Astarion Analysis - Blog Posts

I have always perceived the act of kneeling in the scene where Tav undergoes the transformation into a spawn not merely as an act of submission, but as a kind of oath-taking ceremony. In D&D lore, vampires possess a lawful evil alignment, which is inseparable from strict principles of hierarchy. Astarion calls Tav his consort, emphasizing not only his power and status but also Tav's crucial role in his plans. This also symbolizes their union within the framework of vampiric hierarchy and the new life that will begin after Tav's transformation.

Consort is a title traditionally used to refer to the spouse of a monarch. In the context of a royal family, a consort does not hold the rights of a ruler but serves as an important figure in public and state affairs.

It is particularly noteworthy that it is right after the night of the turning that Astarion first calls Tav his consort, which I personally cannot see as mere coincidence unless he intentionally imbued the event with ritualistic meaning. Such wording is undoubtedly steeped in an aura of regal solemnity, which is especially remarkable for Astarion, given his yearning for grandeur and liberation from his former subordinate position.

When Tav knelt before Astarion, I was reminded of the painting «The Coronation of Napoleon» by the French artist Jacques-Louis David. The painting depicts the moment when Napoleon Bonaparte crowns his wife Josephine during the ceremony held in 1804 at Notre-Dame de Paris. Napoleon stands on an elevated platform in his imperial attire, including a luxurious cloak trimmed with ermine, as he places the crown on Josephine's head himself.

Meanwhile, in the developer's note to the animation tag for this scene in the game, it says: «Tav kneels before Astarion. Astarion stands proud before the Player. He is powerful. He is free.»

I have no doubt that Astarion was indeed imbuing this moment with a special ritualistic meaning. He wants Tav to acknowledge his supremacy by kneeling before him, as if it were an oath-taking ceremony. This is not just an act of dominance but a kind of ritual with profound cultural and historical undertones.

Undoubtedly, this scene is filled with clear eroticism, which perfectly aligns with Astarion's love for decadence and theatrics. I find this quite amusing, and I'm sure Astarion also enjoyed playing with this subtext, giving the moment a particular sexual tension and sharpness. All of this comes together in a quirky pattern, creating an exceptionally rich scene where cultural and erotic motifs intertwine.

Kneeling is a gesture that carries a variety of meanings depending on the cultural, historical, and social context. It is commonly associated with expressions of respect, submission, devotion, or acknowledgment. In a religious context, kneeling symbolizes reverence before a higher power, humility, or repentance. For example, in Christianity, people kneel before an altar or during prayer. In some religions, the gesture signifies a plea for help, mercy, or forgiveness. In a monarchical context, kneeling has been used as part of rituals such as knighting ceremonies or being admitted into the circle of royal privileges. In the feudal context of the Middle Ages, vassals knelt before their liege lord as a symbol of loyalty and submission. This act was often accompanied by kissing the hand or a symbol of authority (such as a sword or crown). In a romantic context, kneeling is a gesture symbolizing a marriage proposal, as well as an expression of respect, admiration, and love.

For myself, I highlight the following:

Acknowledgment of sovereignty — kneeling before a monarch symbolizes submission to the authority of the crown and recognition of its legitimacy.

Acceptance into the circle of royal privileges — in this context, the act can be interpreted as a ritual of initiation, where kneeling marks entry into an exclusive circle, granting access to the advantages and status associated with monarchy.

Astarion perceives himself and Tav as something superior to all other beings, stemming from the fact that Tav becomes a vampire. He believes that the transformation of Tav into a vampire grants them the opportunity to become "something more," elevating them to a new level. This transformation not only makes Tav a vampire but also symbolizes their entry into a special, elite category of beings who possess power and authority beyond the reach of ordinary mortals or other creatures. For Astarion, as a vampire, this means that Tav can now share in his greatness.

Astarion: You are stronger now. Better. You will thank me one day, I am sure. Astarion: You will be stronger, swifter, sharper, but you won't be different. You were already perfect before. It's hard to improve.

