Astarion X Tav - Blog Posts
I have always perceived the act of kneeling in the scene where Tav undergoes the transformation into a spawn not merely as an act of submission, but as a kind of oath-taking ceremony. In D&D lore, vampires possess a lawful evil alignment, which is inseparable from strict principles of hierarchy. Astarion calls Tav his consort, emphasizing not only his power and status but also Tav's crucial role in his plans. This also symbolizes their union within the framework of vampiric hierarchy and the new life that will begin after Tav's transformation.
Consort is a title traditionally used to refer to the spouse of a monarch. In the context of a royal family, a consort does not hold the rights of a ruler but serves as an important figure in public and state affairs.
It is particularly noteworthy that it is right after the night of the turning that Astarion first calls Tav his consort, which I personally cannot see as mere coincidence unless he intentionally imbued the event with ritualistic meaning. Such wording is undoubtedly steeped in an aura of regal solemnity, which is especially remarkable for Astarion, given his yearning for grandeur and liberation from his former subordinate position.
When Tav knelt before Astarion, I was reminded of the painting «The Coronation of Napoleon» by the French artist Jacques-Louis David. The painting depicts the moment when Napoleon Bonaparte crowns his wife Josephine during the ceremony held in 1804 at Notre-Dame de Paris. Napoleon stands on an elevated platform in his imperial attire, including a luxurious cloak trimmed with ermine, as he places the crown on Josephine's head himself.
Meanwhile, in the developer's note to the animation tag for this scene in the game, it says: «Tav kneels before Astarion. Astarion stands proud before the Player. He is powerful. He is free.»
I have no doubt that Astarion was indeed imbuing this moment with a special ritualistic meaning. He wants Tav to acknowledge his supremacy by kneeling before him, as if it were an oath-taking ceremony. This is not just an act of dominance but a kind of ritual with profound cultural and historical undertones.
Undoubtedly, this scene is filled with clear eroticism, which perfectly aligns with Astarion's love for decadence and theatrics. I find this quite amusing, and I'm sure Astarion also enjoyed playing with this subtext, giving the moment a particular sexual tension and sharpness. All of this comes together in a quirky pattern, creating an exceptionally rich scene where cultural and erotic motifs intertwine.
Kneeling is a gesture that carries a variety of meanings depending on the cultural, historical, and social context. It is commonly associated with expressions of respect, submission, devotion, or acknowledgment. In a religious context, kneeling symbolizes reverence before a higher power, humility, or repentance. For example, in Christianity, people kneel before an altar or during prayer. In some religions, the gesture signifies a plea for help, mercy, or forgiveness. In a monarchical context, kneeling has been used as part of rituals such as knighting ceremonies or being admitted into the circle of royal privileges. In the feudal context of the Middle Ages, vassals knelt before their liege lord as a symbol of loyalty and submission. This act was often accompanied by kissing the hand or a symbol of authority (such as a sword or crown). In a romantic context, kneeling is a gesture symbolizing a marriage proposal, as well as an expression of respect, admiration, and love.
For myself, I highlight the following:
Acknowledgment of sovereignty — kneeling before a monarch symbolizes submission to the authority of the crown and recognition of its legitimacy.
Acceptance into the circle of royal privileges — in this context, the act can be interpreted as a ritual of initiation, where kneeling marks entry into an exclusive circle, granting access to the advantages and status associated with monarchy.
Astarion perceives himself and Tav as something superior to all other beings, stemming from the fact that Tav becomes a vampire. He believes that the transformation of Tav into a vampire grants them the opportunity to become "something more," elevating them to a new level. This transformation not only makes Tav a vampire but also symbolizes their entry into a special, elite category of beings who possess power and authority beyond the reach of ordinary mortals or other creatures. For Astarion, as a vampire, this means that Tav can now share in his greatness.
Astarion: You are stronger now. Better. You will thank me one day, I am sure. Astarion: You will be stronger, swifter, sharper, but you won't be different. You were already perfect before. It's hard to improve.
An expression of respect and devotion — such a gesture underscores reverence for the monarch as a divine or political symbol.
Kneeling as an act of humiliation:
In Astarion's thoughts, one can discern that he views Tav’s decision to stay with him and become his spawn as something indicative of degradation, perhaps even moral decline.
When Tav agrees to become Astarion’s spawn, it can be interpreted as a conscious act of self-sacrifice, where they relinquish equality in the relationship and willingly submit to him. This step symbolizes the rejection of personal autonomy and the acceptance of absolute dependence. Tav entrusts their life entirely into his hands. Astarion: You have given me everything. Thank you.
Astarion likely perceives such a decision as a form of "degradation," believing that a normal person, from his perspective, would not make such a choice. He tries to understand why Tav would do this and concludes that Tav derives a certain satisfaction from such a dynamic, perhaps even having an inclination toward it. Narrator: But perhaps you wish to degrade yourself. And he knows it.
This explains his surprise when Tav, contrary to his expectations, asks for tenderness. It’s simply not what he anticipates. His reaction reveals confusion and forces him to reassess Tav’s motives, as such a request goes beyond the scenario he had envisioned.
Astarion: So, tell me what you desire. What can I do for my dearest pet? Player: I want you. I want your body. Astarion: You've earned it. But don't you want more - don't you want eternity? One more bite is all it would take. As for Welch's remark that Astarion "won’t respect you," this narrative only applies to the phrase "I want your body," which itself is not required in the game. This line adds an interpretative layer but is not central to all the possible interactions between Tav and Ascended Astarion.
Baudelaire Welch: He's literally looking down on you because you are someone in that situation who believes you deserve sex as a reward. He will give it to you, but he won't respect you.
In essence, the entire narrative about the sexualization parallels the scene with Araj in Act 2, where the player asks for sex as a reward for defending Astarion before Araj or helping with Yurgir's murder. And although Welch desperately tried to impose this motif in the Ascended route, limiting roleplay, it is not the only one, and far from the most obvious. There are other reasons to help Astarion with the ritual, and even he is aware of them:
Astarion: Of course I understand love. All too well. The gravest crimes committed in this world are committed for love. A hunger crueller than bloodlust.
Many also overlook that Tav's consent to become his spawn is seen by Astarion as an expression of exceptional trust and devotion. His gratitude the following morning confirms this: he sincerely expresses appreciation for the trust shown in the very first phrase he addresses to Tav. Astarion: You are so beautiful... And you will be beautiful forever. Thank you for trusting me. Moreover, trust becomes the leitmotif of his dialogues afterwards, especially when their relationship with Tav is questioned or criticized by their companions. Each time, he emphasizes that their relationship is built on this foundation:
Karlach: You know, Astarion, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You're… different. A bit scary, to be honest. Astarion: I have one person who trusts me completely. That's enough for me. Lae'zel: You have shared your new power with your lover, Astarion. I'm surprised - I expected you to turn your back once you got what you wanted. Astarion: Quite the opposite - I need someone I can trust. And now I know they'll never betray me.
Unfortunately, in the kiss scenes of Patch 6, the original context was lost, and the focus shifted to themes of fear and humiliation that were not present in the original dynamic with Ascended Astarion. Considering that the kiss scenes were based on the scene of Tav’s transformation into a spawn, which is almost obvious, their emotional tone was distorted. For example, initially, Tav knelt entirely of their own free will, which emphasized the intentional and voluntary nature of their decision. In the kiss scenes, on the contrary, Tav is shown kneeling out of fear, the source of which remains unclear. Throughout the game, it is never shown what consequences Tav could fear for refusing to do so. In the transformation scene, Tav can refuse and not face any frightening consequences.
It also seems illogical when Tav is frightened when Astarion grabs them by the throat. This contradicts the transformation scene, where Tav themself initiated it, asking Astarion to hurt them and even tilting their head back, exposing their neck.
Astarion: It will only hurt a bit, the pleasure will be far greater than the pain. Player: Oh, come on. Let it hurt.
In the kiss scenes, however, this dynamic, based on mutual consent, was changed to an act of violence. This further exacerbates the inconsistency, especially considering that in the original script of this scene, it was noted that both Tav and Astarion derive pleasure from what is happening.
In dialogues, Ascended Astarion also demonstrated a willingness to be tender with Tav when Tav expressed it through words. He was not solely focused on rough dominance, as was attempted to be imposed in Patch 6. This change is likely an attempt by Larian to please the audience who, without going through the Ascended route and without understanding its nuances, actively promotes the narrative of the collective majority about the cycle of abuse.
Yes, the facial expressions in the kiss animations were changed due to fan requests for the Ascended route, but the aftertaste and consequences of these changes remain.
