Actually Plural - Blog Posts
You ever get that feeling that none of it was actually real despite the fact that our old therapist plus our friends and facts are telling us that we're a system.
Violet, ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ (s)he/they/fae pronouns bodily 16, headspace adult. ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ Puerto Rican, girl/enbykisser, fuck around = find out ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
tag system and boundaries under the cut
DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT IF YOU : support Israhell/willingly buy from companies who support israhell despite being able to boycott them (does not include for necessity), support the US law enforcement system in any way, wholeheartedly believe Luigi Mangione is guilty, are a nazi scumbag, are pro-life when it comes to other people/against abortion rights, or you know this DNI probably extends to you even if you aren't strictly these things. I don't care if proshippers, antis, anti or pro endos, endos themselves, or neutral interact as long as you are civil and don't harass strangers or anyone for that matter. don't involve me in your bullshit. transmeds and exclusionists will most likely be blocked as well as pro-c big 3 and xenosatanists. ed sheeran blogs can interact, I will probably not follow back. I'm a dirty, no good sisterkisser in a system of pro and comshippers. as forementioned, antis can interact. no promises you'll like what you'll see. I am not responsible for your own curating of your online experience. any harassment will be either deleted or publicly laughed at. tl;dr : no bigots, don't involve me in your discourse. I'm into fictives of my sister. don't like don't look. ⸸⁺. violets . diary - general text tag
⸸⁺. psychward . audition - vent tag, tw for lots of shit
⸸⁺. welcome . home - source talk tag
⸸⁺. vis . mailbox - ask tag ⸸⁺. powder . blue - sister from the exact same mister, baby. my chiquita querida. @poprockgore ⸸⁺. bluebell . belladonna - stingin' nightshade, @lovelybelladonna ⸸⁺. indigo . shot - too scared to talk to you don't mean I can't post about you, @ssharpshooterr
auhhh your blog is so pretty. basic template, either dealers choice headmade or a dsmp fictive of your choosing if that's okay!!
cutter+alex, he/him
YEAHH thank you!! i will do my best to do the dsmp fictive, but ive never actually watched it, so it may be a little off LOL i hope its okay though!! i read a wiki page for it LMAOO feel free to take what fits and leave what doesnt :) also SORRYY if any of this doesnt fully fit! i had a hard time thinking of some stuff...
name: ranboo, boo, ran, ender, allium / allie, quill, rainbow, raine, riley, vinyl, clue, mystery, seeker, sage, asher, lucas, eugene, cedar, charlie, olive / oliver / oli, crypt, grim
pronouns: end/ender, end/ends, love/loves, red/reds, green/greens, heart/hearts, kind/kinds, trance/trances, walk/walks, peace/peaceful or peace/peaces, dual/duality, purple/purples, pur/purple, boo/boos, book/books, page/pages, particle/particles, eye/eyes, glow/glows, tape/tapes
age: ageless, appears as young adult
role: protector, emotional regulator, insomnia holder, dissociation holder, anxiety holder, conflict resolver, caretaker
genders: genderfluid, nonbinary, enderwalkic, cryptidcatgender, liminalic, vimemorin, reidrovex, lostpoeic, panicgender, endposgender, lossgender, endrian
orientation: asexual panromantic
species: half enderman, enderwalker, cryptid
personality overview: loving / caring towards friends, can be assertive when needed and usually in the defense of close people, likes to talk things out whenever possible and resolve conflict, protective of anyone considered close, forgiving, honest, wants to help others, forgetful at times, i could also see this alter taking up poetry / writing as a hobby :)
notable traits: insomniac, hard time making eye contact, dislikes being in water, verbal stims when stressed, likes to fidget with random objects and potentially collect things, loves animals... maybe has innerworld pet?