An expression of respect and devotion — such a gesture underscores reverence for the monarch as a divine or political symbol.

Kneeling as an act of humiliation:

In Astarion's thoughts, one can discern that he views Tav’s decision to stay with him and become his spawn as something indicative of degradation, perhaps even moral decline.

When Tav agrees to become Astarion’s spawn, it can be interpreted as a conscious act of self-sacrifice, where they relinquish equality in the relationship and willingly submit to him. This step symbolizes the rejection of personal autonomy and the acceptance of absolute dependence. Tav entrusts their life entirely into his hands. Astarion: You have given me everything. Thank you.

Astarion likely perceives such a decision as a form of "degradation," believing that a normal person, from his perspective, would not make such a choice. He tries to understand why Tav would do this and concludes that Tav derives a certain satisfaction from such a dynamic, perhaps even having an inclination toward it. Narrator: But perhaps you wish to degrade yourself. And he knows it.

This explains his surprise when Tav, contrary to his expectations, asks for tenderness. It’s simply not what he anticipates. His reaction reveals confusion and forces him to reassess Tav’s motives, as such a request goes beyond the scenario he had envisioned.

Astarion: So, tell me what you desire. What can I do for my dearest pet? Player: I want you. I want your body. Astarion: You've earned it. But don't you want more - don't you want eternity? One more bite is all it would take. As for Welch's remark that Astarion "won’t respect you," this narrative only applies to the phrase "I want your body," which itself is not required in the game. This line adds an interpretative layer but is not central to all the possible interactions between Tav and Ascended Astarion.

Baudelaire Welch: He's literally looking down on you because you are someone in that situation who believes you deserve sex as a reward. He will give it to you, but he won't respect you.

In essence, the entire narrative about the sexualization parallels the scene with Araj in Act 2, where the player asks for sex as a reward for defending Astarion before Araj or helping with Yurgir's murder. And although Welch desperately tried to impose this motif in the Ascended route, limiting roleplay, it is not the only one, and far from the most obvious. There are other reasons to help Astarion with the ritual, and even he is aware of them:

Astarion: Of course I understand love. All too well. The gravest crimes committed in this world are committed for love. A hunger crueller than bloodlust.

Many also overlook that Tav's consent to become his spawn is seen by Astarion as an expression of exceptional trust and devotion. His gratitude the following morning confirms this: he sincerely expresses appreciation for the trust shown in the very first phrase he addresses to Tav. Astarion: You are so beautiful... And you will be beautiful forever. Thank you for trusting me. Moreover, trust becomes the leitmotif of his dialogues afterwards, especially when their relationship with Tav is questioned or criticized by their companions. Each time, he emphasizes that their relationship is built on this foundation:

Karlach: You know, Astarion, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You're… different. A bit scary, to be honest. Astarion: I have one person who trusts me completely. That's enough for me. Lae'zel: You have shared your new power with your lover, Astarion. I'm surprised - I expected you to turn your back once you got what you wanted. Astarion: Quite the opposite - I need someone I can trust. And now I know they'll never betray me.

Unfortunately, in the kiss scenes of Patch 6, the original context was lost, and the focus shifted to themes of fear and humiliation that were not present in the original dynamic with Ascended Astarion. Considering that the kiss scenes were based on the scene of Tav’s transformation into a spawn, which is almost obvious, their emotional tone was distorted. For example, initially, Tav knelt entirely of their own free will, which emphasized the intentional and voluntary nature of their decision. In the kiss scenes, on the contrary, Tav is shown kneeling out of fear, the source of which remains unclear. Throughout the game, it is never shown what consequences Tav could fear for refusing to do so. In the transformation scene, Tav can refuse and not face any frightening consequences.

It also seems illogical when Tav is frightened when Astarion grabs them by the throat. This contradicts the transformation scene, where Tav themself initiated it, asking Astarion to hurt them and even tilting their head back, exposing their neck.

