Aromanticism - Blog Posts

Here’s day 5 of trying to make pride art every day for pride month!

Today we have; sapphire and ruby!

And in honor of aromantic visibility day…

Peridot! In all her aroace chaotic glory!

(Click the pictures for higher quality)

This. They hate all of us, we're not any better to them.

There's also a bit of... I think unintentional support of other queerphobia when people say stuff about how asexuals aren't doing anything. As the post discussed, we are seen as a threat to a lot of people, but I think the intent when aspecs say this is more like "we're not hurting anybody/doing anything wrong". But the thing is... Neither are trans people or gay people or other queer identities. When people say stuff like that, it's almost agreeing like "I can see why you don't like them, but we're different".

So there are several issues. I do think a lot of it comes from people not really knowing aphobia exists or even within our community not understanding how strong it is in some groups.

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

Mae Borowski with the lithromantic color scheme !

i always thought romantic love was the plague and i was a plague doctor.

so here's an aro-colored plague doctor

me oversharing beneath the cut about how amatonormativity has screwed me up in ways I have never been screwed up before.

(rant beneath the cut is full of negativity, triggering, but perhaps relatable. idk. read at your own risk)

okay so let's have a mini story telling time about how romance plagued every aspect of my life until now.

My bestfriend in high school treated me of less value after she gets her boyfriend. This experience was what drove me into drawing plague doctors during valentines. These doodles were captioned with "Plague is in the air", because my friends in my circle told me to not hang out with her on that day because it's valentines day. So cool, I thought I should avoid them like they were the plague.

For the first half of college, I've been a wingman for way too many of my friends for my only female and best friend.

It has gotten to a point where the meaning of my companionship with my male friends had become solely for providing a connection to a girl they want to date.

In the long run, my bestfriend, who my 'friends' were pining for, actually has been pining for me. She asked if we could be a thing, I said yes because I thought that, romance isn't probably as disgusting as I think of it.

To protect tradition and to protect the feelings of the men she rejected (who I also wingmanned), we kept it hidden.

For the entire time, she emphasized how I was dense and oblivious about romance. For the entire time I was confused, disoriented, and even repulsed. I didn't know how to reciprocate and I certainly did not have THOSE feelings either at all.

Of course it didn't end well.

After that failed attempt at romance, I have been involved in three more encounters after that. Men suddenly started talking to me out of nowhere. Initially, I thought that they were just trying to make new friends. I didn't realize they were hitting on me but when I did, I cold-shouldered them out of my life.

The last one was the most traumatic. I have explicitly stated that he shouldn't attempt to romance me because I've admitted that I'm way too tired of dealing with it, but he was stubborn. He has also gone as far as sexualizing me against my will.

So yeah.

Amatonormativity made me lose faith in the meaning of my friendships.

It made me realize how friendship is easily overshadowed by romantic relationships.

It made me worry that my kindness is misread as a romantic gesture.

It made me constantly hate how friendship is only seen as a stepping stone for a romantic relationship.

And because amatonormativity has rendered all my significant connections meaningless, I'll spend every second of my life hating amatonormativity. I will always be repulsed at the concept that destroyed every goddamned friendship that I had. Nothing has ever made me feel THS sick. I will always think of it as the plague.

Lilith redraw for aromantic awareness week :))

Original from last year ↓

Anyone else with this aroace experience?

I know the aroace community is not a monolith. I know we all have very diverse experiences. But I was thinking about how so many aroace folks had the "I think I'm bi or pan" moment because they felt the same/nothing for all genders.

I had the "I think I'm bi" moment too. But for me it was because I DID feel something for different genders. I felt incredibly strong tertiary attraction to boys and girls (this was 10 years ago and I was queer-sheltered so I had yet to meet an out nonbinary person), and bi felt like the right descriptor. I didn't have to "fake" crushes like so many aroaces. I just confused my squishes for crushes and blended in.

Even after I realized I'm aromantic asexual, bi still feels part of my identity. I relate to a lot of the bi experience. I feel strongly for several different genders, but I'm attracted to them differently. The way I'm attracted to guys is totally different than how I'm attracted to girls and nonbinary folks.