general aesthetic: softer, black and white, glitchcore maybe? or darker cottagecore / dark nature
add ons: ranboo introject
I HOPE ITS OKAY! sorry it took a bit, i was doing like actual research LMAOO
not endo myself but these questions are cool and i want to talk about my system so weeeee here we go
🦴 - thatss a good question honestly... as far back as i remember? i know i discovered DID by watching some youtube videos at like 11 and relating to them, but didnt think much more of it until my diagnosis at 15
🪽 - around the time of my diagnosis, i realized i couldnt ignore it anymore, so instead decided to learn to function together
🪐 - uhhh i believe luci? or maybe lexa... luci is one of our gatekeepers, and lexa is the primary protector. they were the most active in communication when we first discovered the DID
🔭 - roughlyy around the time of first discovery?? we had a list of names in notes app, we later swapped to simplyplural around the time of diagnosis (it had just been released, i think?)
🕸️ - nonee, we dont intentionally create alters, but we do have TBMC trauma if that counts ?? like yes they were created kind of on purpose but not by us lol
🫀 - we do! i honestly dont know if any of it is intentionally built or not but uhh it is pretty large and only some of us can access it
🌙 - wedont create alters, but our new splits like looking at ID packs and stuff! we dont use bah blogs though hinestly im not sure what those are
🦇 - gonna use "created" to mean split here, we recently did split but the new split doesnt have a solid identity yet
🍂 - ithinkk ᏩᏯ was the first host?? at least to my knowledge
🌿 - usually ID packs or just searching around, sometimes we ask friends for suggestions
🐚 - none of us really? unless you count kylo, he types like a myspace teenager lol so "to" = 2 and "for" = 4 sometimes, and many "xD" "lolz" and similar. he only types like that sometimes though
🪶 - yes! some of us have accents we picked up from media or people we grew up around
🪦 - a former therapist, i think? we would occasionally join system discord servers before that point, though
🕸️ - i usuallyyy dont, i generally only tell people i consider very close! for general strangers or not close friends, ijust say i have a disorder that impacts my memory, since thats the most noticeable symptom i have... for close people though i generally just tell them that i have a DID diagnosis, most people have been very understanding
🕷️ - not reallyy?? unless you count alters cutting off people lol, but generally anyone we have told has been understanding :)
🔪 - yes! my 3 closest friends all know (one is also a system), as well as my boyfriend (he is plural as well, i remember when i first told him his reaction was "oh my god... me too" it was really funny since i had been genuinely nervous to tell him LOL)
plurality ask game !
targeted to endos , but anyone can use ! post made by an endo :)
— start .
🦴 : when did you first start feeling plural ?
🪽 : when did you finally accept your plurality ?
🪐 : who was the first alter your system found that wasn't the host ?
🔭 : when did you start keeping track of your alters ?
— creation .
🕸️ : how many of your headmates are created ?
🫀 : do you have a headspace ? if so , how much was built ?
🌙 : do you use bah blogs to help create alters ?
🦇 : who's your most recently created alter ?
— general .
🍂 : who was your first host ?
🌿 : how do you find the names of your alters ?
🐚 : how many of you have typing quirks ?
🪶 : do any of you have an accent ?
— friends .
🪦 : who was the first person to know about your plurality ?
🕸 : how do you tell new people about your plurality ?
🕷 : have you lost friends over your plurality ?
🔪 : are you out to people irl with your plurality ?
in addition to the last post (different anon here) claiming they're "invading THEIR spaces" is so funny to me.... no bb you saw a similarity within stereotypical tiktok DID and the concept of tulpamancy and the only thing related in these two posts is that they share the plural tag...
