Broken - Blog Posts

We love each other

neither one of us wants to admit it, but

in the weirdest way possible

we love each other

~ honestlywhatfor ~

Reorganization

Panic attacks at night

Swollen eyes, crusty lips

Fear of existence

Coating my red face in tears

Shivers shaking my body

I’m a loser

“Come here”

Sudden relaxation

My hand clinging to the pocket on the front of your hoodie

“It’s okay, don’t worry”

Forehead kisses

Careful strokes over my back

Calming my breath

“I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“Dragging you into this mess”

“I don’t mind your mess, I’m here to reorganize”

I still peak out the window whenever a car stops in front of our house

Hoping it’s you,

Knowing it’s not.

I’m still learning to get over you,

Because life has more in store for me than waiting for your apology.

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

She fucked up

There’s this girl. She just thought of your smile and the way your hand runs through your hair that has gotten way too long again.

And she cuddles up in bed and wishes you would be next to her, snoring, but unintentionally pullin her closer to your chest.

There’s this girl. She remembers every minute you two have spent together and she gets sad whenever you are gone for too long.

And she sits next to her friends who are making fun of her for falling for a guy that isn’t even her type.

There’s this girl. She thinks a lot about her Ex lately, but only because she’s afraid that you might turn out to be the same as him.

And she tells herself that she isn’t in love.

And she keeps repeating that she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

And she is writing about you, hoping it’ll clear her mind.

And she hates remembering every time your friends talk about the girls you’ve had, even since you two have been spending so much time together.

And she keeps telling herself that you two are not in a relationship.

And she acts like she doesn’t care.

And she is trying to look at other guys as well, but somehow it does not work for her the way it seems to do for you.

And she keeps a smile on her face.

And she keeps laughing.

And she keeps coming back to you.

Tere’s this girl. She’s sad, she’s hurting, she’s breaking. But out of habit, she keeps the canvas up.

Don’t keep hurting her. Don’t give her forehead kisses when you’re doing the same to any other girl you’ll meet on the weekends.

Don’t tell her how much she means to you when you’ll go out partying knowing she’ll be home alone waiting for your call that you’ve made it home safe.

Don’t keep hurting her. She does not deserve that. She deserves better. And if you know that there are guys out there that could make her happier than you because they’d make an effort and try, let her go.

Don’t keep that girl for yourself if you’re not planning to think about her smile whenever you need comfort.

There’s this girl. She’s typing this. She’s crying.

She fucked up.

a name

There is a fragile beauty  in the way you are gone There is an absurd pleasure in the way you left There is a broken soul who used to find peace  with you And there is an empty voice which used to sing your name like a song to the stars

It is funny how things change How your name lies strangely on the tip of my tongue  How I absorb every single letter to find the hidden secret to why your name was so familiar once like a soulmate to mine but now fades away with your face and the peace it promised 

But I can’t stop I can’t stop repeating your name every night like a goodnight story  to scare the ghosts inside my chest and your spirit which stayed and still dances under the moonlight I still scream your name in my head until it feels like you again

Loving you  is just another way of self-harm

Honey

Honey, you want to heal? forget the ugly words and the things he did how he blew out the candle  and you found yourself lost as the light faded away

Honey, you want to move on? Let go of the past  and the “I love you”s you shared Take back the person you gifted the time you shared Take back everything you don’t want him to keep

Honey, you want to live again? Leave the sadness you found after love and start all over again Find love in yourself and the things you enjoyed  Make room in your mind by throwing him out Find comfort in being alone

Honey, is that what you want? Healing, moving on and living? Because the truth is, it’s all in your hands but you rather remain in your situation Do you fear that the pain it takes to let it go would be more hurting than the pain you are currently in?

Honey, you won’t heal by  rereading and relistening old text messages and voice mails You won’t move on by  asking the universe for a call from him You won’t live again by reliving the memories you saved in your mind

You won’t find yourself by searching him

Honey, stop it,  Stop procrastinating on the future  Stop hurting yourself with the past  Don’t throw yourself away  It’s your love where you will find yourself again Not his

It’s you where you will gain the power from to heal move on  and live again

I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned  I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin

I want to go back in time  Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself  and feel my wooden heart swallow

Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted  Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together  But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night

I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless  We did not think at all

You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath  whenever you were about to fall asleep  I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived 

But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort  we used to find and the love we used to share

I am not ready to lose this Not ready to discover another time Another time without you I am not willing to give you up Not willing to give up love the love which felt so safe I am not prepared to let you go Not prepared to move on move on and exist on my own Exist on my own on my own my own alone

I created a new person for you but as much as I created It wasn't enough for you.

This silence

may safe you

but it kills me

from the inside

A dream which took me back to  you

Last night I’ve dreamed about you. 

I’ve dreamed about us

About the past, the fight, and the short but yet so beautiful periods of peace.

I’ve dreamed about you and your beautiful laugh and your even prettier smile.

I’ve dreamed and I fell back in love, in love with us and the past. 

I’ve felt relieved to have you back. To have the past back, like nothing ever happened. Like this is just as and how we use to be.

We didn’t share a world together, we created a universe. Both of us used to live on our own planet, but there was no space between our worlds. Not a tiny bit. 

But who of us knew how fatal it would be when two worlds who were ment to be together, would separate for a moment?  Who of us knew, that a moment could mend eternity? Who of us knew that there is a universe, where our worlds would be miles away from each other? Who of us knew how broken our worlds were? Who of us knew that our universe was about to fall apart? 

And than 

I woke up. 

Alone in my bed.

Shivering from the cold you left behind.

Searching you desperately in my bed. 

Where are you? 

Why aren’t you here?

What happened?

Was this really just a dream?

There is too much space without you.

Too much.

I can’t

breath 

But still

You are gone.

Because it was me who left.

Because there was nowhere to stay.

Because we couldn’t fix our worlds once again.

Maybe it was me who left.

But it was you who didn’t said a word.

Not even goodbye.

My

actions

are not

to blame

for your

mistakes

Linkin Park, Castle of Glass

Inktober: broken

Inspired by duck temper which huey has

[Repost following an involuntary erasure]

They always say that they help, ... When the time comes, you are on your own, ... They always say that you can open your heart with them, ... But at that moment they don't have time ... Why am I ready for others, ... ???

You can literally see, how broken he is. I mean, look at his eyes

Charlotte Mollie x Donquixote Doflamingo

Im still getting over the fact that you will never pay for what you did. But I will. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, it doesn’t go away.

……..