This is why the term "bi-oriented aroace" means so much to me. It describes my experiences with tertiary attraction perfectly.

I have had a decent amount of people get surprised that I am aromantic and say I seem like a romantic person because I am bubbly and fun. Which I kinda hate when they say that because why do they expect aro people to not be fun and bubbly like what should an aro person personally supposed to be like

sending optional hugs to aromantics who has to deal with getting valentine’s day shoved down their throats, who has to deal with questions such as “why don’t you have a partner yet”, who has to deal with people telling them “you just haven’t found the right person yet!”, and even having to get told that “aros don’t belong in the queer community” by other queer people, which is absolutely disgusting.

y’all are good exactly the way you are. 🫂

[ID: four pictures of a heart symbol that has the aromantic flag colours painted on: dark green, light green, white, grey and black. The paint drips on the sides, making the heart look wet. The background is black. The second and third pictures each contain a white overlaying three-word text in three lines, one word per line. The second word is over the heart symbol. The text of the second picture says "you are worthy." The text of the third picture says "you are valid." Both texts are in lowercase letters and end with a period./end ID]

QPRs are basically homebrewing your relationship. I know what I want but it's far from all guidelines and prerequisites that society has given us. I could email you a PDF though.

Bruh. Don't hide that shit that's poetic as hell

love as religion; am i doomed? / on aromanticism

all highlighted sections from ‘aromanticism’ by moses sumney - the album notes // other excerpts in order: ‘doomed’ - moses sumney / quote by Naïmah Janse / earthlings - sayaka murata / ‘sun bleached flies’ - ethel cain / unknown / ‘doomed’ - final verse

people always hear i'm aro and go "oh you must be so lonely!" like yes i am but being aro has nothing to do with it

Breaking News!

The CDC has reason to believe a deadly spike in the love epidemic will occur February 14th.

If you are fortunate enough to have not caught the debilitating disease we urge you, lock your doors and windows, turn off all electronic devices, and read absolutely NOTHING categorized as "romance."

If you have not been exposed and you do not follow the advice listed above, you will surely catch a severe case of the Lovebug.

There is a chance a new strain of the virus will make its appearance on this day. Scientists have dubbed it "Heartsickness."

In clinical trials, the unfortunate people to catch this strain were only cured by catching the Lovebug, which doctors agree, is no cure at all.

There is still no known cure for the Lovebug or any of its various strains and scientists urge that extreme social distancing is the best method of avoidance.

Stay safe out there and we wish you all an uneventful 14th.

“getting the lovebug” but in an aromantic horror way

Card by @our-arospec-experience

GE Saeran is demi aroace.

SE Saeran is caedromantic and ace.

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

Zine: Aromantic Fictional Characters 💚🤍🖤

Happy aromantic spectrum awareness week!

This time I made a zine with some of the aromantic fictional characters I know. Some of them were only confirmed by their creators or the actors who played them but I still think it is nice to know that we can see them or read them and relate to their experiences. Representation is so important and looking at the experiences of these characters made me feel so seen and valid.

I don’t really know what to say, this is my first aro week and I already feel so much love and support, I’m happy with my identity and proud to be part of this lovely community. 💚✨

As Garnet from Steven Universe once said

"Your soulmate is your compliment, not your missing piece"

honestly i am so tired of people saying they're "looking for their other half" because it implies that you're not whole if you're single. so this is your reminder that you don't have to be in any kind of relationship to be happy or have a fulfilling life !!

i’m not aromantic but i believe in their beliefs

This. This is good.

Aromanticmaxxed/Aromaxxed!

[plain text: Aromanticmaxxed/Aromaxxed! /end pt.]

A gender for when your gender is aropilled and aromaxxed; you are aromaxxing!

sorry if this is a recoin! I was just really excited to make it haha

[ID: A rectangular flag with seven equal horizontal stripes. In descending order, the stripes are lush green, leaf green, pastel green, white grey, light grey, mid grey, and black. In the center of the flag is a white five pointed star. End ID.]