YEAH LOL "non-traumagenics are claiming to have DID!!! DID is caused by trauma!!!" no actually they just... claim to be multiple! they dont claim DID in like 99% of cases, the only times ive seen it is for mixed origin sys
anti-endos worshipping the DSM and citing it as proof that plurality has to be caused by trauma / disordered: Rahhhh you're a liar because this book only used in america has it!!!!!
the helpful ICD, which apparently recognised non-disordered plurality in one of the iterations (not sure which one) and used across the entire world:
SORRY i am just now seeing this but YEAH i actually think i know what ur talking about. im pretty sure there is an ICD document / article about dissociation that mentions non-traumagenic plurality somewheree in it? but dont quote me on this because i saw it like... last year LOL
also the DSM never even says that plurality has to be disordered either? it just says that DID/OSDD-1 are not caused by spiritual or cultural practices, which honestly if anything validates non-disordered plurality? because like that means it acknowledges that identity alterations CAN be caused by things other than DID/OSDD-1
"i love attention so much i might as well be an NPD symptom holder!! ..........wait a minute"
me when co-con alter has the NPD awakening
not endo but sharing this + also adding on the note that a lot of their posts could be triggering to people with psychosis or paranoia, i checked their blog and YEAH! as a paranoid schizospec person... be cautious guys yeah
i& advise endos to block @ifuckinghateendos , some of their content is upsetting to see . this is not an invitation to harass them , i& assume they are a satirical blog .
stay safe , please !
made a meme for anyone else out there who gets stuck in the "it wasnt that bad!" or "maybe im not traumatized!" loops because trauma denial sucks ass!!! you all are valid!!!
spirituality as a system is so funny because now i have to worry about introjecting a random deity. like what do you mean i can just be minding my business and now loki is in mybrain like PLEASEEE
gonna get a bit syscourse-y here, but... recently noticed kind of a weird hypocrisy in anti-endo arguments and wanted to point it out to see if others agree
for extra context, i have DID and im pro-endo id say?? my mindset is basically just "i dont get it personally, but live ur life dude(s), its not my business and im not gonna tell u what u are / arent" because like. i find it super hard to believe that DID and OSDD-1 are the ONLY possible causes for systems LOL... also i will be using the terms endo / endogenic as umbrella terms for all plurality outside of DID / OSDD-1 throughout this post
ANYWAYS THOUGHH... most harshly anti-endo spaces (or at least those that are pro-recovery) really emphasise that DID and OSDD-1 are more than just "alter disorders", which i absolutely agree with! DID and OSDD-1 are both complex dissociative disorders that include identity alteration (alters) as a SYMPTOM, but the disorders both fundamentally involve dissociation and impairment in daily life to some extent
BUT... then they are also so quick to say that endos MUST have DID / OSDD-1 if they have alters... but what about all the other symptoms? most endos i have met do not experience dissociation or other DID / OSDD-1 symptoms. claiming someone MUST have DID / OSDD-1 because they have alters would kind of be reducing the disorders down to just "alter disorders", right?
plus, it seems to be entirely ignoring the fact that you can have a symptom of a disorder without having the disorder / being disordered... lets use ADHD as an example here since its the first thing to come to mind LOL, someone can have a short attention span or be distracted easily without inherently having ADHD. it would depend on the presence of other symptoms as well as degree of life impairment. this logic also applies to any other disorder ever... so why dont we apply the same logic to DID / OSDD-1?
most endos i see dont claim DID / OSDD-1, and the ones that do are generally mixed origins. if we apply the logic that symptom ≠ disorder and that DID / OSDD-1 are more than just "alter disorders", why would someone not be able to have alters without a dissociative disorder?
IDK i hope this makes sense. feel free to reblog with any comments or anything i want to see others opinionz
Sory for just randomly venting I just have to get this off my chest.
I look for DID and traumagenic content for the relatability, and I just see rampent anti endo/willogenic/mixed origin systems etc.
I just hate how rampent this is. Maybe I've just been in an echo chamber for a while, but the plurality tags are so much more accepting and just better imo.
Thanks for listening to my ted talk.
Exactly, like wtf.
...why are there so many singlet alterhumans who are vocally anti-endo....what are they even doing. like these people could be the most radical inclusive physical nonhumans ever that are actively trying to normalize "weird" mental health things and all that crap, and your cursor hovers over the follow button, but then you realize that their dni says "ENDOS F*** YOURSELF KGJHAGSWDJDWJDKADS" huh??? first of all we're your freaking cousins, second of all that's not even your battle to fight
Right? Like wtf lmao.
being a system is so funny like. oh something really shitty happened. well time to not know who i am for like a week lol!!!!!!