Some players still argue that facial expressions in role-playing games should be imposed "for the sake of the great narrative," while others use game conventions, such as cyclicality of animations, to demand the return of scared expressions. However, bringing back this dynamic would undermine the story and the character that fans of Ascended Astarion have known and loved for six months after the game's release.
In my opinion, to expand the role-playing experience, it would be much more useful not to return the scared expressions as an option, but to add the possibility for the lord to use more standard kisses, similar to those in Patch 5.
It is unclear why many are convinced that the vampire lord is incapable of tender kisses with Tav when his love scene demonstrated just this tenderness, and the moment with the kiss on the hand is one of the most refined and delicate romantic episodes. In particular, the kiss on the hand, which happens after the "be gentle" option is chosen, not only emphasizes Astarion's attention to Tav's desires and his willingness to listen, but also contradicts the notion of his exclusively dominant and cold nature.
If Astarion is capable of expressing such tenderness in intimacy, why is it excluded that the same softness could be maintained in his kisses?
The kiss in Patch 6 would only make sense if, upon choosing the "be gentle… if you can" option, Astarion ignored Tav's request, and his actions were no different from those in the "let it hurt" option.
I would also like to draw attention to the sharp contrast in Tav's facial expressions in the bite scenes, written by different writers. In Act 1, when Astarion was written only by Stephen Rooney, Tav's facial expression shows ecstasy, and this same expression is repeated in the lord's love scene, which, according to Welch, they did not write.
However, in the transformation scene, which, as Welch confirms, was written with their involvement, Tav's facial expression is noticeably different.
It’s not fear, like in the kisses from Patch 6, but the expression conveys a "problematic/kinky" mood — a term that Welch themselves used to describe this scene. This looks particularly strange in the dialogue where Tav explicitly asks to be hurt:
Astarion: Shall we have one last night together before you join me in immortality? One for the road, so to speak. Player: We shall not. I just need you to bite me. Astarion: Impatient are we? Well who am I to deny you?
This suggests that Welch’s views on "kinks" are at least debatable, and this influences how they are portrayed in the game. For example, Welch sees the transformation into a spawn as an "irreversible sex-pact/kink/form of gratification," but Tav's reaction in this scene is somewhat more uneasy than in previous episodes involving similar actions.
Both scenes are consensual, but they have a different tone simply because one of the writers condemned the player for "kinks," while the other did not.
In the cinematic context for the transformation scene, the following was stated: "You are naked and vulnerable before him." This feeling, it seems to me, is what the animators tried to convey and embody, capturing the intimacy of the moment. However, with the release of Patch 6, this message became distorted, turning into something entirely different — crude and devoid of the original subtle undertones.
In this context, I believe that the kisses from Patch 7 appear much more consistent compared to the facial expressions in Patch 6.
Especially when considering the following points:
Astarion grabs Tav by the neck solely at the player's initiative, and the dialogue clearly implies that Tav wants this.
Tav has previously reacted with obvious pleasure to similar actions by Astarion in other scenes.
I genuinely do not understand why Baudelaire Welch's contribution should be considered more significant, given that they joined the project during the later stages of the game's development. Especially when you consider that the character was originally created by another writer, who laid the foundation for his personality, story, and key traits. Prioritizing late additions that distort the original concept seems unfair and disrespectful to Astarion's creator and his vision.
At this point, I would like there to be an option in the game to kiss Astarion's hand. A hand kiss is also a symbolic gesture that conveys respect, devotion, submission, and acknowledgment of power or authority. I find this incredibly romantic, and I truly miss it. It would further emphasize the symbolism of this route.
My Tavs Gotta Gun!
I had a shower thought, basically, does Baulders Gate have guns?!? Turns out not really??? Here's Astarion living under a rock bc... ✨Cazador✨ and learning what guns are.
You sit quietly under the dim firelight at camp, polishing your firearm. The metal shines and you grin feeling accomplished.
Your train of thought is interrupted by the sound of a particular vampire sitting down next to you.
"Whats that you have darling?" a familiar voice questions.
"uh, my gun? I was cleaning off all the residue" you respond holding it up for him to see.
"I- yes of course your gun needs to be cleaned because you need to do that for the thing for when you..." he trails, trying to mask the fact he is clueless. It doesn't work in the slightest as you pick up very quickly that hes never seen a gun.
"it's kind of like a really fancy compact uh crossbow? that's the closest thing I can think of... It's a weapon Star. It's filled with these metal pellets and then- hold on." you ramble as you realize it's probably best you show him.
You stand, the warmth of the fire leaving you making you shudder slightly. You motion for him to follow as you search around the camp area for a clear shot that wouldn't cause any damage. You point at a nearby tree and make sure he is stood behind you.
"you just push on this trigger part and-" The loud resounding shot echoes through the camp. Astarion quickly covers his ears startled slightly.
"Good god well it's not a very stealthy weapon that's for sure." he shouts glaring slightly. "it didn't even do anything but hurt my ears I don't see anything." he pouts.
You smile and motion him to follow as you skip over to the tree.
"oh my." you hear Astarion mumble as you point at the hole that's been splintered into the tree, the metal bullet glinting wedged inside. He kind of looked like a child, with wonder in his eyes as he looked back at the gun in your hand, now knowing how powerful it was.
"Now picture it as a person or an animal. Much more squishy, easier to go through" you tell him. He smirks.
"you're just full of tricks aren't you darling, I can't believe I've never seen this one, or should I be glad you've never used such a thing against me." he raises a brow and you just chuckle.
"well if you like this trick so much maybe I'll teach you how to use it one day." you smile.
"Now that does sound entertaining..."
Define Alive
As you prepare to rest your mind is preoccupied with questions for your vampire companion. Unable to push the thoughts away you approach his tent.
“Astarion?” You ask softly peering inside.
“Yes my sweet?” his voice replies from inside.
A rustling sound follows as he then appears in front of you.
“Can I ask you a question?” the words fall from your mouth
“Anything darling” You fear that might have been a mistake
"i guess now that I think about it its less of a question and more of an observation... you hate us, or maybe it's envy? of the living I mean. Do you wish you were still alive? That you were never immortal?"
He pauses not expecting your question slightly caught off guard. "I- I- well one loaded question there my love... I- pity you all. You must worry about the fact you'll one day be old and decay, you all can die from disease your so fragile and weak you living people..." he pauses, a long pause as you look at him expecting more. You haven't gotten the answer you wanted yet. he knows you won't leave until you do "although I guess if I had to say one nice thing. I envy the fact that your warm, that I can hear your heartbeat... it's calm... you living people are so careless and light for people who are so fragile." he trails off to himself until he realizes what he's doing "but I never wish I was still alive god no I would have been dead two hundred years ago and no one would be able to bask in my beauty!" he adds seemingly to dismiss the rest of his words. “Yes I suppose we can't have that” you chuckle "then I would've never met you the tragedy. Although sometimes I think what really defines being alive... I mean I think you're pretty alive to me" you muse
He scoffs giving you a look “I think the whole point of vampires is we're dead love. or undead if you want to be so technical about it”
“No, I mean think about it, what is making you not alive right now? You don't have a beating heart? Trees and plants live and they don't have organs or bacteria, diseases they're alive. The fact you don't can't eat? Plants eat sunlight and they don't even eat it. A Lot of animals don't have mouths too like worms. They're still alive.”
"Sweetheart while the philosophical thought is nice I-" He starts to speak but you cut him off again lost in your own ramble. He decides to indulge
“The point is Star… I think the fact that you're standing here having you're own thoughts walking around talking to me, that's enough especially with magic … who's to tell you if you're alive or dead you are both and it's ok. You're both!”
You look at him. He looks at you curiously thumbing over the odd thoughts you just piled into his mind. after a prolonged silence, he speaks
"you know... maybe you're right. I've been dead in the ground for far too long. I think it's time I start living again..." he finishes putting his arms around you.
It doesn't matter that his skin is not warm or that you can't feel a beating heart, you love him, he is yours you are his. Everything is ok.
(This is a rewrite for a fic I have on AO3 That I thought I should share so I have slight diversity in my evil men hyperfixation lol.)
"Unascended" Astarion
Why I love the Spawn ending and why it's not "lesser"
Up until now, I've been lucky to stay on the Spawn-supportive side of the fandom, but yesterday, I stumbled upon some Ascendant-supportive interpretations, some of which surprised or even upset me. I want to make clear that my intention is not to point fingers here - I just want to work through my emotions and put the feeling into words, because, honestly, I felt a lot yesterday. Also, I think it's a great opportunity to share my own view: why I love his Spawn ending and think it is beautiful.