[ID: A divider that consists of a thin white line with three stars on each side. End ID.]

Flag by me, using the gendermaxxed system and template (link) by @rabidbatboy. Tagging @radiomogai.

(C)PTSD Aro!

[plain text: (C)PTSD Aro! /end plain text.]

Flag for aros and arospecs who have ptsd or cptsd!

[ID: A rectangular flag with nine equal horizontal stripes. In descending order, the stripes are dark blue, leaf green, dull pastel green, off white green, dull purple grey, off white pink, dull yellow, dull orange, and dull red. End ID.]

[ID: A divider that consists of a thin white line with three stars on each side. End ID.]

Flag by me, tagging @radiomogai.

Made an alternate Apresromantic (link) flag! This is for myself but anyone may use it!

[ID: A flag with seven equal horizontal stripes. In descending order, the stripes are bubblegum pink, off white, pastel yellow, bright green, leaf green, dark leaf green, and dark forest green. End ID.]

Thanks for the shoutout, and you know what? I feel it's specifically targeted at people like me, whose story goes similar to mine, so here is my story:

Age <14; you think you are hetero

Age 14-15; you think you might be Bi because your best friend (same gender) is so smart/ so beautiful/ so cute/ all of it, and you just go fjeksojfbwoa every time you see them, so you label yourself bisexual

Age 15-16; actually scratch the bisexuality, you don't really care about the gender anyway, you just want somebody to love you, anyone, so you do some research and discover that hey! Pansexuals don't care about the gender of people they love, so you must be Pan, right? That's logical conclusion

Age 16-17; okay, so this is the time, when people start talking more openly about sex, right? So, you realize you aren't a child any more, they talk about theirs first time or even get pregnant, and you just sit there like 😐 because WAIT! People your age really are doing it? They talk about things they felt before and after... And you just sit there because... Okay, you read (or even write) some smutty fanfics/novels, you know what sex is and everything, you even joke about it, so they have to be lying, that's impossible, you never felt like that, something has to be wrong, so you do some more research, and you find it... Asexuality, you are happy because that means you aren't a freak, a robot or a not-human creature to be killed (things I was called by some random dudes after I told them I don't feel sexual attraction) and you have a new label for yourself, you think you are panromantic asexual

Age 17-21; you are comfortable with your sexuality and romantic attraction, you find the best fitting description for yourself, you are happy with it, so you put it on the shelf and forget about it because now you know who you are, you have some problems with your gender, but that's another topic because you are almost 22 years old and... Welp, you never dated anyone, you rarely have crushes, and you don't look for love, not like some people do, no, you just... Don't feel it? "Again?" you ask yourself, It's... Welp, you know about aromantic people, you read too much about it, to not recognize it in yourself... But... You still want love... It's difficult enough when you are asexual, and... How? How are you going to find love now? So, you just... Don't label yourself because it's easier

Age 22; After some anxiety time you calm down and accept, that after 7-8 years of mislabelling yourself you are somewhere on aro/ace spectrum, and that history really like to repeating itself because for so many years you (again) thought no romantic feelings = panromantic...

I really would like this to be a joke, but almost 4 years of thinking that no sexual attraction = bi-/pansexuality AND THEN almost 8 years of thinking no romantic attraction = bi-/panromantic... Like how blind I am? How many times I will step on the same fucking rake and bonk by head with the handle?!

in honor of ace week id like to shoutout every asexual who first thought they were bi/pan because they looked at all the genders and felt no difference and zero is equal to zero so they said "huh. must be bisexual" and then shoved their sexuality back under the rug for 3-5 years

[image ID: Bernie Sanders meme with a small aromantic flag captioned “I am once again asking for you to include aromantics in your pride art/posts/merch” End ID]

“there are always more fish in the sea!” babe no offense but i just really sincerely do not want to go fishing

I loved this so much. Hell yeah that IS how I feel

i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

No, you misunderstood. When I said I can’t feel romantic or sexual attraction I wasn’t complaining, I was bragging.