Astarion: It will only hurt a bit, the pleasure will be far greater than the pain. Player: Oh, come on. Let it hurt.

In the kiss scenes, however, this dynamic, based on mutual consent, was changed to an act of violence. This further exacerbates the inconsistency, especially considering that in the original script of this scene, it was noted that both Tav and Astarion derive pleasure from what is happening.

In dialogues, Ascended Astarion also demonstrated a willingness to be tender with Tav when Tav expressed it through words. He was not solely focused on rough dominance, as was attempted to be imposed in Patch 6. This change is likely an attempt by Larian to please the audience who, without going through the Ascended route and without understanding its nuances, actively promotes the narrative of the collective majority about the cycle of abuse.

Yes, the facial expressions in the kiss animations were changed due to fan requests for the Ascended route, but the aftertaste and consequences of these changes remain.

Some players still argue that facial expressions in role-playing games should be imposed "for the sake of the great narrative," while others use game conventions, such as cyclicality of animations, to demand the return of scared expressions. However, bringing back this dynamic would undermine the story and the character that fans of Ascended Astarion have known and loved for six months after the game's release.

In my opinion, to expand the role-playing experience, it would be much more useful not to return the scared expressions as an option, but to add the possibility for the lord to use more standard kisses, similar to those in Patch 5.

It is unclear why many are convinced that the vampire lord is incapable of tender kisses with Tav when his love scene demonstrated just this tenderness, and the moment with the kiss on the hand is one of the most refined and delicate romantic episodes. In particular, the kiss on the hand, which happens after the "be gentle" option is chosen, not only emphasizes Astarion's attention to Tav's desires and his willingness to listen, but also contradicts the notion of his exclusively dominant and cold nature.

If Astarion is capable of expressing such tenderness in intimacy, why is it excluded that the same softness could be maintained in his kisses?

The kiss in Patch 6 would only make sense if, upon choosing the "be gentle… if you can" option, Astarion ignored Tav's request, and his actions were no different from those in the "let it hurt" option.

I would also like to draw attention to the sharp contrast in Tav's facial expressions in the bite scenes, written by different writers. In Act 1, when Astarion was written only by Stephen Rooney, Tav's facial expression shows ecstasy, and this same expression is repeated in the lord's love scene, which, according to Welch, they did not write.

However, in the transformation scene, which, as Welch confirms, was written with their involvement, Tav's facial expression is noticeably different.

It’s not fear, like in the kisses from Patch 6, but the expression conveys a "problematic/kinky" mood — a term that Welch themselves used to describe this scene. This looks particularly strange in the dialogue where Tav explicitly asks to be hurt:

Astarion: Shall we have one last night together before you join me in immortality? One for the road, so to speak. Player: We shall not. I just need you to bite me. Astarion: Impatient are we? Well who am I to deny you?

This suggests that Welch’s views on "kinks" are at least debatable, and this influences how they are portrayed in the game. For example, Welch sees the transformation into a spawn as an "irreversible sex-pact/kink/form of gratification," but Tav's reaction in this scene is somewhat more uneasy than in previous episodes involving similar actions.

Both scenes are consensual, but they have a different tone simply because one of the writers condemned the player for "kinks," while the other did not.

In the cinematic context for the transformation scene, the following was stated: "You are naked and vulnerable before him." This feeling, it seems to me, is what the animators tried to convey and embody, capturing the intimacy of the moment. However, with the release of Patch 6, this message became distorted, turning into something entirely different — crude and devoid of the original subtle undertones.

In this context, I believe that the kisses from Patch 7 appear much more consistent compared to the facial expressions in Patch 6.

Especially when considering the following points:

Astarion grabs Tav by the neck solely at the player's initiative, and the dialogue clearly implies that Tav wants this.

Tav has previously reacted with obvious pleasure to similar actions by Astarion in other scenes.