Let’s go through some points I’ve seen brought up:
"Unascended" Astarion
I’m not sure if this is a unified term for Spawn Astarion, but I’ve seen several posts refer to him as “Unascended.” That phrasing alone feels invalidating - as if he’s lesser or incomplete because he didn’t take the power offered. In a way, it echoes how Ascended Astarion refers to his former self, calling him pathetic.
But the Spawn ending isn’t about not ascending - it’s about reclaiming himself. This Astarion isn’t “less than.” He’s the same man they say they fell for, but now he’s free to grow, reflect, and choose who he wants to become.
"Miserable" Astarion
The moment when Astarion breaks down in tears after killing Cazador and then says he feels numb is mentioned a lot.
There’s a claim that it shows he’s miserable and regrets not ascending - in contrast to the Ascended version who laughs and says he feels alive.
But this interpretation completely misreads the moment. That breakdown isn’t weakness. It isn’t regret at having missed an opportunity. It’s emotional, cathartic release.
He just faced the man who controlled and tortured him for centuries, resisted over ultimate temptation with power, and chose to break the vicious cycle. He is finally free - not just to live to but grieve too.
Killing Cazador didn't erase or undo everything that happened, but it gave him space to feel it.
Up until now, survival was taking all the space, but now that the overpowering shadow of his former master is finally lifted, he feels empty, numb.
With that cry, Astarion releases the pain he was carrying for so long, mourning everything that was stolen from him, and feeling the weight of finally being free.
And there is this huge relief that it is finally over.
So he cries - and this is a perfectly natural and deeply human reaction. Crying isn't bad - it's a way to deal with strong emotions.
Meanwhile, the Ascended version laughs, high on power and control, - a very different kind of reaction.
“Depressed” Astarion
Some say that Astarion seems miserable or depressed in the Spawn ending. But what I see is the opposite: he’s calmer, more grounded, and more honest. They are concerned because he doesn’t constantly joke or flirt like before. But that version of Astarion - the flamboyant, seductive, constantly smirking version - was his mask. A performance he relied on over centuries to survive.
In the Spawn path, he still uses it from time to time - old habits die hard. But now, with Tav, he doesn’t need it. He’s safe enough to be real - to show vulnerability, to ask for connection, to speak softly and show doubt. Yes, his tone changes. He’s more serious, but that’s not sadness - it’s growth that shows in calm self-reflection.
That some interpret as a “loss of charm” is actually him finally lowering his defenses. He speaks softly, shows doubt, asks for real connection and allows himself to be seen. That’s vulnerability and real strength.
Well, of course, he can feel sad too. He needs time to process. And that's how the healing starts. It can't be a 100% nice and pleasant experience - it will be painful, ugly, even - but in a necessary, honest way, with shaking and tears. But you need to get through the thorns to reach the stars.
"Rejecting" Astarion
There’s a moment in the Spawn ending where Tav can offer to protect him now that he’s still a vampire spawn, and Astarion gently declines. I saw someone interpret this as a sign of distrust - that Astarion can’t forgive Tav for denying him the chance to walk in the sun, and that he’s pushing them away to protect himself.
Yes, Tav’s wording may come off a bit awkward - “I’ll protect you” - but I believe it is said out of love: a sincere attempt to comfort and reassure.
And Astarion’s reply is a gentle refusal. He accepts their care, but sets a new boundary. He doesn't seek to rely on someone strong anymore - he wants to be his own protector, because now he believes he is enough.
That’s the new strength he found in rejecting the stolen power promised by the Rite.
"Strong" Astarion
There’s an idea that the Ascended path gives Astarion power and confidence, while the Spawn path leaves him weak and miserable.
But that confidence? Try asking Ascended Astarion about his past - about Cazador. He snaps. He doesn’t want to talk. He lashes out.
Spawn Astarion, by contrast, can talk about it. He faces it, even when it hurts.
Ascended Astarion might have new powers, but inside, he is weaker than ever.
He might look invincible, might say all the pretty words about being in control, but he’s emotionally cut off. He’s angry, reactive, guarded. He doesn’t want his past mentioned because it still owns him. Why? Because he became its embodiment, continuing the wicked cycle of power-seeking and domination.
The powers gave him control, but cost him everything else: his softness, his openness, his ability to grow. He becomes what he used to hate, and that’s not freedom - that’s entrapment by another name.
I think the tragedy is that Ascended Astarion no longer believes in love or trust - only in power, and the illusion of safety it brings.
In contrast, Spawn Astarion chooses trust: in himself, in Tav, in friendship, in this world. He chooses life, with all its mess and uncertainty.
Yes, he has limitations as a spawn. But don't we all have them, one way or another? These limitations don't make us less valuable. And yes, he mourns them, mourns the sunlight and everything else that was stolen from him. And that's human. But it doesn't mean he regrets his choice. He embraces what he can have: love, freedom, real connection, the chance to shape his own path.
And it is very brave to learn to face your shadows and work through them, so they won't hold you back or make you feel bad about yourself. It can make one stronger and more compassionate toward other people's weaknesses. It reminds me of this quote that stuck with me when I saw it:
"Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?" (Nitya Prakash)
Astarion isn’t “perfect” in the Spawn ending. He’s still learning, still healing, still growing. But for the first time in his life, he’s doing it on his own terms. He is not rid of his wounds and uncertainty. The Ascended path is covering the scars with glamor and denial. But these scars don’t make Astarion someone less, they make him real. And his choice - to remain himself rather than become someone he used to hate - is strength, not loss.
The Ascended path closes its eyes on the inconvenient moments, unable to handle them. Believing that version of him is happy and content is doing the same - painting castles in the sky instead of looking at the radiant in its messiness truth.
"Humbled" Astarion
Another criticism I saw was that Astarion thanks Tav for being patient with him. And trusting him "when it was objectively stupid."
The argument was that he shouldn’t feel grateful for being “tolerated,” that this shows low self-worth and implies an unhealthy dynamic where love is conditional.
But loving someone “as they are” doesn’t mean you resist their growth. You can see someone’s potential and want this for them, but still cherish them in every stage of becoming. Patience in love isn’t about wanting to fix your loved one - it’s holding space for them while they are looking for their way to their better selves. It's about seeing someone with all their flaws and wounds and staying beside them anyway. Not closing your eyes and pretending everything is fine.
When Astarion says “thank you for being patient,” it’s not self-deprecation, it's recognition. It’s him saying: "I know I was difficult. And I’m so grateful you stayed."
Astarion was still discovering who he was. He believed in a cruel system, and it took time, trust, and care to step outside it. It’s a deeply vulnerable moment of acknowledging that he was in the process of relearning who he truly was, beyond what Cazador told him to be, shaking off centuries of trauma and manipulation. And it takes immense courage to face it.
So Tav’s patience is a form of love. A love that doesn’t rush him. That looks beyond a mask or performance. A love that quietly waits beside him until he’s ready. When Astarion says next that he feels “safe and seen”, it's everything. He’s not being humbled in the sense of being diminished or broken - he’s grounding himself.
Astarion gains a deeper understanding of himself - the freedom to feel everything fully and still keep going. That’s not being less. That’s becoming whole.
And yes - this humility is strength. A strength that the Ascended Astarion refused. He cannot grow, he's entraped, frozen in a performance of power, unable to confront or heal from the pain that shaped him into what he chose to become.
But Spawn Astarion can move forward. That’s why his “thank you for being patient” means something. Because he finally knows himself. Or at least starting to get to know himself. And he chooses to be loved as that man.
Conclusion
The tragedy of the Ascended path is that Astarion loses the one thing he fought so hard for: himself.
He doesn't believe in love anymore, only in power and control. He inherited the world that Cazador painted for him.
But the Spawn path is about choosing to live. To feel. To love.
Astarion chooses to leave the past behind and start again. To face uncertainty and shadows as himself, not as a vampire lord.
And hearing someone rob him of this, invalidate and pity for this choice... honestly? It hurts. And yes, I do feel angry about it.
I do try not to blame or disrespect people who see this so differently, but it doesn't mean I can't have emotions about this. So I needed to vent in the most civilized way possible.
Still, no one can take that from him, our Radiant Hopeful.
There’s always time to enjoy the scenery✨
But is it really the scenery that he can't take his eyes off?.. 😌
Ascension or Not?
(12/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Trigger warning: Spawn route / Ascension reflection
The Rite of Profane Ascension is the culmination of The Pale Elf’s story - everything has been building toward this: the fear, the shame, the survival instincts, the longing to be seen, the need to finally break free. It’s the most dangerous moment for Astarion - the fork in the road that will change everything.
We’ve already talked about how much Astarion longs to be truly seen. That’s why it hurts so deeply when he isn’t. When Tav misreads him - sees only the seducer, the witty, wicked vampire spawn - it encourages him to stay inside that mask. And he will, because that’s how he survived for two hundred years. But if Tav reaches gently toward what’s underneath, if they speak to the heart of him… he starts to hope: “Could there really be another way?”
