I hate my body more than I like food.
My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭
What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals
Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)
Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....
I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.
Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.
Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.
(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)
I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.
(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)
The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D
I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy
It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)
And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm
Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully
As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy
So, I tend to make self-deprecating jokes (I try not to, but sometimes when I feel especially bad they do slip out a lot)
But when I was about to make one, my one friend just told me (I can't tell if she was annoyed or rather angry, to be honest) to "quit with these fucking jokes" and yeah. I get my friends are done with me, but that still almost made me cry
a friend told me I'm one of the skinniest people she knows
I don't know if she meant it though, so I'm feeling really conflicted about it, because for one, I want to feel incredibly happy about it, but then I know what my scale says, and what my thighs look like... But maybe she was just talking about my waist.