Astarion - Blog Posts
Sharess’ Caress: Trying to Feel Whole
(10/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
When we first arrived at Sharess’ Caress during my initial playthrough, I simply said no, and we moved on. But later, I saw others mention something Astarion says during the encounter with the twins - and I realized I needed to see it to understand him better.
I tried returning to Sharess' Caress from the old save file, where we haven't finished his personal quest yet. But the dialogue didn't go the way I saw it discussed, so after researching, I realized that the interactions are different, depending on when you come to the place - before defeating Cazador or after.
But in the end, I couldn't make myself go with it, not with my Tav, Roanael, so in the end I just watched a recording on YouTube (//v;)
If it happens before Cazador, Astarion gently but firmly declines the offer to spend a night with Tav and the drow twins. And it is wonderful to see him feeling safe enough to draw this line and protect his boundaries.
If you say you wouldn’t make him do it, he says, “Don’t be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back…” - it is framed like another joke, but he looks touched and sad at the same time.
If you decide to go alone, he shows some disapproval and concern - "Enjoy yourself, of course, but I dearly hope you aren't only having sex because we haven't in a while."
I feel he is trying to hide how much it actually bothers him that he might not be enough, that he can't give you want you want... and that you want it so much you can't wait for him, you still need it here and now, no matter who would be your partner.
Interestingly, this doesn’t even lower his approval (unlike, say, Gale’s) - maybe because Astarion doesn’t feel he has a right to disapprove. But that doesn’t make it any less painful.
What surprised me is that if you go there after defeating Cazador and finishing Astarion’s ark, he agrees, saying now that he is free, he is ready to try doing this again. Astarion tries to sound enthusiastic. He even reassures Tav that if he doesn’t like something, he will run away. But his laugh sounds almost hysterical.
If Tav goes with this alone, Astarion comments: “You have a type, don't you? Elven prostitutes? Again? It's rather embarrassing, dear.”
And while Tav and Astarion are spending time with the drow twins, he says all sorts of things like they are dealing with a professional, and he is being very attentive to everyone, but Tav notices that it’s all instinctual, and he is far away at the moment, clearly dissociating.
This place and situation trigger a lot of traumatic memories. And it also shows that even after we defeated Cazador and Astarion overcame his fear and decided to start a new life - he is still healing, it’s not like he magically recovered in a moment.
This whole episode in the brothel with Astarion is very difficult to see (I'd say it's horrible to do to him, if he didn't agree to this himself when he didn't have to) - but it also shows how deep his wounds are. Even after Cazador is gone, his shadow is still there: even if there is no one forcing him now, he does it to himself, cornering himself into the same patterns without realizing it.
Tragically, once Astarion agrees, the game doesn't allow Tav to change their mind, even if it's clear how distressed he is. But as they proceed, Tav can't help but notice just how skilful and gorgeous Astarion is in bed. He notices their eyes on him and asks why they are looking at him like this, and there is an option to reply, “Just making sure you’re okay.” And Astarion’s reaction is: “I wish to drink… And to be drunk.”
Honestly... it sounds a bit out of place, but it makes it even worse. Because it is not sensual. It is not said of intoxication by pleasure. It's numbness. Falling apart into the same state of performance as those thousands of times when he laid down on his back before.
But the way Astarion tries to push through is not a weakness - it shows how deeply he wants to feel whole again, even if he doesn’t yet know what that looks like. He’s trying to prove to Tav, but even more to himself: I’m free now. I can do this. I’m normal.
And it hurts because he shouldn’t have to.
Because healing is slow, messy, with ups and downs - and that’s perfectly fine.
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So many great points, thank you! I do realize this is my weakest post in the series so far, that’s why I added the disclaimer in the beginning.
All these observations are based purely on my first play through experience, which, as I realize now, during my second and third ones, was very rushed. I’m sure just saying that we never met any of the Gurs until right after defeating Cazador will draw you a clear enough picture of just how much I missed there 🙈
(Oh, the surprise on my face: “Excuse me… who are you again, good people?..”)
