Only This Came Out And My Head Already Hurts From Not Sleeping, I Need My Cat Schedule

I want to be called pretty even if I'm not

I want to be called pretty just to feel happy for a second

I want to be called pretty even if it doesn't make me feel anything because it's a lie

In every interaction with someone I really like I can't help but express a possessive/stalker feeling

damn, I wish a was normal and not a fucking little creep craving for a meaningful relationship

One of my new friends (which I'm not going to give a relevant nickname yet because it makes me feel a bit insecure about whether he will continue to be my friend)

Has a crush on a guy for over a year, and even though he has already confessed and the other guy told him that he still doesn't feel safe enough to be in a relationship, my friend is still deeply in love with him.

I can't help but feel jealous, not about my friend perse, but about the relationship itself.

Imagine having someone's unconditional love and devotion even if you don't reciprocate that love... I would feel very cruel if I were aware of that but at the same time I can't help but crave it.

Me when I'm not perceived the way I want:

-"I can't love"

-"Aw, Stop being rude to yourself! Everyone can love and empathize!"

-"I can't love or empathize, I can pretend but I really don't feel it"

-"Okay, so imagine the person you love the most leaves your life, wouldn't that make you sad?"

-"No."

And so there are many examples of people trying to humanize me, is it really that hard for people to believe that I just struggle/can't really feel?, Yes, I can cry, but I cry out of simple narcissism, out of simple frustration, for myself.

I don't give a damn if you stop talking to me or if something happens to someone, if it doesn't affect ME per se then I just don't care.

I want to cut because seeing the blood run is like being able to cry when I can't, my whole soul really shudders because I can't do it, I'm so sorry nothing will change

I have the ability to hate everything without actually hating anything at all.

And I hate it.

Ty for the spam :3 <3

Aww, u're welcome!~~ ^^

Me if I think about describing my type out loud.