You What 👀 BTW I'M BACK HHHHHH

Vigil ✤ Kazuha

V i g i l

A/N: Here is the Kazuha angst, sweeties :')) I wrote this with my prepared angsty playlist hehe- I.. well, my heart cracked..

✤ She/her

Words: 3.9k

"Text in this format means dialogue in flashback!"

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

The memory of peering into the crib with excited blabbers remains fresh, untarnished with the passing of time.

It feels like it’s just yesterday when your mother reached for the wailing baby laying inside to hand him in your caring touch.

“This is your little brother, [Name].” you squealed when the boy clung unto your finger, “His name is Kazuha. Be a good sister for him, understand?”

“Yes!”

Ah, that did feel as if it was just yesterday.

“Nee-chan!”

Dropping the basket of laundry, you frantically looked around.

“Nee-chan!”

“Kazuha-!?”

He was sprinting, arms flailing as tears spilled past his eyes and panicked exclaims left his lips. His friend was chasing him from behind, laughing as he waved an undercooked fish—your brother’s worst nightmare.

Comedic but understandable.

“Tomo’s making me eat it!” your younger brother mumbled behind you, pointing accusingly towards his friend who sheepishly spluttered excuses at your stern gaze.

Taking the skewered fish in Tomo’s hands, you hummed, patting his and Kazuha’s heads.

“How about I cook something for the both of you, instead? How’s that sound?”

“Yes, please! Nee-chan’s cooking is the best!”

You can never get tired of cooking for the two of them, even if your sibling eventually asked to be taught, you find yourself still taking over cooking duty. Lovingly whipping up dishes is your forte.

It stuck around when the household eventually lost the attending servants following the fall of the Kaedehara clan. It even stuck through the grim times of your parents’ passing.

Kazuha had went through so much at a young age, changed little by little—and you aren’t oblivious to it. With his growth, you are a witness to his budding shell of maturity.

Single years fold into a decade and all of a sudden, the mirthful silverette who doesn’t last a day without calling you ‘big sister’ has grown up.

Far too quickly, to be honest, but who are you to hold him back?

“You don’t call me ‘nee-san’ nowadays,” you laugh jokingly, “My, you’ve grown so much, Kazu!”

He stares at the plates of food you set on the dining table, his sigh small and feeble as you continue gushing. Albeit he has a smile on his face, it appears tight. Forced.

But you turn a blind eye to that—you’ve always been doing it.

Now, however, it seems that your brother has grown tired of humoring you. It has been going on for too long.

“I’m not some child anymore..” his monotonous voice is so unlike him—it’s as if he no longer is the person you grew up with.

Having him address it bluntly prompts you to pause, the only sound being the sizzling of unagi meat, frying to perfection. The richness of its color, however, dulls when you process what your sibling has mentioned.

As if its vividness is an illusion meant to shield you from present-day reality.

Still, you shake it away, keeping the smile on your face as you set the fried meat on a new plate, turning to put it down on the table beside the other dishes.

“Oh, Ka-“ you stop, seeing the look in his eyes.

The way his carmine optics bore against your [c]s is foreign.

It’s scary.

It’s different. It’s new.

You sit down in front of him, trying not to show how restless you’ve become. Such an attempt is futile, of course, since you’re in front of the person you’ve been with for years.

“Kazu-“

Thud!

Silence zips your lips when he lays his chopsticks down. It isn’t by any means a slam—but someone like Kazuha doesn’t need to be outright with anything in order to express a negative opinion.

“So please refrain from initiating unnecessary coddling,” he cuts you off with a swivel as he leaves for the door. “I have grown up now, sister. I... need you less.”

What?

A multitude of emotions hit you at once, all coming from his sudden statement that feels like it can tear you apart. But oh—who were you kidding?

You know that this will eventually come.

The very day where he admits that he is capable of being alone. Without you.

The opening of the door causes you to stand from your chair, “Wait!”