But I decided to give this theory a chance since it’s still a part of my experience. After all, I can always write another post explaining how I realized that I was wrong before.
But it’s nice to hear there might be a chance this headcanon is not so far from being true!
Softie Underneath
(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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Softie Underneath
(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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I like Holly Black’s «The Folk of the Air» book series and there something Cardan once said to Jude that was carved into my memory, even though I couldn’t fully understand the meaning:
“By you, I am forever undone.”
But now, after getting to know Astarion, I think I am starting to understand.
Maybe it’s kind of love that feels like a wave washed over everything inside you, leaving no place untouched, changing you the way you’ll never be the same again. And how when you look at that person there is nothing about them that lefts you indifferent - every time you look at them you feel something in you falling apart, but in the best possible way.
Thank you for this addition! I didn’t go that far in my thoughts and I am still figuring out for myself what kind of master Cazador was to Astarion and his siblings and what kind of life they had in that place.
And I love the other poster’s thoughts on the quote. I feel a bit sorry that Larian decided to remove it.
Astarion's Shirt
(8/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
This part is short, and probably has been talked about before, but I just wanted to share how much I love that the game gives us character insight through small, indirect details. For example, the description of Astarion’s shirt.
“A once-fine shirt that’s seen years of cuts, tears, and careful repairs. Clearly someone cares about looking good.”
At first glance, it’s a nod to his vanity - Astarion knows how gorgeous he is, and he clearly enjoys small luxuries when he can. But I think there’s more to it than that.
Yes, his appearance was Astarion’s tool to do his job - luring people for Cazador. But maybe this careful mending of that shirt feels like something else, something “human.”
I can't help but imagine Astarion’s frame bending over his shirt and fixing it up once again, working so carefully on the stitches… And there is something deeply sad about it - but also resilient. Him, in that cold castle, maybe after another torture or another night with someone he didn’t want to be with. So here he is, just sitting there in his little corner - a bed in a room he shares with other spawns - working on his clothes quietly.
Maybe telling himself that he can still look like this life as a slave doesn’t make him any less, like he still can carry himself with pride. It is something he still can control. And it is not about vanity, but dignity - another small act of defiance in its own quiet way. His insistence that he still matters, that he is still someone. Even if no one else cares. Even if it is just him, needle in hand, patching fabric like he wished he could patch up the holes inside his heart, too.
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Astarion's Shirt
(8/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
This part is short, and probably has been talked about before, but I just wanted to share how much I love that the game gives us character insight through small, indirect details. For example, the description of Astarion’s shirt.
“A once-fine shirt that’s seen years of cuts, tears, and careful repairs. Clearly someone cares about looking good.”
At first glance, it’s a nod to his vanity - Astarion knows how gorgeous he is, and he clearly enjoys small luxuries when he can. But I think there’s more to it than that.
Yes, his appearance was Astarion’s tool to do his job - luring people for Cazador. But maybe this careful mending of that shirt feels like something else, something “human.”
I can't help but imagine Astarion’s frame bending over his shirt and fixing it up once again, working so carefully on the stitches… And there is something deeply sad about it - but also resilient. Him, in that cold castle, maybe after another torture or another night with someone he didn’t want to be with. So here he is, just sitting there in his little corner - a bed in a room he shares with other spawns - working on his clothes quietly.
Maybe telling himself that he can still look like this life as a slave doesn’t make him any less, like he still can carry himself with pride. It is something he still can control. And it is not about vanity, but dignity - another small act of defiance in its own quiet way. His insistence that he still matters, that he is still someone. Even if no one else cares. Even if it is just him, needle in hand, patching fabric like he wished he could patch up the holes inside his heart, too.
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It is a quiet and thick summer night. One of those when the air smells like spices and leaves warmed by daylight.
Astarion steps back into the lightened circle of your campfire, lowering himself on the bedroll. He was hunting in the forest - successful but uneventful routine.
His hunger is sated for now, yet his brows still grow tight together as he looks around, taking in the silence. You aren’t here.