I genuinely do not understand why Baudelaire Welch's contribution should be considered more significant, given that they joined the project during the later stages of the game's development. Especially when you consider that the character was originally created by another writer, who laid the foundation for his personality, story, and key traits. Prioritizing late additions that distort the original concept seems unfair and disrespectful to Astarion's creator and his vision.

At this point, I would like there to be an option in the game to kiss Astarion's hand. A hand kiss is also a symbolic gesture that conveys respect, devotion, submission, and acknowledgment of power or authority. I find this incredibly romantic, and I truly miss it. It would further emphasize the symbolism of this route.

The Need to be Seen

(6/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

One of Astarion’s deepest longings, woven through all his fears and defenses, is the need to be seen. Not as a monster. Not as a tool. Not as an object of desire. Just seen. As he is.

And when he finally meets someone who is patient, kind and genuinely trying to understand him, he takes a leap of faith and begins to unravel - step by step - hoping that they’ll stay. Isn’t that incredibly brave?

The mirror scene, his confession - another subtle way of revealing the weakness and asking: “Will you still stay if I’m a mess?” “If I don’t shine and sparkle, will I still matter to you?”

He is afraid that if they see all the wounds and weaknesses behind, they will turn away and leave. Maybe that’s why he decides to find out - better sooner than later. 

It is really amazing how vulnerable Astarion is with Tav and many signs are showing that it is limited to them only: for example, when you test your love in the Circus he gets anxious and irritated if you share to much of his personal information, like "yeah, true but not in front of a random stranger!"

And his vulnerability seems reserved only for Tav (I haven't played as Durge yet). In the Circus test, for example, if you reveal too much about him, he immediately gets irritated - "Yes, that’s true, but not in front of a random stranger!"

There are dialogues in the early game when Astarion openly shares facts about his past, but he does it with a challenging attitude, like, "yeah, it was like that, so what you gonna do about it?" - almost like testing Tav's limits. "Will they still keep being kind to me if they know this? What about now?" - actually, that's what children with a traumatic background often do; they tend to misbehave and push boundaries to see if that adult really is safe or they can hurt them if provoked. (Maybe adults might react similarly, too, but personally, I am only familiar with this trauma response in children.)

Even in early dialogues, when he shares pieces of his past, he often does so with a defiant tone. “Yes, it was like that - what of it?” Like he’s daring Tav to flinch. "Will they still be kind to me if they know this? What about now?" It reminds me of how some children with trauma test the adults around them, pushing limits to see if someone is truly safe.

Astarion’s longing to be seen also reveals another fear: being seen as less than he pretends to be. All the performance - the charm, the wit, the sensuality - is his armour hiding underneath someone who has been terrified and out of control for two hundred years. And if someone notices that, he might find himself abandoned or fallen into the hands of those in power yet again.

And this is why, I believe, he seems to look down on those he perceives as weak: those in need and suffering. Even others who share his fate as vampire spawn. Because looking at them is like looking in a mirror he can’t bear. He is afraid to see himself in them, to feel less again, feel powerless. And that others will see him that way, too. That Tav will see him that way.

And if he sees himself in them, he risks crumbling. So the mask stays on. That resentment of perceived weakness isn’t about cruelty - it’s fear in disguise, desperate denial of his past victimhood. Because if he lets himself empathize, even a little, the dam might break. Then he’s no longer the charming predator, no longer in control. He’s the boy on the floor of Cazador’s dungeon again. And he can’t let that happen.

And that’s probably what happened when he met his siblings - other six vampire spawns (and other victims in the dungeon later). Before, Astarion had brushed off Tav’s concerns about facing them and his past again, but he didn’t take it well in the end - he couldn’t put himself on the same level with them, it was too much to bear, so he just put another wall between them instead.

But even if he starts distancing himself, obsessed with the Rite, the longing remains. And if Tav keeps reaching, gently, patiently, he still hears them. Because deep down in his heart, like a guiding star, these words live:

"I can be better than him."

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Reflecting in Their Eyes

(5/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

The episode where Astarion is looking in the mirror, quietly questioning his appearance, is one of my absolute favorites.