He does as you said but doesn’t look back. His hand remains on the handle of the knob, unchanging of his decision to leave.

You tug the black and red scarf from your neck, inching close to the man so you can wrap it around his neck. “It’s cold outside.. won’t you at least eat something?”

It takes him a moment to respond—but his decision does not change.

He detangles the fabric on his neck and, without looking you in the eye, sets it in your hand, rejecting your offer.

“Later.”

And he’s gone.

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

Nothing changed much after he left with that declaration.

Often times he still returns in the dead of night, a smile on his face. It will only ever droop when you come in the room greeting him a lovely evening, and he will sigh.

“I told you not to wait up for me.”

He will depart for his room before he can hear your explanation.

It leaves you hanging, hollow with bitter hope and refusal to believe that you both have reached that time in life where he doesn’t need you as much.

Each time he turns his back, you are filled to the brim with sorrow you didn’t know you’re capable of holding.

Retreating to the upper floor of your home, you will stay at the balcony sighing your concerns away to the stars. To the place where you believe your parents are staying, listening to your bouts of frustration and worry.

“Was I a good sibling for him, mother? Father?” you’ll sometimes mutter as you play with your silver locks, the only thing you share with your sibling other than the forgotten name of a once esteemed clan.

And as you vent all these to the stars, you remain oblivious to the lone figure hiding by the shadows in the adjacent room. His frown is tiny. Sad, but not guilty.

Kazuha will leave once again before he’ll hear his sister’s frustrated cries.

Sometimes, he will chew over it when he is wandering Inazuma—thinking, pondering if perhaps there could’ve been a way to say it without hurting his sibling. But as he contemplates over and over, he finds that there is no easy method to admitting the truth.

His friend Tomo, albeit not being told anything, is naturally cognizant of the things revolving around the silver-haired siblings. The older sister’s presence has been diminishing and he can count her appearances at Kazuha’s side getting less.

He has implied several times to make up with the female even if they had no outright argument, and when faced with a baffled question of ‘why’, Tomo only smiles.

“Because you’re family.”

So simple and yet—when Kazuha thinks of the matter a minute longer, the taste in his tongue becomes acrid.

“What upsets you?” his friend questions as he coos over his white feline, “You’re not the Kazuha who’s always crying for big sister, heh.”

The silverette cannot even find it within him to send a retort. His silence, to others, is a message that typifies a want to be alone—but to Tomo, who has known him since they’re both children, that silence is different.

With a hum, he stretches his limbs, yawning as his cat rolls around the grass.

“You know, [Name] won’t hate you for wanting it,” he starts, “You want to wander, don’t you? But you feel like you’re tied down. You’re grounded—because [Name] is here.”

Kazuha flinches and his friend snickers.

Spot on.

“I’m just going to repeat what I said because I meant it, Kazuha. Tell her the truth. She’s literally the most understanding person I know—it’s not like she’s going to despise you for wanting something.”

“… I’ll think about it.”

Tomo sighs. It’s not what I was hoping for but it’s a start.

Remembering something that moment, Tomo lets out a loud scream that nearly sent his friend toppling in the nearby stream of water. Kazuha looks on with slightly wide eyes as the other man jumps to his feet, violet eyes gleaming.

“Oh, right! I plan to initiate another challenge!”

Another challenge…

Kazuha closes his eyes with a hum, “I do hope you’ll last another. You’ve been faced with the worst of the worst.”

The chuckles that leave his friend’s lips are excited and sort of expectant.

“It’s going to be the ultimate one of all! So if you’ll excuse me~”

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

Perhaps a talk with your brother will do you both good.

You’ve both been acting like strangers walking on eggshells underneath the same house and it is driving you insane. He’s not even looking you in the eye anymore!

Given his quiet personality, confrontation will be difficult, but he’s a cooperative person. Besides, he always hears you out.

There isn’t any reason for him not to when he knows that this will be done only for the betterment of the future.