He picks up a book, turning the pages by the flickering light of the fire, his mind far away. Until he hears the steps and the corners of his mouth curl into a small smile.
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is, and he doesn’t flinch when your arms wrap around him from behind, gentle and warm. He just raises his hand to place over your arm as you rest your head against his shoulder and let out a dramatic sigh.
“You were gone for too long,” you mumble with a playful pout, softly nuzzling the curve of his neck with your nose. “I got bored waiting. So I went for a walk too. But really, you could’ve just bitten me instead. At least then we’d have spent that time together.”
Astarion chuckles, slightly leaning his head closer to yours. “Darling, your blood is far too invaluable to be treated as a mere convenience. It’s better reserved for more special occasions.”
You chuckle, brushing your lips along the pulse line on his neck. Your teeth grazing his skin in a teasing imitation of a bite.
“Then I’ll make us even,” you growl quietly, struggling to hold back a wide grin. “It’s my turn now.”
Astarion doesn’t hold back an amused laugh, short but light and unguarded. The sound you love so much. He turns around to look at you with a familiar smirk. “Oh? Is that so?”
He pulls you on his lap and you readily settle there, your eyes softening from mischief to warmth. You tilt your head, studying his face.
“Hold still…” you ask gently and Astarion arches his eyebrow but obliges, watching you raise your hand.
Your thumb carefully brushes his cheek, stroking a small drop of dried blood on his skin.
“Missed a spot,” you smile softly, wiping it away with the corner of your sleeve.
“…Thank you.” Astarion closes his eyes and leans into your touch for a moment, his lips brushing against the fabric wrapped around your arm.
You nod, satisfied, and lean back, reaching into the pouch still hanging on your belt, and luring out something small and delicate - a white flower with pointed, like a star, petals.
“A present! I found this while I was walking,” you say with a bashful smile. “It looked just like a star. Reminded me of you.”
He hums, both touched and amused. “Because my imperishable beauty outshines even the stars above?”
“Because you always shine, even in the dark,” you reply simply and tuck the flower behind his ear.
Astarion blinks, caught off guard for a moment, before a real, tender smile blooms on his lips.
He leans in and softly places a kiss on your forehead, then draws you close to his chest.
“So do you, my sweet.”
Facing Vampire Spawns
(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)
There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.
At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.
There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:
(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”
(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”
In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”
We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.
(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)
It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).
I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.
So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.
Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"
And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.
When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."
At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:
This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.
And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.
When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.
It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.
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Shadowheart: Given our group’s nature, I don’t see much harm. We are each monsters in the making, after all.
Astarion: No, I won’t kill them! Well, maybe Shadowheart…
Coincidence?.. 🫢
Oh yes, silly me - I completely forgot to explore all the options there 🙈 Thank you for this addition! I do love their banter. And humor almost plays role of another love language between them sometimes.
He does approve if you say “Is that all you want? Shallow praise?” as well.
I agree that joking around like that shows that Tav treats him like everybody else, normally, like a friend. And that’s what matters.
I did notice a slight change in his expression today when mentioning sleep, somewhere else but I can’t remember where exactly. And that’s also what I thought - that he is not so fond of going to sleep and seeing dreams that might turn into nightmares.
Reflecting in Their Eyes
(5/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
The episode where Astarion is looking in the mirror, quietly questioning his appearance, is one of my absolute favorites.
Since he is a vampire, we know he doesn’t cast a reflection. So at first glance, it seems a little bit pointless… unless! He was trying to make Tav notice, to draw them into a conversation without saying it directly (and it worked!) - isn't it just a sweet way to set up a difficult conversation without being too obvious about it, but at the same time not hiding it too hard? One might say it is another manipulation, but I rather like such a subtle approach. On the other hand, you can see in the camp that Astarion always has a mirror in his tent, so maybe I’m wrong in my assumption.
When Tav asks if he misses seeing his face, Astarion reluctantly, with a snarky comment, admits he does and confesses that he hasn’t seen his reflection since the night he was turned. He doesn’t even remember much about how he looked before.