Since he is a vampire, we know he doesn’t cast a reflection. So at first glance, it seems a little bit pointless… unless! He was trying to make Tav notice, to draw them into a conversation without saying it directly (and it worked!) - isn't it just a sweet way to set up a difficult conversation without being too obvious about it, but at the same time not hiding it too hard? One might say it is another manipulation, but I rather like such a subtle approach. On the other hand, you can see in the camp that Astarion always has a mirror in his tent, so maybe I’m wrong in my assumption.

When Tav asks if he misses seeing his face, Astarion reluctantly, with a snarky comment, admits he does and confesses that he hasn’t seen his reflection since the night he was turned. He doesn’t even remember much about how he looked before.

In my story, I chose an option where Tav takes a moment to quietly study him. When he asked, “What?” she simply said, “I can be your mirror. What do you want to see?” And Astarion answered with something I didn’t expect him to say out loud, yet somehow knew was coming:

“I want to know what the world sees when looks at me. What you see.”

(There’s a more intense version too, where Tav simply says “I see you.” And in that moment, he’s stretched taut like a string - waiting, terrified, hopeful.)

He is quiet at first, but breaks into a smile, realizing what they are doing, when Tav starts describing him - those strong, piercing eyes, they say. And when they get to that “dangerous smile,” he interrupts with a grin:

“Just say I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”

It may seem like he is back to his usual flirty sass, but I believe he was just incredibly relieved and even flustered to hear that they don’t see him, a vampire spawn, as a monster, but still find him attractive and beautiful. So the shield is up again, back to the safer tone, when the moment is over and he has confirmed what he wanted to know - not to push Tav away, but falling back into familiar habits because opening up like that is so much.

Watch his body language: he turns away, putting some distance between them, as if to regulate the emotions stirred by the moment. He seems overwhelmed, uncertain what face he should make right now, but he is still listening, still thinking. People often look into the distance like that when they’re remembering something - like he does, still processing Tav's words.

But the important thing is: those words weren’t just about his physical appearance, but also his personality or, rather, his presence, because “strong piercing eyes” and “dangerous smile” speak more about the inner qualities rather than outer beauty.

And when Tav does say - “You are beautiful” - Astarion is clearly lifted and cheered, especially compared to the beginning of their conversation. I just love this episode, it is so sweet and touching!

For someone who carefully cultivates control over his appearance, who hides his uncertainty beneath vanity, it is a big deal to open up like that and admit he is actually unsure about his looks. And to someone he is starting to trust. And it’s not just about his looks. When he asks how Tav sees him, it’s also a quiet test: he realizes he is developing feelings for them (well, at least for me, this episode was right before his confession), and he finds a way to find out if his feelings might be returned. It’s a subtle way of asking, “Is it possible for you to see me behind this appearance?”

This is the first moment he let his guard down to show something fragile underneath. To see how they react when he is not playing the role. He showed us small glimpses before, but this is the first time Astarion lowered his defenses that low. And when Tav doesn't recoil, mock or dismiss him but stays warm and sincere, it reassures him that he is safe and seen with them. And he dares to tell them the truth - about his feelings and his "simple plan".

This moment is one of the most breathtaking parts of their journey together that yet again connects to our next realization - I want to talk about it in the next post.

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Power Or Its Absence?

(4/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Honestly, it was a bit heartbreaking to see those early moments in the game when Astarion interacts with someone he perceives as powerful or authoritative - like when he asks Tav for blood or later when he approaches Raphael about the scars on his back. He usually puts up that charming, confident mask, but it drops quickly when he's faced with a powerful figure. His whole behavior shifts into more ingratiating - you can see him bracing himself for a punishment.

The way he interacts with authority figures says a lot. That shift from displayed confidence to careful submissiveness highlights the deep-seated fear and survival instinct still living in him. Astarion’s relationship with power is complicated: when you’ve spent two centuries with it used against you, it becomes something you both fear and long for in equal measure. He expects power to be used against him, he fears what those in power can do to him. So when he seeks power it’s not just out of ambition or greed, it’s a way to protect himself from ever being made helpless again.