This was also my experience. It’s both comforting and depressing to know I wasn’t the only one who went through this.
I'm tired of this narrative that it's just the endogenics or it's just the anti-endos being ableist because it is typically the vocal minorities in BOTH groups who are doing this behavior. I'm going to be talking about my experiences with how both sides hurt me here but this isn't me throwing a pity party or anything just want to draw attention to things.
Starting out in the system community as a trauma formed system I of course initially interacted with CDD spaces which of course led me to interact with a decent number of anti-endos. Unfortunately when I first started discussing my experiences with the disorder which 100% do not fit into the anti-endo box of how a CDD system is supposed to experience their system I immediately got dubbed as an endogenic and got pushed out of CDD spaces over and over.
I was repeatedly the excuse anti-endos would use to say endogenics were invading their spaces and using their terms. They repeatedly acted as if they were better than me because they had trauma because despite the fact that I repeatedly discussed having childhood trauma because they dubbed me as endogenic I therefore could not have experienced any trauma in my life and was therefore lesser than them. I was just that faker destroying the community because they never once sought to understand the trauma basis for my odd presentations.
Of course not being accepted by other CDD systems in the anti-endo community of course I felt more comfortable with the pro-endo community who were accepting of my trauma and my system experiences. The one main thing they did though... was convince me due to how my symptoms presented I couldn't be experiencing distress/disfunction(which I was) because of the symptoms of the disorder and was therefore a non-disordered system. This held me back from seeking care for the disorder for multiple years.
If you are following along you might notice BOTH sides repeatedly told me I did not need treatment for my experiences. Both sides tried to convince me I was healthy and thriving while I was dealing with severe trauma responses that were subtlety destroying my life.
And the people who helped. The people who recognized how my presentation of the disorder was a valid but commonly overlooked one because of how high functioning I present outwardly with the symptoms. Were people who acknowledge the ableism in both sides. Ones that are willing to call it out in both sides. Those are the people in syscourse who weren't ableist towards me.
And this isn't to say everyone on both sides is a monster but to say what both sides promote as what is and isn't a CDD experience ends up being used for ableism by members of that respective side. Both sides struggle to define CDD systems in a way that ACTUALLY defines ALL CDD systems. And there are always going to be CDD systems who are victims of ableism from both sides of syscourse because of it.
So when we were talking about mixed origin systems the other day with our friends we realized(at least for us) we kind of treat origin labels similarly to role labels. They are terms many of which are community based that help organize alters to better understand them. To know which types of situations are most likely to effect them or which they are most equipped to deal with. (We will be using alters in this for ease but many of our alters that don't identify as trauma formed tend also not to use the term preferring headmates. Not relevant to this post but I know some will care so thought I'd add it.)
To us identifying with an origin other than trauma does NOT mean that trauma couldn't have played a role in how the alter was formed. Most of our alters that don't put themselves in the trauma formed category still understand which parts of our trauma most likely played a part in their formation even if they don't feel connected to it at all. For example our neurogenic headmates... obviously our experiences with our disorders is and was traumatic on so many days but they see themselves as closer connected to the symptoms of our disorders than to our trauma so it's still beneficial for us to have that separation to better understand the different experiences both types of alters have and how they will interact with different situations.
We also literally have a origin folder labeled syscourse for those whose formation was directly related to distress we experienced in any way connected to syscourse. Because it helps us when we are triggered and making quick decisions to have alters categorized by what parts of our experience they are most connected to so we know who is most likely to be triggered and who is most likely to help.