In my story, I chose an option where Tav takes a moment to quietly study him. When he asked, “What?” she simply said, “I can be your mirror. What do you want to see?” And Astarion answered with something I didn’t expect him to say out loud, yet somehow knew was coming:
“I want to know what the world sees when looks at me. What you see.”
(There’s a more intense version too, where Tav simply says “I see you.” And in that moment, he’s stretched taut like a string - waiting, terrified, hopeful.)
He is quiet at first, but breaks into a smile, realizing what they are doing, when Tav starts describing him - those strong, piercing eyes, they say. And when they get to that “dangerous smile,” he interrupts with a grin:
“Just say I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”
It may seem like he is back to his usual flirty sass, but I believe he was just incredibly relieved and even flustered to hear that they don’t see him, a vampire spawn, as a monster, but still find him attractive and beautiful. So the shield is up again, back to the safer tone, when the moment is over and he has confirmed what he wanted to know - not to push Tav away, but falling back into familiar habits because opening up like that is so much.
Watch his body language: he turns away, putting some distance between them, as if to regulate the emotions stirred by the moment. He seems overwhelmed, uncertain what face he should make right now, but he is still listening, still thinking. People often look into the distance like that when they’re remembering something - like he does, still processing Tav's words.
But the important thing is: those words weren’t just about his physical appearance, but also his personality or, rather, his presence, because “strong piercing eyes” and “dangerous smile” speak more about the inner qualities rather than outer beauty.
And when Tav does say - “You are beautiful” - Astarion is clearly lifted and cheered, especially compared to the beginning of their conversation. I just love this episode, it is so sweet and touching!
For someone who carefully cultivates control over his appearance, who hides his uncertainty beneath vanity, it is a big deal to open up like that and admit he is actually unsure about his looks. And to someone he is starting to trust. And it’s not just about his looks. When he asks how Tav sees him, it’s also a quiet test: he realizes he is developing feelings for them (well, at least for me, this episode was right before his confession), and he finds a way to find out if his feelings might be returned. It’s a subtle way of asking, “Is it possible for you to see me behind this appearance?”
This is the first moment he let his guard down to show something fragile underneath. To see how they react when he is not playing the role. He showed us small glimpses before, but this is the first time Astarion lowered his defenses that low. And when Tav doesn't recoil, mock or dismiss him but stays warm and sincere, it reassures him that he is safe and seen with them. And he dares to tell them the truth - about his feelings and his "simple plan".
This moment is one of the most breathtaking parts of their journey together that yet again connects to our next realization - I want to talk about it in the next post.
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The Need to be Seen
(6/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
One of Astarion’s deepest longings, woven through all his fears and defenses, is the need to be seen. Not as a monster. Not as a tool. Not as an object of desire. Just seen. As he is.
And when he finally meets someone who is patient, kind and genuinely trying to understand him, he takes a leap of faith and begins to unravel - step by step - hoping that they’ll stay. Isn’t that incredibly brave?
The mirror scene, his confession - another subtle way of revealing the weakness and asking: “Will you still stay if I’m a mess?” “If I don’t shine and sparkle, will I still matter to you?”
He is afraid that if they see all the wounds and weaknesses behind, they will turn away and leave. Maybe that’s why he decides to find out - better sooner than later.
It is really amazing how vulnerable Astarion is with Tav and many signs are showing that it is limited to them only: for example, when you test your love in the Circus he gets anxious and irritated if you share to much of his personal information, like "yeah, true but not in front of a random stranger!"
And his vulnerability seems reserved only for Tav (I haven't played as Durge yet). In the Circus test, for example, if you reveal too much about him, he immediately gets irritated - "Yes, that’s true, but not in front of a random stranger!"
There are dialogues in the early game when Astarion openly shares facts about his past, but he does it with a challenging attitude, like, "yeah, it was like that, so what you gonna do about it?" - almost like testing Tav's limits. "Will they still keep being kind to me if they know this? What about now?" - actually, that's what children with a traumatic background often do; they tend to misbehave and push boundaries to see if that adult really is safe or they can hurt them if provoked. (Maybe adults might react similarly, too, but personally, I am only familiar with this trauma response in children.)