It makes his relationship with Tav all the more meaningful - because over time he stops needing that mask around them. He starts to learn that he doesn't have to beg, flatter or manipulate to be safe with them.

This is what makes the scene with Araj so important.

Araj treats Astarion like Tav's property - something to trade, to use for her own fun and pleasure. But Tav can choose to deny that and protect Astarion's right to refuse. And later in camp, Astarion thanks Tav for that choice. Clearly emotional, he confesses that no one has ever respected his boundaries before, that he is not used to having the right to listen to his own feelings… but with Tav, he wants to try.

It's a moment that says so much about how vulnerable he is underneath his defenses - how uneasy he feels when pressured or objectified, and how difficult it still is for him to stand up for himself after centuries of being denied autonomy.

It also shows the difference between Tav offering their blood willingly, and a stranger forcing themselves onto him for their own interests. Astarion responds to one with surprised gratitude - and to the other with clear discomfort. It does matter to him how he's seen - as a person or a tool. He longs to be seen for who he is, not what he was made to be. Even when he himself can't always see the difference yet.

One of the most painful moments between Astarion and Tav happens if they fail to truly see him and push him into something he's not ready for, insisting that he just needs to learn to enjoy it. Even if he hesitates, even if he looks uncomfortable, he still agrees because he doesn't know how to say no yet. And he has to learn it the hard way, when afterwards something in him breaks. He looks at Tav and says: "This is all a game to you, isn't it? No matter what I say, it doesn't matter. Not if you get what you want." He admits he couldn't say no before, but now he finally can, and he ends everything between them. It's not a moment of growth, but rather a moment of retreat - shutting down when his hopes of having something genuine were crushed by the very person who ever seemed to care.

Moments like this show how much Astarion is still learning about himself, about trust, about what it means to be free. And how big is Tav's role in that.

We'll come back to that need to be seen later - but for now, it leads us to another significant moment between Tav and the pale elf, one that deserves a post of its own.

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First Bite

(3/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Astarion is unexpectedly very honest. You can easily tell when the mask drops - when he’s vulnerable, flustered or confused. He never really hides it from Tav, or at least doesn’t try too hard. It’s always close to the surface.

Even during the vampirism reveal, it felt like Astarion was being too clumsy, almost like he wanted to be caught to see how Tav would react. After that night, he never woke them up again when feeding anymore - don't you think that’s a little suspicious? This similar approach shows up again later in the mirror scene, but I’ll save that for another post.

Well, it is just a theory. But this is part of why I can’t really blame him for trying to get what he needed and slip away. Another reason is that, for usually cautious Astarion, being so desperate most likely meant he reached a point where his blood craving became too unbearable. Maybe he hoped to blame it on some hypothetical vampire lurking nearby (after all, they did find that drained boar)… but he goes for Tav no matter if they've seen the boar or not.

What makes this moment so important is that it gives us the choice to let him drink freely, by our own will, just because he needs it. (It actually reminded me of giving Gale those artefacts to consume - and remember how touched and grateful he was for such trust?)

And of course, this is when the famous "This is a gift, you know" line appears, too. And the fact that he repeated exactly the same words again after such a life-turning event as defeating Cazador only shows just how much this moment meant for Astarion.

There are so many layers to this simple act of sharing your blood: The first time breaking Cazador’s rules. The first time tasting blood from a "thinking creature". The first time being accepted after revealing himself. And all of this with the one person he’s slowly beginning to care about, for the first time.

What I loved is that this might be the moment Astarion saw something different in Tav. I think, at best, he just hoped they wouldn't cast him out. He even admits he would’ve told them he was a vampire earlier if he'd known how open-minded they'd be. But instead, they said yes - without fear or disgust. Like it was nothing. But to him, it was everything.