The desire to be seen for more than he was made to be is so strong in him that it feels like he is constantly unconsciously searching for it. Not just admired or desired but truly known - it is woven into everything he does. But the tragedy is, the version of himself that he crafted to survive - charming, flirtatious, in control - is so convincing that even he sometimes believes that’s all he has to be. No wonder many players assume Ascension is what Astarion really wants.
That’s why the ritual is so dangerous. It is the ultimate temptation that seemingly can make all his fears disappear, promising eternal power. But it doesn’t free him. It traps him even deeper. Because it is the culmination of Cazador's legacy that he taught him: that power is everything, that it gives you the right to take and abuse, that to be weak is to be worthless and hurt, that vulnerability is pathetic. There is no place for kindness or love in this world.
If Tav helps him to go through with the ritual, it might seem like they’re validating his choice. But what it tells him is: you, as you are - frightened, hurt, still healing but craving connection - are not enough. That the only version of him others can value is the cold, invulnerable one.
It confirms his worst fear, so he clings to it harder.
That’s why, for me, Ascension isn’t Astarion’s "true self." It’s his trauma self - the final mask locked in place by a diabolical ritual, that becomes his new self forever. It's not freedom - it’s losing. Losing to fear. Losing to Cazador’s values. Losing the hope that was beginning to bloom.
But if Tav sees past those layers of defences and stops him - gently, lovingly - it’s not about forcing him to be "good." It’s about saying: I see you. And you're enough, just as you are. You don't need this to be free, to be loved.
That’s why it’s so moving when Tav instead gently reminds him that there is another way, reflecting his humanity back to him. In that route, Astarion finally allows himself to believe he’s more than what Cazador made him: not because he takes power, but because he rejects it and breaks that cycle.
When Astarion walks away from the Rite, it’s not weakness. It’s the first step toward becoming someone he never thought he could be - not a tool, not a monster, not someone else's shadow, but someone who can start discovering his real self. It’s a newfound freedom that finally allows him to start living again.
I want to say something about the Ascended route, too. I haven’t played it myself, only read and watched some bits of it - and maybe I might talk about it more later. But I’ll share just this for now.
For me, Ascension is a very sad and lonely choice for Astaion. By that, he forever separates himself from everyone else, from any genuine connection he could have had with the rest of the world.
Yes, Ascended Astarion still “cares” about Tav - they are still important to him. Maybe the most important person in his world, because he is not likely to let anyone in anymore. But it's not the same - not without that warmth, not when he owns them now. He puts them in the position he once fought so desperately to escape - completely dependent on someone else’s power. He might still be kind. But they are not equals. And I can’t help but wonder how long that kindness would last.
Yes, he can walk in the sun. He can taste food, enjoy luxuries. But without healing, those things are hollow. How long until the joy of novelty wears off? Until the hunger for power inside grows stronger again, forever insatiable? Until it can't satisfy him anymore, and he turns toward the one who cannot leave or say no? Love is not control.
So, for me, persuading Astarion to give up that idea is not forcing him against his nature - it's reminding him of it. Tav cares about him and doesn't want him to corner himself in a choice he might regret later. It's not about moralizing or controlling his choices, but about wanting him to be happy in the long run. If Astarion had made a decision in anger or desperation, its result would have haunted him forever.
That’s why I don’t even like calling it the “Spawn ending.” To me, it’s simply Astarion’s ending. The one where he can finally become who he truly is. Himself.
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After learning about that quote on Astarion's shirt in EA, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I had to try to put it into words somehow:
"Could I kiss you?" you ask, still feeling that bashful flutter in your stomach. But he hums, visibly pleased with the idea.
"How could I say no?"
You smile, struggling to hold a wide grin that threatens to make you look like a fool in love. Which you helplessly are, no doubt.
You lean in, and your lips brush in a soft kiss - familiar, gentle. But when your hand settles on his shoulder, your fingers pause.
“What’s this?” you murmur, fingertips tracing an uneven spot in the fabric you haven’t noticed before.
"Oh, that." He barely glances over, already knowing what you mean. "It’s nothing... just something I made, a long time ago."
He takes a small step back, looking away, his eyes distant again. You wait, daring not to pull him back just yet. You let him decide. And he does, letting out a sigh and looking back with the same vulnerability that turns your heart inside out.
"It was something I made as a reminder, back when there wasn’t much to hold onto. When I was at... his place."
That piercing gaze is full of honesty and careful trust.
"It sounds important. What is it about?.."
You take a small step closer, tilting your head to get a better look, but you wait for permission. He hesitates for a moment but spreads the folds of the shirt, revealing a neat, eloquent line of words embroidered under the waves of ruffles, close to the heart.
"It says - lamentable is the autumn picker content with plums."
You reach out to touch the letters, and he remains still, watching you with the familiar intensity you didn't know you needed in your life. The silence is comfortable. You turn the words in your mind, catching the meaning.
You picture him bent over this shirt, needle in hand, stitching that one stubborn hope into the fabric he kept mending for too many times. Something no one could take. A reminder that even then, he was longing for more.
"I was a plum picker back then," he continues as his fingers softly tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear, taking their time, hovering over your skin, his eyes pensive. "Forced to live on bruised fruits and scraps. I had to remember there was more. There had to be more, even if I didn't know how it looked."
You turn your head, leaning into his touch, and look into his eyes.
“What about now?” you whisper.
He meets your gaze quietly, talking a moment to think, as if he’s still learning the answer himself.
“Now... I think I do.”
Sharess’ Caress: Trying to Feel Whole
(10/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
When we first arrived at Sharess’ Caress during my initial playthrough, I simply said no, and we moved on. But later, I saw others mention something Astarion says during the encounter with the twins - and I realized I needed to see it to understand him better.
I tried returning to Sharess' Caress from the old save file, where we haven't finished his personal quest yet. But the dialogue didn't go the way I saw it discussed, so after researching, I realized that the interactions are different, depending on when you come to the place - before defeating Cazador or after.
But in the end, I couldn't make myself go with it, not with my Tav, Roanael, so in the end I just watched a recording on YouTube (//v;)
If it happens before Cazador, Astarion gently but firmly declines the offer to spend a night with Tav and the drow twins. And it is wonderful to see him feeling safe enough to draw this line and protect his boundaries.
If you say you wouldn’t make him do it, he says, “Don’t be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back…” - it is framed like another joke, but he looks touched and sad at the same time.
If you decide to go alone, he shows some disapproval and concern - "Enjoy yourself, of course, but I dearly hope you aren't only having sex because we haven't in a while."
I feel he is trying to hide how much it actually bothers him that he might not be enough, that he can't give you want you want... and that you want it so much you can't wait for him, you still need it here and now, no matter who would be your partner.
Interestingly, this doesn’t even lower his approval (unlike, say, Gale’s) - maybe because Astarion doesn’t feel he has a right to disapprove. But that doesn’t make it any less painful.
What surprised me is that if you go there after defeating Cazador and finishing Astarion’s ark, he agrees, saying now that he is free, he is ready to try doing this again. Astarion tries to sound enthusiastic. He even reassures Tav that if he doesn’t like something, he will run away. But his laugh sounds almost hysterical.
If Tav goes with this alone, Astarion comments: “You have a type, don't you? Elven prostitutes? Again? It's rather embarrassing, dear.”
And while Tav and Astarion are spending time with the drow twins, he says all sorts of things like they are dealing with a professional, and he is being very attentive to everyone, but Tav notices that it’s all instinctual, and he is far away at the moment, clearly dissociating.
This place and situation trigger a lot of traumatic memories. And it also shows that even after we defeated Cazador and Astarion overcame his fear and decided to start a new life - he is still healing, it’s not like he magically recovered in a moment.
This whole episode in the brothel with Astarion is very difficult to see (I'd say it's horrible to do to him, if he didn't agree to this himself when he didn't have to) - but it also shows how deep his wounds are. Even after Cazador is gone, his shadow is still there: even if there is no one forcing him now, he does it to himself, cornering himself into the same patterns without realizing it.
Tragically, once Astarion agrees, the game doesn't allow Tav to change their mind, even if it's clear how distressed he is. But as they proceed, Tav can't help but notice just how skilful and gorgeous Astarion is in bed. He notices their eyes on him and asks why they are looking at him like this, and there is an option to reply, “Just making sure you’re okay.” And Astarion’s reaction is: “I wish to drink… And to be drunk.”
