re currently a centaur)

Yussa Errenis (missing in action. They’ll figure out what mess he’s gotten himself into after the honeymoon. At this point it’s on him when this shit happens)

Not invited but showed up anyway

Gelidon, The Nightmare in ivory (angry)

Avantika (dead. angry.)

Isharnai the Prism Sage (angry. wants her promised hands)

Professor Thaddeus (bird. angry.)

A Very Cursed Thought;

So, Essek has his wrist pocket spell, yes? I have read a few fics where it could be dispelled, but most usually in the Fanon I've seen it has been ruled that it drops when he is killed.

Please please imagine that Essek gets got (and no worries, he has 2 (two) Clerics and a whole rest of the Nein invested in his eventual survival, he'll be fine), but yeah he Gets Got and, as the stuff spills out of his dimensional wrist pocket, please imagine the sound Sonic the Hedgehog Makes when he gets got and the golden rings pop out.

That is all XD

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

essek's disguise getting dispelled in front of bells hells has the same energy of that comic panel where some villian is shapeshifted into the flash and he takes of his mask to discover the secret identity and is like 'i have no idea who this is'

Essek skyrocketing my pulse making me come out of my hiatus hole and sketch at 4:30 am

Astrid hid in the smut shop because she thought it would be the one place Essek wouldn't go. Unfortunately for her he has been inured by years of friendship with Jester and smut shops are now his favoured terrain.

"and genuine hot boi!"

There's something so bittersweet, though, about 'Seth Domade', sorcerer and archivist of the Cobalt Soul.

Something about Seth being from a tavern family, a place where you'd be surrounded by laughter and life; no pretension, no expectations, no loneliness. Something about Essek's mother being an Umavi, and Seth's being an ordinary tavernkeep. 'My mother has never made Kraft cheese' vs 'my mother can stop time with her ale!' Something about Seth being a sorcerer, a class that just gets their talent and doesn't have to work and work and work to achieve more, until you've shut out everything else but your studies. Something about Seth being in the Cobalt Soul, where he'd always have peers and where all knowledge is shared.

Something, too, about Seth being a human from a humble family who realised he had arcane talent, and went off and studied and was happy. Something about Seth being a combination of the life Caleb should have lived, and the life Essek never could.

look man. look

essek saying "bren" out loud, claiming a position on caleb's side as the mouthpiece of his regards to astrid, did something to me. i can't tell if it opened a wound or punched me or gave me a hug. all i know is that i am feeling so many emotions right now

more under the cut because i'm about to get rambly:

"bren aldric ermendrud" is a separate character from caleb widogast. he's a young boy learning how to make magic. he's a deeply traumatized and indoctrinated teenager. he's the boy who curled up with astrid and eadwulf in a freezing tower for warmth all night.

essek never met bren. he met caleb and he's never known him as anyone else. if i'm remembering correctly, caleb never even said the name "bren" to him during the campaign, and neither did any of the nein.

essek knows caleb widogast. he knows the man who held up the object of his worst crime and then kissed him in the bowels of a ship and made a floor of infinite stars for them to walk through together. he knows the person who healed over bren's wounds—thinly, but enough. he knows the man that the boy has become.

astrid knows bren. she barely knows who caleb is. she still calls him bren after hearing him referred to as caleb repeatedly. she can't know him as the man he is, she only knows the boy. there's some of bren in caleb, but there is no caleb in bren.

essek saying "bren sends his regards" is him gauging astrid's reaction, on one level—if she freaks out, which she did, she's in opposition to caleb's cause and thus a threat. on another level, it's essek delivering a very different subtextual message from caleb: "the boy who loved you is giving you one final warning."

because essek is a threat to astrid. their last meaningful interaction was slinging spells at each other in the blooming grove. and that's funny in a "current boyfriend vs ex girlfriend exclusively fight each other" kind of way, but it's also deeply tied to caleb's recurring theme of transformation. "bren sends his regards" also means "i have healed enough to love enough for someone else to know this name and use it with my consent. and this someone else is your enemy. what does that make you think i've become?"

it also does a fantastic job of communicating subtle offscreen discussions that have happened over the years since the end of c2. we don't have the details of when or how caleb told essek his birth name, but we know that he did, and we know from all of c2 that the name bren occupies a place of immense emotional weight for caleb. it functions similarly to a deadname in terms of who uses it and for what purpose. trent exclusively calls caleb bren to wound him and place himself in a position of power. astrid calls him bren to remind both him and herself of who they used to be—same with eadwulf, though obviously he's not here.

the first time we hear essek say "bren" is on caleb's behalf and confronting one of the narrative representations of caleb's trauma. it's four words that manage to communicate "i, your enemy on a hundred levels, can speak for both the man i love and the boy who loved you, because i know him in his entirety."

astrid knows bren and essek knows caleb, but only essek can speak for both. because at some point, caleb gave bren to essek. and we know this from four words. four IMPROVISED words.

god. this moment is just so fucking good

did i clock matthew using they pronouns for essek at least once in tonight’s episode? he/they essek thelyss canon?!

