Telling The Teenage Boy Who Has To Adjust His Voice, Gestures, Fashion And Interests To Avoid Seeming

Coming from a middle eastern genderqueer, imo the whole thing is less 'transwomen calling TMEs theyfabs is like black people calling white people crackers' and a lot more 'transwomen calling TMEs theyfabs is like black people calling middle easterns camel fuckers.' (Obligatory these groups aren't exclusive, you can come from the middle east and be black or be mixed middle eastern and black.)

Like. Sure there's a lot of stuff about black people that the vast majority of middle easterns do not and will not understand. Sure there is a lot of anti black sentiments held by many middle easterns. Sure you can go ahead and say that this slur does not have the history or gravity of the n-slur, so it's not the same. You can even argue that because colorism affects your average black person far more than your average middle eastern, that the racism they face is simply a lesser version of the racism black people face.

But here's the thing.

Even if all of that is true, it does not justify calling me a camel fucker. You are still being fucking racist when you call me a camel fucker! You are being racist! Towards another racial group that also deeply suffers under the same systems that make black people suffer! I understand the frustration towards racist middle easterns but that does not make it okay! Some rhetoric that hurts them may not hurt me and vice versa, but we are still both suffering from a racist society, and there's also a lot of overlap in our experiences when we focus less on generalisations and more on specific instances! Yes it's important to address anti black sentiments within the general middle eastern population, I am all for that and I think it's important, and it's part of why I hate when people focus on white people and not nonblack people when it comes to talking about anti black sentiments BC that is NOT exclusively a white people thing.

But quite frankly if you are calling me a camel fucker and telling me to shut up about my own issues because you think you've got it worse and then claim if I'm upset about being called a camel fucker it just proves I'm racist, or if you say it's okay to call me a camel fucker because you've had a lot of bad experiences with middle easterns and I gotta prove I'm 'one of the good ones' by nodding my head and smiling, then I'm sorry, but you are the racist in that scenario, and I am not shutting up. I am still going to defend black people with my whole heart but holy shit you are being racist and I do not have to take that sort of verbal abuse. Thank god this isn't an actual thing that has happened (the justification for being called a camel fucker, I have been called a camel fucker by black people).

Except even then this analogy is flawed because I think trans people of all slices have WAY more in common with their experiences than black people and middle easterns AND I think the trans community does a lot more to try and understand each other than middle easterns and black people try to understand each other. But it sure as fuck is more accurate than comparing it to black people calling white people crackers.

(Sorry if any of this is worded weird, I am on mobile and not used to it)

The issue is that they're barely willing to agree AFAB trans people have any problems literally at all and what they do admit is "I guess sometimes TERFs care about them too much and out of overwhelming but misguided love occasionally do things that inconvenience them".

As a trans woman and transfeminsit I'll try and explain this real simple for the people who need an ELI5, like the above OOP.

"TRF" is not even a pejorative just because people don't like the people they're calling that. It is an entirely straight-forward, factual description of a set of political beliefs taken from the title of a book that sells itself as reclaiming radical feminism, which all of the people called TRFs read and recommend to each other on a regular basis. Saying it's a pejorative and that TRFs don't exist just because they don't put it in their bio is completely ridiculous. They have absolutely zero problem identifying with the term and if I hadn't popularized it among people who are opposed to the ideology, I really don't doubt they would all have it in their bio.

The much more logical comparison would be transandrobro/dork. It's interesting it didn't bring that up, because that'd destroy it's whole fucking argument on it's own. That is an obviously hateful and insulting name for a group of people talking about their oppression. Yet even if we disagree on which group is legitimate and which isn't, you can still see that between the two one is meant to be demeaning and one is just the title of the fucking book they fuck the pages of. They do not actually have any problem with the comparison to radfems. If they thought TRF was insulting enough to be compared to any other derogatory word, then why was the book titled that? Why do they keep sharing around how brilliant it is? I need someone to explain it to me. What is offensive about TRF, and how can we reconcile that with the fact that you haven't all thrown the book called that all about reclaiming radical feminism onto a fire?

Now, 'Th**fab' on the other hand, first of all, was invented by cis men on 4chan with the intent to mock non-binary people. The only possible way to say it's not a slur is to deny this factual reality, but even if you did want to argue it was transfeminists who invented it, it'd still be a slur because it's essentially misgendering trans people in a way that this person specifically has complained about as being the worst most misgendering thing ever. I remember, because this silly twit tried using me to make the point.

If anything, it should be even more of a slur by it's standards, surely?

But here we also have laid bare the myth that non-binary people who are called that consciously choose to "cling to their AGAB." The definition of that isn't, as you might have thought, a non-binary person who "identifies" as AFAB, or lords it over trans women.

It's anyone who uses AGAB language at all. It's anyone who doesn't see the trans community solely in terms of TMA/TME. That's what makes you a fucking th**fab.