Honestly... it sounds a bit out of place, but it makes it even worse. Because it is not sensual. It is not said of intoxication by pleasure. It's numbness. Falling apart into the same state of performance as those thousands of times when he laid down on his back before.
But the way Astarion tries to push through is not a weakness - it shows how deeply he wants to feel whole again, even if he doesn’t yet know what that looks like. He’s trying to prove to Tav, but even more to himself: I’m free now. I can do this. I’m normal.
And it hurts because he shouldn’t have to.
Because healing is slow, messy, with ups and downs - and that’s perfectly fine.
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It is a quiet and thick summer night. One of those when the air smells like spices and leaves warmed by daylight.
Astarion steps back into the lightened circle of your campfire, lowering himself on the bedroll. He was hunting in the forest - successful but uneventful routine.
His hunger is sated for now, yet his brows still grow tight together as he looks around, taking in the silence. You aren’t here.
He picks up a book, turning the pages by the flickering light of the fire, his mind far away. Until he hears the steps and the corners of his mouth curl into a small smile.
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is, and he doesn’t flinch when your arms wrap around him from behind, gentle and warm. He just raises his hand to place over your arm as you rest your head against his shoulder and let out a dramatic sigh.
“You were gone for too long,” you mumble with a playful pout, softly nuzzling the curve of his neck with your nose. “I got bored waiting. So I went for a walk too. But really, you could’ve just bitten me instead. At least then we’d have spent that time together.”
Astarion chuckles, slightly leaning his head closer to yours. “Darling, your blood is far too invaluable to be treated as a mere convenience. It’s better reserved for more special occasions.”
You chuckle, brushing your lips along the pulse line on his neck. Your teeth grazing his skin in a teasing imitation of a bite.
“Then I’ll make us even,” you growl quietly, struggling to hold back a wide grin. “It’s my turn now.”
Astarion doesn’t hold back an amused laugh, short but light and unguarded. The sound you love so much. He turns around to look at you with a familiar smirk. “Oh? Is that so?”
He pulls you on his lap and you readily settle there, your eyes softening from mischief to warmth. You tilt your head, studying his face.
“Hold still…” you ask gently and Astarion arches his eyebrow but obliges, watching you raise your hand.
Your thumb carefully brushes his cheek, stroking a small drop of dried blood on his skin.
“Missed a spot,” you smile softly, wiping it away with the corner of your sleeve.
“…Thank you.” Astarion closes his eyes and leans into your touch for a moment, his lips brushing against the fabric wrapped around your arm.
You nod, satisfied, and lean back, reaching into the pouch still hanging on your belt, and luring out something small and delicate - a white flower with pointed, like a star, petals.
“A present! I found this while I was walking,” you say with a bashful smile. “It looked just like a star. Reminded me of you.”
He hums, both touched and amused. “Because my imperishable beauty outshines even the stars above?”
“Because you always shine, even in the dark,” you reply simply and tuck the flower behind his ear.
Astarion blinks, caught off guard for a moment, before a real, tender smile blooms on his lips.
He leans in and softly places a kiss on your forehead, then draws you close to his chest.
“So do you, my sweet.”
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I especially loved what you said about “my door is always open” kind of patience. That’s such a beautiful way of holding love and boundaries together.
It’s really interesting to see how our Tavs shared so many core beliefs, but navigated things differently in those moments.
From the moment they stepped into the city, Astarion already felt cornered and on edge - everything around him was a reminder of his past. And the confrontation with Cazador, the one who held absolute control over him for so long, was drawing closer. He couldn’t see reason anymore, not fully. But maybe, after defeating Cazador and lifting that looming threat, he would finally be able to stop and think.
Because while Astarion is incredibly intelligent and cautious, in moments of fear he tends to rush toward anything that promises safety. First it was the tadpoles - an unknown power, but one he thought could save him. Then it became the Rite - his last resort. He knows the risks, you can see the doubt flash across his face. But he shuts it down, because if he starts to question it, he won’t be able to do it. And he needs it to work.
So for my Tav, I felt she would stay grounded and patient, trusting that if she didn’t push, he might come to the answer on his own. That’s what she usually did for other companions, too.
I don’t think our party faced any difficulty that day and it took a while till we went to the castle. Considering all the pain your party went through, it makes a lot of sense that your Tav was exhausted, and scared for him. That emotional tension really does make the moment hit hard.
It’s also interesting that in your game Lae’zel was kidnapped! In our case it was that little girl Yenna who stayed in our camp.
And yes, that moment when he seemed to regress, returning to manipulation… for my Tav, too, it was painful. Not because he was trying to use her again, but because she felt the wall go up. That shift from their honest, vulnerable exchanges to something more distant, more desperate.
And I agree - sometimes, calling out someone you love is the right thing to do. I just think there are moments when holding space and letting someone come to their own conclusion can also be a way of loving them. For my Tav, that felt closer in the moment.
There’s no single right answer in that scene, I think. Both reactions are different ways of responding to someone you love when they’re not themselves and both are valid.
I really appreciated hearing your take. Looking forward to talking more!
Facing Vampire Spawns
(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)
There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.
At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.
There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:
(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”
(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”
In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”
We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.
(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)
It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).
I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.
So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.
Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"
And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.
When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."
At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:
This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.
And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.
When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.
It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.
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Facing Vampire Spawns
(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)
There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.
At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.
There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:
(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”
(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”
In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”
We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.
(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)
It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).
I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.
So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.
Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"
And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.
When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."
At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:
This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.
And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.
When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.
It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.
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Oh yes, silly me - I completely forgot to explore all the options there 🙈 Thank you for this addition! I do love their banter. And humor almost plays role of another love language between them sometimes.
He does approve if you say “Is that all you want? Shallow praise?” as well.
I agree that joking around like that shows that Tav treats him like everybody else, normally, like a friend. And that’s what matters.
I did notice a slight change in his expression today when mentioning sleep, somewhere else but I can’t remember where exactly. And that’s also what I thought - that he is not so fond of going to sleep and seeing dreams that might turn into nightmares.
Reflecting in Their Eyes
(5/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
The episode where Astarion is looking in the mirror, quietly questioning his appearance, is one of my absolute favorites.
Since he is a vampire, we know he doesn’t cast a reflection. So at first glance, it seems a little bit pointless… unless! He was trying to make Tav notice, to draw them into a conversation without saying it directly (and it worked!) - isn't it just a sweet way to set up a difficult conversation without being too obvious about it, but at the same time not hiding it too hard? One might say it is another manipulation, but I rather like such a subtle approach. On the other hand, you can see in the camp that Astarion always has a mirror in his tent, so maybe I’m wrong in my assumption.
When Tav asks if he misses seeing his face, Astarion reluctantly, with a snarky comment, admits he does and confesses that he hasn’t seen his reflection since the night he was turned. He doesn’t even remember much about how he looked before.
In my story, I chose an option where Tav takes a moment to quietly study him. When he asked, “What?” she simply said, “I can be your mirror. What do you want to see?” And Astarion answered with something I didn’t expect him to say out loud, yet somehow knew was coming:
“I want to know what the world sees when looks at me. What you see.”
(There’s a more intense version too, where Tav simply says “I see you.” And in that moment, he’s stretched taut like a string - waiting, terrified, hopeful.)
He is quiet at first, but breaks into a smile, realizing what they are doing, when Tav starts describing him - those strong, piercing eyes, they say. And when they get to that “dangerous smile,” he interrupts with a grin:
“Just say I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”
It may seem like he is back to his usual flirty sass, but I believe he was just incredibly relieved and even flustered to hear that they don’t see him, a vampire spawn, as a monster, but still find him attractive and beautiful. So the shield is up again, back to the safer tone, when the moment is over and he has confirmed what he wanted to know - not to push Tav away, but falling back into familiar habits because opening up like that is so much.
Watch his body language: he turns away, putting some distance between them, as if to regulate the emotions stirred by the moment. He seems overwhelmed, uncertain what face he should make right now, but he is still listening, still thinking. People often look into the distance like that when they’re remembering something - like he does, still processing Tav's words.
But the important thing is: those words weren’t just about his physical appearance, but also his personality or, rather, his presence, because “strong piercing eyes” and “dangerous smile” speak more about the inner qualities rather than outer beauty.
And when Tav does say - “You are beautiful” - Astarion is clearly lifted and cheered, especially compared to the beginning of their conversation. I just love this episode, it is so sweet and touching!
For someone who carefully cultivates control over his appearance, who hides his uncertainty beneath vanity, it is a big deal to open up like that and admit he is actually unsure about his looks. And to someone he is starting to trust. And it’s not just about his looks. When he asks how Tav sees him, it’s also a quiet test: he realizes he is developing feelings for them (well, at least for me, this episode was right before his confession), and he finds a way to find out if his feelings might be returned. It’s a subtle way of asking, “Is it possible for you to see me behind this appearance?”