Even in early dialogues, when he shares pieces of his past, he often does so with a defiant tone. “Yes, it was like that - what of it?” Like he’s daring Tav to flinch. "Will they still be kind to me if they know this? What about now?" It reminds me of how some children with trauma test the adults around them, pushing limits to see if someone is truly safe.
Astarion’s longing to be seen also reveals another fear: being seen as less than he pretends to be. All the performance - the charm, the wit, the sensuality - is his armour hiding underneath someone who has been terrified and out of control for two hundred years. And if someone notices that, he might find himself abandoned or fallen into the hands of those in power yet again.
And this is why, I believe, he seems to look down on those he perceives as weak: those in need and suffering. Even others who share his fate as vampire spawn. Because looking at them is like looking in a mirror he can’t bear. He is afraid to see himself in them, to feel less again, feel powerless. And that others will see him that way, too. That Tav will see him that way.
And if he sees himself in them, he risks crumbling. So the mask stays on. That resentment of perceived weakness isn’t about cruelty - it’s fear in disguise, desperate denial of his past victimhood. Because if he lets himself empathize, even a little, the dam might break. Then he’s no longer the charming predator, no longer in control. He’s the boy on the floor of Cazador’s dungeon again. And he can’t let that happen.
And that’s probably what happened when he met his siblings - other six vampire spawns (and other victims in the dungeon later). Before, Astarion had brushed off Tav’s concerns about facing them and his past again, but he didn’t take it well in the end - he couldn’t put himself on the same level with them, it was too much to bear, so he just put another wall between them instead.
But even if he starts distancing himself, obsessed with the Rite, the longing remains. And if Tav keeps reaching, gently, patiently, he still hears them. Because deep down in his heart, like a guiding star, these words live:
"I can be better than him."
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Reflecting in Their Eyes
(5/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
The episode where Astarion is looking in the mirror, quietly questioning his appearance, is one of my absolute favorites.
Since he is a vampire, we know he doesn’t cast a reflection. So at first glance, it seems a little bit pointless… unless! He was trying to make Tav notice, to draw them into a conversation without saying it directly (and it worked!) - isn't it just a sweet way to set up a difficult conversation without being too obvious about it, but at the same time not hiding it too hard? One might say it is another manipulation, but I rather like such a subtle approach. On the other hand, you can see in the camp that Astarion always has a mirror in his tent, so maybe I’m wrong in my assumption.
When Tav asks if he misses seeing his face, Astarion reluctantly, with a snarky comment, admits he does and confesses that he hasn’t seen his reflection since the night he was turned. He doesn’t even remember much about how he looked before.
In my story, I chose an option where Tav takes a moment to quietly study him. When he asked, “What?” she simply said, “I can be your mirror. What do you want to see?” And Astarion answered with something I didn’t expect him to say out loud, yet somehow knew was coming:
“I want to know what the world sees when looks at me. What you see.”
(There’s a more intense version too, where Tav simply says “I see you.” And in that moment, he’s stretched taut like a string - waiting, terrified, hopeful.)
He is quiet at first, but breaks into a smile, realizing what they are doing, when Tav starts describing him - those strong, piercing eyes, they say. And when they get to that “dangerous smile,” he interrupts with a grin:
“Just say I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”
It may seem like he is back to his usual flirty sass, but I believe he was just incredibly relieved and even flustered to hear that they don’t see him, a vampire spawn, as a monster, but still find him attractive and beautiful. So the shield is up again, back to the safer tone, when the moment is over and he has confirmed what he wanted to know - not to push Tav away, but falling back into familiar habits because opening up like that is so much.
Watch his body language: he turns away, putting some distance between them, as if to regulate the emotions stirred by the moment. He seems overwhelmed, uncertain what face he should make right now, but he is still listening, still thinking. People often look into the distance like that when they’re remembering something - like he does, still processing Tav's words.