It can also be more beneficial than roles are because it can help us categorized both the ones that help and hurt together to make things easier. An alter that's an autism symptom holder and will obviously make symptoms worse and an alter that formed to be an autistic mask can be found right next to each other so on days when we are struggling with autism we can go to the neurogenic folder and go through who we are going to try to prevent from fronting and who we are going to try to get to front all in one place. Because going through all 88 profiles and trying to remember who is who when in distress is a freaking impossible task and having alters split by origin labels helps us with this so much. It wouldn't be worth it to label alters in this way if it didn't help us significantly.
reblog if you're traumaendo and you feel alone in the system community.
the point of this is to see how many people feel similarly.
In looking for more mixed origin specific spaces I created a mixed origin system community. Just a space to hang out and discuss experiences with other mixed origin systems. If you are interested here's a link :)
Even as someone who is pro-endogenic, I think it is important to say that the research done on DID, OSDD, and other trauma-based dissociative conditions is still valuable and important, even if you’re not a traumagenic system.
I’m not saying you need to be an expert or spend several hours reading so many books and peer-reviewed papers that you might as well have a PhD. I’m saying that having a basic grasp of concepts like C-PTSD, structural dissociation, and the core clinical models of trauma-based plurality will help you become a better ally to traumagenic systems, mixed-origin systems (like me), and traumatized endogenic systems.
I’ve noticed that some endogenic spaces have a tendency to either dismiss research on traumagenic systems as irrelevant or criticize it for not including endogenic experiences. But here’s the thing… that doesn’t mean the existing research is wrong. It’s just focused on a different population of people whose system formed because of trauma.
Research doesn’t extensively talk about endogenic or mixed-origin systems because those aren’t typically studied in a clinical (i.e., pathological) context. That doesn’t make our experiences less valid. It just means we exist outside the current research. And that’s okay. But it is still good to understand where traumagenic systems are coming from because not all of us are without trauma, and we need you as an ally. Especially if we want mutual respect and solidarity within plural spaces.
I think about this a lot because if endogenic spaces were a lot more like this a few years ago, I would’ve gotten support and found community a lot sooner. It has gotten a lot better since the last time I’ve been in plural spaces, but there is still more room to grow.
Ough wait a second....you're..."photogenic"? You need trauma to be a system, dumbass.
Can we stop saying people with covert DID/OSDD or other covert forms of plurality are privileged? Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t understand how suffering in a way that goes unnoticed is more privileged than suffering in a way that’s noticed.
Both have their ups and downs person-to-person. So what makes one more privileged than the other?
Here’s my metaphor for systemhood that I tell my singlet friends.
Imagine you’re playing a first person video game. You have the controller, you control your character. It’s a normal first person game. You are an alter, the character is the body. This is fronting.
Other people live with you. Sometimes, they come into the room and sit and watch while you play. They sometimes try to guide you, give you advice on what to do next. They don’t always agree, and they can argue with each other. Other times they scream at you that you’re doing everything wrong and you suck at this game. This is co-consciousness.
Imagine how distracting it would be for people around you to tell you what to do, or to scream at each other or at you, even if they have good intentions. It wouldn’t be easy to focus on your game, would it?
Then sometimes, something happens in the game that prompts you to hand off the controller to someone else so they can play and you get a break. This is (some types of) switching. This can be good.
Other times, someone rips the controller out of your hand or fights you for it. This is (other types of) switching. And sometimes, six other players hook up their controllers, but there’s only one character to play as. So all of you have your controllers, but you’re all trying to play the same character. This is cofronting.
Imagine how difficult that would be. Imagine how hard it would be to try and play a game while someone is trying to take the controller from you, or while six other people are trying to play too.
There are also times that nobody is playing, or you can’t decide who should play. What’s happening to the character in the game? What are they doing if no one is playing? This is dissociation. The character is doing nothing. They’re stuck.
This is the best metaphor I have come up with for being a system. It’s something a lot of people get because they’ve played games before.
THIS.
Endos arent a part of syspunk bcause ableism isnt punk
we are the same, i don't have any advice personally, my only guess is that we have lots of "split spikes" during traumatic situations, and that could be happening to you if you are currently in a traumatic situation? that's our personal experience though, so take it with a grain of salt, we dissociate hard when thinking about being plural which makes it really hard to think about solutions. Good luck though!!