This is the first moment he let his guard down to show something fragile underneath. To see how they react when he is not playing the role. He showed us small glimpses before, but this is the first time Astarion lowered his defenses that low. And when Tav doesn't recoil, mock or dismiss him but stays warm and sincere, it reassures him that he is safe and seen with them. And he dares to tell them the truth - about his feelings and his "simple plan".
This moment is one of the most breathtaking parts of their journey together that yet again connects to our next realization - I want to talk about it in the next post.
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The Need to be Seen
(6/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
One of Astarion’s deepest longings, woven through all his fears and defenses, is the need to be seen. Not as a monster. Not as a tool. Not as an object of desire. Just seen. As he is.
And when he finally meets someone who is patient, kind and genuinely trying to understand him, he takes a leap of faith and begins to unravel - step by step - hoping that they’ll stay. Isn’t that incredibly brave?
The mirror scene, his confession - another subtle way of revealing the weakness and asking: “Will you still stay if I’m a mess?” “If I don’t shine and sparkle, will I still matter to you?”
He is afraid that if they see all the wounds and weaknesses behind, they will turn away and leave. Maybe that’s why he decides to find out - better sooner than later.
It is really amazing how vulnerable Astarion is with Tav and many signs are showing that it is limited to them only: for example, when you test your love in the Circus he gets anxious and irritated if you share to much of his personal information, like "yeah, true but not in front of a random stranger!"
And his vulnerability seems reserved only for Tav (I haven't played as Durge yet). In the Circus test, for example, if you reveal too much about him, he immediately gets irritated - "Yes, that’s true, but not in front of a random stranger!"
There are dialogues in the early game when Astarion openly shares facts about his past, but he does it with a challenging attitude, like, "yeah, it was like that, so what you gonna do about it?" - almost like testing Tav's limits. "Will they still keep being kind to me if they know this? What about now?" - actually, that's what children with a traumatic background often do; they tend to misbehave and push boundaries to see if that adult really is safe or they can hurt them if provoked. (Maybe adults might react similarly, too, but personally, I am only familiar with this trauma response in children.)
Even in early dialogues, when he shares pieces of his past, he often does so with a defiant tone. “Yes, it was like that - what of it?” Like he’s daring Tav to flinch. "Will they still be kind to me if they know this? What about now?" It reminds me of how some children with trauma test the adults around them, pushing limits to see if someone is truly safe.
Astarion’s longing to be seen also reveals another fear: being seen as less than he pretends to be. All the performance - the charm, the wit, the sensuality - is his armour hiding underneath someone who has been terrified and out of control for two hundred years. And if someone notices that, he might find himself abandoned or fallen into the hands of those in power yet again.
And this is why, I believe, he seems to look down on those he perceives as weak: those in need and suffering. Even others who share his fate as vampire spawn. Because looking at them is like looking in a mirror he can’t bear. He is afraid to see himself in them, to feel less again, feel powerless. And that others will see him that way, too. That Tav will see him that way.
And if he sees himself in them, he risks crumbling. So the mask stays on. That resentment of perceived weakness isn’t about cruelty - it’s fear in disguise, desperate denial of his past victimhood. Because if he lets himself empathize, even a little, the dam might break. Then he’s no longer the charming predator, no longer in control. He’s the boy on the floor of Cazador’s dungeon again. And he can’t let that happen.
And that’s probably what happened when he met his siblings - other six vampire spawns (and other victims in the dungeon later). Before, Astarion had brushed off Tav’s concerns about facing them and his past again, but he didn’t take it well in the end - he couldn’t put himself on the same level with them, it was too much to bear, so he just put another wall between them instead.
But even if he starts distancing himself, obsessed with the Rite, the longing remains. And if Tav keeps reaching, gently, patiently, he still hears them. Because deep down in his heart, like a guiding star, these words live:
"I can be better than him."
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Reflecting in Their Eyes
(5/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
The episode where Astarion is looking in the mirror, quietly questioning his appearance, is one of my absolute favorites.
Since he is a vampire, we know he doesn’t cast a reflection. So at first glance, it seems a little bit pointless… unless! He was trying to make Tav notice, to draw them into a conversation without saying it directly (and it worked!) - isn't it just a sweet way to set up a difficult conversation without being too obvious about it, but at the same time not hiding it too hard? One might say it is another manipulation, but I rather like such a subtle approach. On the other hand, you can see in the camp that Astarion always has a mirror in his tent, so maybe I’m wrong in my assumption.
When Tav asks if he misses seeing his face, Astarion reluctantly, with a snarky comment, admits he does and confesses that he hasn’t seen his reflection since the night he was turned. He doesn’t even remember much about how he looked before.
In my story, I chose an option where Tav takes a moment to quietly study him. When he asked, “What?” she simply said, “I can be your mirror. What do you want to see?” And Astarion answered with something I didn’t expect him to say out loud, yet somehow knew was coming:
“I want to know what the world sees when looks at me. What you see.”
(There’s a more intense version too, where Tav simply says “I see you.” And in that moment, he’s stretched taut like a string - waiting, terrified, hopeful.)
He is quiet at first, but breaks into a smile, realizing what they are doing, when Tav starts describing him - those strong, piercing eyes, they say. And when they get to that “dangerous smile,” he interrupts with a grin:
“Just say I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”
It may seem like he is back to his usual flirty sass, but I believe he was just incredibly relieved and even flustered to hear that they don’t see him, a vampire spawn, as a monster, but still find him attractive and beautiful. So the shield is up again, back to the safer tone, when the moment is over and he has confirmed what he wanted to know - not to push Tav away, but falling back into familiar habits because opening up like that is so much.
Watch his body language: he turns away, putting some distance between them, as if to regulate the emotions stirred by the moment. He seems overwhelmed, uncertain what face he should make right now, but he is still listening, still thinking. People often look into the distance like that when they’re remembering something - like he does, still processing Tav's words.
But the important thing is: those words weren’t just about his physical appearance, but also his personality or, rather, his presence, because “strong piercing eyes” and “dangerous smile” speak more about the inner qualities rather than outer beauty.
And when Tav does say - “You are beautiful” - Astarion is clearly lifted and cheered, especially compared to the beginning of their conversation. I just love this episode, it is so sweet and touching!
For someone who carefully cultivates control over his appearance, who hides his uncertainty beneath vanity, it is a big deal to open up like that and admit he is actually unsure about his looks. And to someone he is starting to trust. And it’s not just about his looks. When he asks how Tav sees him, it’s also a quiet test: he realizes he is developing feelings for them (well, at least for me, this episode was right before his confession), and he finds a way to find out if his feelings might be returned. It’s a subtle way of asking, “Is it possible for you to see me behind this appearance?”
This is the first moment he let his guard down to show something fragile underneath. To see how they react when he is not playing the role. He showed us small glimpses before, but this is the first time Astarion lowered his defenses that low. And when Tav doesn't recoil, mock or dismiss him but stays warm and sincere, it reassures him that he is safe and seen with them. And he dares to tell them the truth - about his feelings and his "simple plan".
This moment is one of the most breathtaking parts of their journey together that yet again connects to our next realization - I want to talk about it in the next post.
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I loved reading this so much! It sounds like you had a strong sense of your character from the start, and I admire that. In my case, she came to life gradually as I played and only later I realized how much the choices I made for her intuitively actually made sense and everything eventually fell into place.
My Tav is cautious and pragmatic too. She helps others when she can, but doesn’t stick her neck out unless there’s a reason. In quests, she’ll often avoid the responsibility for saving someone and making empty promises, but since the party usually heads that way anyway, they often end up helping regardless.
As a half-elf, she’s no stranger to the judgmental stares so it makes sense she’d stay on guard. My second Tav is a wild magic sorcerer and a drow, and the contrast is wild: Minthara was so sweet to her, but with my half-elf, she said something like “Oh, the Absolute is so kind, accepting even someone like you.” 😅 The hag also took jabs at her and Shadowheart for being of mixed blood. But since she grew up in a loving home in multicultural Baldur’s Gate, her outlook stayed open and curious.
Looking back, I think it was a bit out of character for her to accept Astarion’s invitation during the celebration but I was afraid it might lock me out of his route (and with where his approval was, that felt very likely). Besides, all other companions also seek Tav’s company that night, so it can be blamed on the overall euphoric atmosphere of the celebration.
I also get what you said about not connecting with a romance choice right away. My second Tav is trying to get to know Gale and while they have good chemistry, I don’t feel the same emotional roller coaster as I did with Astarion.