Plus, you know, th**fab is simply used as a slur. Just the other day I was talking about an extremely popular transfem Tumblr user who has been calling completely random trans men c**tboys for years and this January said that she's not so bitter and resentful as to be a trans woman who uses th**fab, but understands the complicated reasons why th**fab gets used. Which is just fucking bullshit, because less than a year before they used it to just casually call everyone but trans women to ugly to be sexually desired negatively. So that was just a massive fucking lie. Now that it's hot discourse again some TRFs are trying to play it like it's just an unfortunate reality of transmisogyny even though that doesn't match up how they themselves have used it in the past. It is a deliberate effort at lying to people.

I mean, in what world does those two screencaps - "I wouldn't ever use it but I understand the pressures that lead to it :/" vs. "lol th**fabs are unfuckable so who cares about their sexual objectification" - not prove that? That should have been the final word on the subject!

And speaking of how it's always been used, just to be thorough, I'll come back to my first point to help educate this crowd on the single biggest and most obvious reason it's a fucking slur and TRF isn't.

You're welcome, radfems. Stay after class, because I want to talk to you about your abhorrent behavior.

"america has been sliding into fascism since trump was elected" "america has been sliding into fascism since Reagan" the founding fathers owned people.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I fell asleep in my friends' arms. It was eleven at night, we were tired, curled up in a small pile on my tiny bed. I had my head buried in my roommate's side, and one of my closest friend's hand on my shoulder, steadying me. It was quiet and nothingness and peace and their heartbeats in my ears, my hands in their hair.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

We pack four people to that little bed, you know. Laps used as footrests, collarbones as pillows, little lights like moonlight in rustic yellow bathed on their faces. The TV plays an anime. The words are repeated by my dear friend on my shoulder, curled close. My legs are asleep; my roommate may be, too.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

The cat curls on top of our criss cross mess of legs and arms and heads on chests to absorb the warmth of us all. She purrs in contented peace. When my roommate and I are left alone in the quiet, she cries, and watches the door for our friends' return.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I will never kiss them but the top of their heads. I will never touch but the warmth of their arms. I will never take more than what's freely given, and in return I put my glasses on the bedside table fashioned from a guitar amp, and when I lean into their sides, I pick up my vulnerability and place it in their capable, tender hands.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I sing for them. I cry for them. I work and I run and I withstand the worst of the world for them, because some days I get to cradle their forehead on my shoulder and some days I get to see their shining eyes.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Maybe to you. But look beyond explanation. I love them. With my heart in my unsteady hands, with my nose pressed to the side of their head, with the buzzing in my feet and the warmth all around Iike the sunset pushing into the window.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Is it enough to say I love them? With no strings attached? With reckless abandon and utter devotion and freedom and kindness and fear?

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I cannot explain it any clearer. I love my friends. There is no more to say.

No worries! Again, I absolutely don't think you meant anything negative by it, bad wording happens C:

I'm still thinking about that one post (by a cis woman) where it was some news of abortion access being restricted, and she said "This is why I need to stand up for my trans sisters". Fully meaning trans women. and I just ... ugh. There are times where I can kind of understand the logistics behind why trans men end up being invisible in certain discussions but like.. are you fucking kidding

Hate to say it but the abortion issue isn't one where the opinion of perisex trans women matters all that much, if at all.

If you're gonna talk about trans people, it's always going to be only perisex transmascs and trans men that matter.

Neon Green Alien stimboard for anon!

👽 🟩 👽 | 🟩 👽 🟩 | 👽 🟩 👽

Trans men who complain about “invisibility” show that they have never wielded it in defense before. White men among you, have you never used your race as distraction to police while friends of color absconded? Able-bodied men among you, have you never highlighted your perceived competence in a public space to gain a boon for a disabled peer? In the same cloth, trans men’s identification of “invisible” is an in within hostile territory, a tool with which to fool those who categorize us as one of them and allow our trans sisters escape.

This stands in all situations. We must don the positionality of man like a beloved cloth and stand up for trans women in every schism, combating all the coalescing ways their identities and lives are constantly under assault. This means protecting them in the streets just as much as it does in social contexts. This means shaking off the sad, sick, kicked dog look we seem to drag alongside us, collapsing and wailing whenever a transfem dares to express some form of discomfort or distress concerning our behavior.

Did you not think stepping into the class and role of man came with responsibility? Baggage? We’re stepping into a legion of death and destruction, guys. Dudes suck, to put it lightly. People sharing this thought are not new nor misinformed. As fun as it can be to revel in positive spins on masculinity, you have to look at the bigger picture. You are one. Welcome. It takes hard work to be a decent one. Having "trans-" on the front of it doesn't change this fact.

Does anybody remember the old joke “trans guys can have a little misogyny, as a treat”? Hilarious, isn’t it? I reckon the lot of us took this really, really seriously and, instead of using this lifelong opportunity we’ve granted ourselves to refashion manhood into a practice of prioritizing and uplifting trans women, we've chosen to become to very guys we hid from in high school.

"you don't get it, the usa is a fascist country full of government propaganda, and our rights as women and queer people are constantly attacked!! you have no idea what that's like!!" i'm hungarian 👍