So, with a nervous disposition but eager heart to settle things right, you lift the basket from its place with plans to head over to the market. It’s an hour or two before dusk, just the perfect time to shop for dinner.

“Mm.. some dry-braised salted fish for tonight sounds lovely.” You muse, remembering how the dish is your brother’s favorite.

Ah, the number of tries he takes to perfect and stylish it into his own can’t be forgotten.

It doesn’t take too long to cook it, but you’ll be making tons of other side dishes and dessert, so it’s best to start early!

You exit the abode, the smile on your face present as ever even when you’re greeted outside by a couple of Shogunate Soldiers. Their features appear sterner, their hold on their naginata rock solid.

“Are you Kaedehara [Name]?”

Hm?

“Yes. Can I help you?”

The soldiers lunge forward, spears falling to a position pointing at you from all possible angles, cutting any means of escape as you furrow your brows. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“Your brother has defied the Decree of the Shogun and was hereby declared a criminal. Going against an Imperial Decree results in punishment inclusive to his immediate family.”

Your basket falls to the ground.

Thud!

Kazuha’s feet create a loud sound following his landing, a breath of panic expelling past as he rushes away.

The warmth in his hand escalates to a scalding degree, burning and searing like the fading power of Electro held within the golden casing.

To think that that was what Tomo meant.. !

He does not feel anger, no, just the burn of desperation and want to hide his friend’s Vision because he doesn’t want it to be taken away—to be placed in that statue that displays the lost ambitions of many others.

He’ll be damned before the Shogunate can take it… !

The criminal evades those at his tail, making swift maneuvers on rooftops and alleys without a second thought. His limbs are answering his every command, be it to duck, to jump—or to even draw his blade.

He is still ways away from the port but getting there won’t prove to be too complex for someone like him. He’s cut down plenty of the samurai in his escape from Tenshukaku,

Tomo…

“You’re family. Tell her.”

Family—

“This is the first one in a long time I’ve heard of it being extended-! To whom again? The clan that has lost its prestige a decade ago, right?” he almost trips in his sprinting, darting to an alleyway so he can further eavesdrop.

Did I hear that correctly?

A relieved sigh escapes when those chasing him run past his hiding spot.

Sucking in his breath, the silverette tightens his grip on the faded Vision of his best friend as he listens in the hushed conversation.

“Be quiet!” someone hisses, “If someone overhears us, what next? Still, I do feel bad.. they lost so much already. I can’t believe they’d drag an innocent person into it, too..”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do. The Shogun issued the penalty to immediate families, right? As far as I know, there are only two Kaedeharas left—”

Kazuha feels his heart stopping. Kaede..hara?

There’s no mistaking it.

But why—?

Why would a punishment meant for him extend to her?

She’s innocent!

Going off-course, he sprints in the direction of his house. The house that he lives in with his sister who takes great care of him—the same sister he’s willing to leave in favor of chasing what he wants in life.

He’s willing to, but he doesn’t.

Because perhaps—perhaps if he stayed and buried his desire, then he will amount to the same greatness she has done for him. But he cannot stand it, either. As patient as he is, as kind and ‘gentle’, [Name] can always see through his face.

He’s always been antsy—always itching to wander and he’s stumped that his sister is well-aware of that fact. Still, she’s always playing the ignorant one, pretending not to care- still coddling him as if he’s little and he’s had… enough of it.

But now that the situation has pinned this misfortune upon them, the ronin realizes that she’s only pretending for his sake, as well.

“Cut that out, I don’t need it. I fear that.. you will only embarrass yourself.”

Wasn’t it him who refused to tell her of his want to roam free in the first place?

“I understand that I am your brother—but there is no need to worry over me all the time. I can look after myself, [Name]. Do worry about something else, instead.”

Wasn’t it him who stuck around, still?

The bitterness in his tongue increases with each leap of his feet. He doesn’t even process the race of his heart as he’s carried through the same path that leads him home. To his family—to his only sister.