But the important thing is: those words weren’t just about his physical appearance, but also his personality or, rather, his presence, because “strong piercing eyes” and “dangerous smile” speak more about the inner qualities rather than outer beauty.
And when Tav does say - “You are beautiful” - Astarion is clearly lifted and cheered, especially compared to the beginning of their conversation. I just love this episode, it is so sweet and touching!
For someone who carefully cultivates control over his appearance, who hides his uncertainty beneath vanity, it is a big deal to open up like that and admit he is actually unsure about his looks. And to someone he is starting to trust. And it’s not just about his looks. When he asks how Tav sees him, it’s also a quiet test: he realizes he is developing feelings for them (well, at least for me, this episode was right before his confession), and he finds a way to find out if his feelings might be returned. It’s a subtle way of asking, “Is it possible for you to see me behind this appearance?”
This is the first moment he let his guard down to show something fragile underneath. To see how they react when he is not playing the role. He showed us small glimpses before, but this is the first time Astarion lowered his defenses that low. And when Tav doesn't recoil, mock or dismiss him but stays warm and sincere, it reassures him that he is safe and seen with them. And he dares to tell them the truth - about his feelings and his "simple plan".
This moment is one of the most breathtaking parts of their journey together that yet again connects to our next realization - I want to talk about it in the next post.
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I don’t think I’ve ever drawn a bat before 🤔 but here is a quick Batstarion doodle 🦇✨
First Bite
(3/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Astarion is unexpectedly very honest. You can easily tell when the mask drops - when he’s vulnerable, flustered or confused. He never really hides it from Tav, or at least doesn’t try too hard. It’s always close to the surface.
Even during the vampirism reveal, it felt like Astarion was being too clumsy, almost like he wanted to be caught to see how Tav would react. After that night, he never woke them up again when feeding anymore - don't you think that’s a little suspicious? This similar approach shows up again later in the mirror scene, but I’ll save that for another post.
Well, it is just a theory. But this is part of why I can’t really blame him for trying to get what he needed and slip away. Another reason is that, for usually cautious Astarion, being so desperate most likely meant he reached a point where his blood craving became too unbearable. Maybe he hoped to blame it on some hypothetical vampire lurking nearby (after all, they did find that drained boar)… but he goes for Tav no matter if they've seen the boar or not.
What makes this moment so important is that it gives us the choice to let him drink freely, by our own will, just because he needs it. (It actually reminded me of giving Gale those artefacts to consume - and remember how touched and grateful he was for such trust?)
And of course, this is when the famous "This is a gift, you know" line appears, too. And the fact that he repeated exactly the same words again after such a life-turning event as defeating Cazador only shows just how much this moment meant for Astarion.
There are so many layers to this simple act of sharing your blood: The first time breaking Cazador’s rules. The first time tasting blood from a "thinking creature". The first time being accepted after revealing himself. And all of this with the one person he’s slowly beginning to care about, for the first time.
What I loved is that this might be the moment Astarion saw something different in Tav. I think, at best, he just hoped they wouldn't cast him out. He even admits he would’ve told them he was a vampire earlier if he'd known how open-minded they'd be. But instead, they said yes - without fear or disgust. Like it was nothing. But to him, it was everything.
Bloody Talks Club 🩸
I only discovered this cutscene on a replay, but I think it fits nicely here.
There's a moment not long after that night, where Astarion cheerfully invites Tav to speculate about how their companions' blood might taste - completely theoretically, of course. Personally, I don't mind that kind of talk and even enjoy such thought experiments, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.
What's interesting is that Astarion supports any answer you give - unless you shut the conversation down entirely. To me, that says he's just excited to finally have someone to talk with, someone who doesn't judge and maybe even shares his curiosity. Isn't that something we all crave in our own way? I can't help but find it cute!
Same with the scene where he celebrates the bear victory - he rushes to share it with Tav, fully trusting that he can express himself without facing mockery or disgust.
