34t1ng D1s0rd3r - Blog Posts
Now I WOULD definitely OMAD a bottle of wine
I thought I WANTED a proper balanced meal filling me up, getting rid of the headache and dizziness and giving me energy.
Turns out all I NEEDED was some coffee and a sf Monster
edtblr has taught me more about nutrition than my biology class ever could
I hate my body more than I like food.
My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭
What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals
Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)
Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....
I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.
Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.
Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.
(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)
I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.
(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)
The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D
I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy
It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)
And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm
Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully
As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy
So, I tend to make self-deprecating jokes (I try not to, but sometimes when I feel especially bad they do slip out a lot)
But when I was about to make one, my one friend just told me (I can't tell if she was annoyed or rather angry, to be honest) to "quit with these fucking jokes" and yeah. I get my friends are done with me, but that still almost made me cry
a friend told me I'm one of the skinniest people she knows
I don't know if she meant it though, so I'm feeling really conflicted about it, because for one, I want to feel incredibly happy about it, but then I know what my scale says, and what my thighs look like... But maybe she was just talking about my waist.
My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?
I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?
Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲
Guys im so angry, because I just ate a protein bar as I always do a little while before eating dinner with my family (so I feel more full and won't stuff myself) and then headed off to orchestra practice but then my mom called after me to take my keys with me because...... My parents won't be there this evening.
Meaning I could've easily fasted until tomorrow evening but noo I had to eat that stupid protein bar.
It's fine; I can just run the calories off but it'll still be that I have eaten when I could've stayed hungry 🥲
I can't believe I was actually considering thinking about thinking to consider recovery, when my siblings apparently see me the way they do - and if all it took was that and a good scroll through Tumblr then I guess I really wouldn't be ready at all
Meanspo?
Don't need that, my siblings made me in the Sims, realistically 😃🔫
Hello!
I'm E. I kind of got a lot of interests and then none at all, but my hobbies are music (especially Cello and singing), art sometimes, science, movies and shows, Hermitcraft and my ed.
It's what I'll be posting about mainly, so dni if you aren't fine with seeing content about eating disorders. I'll probably talk about self harm as well.
By the way, my languages are English and German, so even though I'd say I'm relatively fluent in English, errors can still happen, soooo do be forgiving I guess :)
This is a shitty intro post and I might update it later, but I'm lazy af so who knows if that'll actually ever happen.
Always looking for mutuals! :D
Stats below cut
Height: 173 cm (5.8ft)
Hw/Sw: 70.4kg (155lbs)
Cw: 65.6kg (144lbs)
Gw: 65.0kg (143lbs)
Gw: 60.0kg (132lbs)
Gw: 55.5kg (122lbs)
Gw: 50.0kg (110lbs)
Let me know if I messed up with the imperial units lol
Not calories being up there as my recommendations 😭
Still stuck on my lw :/
I guess I am just not gonna eat till the scale changes numbers.
I want a gf/bf that also has 4n4 and we could star/ve together 🥰✨
How am I at my lw but my photos from before seem better like I was skinnier then? :((
I think my mind is plying games with me.
I got a little frustrated today since I wasn’t loosing any weight for the past days and ate a normal calorie and didn’t p/urge afterward, but went to a short walk. Hopefully when I restrict again from tomorrow I’ll see some changes 🤞
I‘m stuck at my lw. I have barely eaten anything for the past 3 days and even if I did I p/urged all of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me some tips :))
Don’t wanna jinx it, but I‘m so close to my lw :)))
I can’t believe I am so bad at this!
More than three years of restricting, cal counting and p/urging for the most normal ass physic and a minimum weight loss.
I hate it so much!
Recently my fyp has been filled with people spraying clones or other chemical sprays on foods to avoid binging. I think I should try it!
Whenever I watch people from body positivity movement, it just makes me not wanna eat. Is that weird?
I don’t understand how they can be happy with how they look and just eat more and more. I mean I‘m happy that they are happy, but I just don’t get it and don’t want to be like that.
I have been eating and p/urging all day today! I need to be stopped.
Just found out about this girl, who also has 4n4. she is 18 and 37kg.
I am so fucking jealous!
Send me some questions if you like, I have to distract myself somehow :))