Everything seems to pass by slowly, in a blur, like the specks that decorate his vision the more his mind throws stacks and stacks of memories. This is madness.

Complete and utter madness.

He rounds the corner to see the figure of his only sibling, her back turned to him—she cannot see him, but he can see the armed soldiers flanking around her.

His throat tightens and certainly, he wouldn’t have been able to utter a word due to how it feels like his throat has been crushed.

“[Name]!”

Yet, the furious scream that tears past his lips denies all kinds of ‘impossibility’ the instant he sees the female falling to the ground, the sight of red splatter making him draw his blade.

Whoosh!

The summoned wind is opposingly gentle to the brewing storm in someone’s beautiful carmine eyes.

“[Name]-.. !”

That voice.. Kazuha?

Sometimes, the depth of emotion in Kazuha’s eyes is too deep for you to understand. Despite being so silent, he’s so, so expressive with his stares.

That even when he isn’t trembling when he lifts your torso, you know how much he’s quaking from within.

“What are you.. doing here? You have to go,” you cough red when he adjusts you in his arms, the sight of the fallen soldiers reminding you of the situation at hand. “Quick—before they.. catch you.”

He shakes his head,

“I’m taking you with me, I have a boat prepared, come, let’s—”

“Don’t lie to me, Kazuha.”

He pauses, flitting his gaze down to meet yours. You hate how you can’t seem to focus on him, though. Your sight is blurring in and out, only providing small intervals of clarity where you can see the panic in his features.

A sight you didn’t think you’d see on him until now.

“I know you made it for yourself. You’ve been planning to leave home, weren’t you? I’m not..” you’re not oblivious to his wish, “I’m not mad. I was only holding you back, wasn’t I?”

He sucks in a breath.

“I-I-“

What was he supposed to say?

Weakly tapping his arm, you start taking quick breaths—just to take in all the air you can while tolerating the gaping wound from being impaled.

It hurts. You want to scream. It hurts.

But you don’t—because you do not want to appear weak to your brother.

You promised mother and father that you will not cry when faced with problems—he mustn’t see, Kazuha mustn’t see. But at this moment, you just want to break apart. Disbelief is kicking in, you can’t believe this is happening.

When—where did everything go wrong?

“Besides, I’m not of use to you anymore. As if I’ll last the journey to Liyue-“

“Don’t say that!”

You blink owlishly, gasping out in pain when his hand presses against your wound, futilely attempting to hold back the bleeding.

“K-Kazuha?”

Your own hand shakily plants itself atop his own, helping him press—as if his hand isn’t heavy enough to stop the flow—it down. It will hurt, but you can’t say for sure. You’ve already grown numb and your head is swimming.

Still, you focus on him.

Still, you help him apply pressure even if you know—even if he knows—that it’s too late.

“Don’t say that. You’ve..” his voice cracks, “You’ve done so much, [Name], you-“

You took over the clan household when our parents died. You struggled to make ends meet for both of us. And yet.. all I do.. all I do is… !

Kazuha angrily bites on his lip, his hold on his composure beginning to slip as his mind throws in a reel of olden days.

“I’m leaving, [Name]. Please don’t wait up, I may take longer.”

“I’m grateful, but I don’t need that anymore.”

“Stop that, already.”

He dips his head with a muffled cry. All I do is wander and desire for a future where I can roam freely. I haven’t even thought of you..!

“You’ve grown, Kazuha,” he snaps back into this harsh reality when he feels the hand atop his disappear, presently moving to brush his messy locks.

He doesn’t know why all of a sudden his sight is becoming misty, but perhaps—perhaps it is because he remembers when his sister used to brush his hair the same way with a loving smile.

It is the same touch he flees from nowadays.

The same touch now—the same loving smile.

“As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right—you’ve grown so much.. and I’m still clinging onto the past.”

So lively, so beautiful and yet—

“You’re strong now..”