They've got their own little blood club now :]
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Getting Closer
(2/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
In my first playthrough, I was worried that if we slept too often, we would all turn into mind flayers, so I went through the Saving the Grove quest almost without resting in camp. Unfortunately, that meant I missed some of the early interactions with companions, including Astarion. That’s also why, when my Tav spent the celebration night with him, she still had no idea he was a vampire.
Honestly… I actually prefer that. It makes the story flow more naturally, in a way. But as with most things in BG3, it works either way.
Why I loved it, though, because it made so much sense for Astarion to want Tav to start getting attached before revealing what he truly is - a vampire spawn. It also meant that the morning conversation was the one where he told more about himself and his past and the conversation felt less rushed and more genuine. But maybe it is my nostalgia speaking.
First Steps
One of the first proper camp dialogues with Astarion happens when he admits Tav is more impressive than he initially thought and says he'd like to keep seeing them as an ally (the Stars cutscene). As always, he's surprisingly honest - so much so that I doubt it can be considered a manipulation.
But this is also where he begins putting his famous "simple plan" into motion: seducing Tav to ensure his own safety. As we established earlier (see Part 1), his main goal is security. So now that he's confident Tav is strong and useful, he starts using the tools he knows best - suggestive charm and witty jokes.
This eventually leads to him inviting Tav to spend time together during the celebration night at camp (or even earlier, depending on approval). That's where the romance seems to begin… or so we think.
Flirting or Strategy?
Even if Tav is already smitten, from Astarion’s side this is manipulation - at least on the surface. You can clearly see and hear how different his behavior is during these moments: too smooth, too controlled. Not like the moments when he's genuine and real - when rough, unkempt words come spilling out of him freely, with wide gestures or a calm, serious demeanor.
Still, even though he later admits that he was trying to make Tav an ally so they wouldn't turn on him, I do believe that even then, he'd already started to care a little, especially depending on the following nuance.
If this conversation happens at the celebration party, approval doesn't actually need to be very high. His motivation there is more about survival after he confirmed once again that it would be better to have Tav on his side. But if you do raise his approval high enough in Act 1, you might get that flirty conversation even earlier - and it runs differently, too. He admits he’s starting to like "the whole package," and says he wants to reward Tav for sharing their blood with him. Not just complaining about boredom and bad wine anymore, huh?
So maybe his motivations start to shift, even just slightly. He might genuinely want to keep Tav near in the only way he knows: giving them what he thinks they want. It can still be part of his strategy, but there's something more complicated beginning to form underneath.
Looking Back
There’s one thing I now feel a little uneasy about. When Astarion first flirts and invites Tav to spend time with him during the party, I chose the dialogue where my Tav teases him a little - she makes him say "please" before agreeing. And when he does, she calls him a "good boy." He actually approves of that line and seems a bit (pleasantly?) surprised that Tav can be so sassy. It felt playful and bold at the time, and I remember how I was like: “Oh! He likes that??”
But after learning about his past… it feels different. Because this was how he survived. His body, his charm - these were tools he had to use. And now it's not just that Tav flirted - it's that she made him beg for it, in a sense, while Astarion was trying to keep himself safe. This thought feels pretty awful.
Still, I try to comfort myself with a few points:
We had no idea at the time!
He did approve of it!
Maybe it showed that Tav wasn't desperate for his body - it was more about their interaction. It felt like she was genuinely enjoying the banter, not just trying to sleep with him.
So… maybe it’s not that bad (^^;)
What Got Me Hooked
To be honest, back then I was still skeptical about Astarion as a love interest. I knew he was a popular character, and I thought he was a bit overrated - mainly because all the media glimpses I'd seen of him were about his very sexualized image. But something about him piqued my curiosity.
By the time he started flirting with Tav, I was already like: "Nooo, stawp~ …nevermind, keep going." Kind of not admitting I was interested even to myself - but still feeling giddy when believing he was "interested" in my Tav. (Which… wasn’t quite true, as we know now.)
But then came the moment after their first night together - my Tav noticed his scars. I expected him to deflect or change the subject, but instead he told her. Honestly and openly. That he was a slave. That his old master left those marks.