I hope Essek never stops using stupid ass aliases. Okay (es)SE(k)TH(elyss) or Lord Lord from Around or Barry Beacon or Drew Krymm you've successfully tricked me

Honestly the fact that the other Assembly members are helping Ludinus is a surprise. But it also is kinda expected. He thrives in the viper’s nest, he always has. Even the Vanguard has tenuous relations and I doubt he has any misgivings about how that is. He’s been the head of the Cerberus Assembly for centuries, he knows backstabbing and undermining like the back of his hand. And Ludinus probably loves that shit.

Because truly he can’t handle genuine relationships. Sincere care or compliments. It’s why Jester throws him off so much. Because her smiles are real. Because her compliments are genuine and not backhanded.

The fake smiles and promises, the underhanded slights and backstabs is the world Ludinus moves like water through. He plays the political game so very well. Delilah, the charismatic witch, herself said it. Everyone knows Ludinus is a snake but they all fall for his traps anyway. But people like Jester throw him off because it breaks his world view. It breaks the idea that the world is dog eat dog all the time and you have to play this game to get yours. He rejects these genuine connections, romantic and platonic because “it’s beneath him”, but truly also because he can’t fathom the idea of those things meaning something real, having worth in a world in which those are all tools to manipulate and gain something from you, distractions from a larger goal.

The conversation he had with Essek is reframed in this light. It is not just that he thinks Essek gaining friendship is a distraction, makes him weak. It’s that he cannot see how a wizard similar to him can believe in such things. “Maybe you should try friends” was a sick burn but also there is this notion that Ludinus doesn’t get that. He doesn’t believe that is possible. True friendship isn’t something good or meaningful, it’s supposed to be a tool. In his mind Essek should have used the M9 to get further ahead.

Oh yes I do believe he does care for Liliana in some way. But it is also in the way that he needs her for his plans. Everything he does is framed around his goals, his needs. Because he cannot see relationships as anything but transactional. Subconsciously perhaps he desires deeper connections, but he will consciously bar himself from committing to such a thing because he has no faith in such a thing.

So yeah he is going to surround himself with people that hate him, people that he knows will backstab him at some point. Because he gets that. That’s familiar to him. He can deal with hatred and jealousy, but he can’t deal with genuineness.

Man, if I had a nickel for every time Essek Thelyss's disguise was dispelled via Anti-Magic field in a situation somehow related to Ludinus Da'leth, I'd have two nickels.

Which isn't alot, but it's weird that it has happened twice.

spent way too long making a shadowgast propaganda slideshow for the tumblr ship poll….. EVERYONE GO VOTE NOW FOR THE BEST SHIP IN THE BRACKET!

Everybody: -*Arguing over the Clocktower vs Apple Imagery*- Me: -*Waiting for the Lady in Glasses analysis to start up again*-

Thinking about how Essek is, like, the elven equivalent of 22 at the time of C2, and imagining him at like five or six hundred looking back at his youth floored by how reckless he was/the stupid stuff he did.

I'm not even talking about everything with the Beacons and the Assembly, but like: "Shit, how did I EVER think it was a good idea for Me, a Wizard, who relies solely on magic, to travel to Aeor, -alone-, with only my Wizard lover, who -also- only relied solely on magic, in a place WELL KNOWN to be brimming with Extremely Deadly Anti-Magic Creatures, Anti-magic Fields, and a surplus of Anti-Wizard Traps???"

So. . . Related to the post I made a second ago, but I was discussing the theory with a sibling of mine,

When we came across something BIG

ON THE DAY OF UNITY THEY’RE GOING TO USE THE WITCHES TO FLIP THE TITAN LIKE THE ICEBERG ON CLUB PENGUIN AND RELEASE THE COLLECTOR 

(And also crash the server/get all the witches perma-banned from life, naturally)

We can go home everyone, we’ve figured out the big reveal