Bloody Talks Club 🩸

I only discovered this cutscene on a replay, but I think it fits nicely here.

There's a moment not long after that night, where Astarion cheerfully invites Tav to speculate about how their companions' blood might taste - completely theoretically, of course. Personally, I don't mind that kind of talk and even enjoy such thought experiments, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.

What's interesting is that Astarion supports any answer you give - unless you shut the conversation down entirely. To me, that says he's just excited to finally have someone to talk with, someone who doesn't judge and maybe even shares his curiosity. Isn't that something we all crave in our own way? I can't help but find it cute!

Same with the scene where he celebrates the bear victory - he rushes to share it with Tav, fully trusting that he can express himself without facing mockery or disgust.

They've got their own little blood club now :]

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Getting Closer

(2/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

In my first playthrough, I was worried that if we slept too often, we would all turn into mind flayers, so I went through the Saving the Grove quest almost without resting in camp. Unfortunately, that meant I missed some of the early interactions with companions, including Astarion. That’s also why, when my Tav spent the celebration night with him, she still had no idea he was a vampire.

Honestly… I actually prefer that. It makes the story flow more naturally, in a way. But as with most things in BG3, it works either way.

Why I loved it, though, because it made so much sense for Astarion to want Tav to start getting attached before revealing what he truly is - a vampire spawn. It also meant that the morning conversation was the one where he told more about himself and his past and the conversation felt less rushed and more genuine. But maybe it is my nostalgia speaking.

First Steps

One of the first proper camp dialogues with Astarion happens when he admits Tav is more impressive than he initially thought and says he'd like to keep seeing them as an ally (the Stars cutscene). As always, he's surprisingly honest - so much so that I doubt it can be considered a manipulation.

But this is also where he begins putting his famous "simple plan" into motion: seducing Tav to ensure his own safety. As we established earlier (see Part 1), his main goal is security. So now that he's confident Tav is strong and useful, he starts using the tools he knows best - suggestive charm and witty jokes.

This eventually leads to him inviting Tav to spend time together during the celebration night at camp (or even earlier, depending on approval). That's where the romance seems to begin… or so we think.

Flirting or Strategy?

Even if Tav is already smitten, from Astarion’s side this is manipulation - at least on the surface. You can clearly see and hear how different his behavior is during these moments: too smooth, too controlled. Not like the moments when he's genuine and real - when rough, unkempt words come spilling out of him freely, with wide gestures or a calm, serious demeanor.

Still, even though he later admits that he was trying to make Tav an ally so they wouldn't turn on him, I do believe that even then, he'd already started to care a little, especially depending on the following nuance.

If this conversation happens at the celebration party, approval doesn't actually need to be very high. His motivation there is more about survival after he confirmed once again that it would be better to have Tav on his side. But if you do raise his approval high enough in Act 1, you might get that flirty conversation even earlier - and it runs differently, too. He admits he’s starting to like "the whole package," and says he wants to reward Tav for sharing their blood with him. Not just complaining about boredom and bad wine anymore, huh?

So maybe his motivations start to shift, even just slightly. He might genuinely want to keep Tav near in the only way he knows: giving them what he thinks they want. It can still be part of his strategy, but there's something more complicated beginning to form underneath.

Looking Back

There’s one thing I now feel a little uneasy about. When Astarion first flirts and invites Tav to spend time with him during the party, I chose the dialogue where my Tav teases him a little - she makes him say "please" before agreeing. And when he does, she calls him a "good boy." He actually approves of that line and seems a bit (pleasantly?) surprised that Tav can be so sassy. It felt playful and bold at the time, and I remember how I was like: “Oh! He likes that??”

But after learning about his past… it feels different. Because this was how he survived. His body, his charm - these were tools he had to use. And now it's not just that Tav flirted - it's that she made him beg for it, in a sense, while Astarion was trying to keep himself safe. This thought feels pretty awful.

Still, I try to comfort myself with a few points:

We had no idea at the time!