And yes, Astarion hardly ever talks about being a vampire - only in context of his condition as a vampire spawn, and always with bitterness. He clearly draws a line:
When you find the boar, he speaks about vampires like they're terrifying monsters, and his eyes say: “Is that how you’ll look at me too?”
When he talks about true vampires, there's no admiration - just revulsion for the “power-hungry beasts”
And when he rejects the idea of becoming a mind flayer, it’s always in terms of not wanting to turn into a monster again. Vampires are monsters to him. He didn’t want to become one and he doesn’t want to go through that again.
That’s why I don’t believe he ever truly wanted to ascend.
And that bear conversation? I only just found it this week while replaying to catch missed scenes, and this conversation is so meaningful and tells so much about Astarion it deserves its own post! You’re so right - he lays out his reasoning for seeking power in black and white: this is the world he knows, the world he has been living in. Either you dominate or be dominated. So in order to survive he has to become so strong that no one can even hurt him again. It’s only sensible.
I had no idea there are differences in the scenes after party depending on if you decided to protector destroy the Grove! Wow! For me it just proves once again that even if he approves some cruel actions on the surface, something doesn’t sit right with him underneath. He doesn’t just want a powerful or “ruthless” ally, he wants safety and a sense of control over his fate. A Tav who casually sides with those who dominate the weak may subconsciously remind him of the one who abused him - and he often compares such characters in the game to Cazador (like the Surgeon or Raphael). And the observation you shared just deepens my belief that he never really thrived on cruelty - he just thought he had to.
So even if approval points are important I also believe that it’s not necessary to follow the “approval point roadmap” exactly - it’s okay if Astarion disapproves when you decide to help someone out. He’ll notice kindness and feel real connection and that’s what matters the most. It also makes him so real too.
Starting from friendship is beautiful and probably exactly what he needs most. It feels closer to real life, too. It definitely felt too early for a romance to start in Act 1 but… I think what we have there is only an illusion of it, and the actual romance starts in Act 2 after Astarion’s confession. Then it becomes real.
Thanks again for your insights! I’ll definitely check out your posts. Glad we could connect! ✨
The Truth Behind the Mask
(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.
And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.
Couldn’t be further from the truth!
From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.
Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.
So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.
How Approval Looks on the Surface
Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points:
choosing evil replies/actions
seeking power
siding with evil characters
deceiving your opponents
supporting his desires
being understanding and accepting towards him
(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies
And disapproval points:
making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”)
helping the weak
being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses
In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not.
But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.
So what's really going on?
The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.
So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?
Because he is terrified.
When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk.
It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.
Let’s Look at That List Again
So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again:
refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk
seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!
siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit?
deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem
supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want
being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster
sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left
On the other hand:
making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope!
helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother
disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..
What Kind of Tav Does He Need?
Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:
pragmatic, cautious and clever
emotionally intelligent
non-judgmental
strong enough to lead and survive
That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.
So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.
The Mask
So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.
But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.
Still Astarion. Just more himself.
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Power Or Its Absence?
(4/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Honestly, it was a bit heartbreaking to see those early moments in the game when Astarion interacts with someone he perceives as powerful or authoritative - like when he asks Tav for blood or later when he approaches Raphael about the scars on his back. He usually puts up that charming, confident mask, but it drops quickly when he's faced with a powerful figure. His whole behavior shifts into more ingratiating - you can see him bracing himself for a punishment.
The way he interacts with authority figures says a lot. That shift from displayed confidence to careful submissiveness highlights the deep-seated fear and survival instinct still living in him. Astarion’s relationship with power is complicated: when you’ve spent two centuries with it used against you, it becomes something you both fear and long for in equal measure. He expects power to be used against him, he fears what those in power can do to him. So when he seeks power it’s not just out of ambition or greed, it’s a way to protect himself from ever being made helpless again.
It makes his relationship with Tav all the more meaningful - because over time he stops needing that mask around them. He starts to learn that he doesn't have to beg, flatter or manipulate to be safe with them.
This is what makes the scene with Araj so important.
Araj treats Astarion like Tav's property - something to trade, to use for her own fun and pleasure. But Tav can choose to deny that and protect Astarion's right to refuse. And later in camp, Astarion thanks Tav for that choice. Clearly emotional, he confesses that no one has ever respected his boundaries before, that he is not used to having the right to listen to his own feelings… but with Tav, he wants to try.
It's a moment that says so much about how vulnerable he is underneath his defenses - how uneasy he feels when pressured or objectified, and how difficult it still is for him to stand up for himself after centuries of being denied autonomy.
It also shows the difference between Tav offering their blood willingly, and a stranger forcing themselves onto him for their own interests. Astarion responds to one with surprised gratitude - and to the other with clear discomfort. It does matter to him how he's seen - as a person or a tool. He longs to be seen for who he is, not what he was made to be. Even when he himself can't always see the difference yet.
One of the most painful moments between Astarion and Tav happens if they fail to truly see him and push him into something he's not ready for, insisting that he just needs to learn to enjoy it. Even if he hesitates, even if he looks uncomfortable, he still agrees because he doesn't know how to say no yet. And he has to learn it the hard way, when afterwards something in him breaks. He looks at Tav and says: "This is all a game to you, isn't it? No matter what I say, it doesn't matter. Not if you get what you want." He admits he couldn't say no before, but now he finally can, and he ends everything between them. It's not a moment of growth, but rather a moment of retreat - shutting down when his hopes of having something genuine were crushed by the very person who ever seemed to care.
Moments like this show how much Astarion is still learning about himself, about trust, about what it means to be free. And how big is Tav's role in that.
We'll come back to that need to be seen later - but for now, it leads us to another significant moment between Tav and the pale elf, one that deserves a post of its own.
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I accidentally caught a moment where Astarion looks at Tav right after making a joke:
Astarion: I don’t know what that toy of her is, but I’m glad it’s on our side.
Close-ups:
Approval check: initiated 😁
On a more serious note:
The joke is for everyone. The smile he’s waiting for is hers.
First Bite
(3/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Astarion is unexpectedly very honest. You can easily tell when the mask drops - when he’s vulnerable, flustered or confused. He never really hides it from Tav, or at least doesn’t try too hard. It’s always close to the surface.
Even during the vampirism reveal, it felt like Astarion was being too clumsy, almost like he wanted to be caught to see how Tav would react. After that night, he never woke them up again when feeding anymore - don't you think that’s a little suspicious? This similar approach shows up again later in the mirror scene, but I’ll save that for another post.
Well, it is just a theory. But this is part of why I can’t really blame him for trying to get what he needed and slip away. Another reason is that, for usually cautious Astarion, being so desperate most likely meant he reached a point where his blood craving became too unbearable. Maybe he hoped to blame it on some hypothetical vampire lurking nearby (after all, they did find that drained boar)… but he goes for Tav no matter if they've seen the boar or not.
What makes this moment so important is that it gives us the choice to let him drink freely, by our own will, just because he needs it. (It actually reminded me of giving Gale those artefacts to consume - and remember how touched and grateful he was for such trust?)
And of course, this is when the famous "This is a gift, you know" line appears, too. And the fact that he repeated exactly the same words again after such a life-turning event as defeating Cazador only shows just how much this moment meant for Astarion.
There are so many layers to this simple act of sharing your blood: The first time breaking Cazador’s rules. The first time tasting blood from a "thinking creature". The first time being accepted after revealing himself. And all of this with the one person he’s slowly beginning to care about, for the first time.
What I loved is that this might be the moment Astarion saw something different in Tav. I think, at best, he just hoped they wouldn't cast him out. He even admits he would’ve told them he was a vampire earlier if he'd known how open-minded they'd be. But instead, they said yes - without fear or disgust. Like it was nothing. But to him, it was everything.
Bloody Talks Club 🩸
I only discovered this cutscene on a replay, but I think it fits nicely here.
There's a moment not long after that night, where Astarion cheerfully invites Tav to speculate about how their companions' blood might taste - completely theoretically, of course. Personally, I don't mind that kind of talk and even enjoy such thought experiments, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.
What's interesting is that Astarion supports any answer you give - unless you shut the conversation down entirely. To me, that says he's just excited to finally have someone to talk with, someone who doesn't judge and maybe even shares his curiosity. Isn't that something we all crave in our own way? I can't help but find it cute!
Same with the scene where he celebrates the bear victory - he rushes to share it with Tav, fully trusting that he can express himself without facing mockery or disgust.
They've got their own little blood club now :]
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I see these wonderful and thoughtful posts about Ascended Astarion that analyze every change of an expression, a choice of words, a slightly softer tone... all to say: "See? He still cares. He still loves us!"