That was the moment I felt something shift, noticed his depth. And from there, I really wanted to get to know him better.
(*cough* And that's how my obsession started *cough*)
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The Truth Behind the Mask
(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.
And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.
Couldn’t be further from the truth!
From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.
Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.
So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.
How Approval Looks on the Surface
Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points:
choosing evil replies/actions
seeking power
siding with evil characters
deceiving your opponents
supporting his desires
being understanding and accepting towards him
(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies
And disapproval points:
making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”)
helping the weak
being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses
In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not.
But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.
So what's really going on?
The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.
So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?
Because he is terrified.
When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk.
It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.
Let’s Look at That List Again
So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again:
refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk
seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!
siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit?
deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem
supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want
being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster
sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left
On the other hand:
making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope!
helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother
disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..
What Kind of Tav Does He Need?
Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:
pragmatic, cautious and clever
emotionally intelligent
non-judgmental
strong enough to lead and survive
That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.
So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.
The Mask
So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.
But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.
Still Astarion. Just more himself.
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Astarion: In Search of True Self
Lately, I’ve been playing Baldur’s Gate 3 for the first time - and I’ve absolutely fallen in love with the game… and the pale elf, of course.
That’s how this character analysis came to life. At the start, I didn’t know much about the game or its world, but I did know that companions were available for romance. So I checked them out before starting, and two characters piqued my interest: Astarion and Gale.
Somehow… I never met Gale in my game (either I didn’t poke that hole in the wall or he just never showed up?), so naturally, I started exploring my options with Astarion.
His romance was described in guides as a bit of a challenge - especially if your Tav is good-aligned and likes helping others. The common conclusion is usually: be evil and he’ll like that.
I shrugged and decided to try balancing things out. But as I played and got to know him better, that advice began to make less and less sense to me. So I started putting my thoughts into words, hoping to explain why I didn’t agree.
In the end, this turned into something more like a diary - a journey of discovering new sides of Astarion and reflecting on the moments my Tav shared with him.
I hope you will find this analysis/review/Astarion fan diary (?) interesting, even if you don't agree with every part. If that’s the case, please be kind - I poured a lot of heart (and sleepless nights) into this. And if you did feel the same way, I hope this lets you re-experience that journey all over again <3
Navigation:
The Truth Behind The Mask
Getting Closer
First Bite
Power Or Its Absence?
Reflecting In Their Eyes
The Need To Be Seen
Facing Vampire Spawns
Astarion's Shirt
Softie Underneath
Sharess' Caress
Astarion and Cazador
Ascension Or Not?
Other posts about Astarion (rediscovering missed cutscenes and lore):
The First Night
"Unascended" Astarion
Astarion's Age
Astarion The Elf
Poison Or Dagger?
The Bear Conversation
(This is the initial plan, but it may evolve. I’ll add links to each post as I upload them)
TL;DR: Not a red flag – cinnamon roll with fangs. Handle with care, love and moonlight.
I absolutely love the fact that you can suggest Astarion some herbal tea to help him relax on their first night when playing as a druid
Love my class :3
He seems both touched and amused hehe
It's very gentle... qwq
Yeah I've got no excuse for this one
Bearded Halsin + Long-haired Astarion are my weakness rn (uncropped version coming soon on bluesky!)
no thoughts only halstarion in my head
these two paired up heals something within me... so have a little doodle of em
I know these two have different ages n all but i wanted to see them as liddle elf babies and I had to doodle this xd Baby Halsin is a big boah who's too good for this world as always and Astarion is just that type of kid that keeps blatantly staring at you for no reason dfjgnkjdfn
Astarion from Baldurs Gate 3 and Serana from The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim would be BFFs and I will die on that hill
Yes, I gave up drawing a little – my friend dragged me into the Sims 4. Now we are playing with a strange collaboration between Astarion and Roger. Smoking student musicians who are trying to survive for a salary of 100 simoleons per day.
It’s only forever, not long at all
Pls marry me
the squad
Babies 💕