He did approve of it!

Maybe it showed that Tav wasn't desperate for his body - it was more about their interaction. It felt like she was genuinely enjoying the banter, not just trying to sleep with him.

So… maybe it’s not that bad (^^;)

What Got Me Hooked

To be honest, back then I was still skeptical about Astarion as a love interest. I knew he was a popular character, and I thought he was a bit overrated - mainly because all the media glimpses I'd seen of him were about his very sexualized image. But something about him piqued my curiosity.

By the time he started flirting with Tav, I was already like: "Nooo, stawp~ …nevermind, keep going." Kind of not admitting I was interested even to myself - but still feeling giddy when believing he was "interested" in my Tav. (Which… wasn’t quite true, as we know now.)

But then came the moment after their first night together - my Tav noticed his scars. I expected him to deflect or change the subject, but instead he told her. Honestly and openly. That he was a slave. That his old master left those marks.

That was the moment I felt something shift, noticed his depth. And from there, I really wanted to get to know him better.

(*cough* And that's how my obsession started *cough*)

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The Truth Behind the Mask

(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.

And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.

Couldn’t be further from the truth!

From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.

Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.

So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.

How Approval Looks on the Surface

Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points: 

choosing evil replies/actions 

seeking power 

siding with evil characters 

deceiving your opponents  

supporting his desires  

being understanding and accepting towards him 

(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies  

And disapproval points: 

making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”) 

helping the weak 

being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him  

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses  

In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not. 

But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.

So what's really going on?

The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.  

So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?

Because he is terrified.  

When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk. 

It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.  

Let’s Look at That List Again

So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again: 

refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk 

seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!

siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit? 

deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem  

supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want

being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster

sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left 

On the other hand:

making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope! 

helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother 

disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!  

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..  

What Kind of Tav Does He Need?

Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:

pragmatic, cautious and clever

emotionally intelligent

non-judgmental

strong enough to lead and survive

That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.

So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.

The Mask

So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.

But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.

Still Astarion. Just more himself.

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Astarion: In Search of True Self

Lately, I’ve been playing Baldur’s Gate 3 for the first time - and I’ve absolutely fallen in love with the game… and the pale elf, of course.

That’s how this character analysis came to life. At the start, I didn’t know much about the game or its world, but I did know that companions were available for romance. So I checked them out before starting, and two characters piqued my interest: Astarion and Gale.

Somehow… I never met Gale in my game (either I didn’t poke that hole in the wall or he just never showed up?), so naturally, I started exploring my options with Astarion.

His romance was described in guides as a bit of a challenge - especially if your Tav is good-aligned and likes helping others. The common conclusion is usually: be evil and he’ll like that.  

I shrugged and decided to try balancing things out. But as I played and got to know him better, that advice began to make less and less sense to me. So I started putting my thoughts into words, hoping to explain why I didn’t agree.

In the end, this turned into something more like a diary - a journey of discovering new sides of Astarion and reflecting on the moments my Tav shared with him.

I hope you will find this analysis/review/Astarion fan diary (?) interesting, even if you don't agree with every part. If that’s the case, please be kind - I poured a lot of heart (and sleepless nights) into this. And if you did feel the same way, I hope this lets you re-experience that journey all over again <3 

Navigation:

The Truth Behind The Mask

Getting Closer

First Bite

Power Or Its Absence?

Reflecting In Their Eyes

The Need To Be Seen

Facing Vampire Spawns

Astarion's Shirt

Softie Underneath

Sharess' Caress

Astarion and Cazador

Ascension Or Not?

Other posts about Astarion (rediscovering missed cutscenes and lore):

The First Night

"Unascended" Astarion

Astarion's Age

Astarion The Elf

Poison Or Dagger?

The Bear Conversation

(This is the initial plan, but it may evolve. I’ll add links to each post as I upload them)

TL;DR: Not a red flag – cinnamon roll with fangs. Handle with care, love and moonlight.