And while I admire the dedication, a part of me can’t help but think that if you have to dig that deep just to prove he still has feelings... maybe the point is that he’s just not quite the same person anymore?..
(don’t get me wrong, I still love reading those analyses, just from the safe and warm embrace of my spawn route, thanks 👀)
Still not over this little stool :3
Getting Closer
(2/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
In my first playthrough, I was worried that if we slept too often, we would all turn into mind flayers, so I went through the Saving the Grove quest almost without resting in camp. Unfortunately, that meant I missed some of the early interactions with companions, including Astarion. That’s also why, when my Tav spent the celebration night with him, she still had no idea he was a vampire.
Honestly… I actually prefer that. It makes the story flow more naturally, in a way. But as with most things in BG3, it works either way.
Why I loved it, though, because it made so much sense for Astarion to want Tav to start getting attached before revealing what he truly is - a vampire spawn. It also meant that the morning conversation was the one where he told more about himself and his past and the conversation felt less rushed and more genuine. But maybe it is my nostalgia speaking.
First Steps
One of the first proper camp dialogues with Astarion happens when he admits Tav is more impressive than he initially thought and says he'd like to keep seeing them as an ally (the Stars cutscene). As always, he's surprisingly honest - so much so that I doubt it can be considered a manipulation.
But this is also where he begins putting his famous "simple plan" into motion: seducing Tav to ensure his own safety. As we established earlier (see Part 1), his main goal is security. So now that he's confident Tav is strong and useful, he starts using the tools he knows best - suggestive charm and witty jokes.
This eventually leads to him inviting Tav to spend time together during the celebration night at camp (or even earlier, depending on approval). That's where the romance seems to begin… or so we think.
Flirting or Strategy?
Even if Tav is already smitten, from Astarion’s side this is manipulation - at least on the surface. You can clearly see and hear how different his behavior is during these moments: too smooth, too controlled. Not like the moments when he's genuine and real - when rough, unkempt words come spilling out of him freely, with wide gestures or a calm, serious demeanor.
Still, even though he later admits that he was trying to make Tav an ally so they wouldn't turn on him, I do believe that even then, he'd already started to care a little, especially depending on the following nuance.
If this conversation happens at the celebration party, approval doesn't actually need to be very high. His motivation there is more about survival after he confirmed once again that it would be better to have Tav on his side. But if you do raise his approval high enough in Act 1, you might get that flirty conversation even earlier - and it runs differently, too. He admits he’s starting to like "the whole package," and says he wants to reward Tav for sharing their blood with him. Not just complaining about boredom and bad wine anymore, huh?
So maybe his motivations start to shift, even just slightly. He might genuinely want to keep Tav near in the only way he knows: giving them what he thinks they want. It can still be part of his strategy, but there's something more complicated beginning to form underneath.
Looking Back
There’s one thing I now feel a little uneasy about. When Astarion first flirts and invites Tav to spend time with him during the party, I chose the dialogue where my Tav teases him a little - she makes him say "please" before agreeing. And when he does, she calls him a "good boy." He actually approves of that line and seems a bit (pleasantly?) surprised that Tav can be so sassy. It felt playful and bold at the time, and I remember how I was like: “Oh! He likes that??”
But after learning about his past… it feels different. Because this was how he survived. His body, his charm - these were tools he had to use. And now it's not just that Tav flirted - it's that she made him beg for it, in a sense, while Astarion was trying to keep himself safe. This thought feels pretty awful.
Still, I try to comfort myself with a few points:
We had no idea at the time!
He did approve of it!
Maybe it showed that Tav wasn't desperate for his body - it was more about their interaction. It felt like she was genuinely enjoying the banter, not just trying to sleep with him.
So… maybe it’s not that bad (^^;)
What Got Me Hooked
To be honest, back then I was still skeptical about Astarion as a love interest. I knew he was a popular character, and I thought he was a bit overrated - mainly because all the media glimpses I'd seen of him were about his very sexualized image. But something about him piqued my curiosity.
By the time he started flirting with Tav, I was already like: "Nooo, stawp~ …nevermind, keep going." Kind of not admitting I was interested even to myself - but still feeling giddy when believing he was "interested" in my Tav. (Which… wasn’t quite true, as we know now.)
But then came the moment after their first night together - my Tav noticed his scars. I expected him to deflect or change the subject, but instead he told her. Honestly and openly. That he was a slave. That his old master left those marks.
That was the moment I felt something shift, noticed his depth. And from there, I really wanted to get to know him better.
(*cough* And that's how my obsession started *cough*)
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The Truth Behind the Mask
(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.
And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.
Couldn’t be further from the truth!
From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.
Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.
So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.
How Approval Looks on the Surface
Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points:
choosing evil replies/actions
seeking power
siding with evil characters
deceiving your opponents
supporting his desires
being understanding and accepting towards him
(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies
And disapproval points:
making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”)
helping the weak
being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses
In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not.
But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.
So what's really going on?
The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.
So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?
Because he is terrified.
When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk.
It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.
Let’s Look at That List Again
So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again:
refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk
seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!
siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit?
deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem
supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want
being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster
sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left
On the other hand:
making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope!
helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother
disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!
being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that
naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..
What Kind of Tav Does He Need?
Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:
pragmatic, cautious and clever
emotionally intelligent
non-judgmental
strong enough to lead and survive
That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.
So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.
The Mask
So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.
But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.
Still Astarion. Just more himself.
<next part>
<back to masterpost>
Astarion: In Search of True Self
Lately, I’ve been playing Baldur’s Gate 3 for the first time - and I’ve absolutely fallen in love with the game… and the pale elf, of course.
That’s how this character analysis came to life. At the start, I didn’t know much about the game or its world, but I did know that companions were available for romance. So I checked them out before starting, and two characters piqued my interest: Astarion and Gale.
Somehow… I never met Gale in my game (either I didn’t poke that hole in the wall or he just never showed up?), so naturally, I started exploring my options with Astarion.
His romance was described in guides as a bit of a challenge - especially if your Tav is good-aligned and likes helping others. The common conclusion is usually: be evil and he’ll like that.
I shrugged and decided to try balancing things out. But as I played and got to know him better, that advice began to make less and less sense to me. So I started putting my thoughts into words, hoping to explain why I didn’t agree.
In the end, this turned into something more like a diary - a journey of discovering new sides of Astarion and reflecting on the moments my Tav shared with him.
I hope you will find this analysis/review/Astarion fan diary (?) interesting, even if you don't agree with every part. If that’s the case, please be kind - I poured a lot of heart (and sleepless nights) into this. And if you did feel the same way, I hope this lets you re-experience that journey all over again <3
Navigation:
The Truth Behind The Mask
Getting Closer
First Bite
Power Or Its Absence?
Reflecting In Their Eyes
The Need To Be Seen
Facing Vampire Spawns
Astarion's Shirt
Softie Underneath
Sharess' Caress
Astarion and Cazador
Ascension Or Not?
Other posts about Astarion (rediscovering missed cutscenes and lore):
The First Night
"Unascended" Astarion
Astarion's Age
Astarion The Elf
Poison Or Dagger?
The Bear Conversation
(This is the initial plan, but it may evolve. I’ll add links to each post as I upload them)
TL;DR: Not a red flag – cinnamon roll with fangs. Handle with care, love and moonlight.
I absolutely love the fact that you can suggest Astarion some herbal tea to help him relax on their first night when playing as a druid
Love my class :3
He seems both touched and amused hehe
A cozy night at the camp 😌
“But just tonight maybe I’ll rest in peace…”
![izumiphoenix - Lazy OTOG[E]mer Notes](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c2781db2e4146675e9fe5e34141477a4/398881d8352cc5d2-77/s500x750/f0a211c7dc0d192707953c957eb86a668801ac95.png)
![izumiphoenix - Lazy OTOG[E]mer Notes](https://64.media.tumblr.com/aecda906148553159e6cdcd16bc0d55f/398881d8352cc5d2-c0/s500x750/647fcc2d434ad8606a3a40aadb45deb52313f979.png)
![izumiphoenix - Lazy OTOG[E]mer Notes](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fc23f8eaa185dae071db24d87889e71a/398881d8352cc5d2-be/s500x750/0da906881be64c2efe6dc6d0a99fa33262e01f2e.png)
I like this armor design but that silly branch keeps getting in the way 🙈🥲
Still I love these ☺️
Finding good angles is so difficult there but it’s still so fun~
![izumiphoenix - Lazy OTOG[E]mer Notes](https://64.media.tumblr.com/98c058583946c82bf7f24c2c8c47e4b0/47ad7eabf02141f7-3d/s500x750/1d50003ed2eedd4283cbffccaff2eaa3af915942.jpg)