Here's the issue:
I writing this am part of a larger system, Wanderstars.
However I (personally) experience different personality and age states as headmates. We are all together in our own group.
If I attempt to push them all together and say "they're different emotions not different people" I spend all day dissociated not knowing who I am at all.
Either way, what I know logically is "happy" and "sad" and "lonely" are different people in the mind and it's how we need to be to function. They don't like being the same person together because they're not the same on some level. Switching between them is best described as monoconscious.
Does anyone have any advice or tips on like...slowing down crazy "splits" of these new fragments? I'm guessing to bring us all together will take serious therapy, since there are dissociative barriers in place for a reason, but in the meantime is there any way to keep us at a low number?
We are traumagenic. Wondering if this is any similar to the experience of any polyfragmented disordered systems? Or just similar to any of your experience.
Any response is welcome. Didn't think we'd be questioning plurality a second time.
- Wildflower Garden
YEAAH FOLLOW ALL OF US WE’RE COOL and we don’t spread blatant misinformation all over the internet
To the endos btw, please get a life, or please please find a role play group or something LOL
Aspenfrosten group
All are anti endos posting in plural/endo tags. Do not engage. Block.
The more we find, the more we add, keep an eye on this post
thebrokenheartvillage
sl33p-deprivedd
liminal-loser
stonerpossum
onecrestsyndicate
partysystem
altcherryrain
synthnetz
lemonsystemmm
rotten-heartthrob
pk should say A new challenger approaches! whenever you do pk;m new.
two sentence horror story. My head feels fuzzy. pk;m new.
Reblogging again because more ppl need to see this
daily amnesia in DID is something i don't see talked about that much, i see regular amnesia (ie not being able to remember years of your life, traumatic memories etc) talked about but never the daily things.
daily amnesia is on a day to day basis never being able to remember important things, did i take my medicine this morning? did i shower yesterday? have i eaten yet? what have i been doing for the past hour? what was i supposed to do today?
daily amnesia REALLY fucking sucks because whenever you start suffering you remember every other time you've been suffering and just scold yourself for not getting help and not getting better - but when the moment it's over? it's completely gone from your memory. it's so much suffering and you're so stuck because how can you ever get help for something you can't remember? you're always in a constant state of 'feeling fine' and when you end up getting help and going to therapy there's nothing to talk about because there's nothing you remember.
every day is groundhog day where you are forced against your will to repeat it over and over for god knows how long.
If you're a system, maybe you need to hear these words, to know you're not alone. It's a vent, but a struggle I think is common among us but never spoken on.
I don't like thinking about the past because it forces me to think about the ghosts of myself immortalized forever in my soul but not here to live the life they fought for. I don't like thinking about the past because I see their faces, hear their voices, whispy and distorted, the faces of those of us who lived those nightmares. Who died in the battle for us to become who we are today. Those who fought for our future but never came back. Left to rot alone in the depths of our mind and soul, forever reliving the nightmares they fought for us to make it here.
To other systems out there, if you feel like this you're not alone. Don't feel guilty for surviving, for being here when they aren't. You're not stealing, you're not taking their life from them, you're living the life they fought for you to have. They died for you, not because of you. You are not guilty, it's the people and places that hurt you, they are at fault.
- Kali, from all of us.
Working on putting together a Quilt based Minecraft mod pack focused around player customization and plural compatability with the wonderful Switchy mod. I'm not sure when it will be done, but I'll probably publish it on Modrinth for everyone to use. So far it's using Tinkerers Quilt by the author of Switchy as a base (It's a wonderful true vanilla+ pack I HIGHLY recommend you try it), with Create + some add-ons, Bewitchment for some magic content, mob captains and some other minor things. I'm open to Any suggestions for mods or additions to the pack, since the goal is to be as accommodating as possible & to give the player as much freedom as I can. -Emi