Yet it’s dying.

He presses harder on his sibling’s wound, almost sadistically—as if he’s hoping that it’ll ignite a painful reaction. “[Name], please, let me-“

Because if it hurt—then it means she’s still okay. She’s still responding.

“So capable.. so independent, you are.”

So why—? He almost chokes out a sob. Why are you not reacting to it!?

“Mother and father would be so proud of you. I am sorry if I was lacking in any way.”

“Please, [Name], you can’t do this.” He trembles, the composure he created so, so close to breaking as he gives up on endeavors that are pointless, to begin with. Instead, he tilts his head up, wishing to curse the heavens above.

For everything.

“I’m happy to be your sister, and.. I’m proud of you… Kazu..”

“Wait-“ he stumbles over his words, catching the falling hand of his sibling and registering how deathly pale she has gotten in a matter of seconds. “Wait, please—I-“

As much as he wants to voice out he’s sorry. For many things; for turning his back on her, for being distant when all they have is each other, he’s unable to find his voice when he sees the tears dripping out of his sister’s [c] eyes.

His strong older sister—weeping. It’s the first time he has seen her cry.

Her smile trembles—

“I love you. My nice.. little.. brother.”

—And her [c]s are then hidden forever.

The way she endearingly called him in her dying breath has him freezing, his heart pausing as if he had died along with her. But then the spark of pain welcomes him back to reality—to life.

And then he is leaning over her.

“[Name]..” breathless whispers escalate into panicked murmurs. “[Name]?”

His heart is pounding in his chest as he tries to shake her awake, like when he’d do when he’s eight and awake from an awful dream.

“Nee-san.. can I sleep by your side tonight?”

And although her [c] eyes are tired, she will still smile. “Okay.”

And she’d keep watch over him the whole night.

He’s reminded of it when he hopelessly shakes her awake, to no obvious avail. But he keeps grasping her arms, anyway, like he used to many years ago.

But things are different now.

“[Name]—[N-Name]!?”

He said it himself—he’s no longer a child.

“Please, don’t leave me- I- you’re all I have left!” The ronin’s composure finally breaks loose and his tears begin landing like a profuse waterfall. His uncontained sobs remain unheard.

This time, there is no one to wake him up from his nightmares.

“No—no, no- no, please..!” Kazuha weeps as he holds his sister’s cold hand, shakily pressing it to his forehead, imitating the sweet action she has always given him. A hand on his head, on his shoulder—or on his cheek if he’s tearful. “You can’t!”

She’ll tell him not to be sad because it’ll make her sad, too.

And he’ll hurriedly wipe his tears because ‘no! big sister mustn’t feel sad because of me!’.

Then [Name] will muster a smile as bright as the sun and hold his face in her warm hands, and press a kiss on his forehead. He’ll get red and thrash around, whining, ‘onee-san!’. And about how embarrassing it is so she mustn’t do it anymore.

Now, he is holding her hand in his own, trying to remember the same warmth it emitted just a day ago. Just a few hours ago. How long has it been?

And when he doesn’t feel the warmth—when he doesn’t remember the warmth, when all he feels is the cold and the obvious lack of love, Kazuha breaks apart.

His heart squeezes and his tears spill more, his lips parting to release the honorific he has dropped a long, long time ago. “Nee-san!”

“You don’t call me ‘nee-san’ nowadays,”

“Onee-san!”

“My, you’ve grown so much, Kazu!”

“Onee-san!”

I’m calling you. He cries, like a picture of misery. So why aren’t you waking up? Sister! He cries, like a heartbroken child.

The winds around him pick up, warning him of incoming men sent to apprehend and penalize him the same way they did to his sibling. It’s suffocating—maddening, even, and he wants to tear them all down himself.

But [Name] wouldn’t like that.

So, with a muted cry and bolster of willpower, he tears himself from the body of his kin, trembling.

He can hear the thundering steps of the samurai as he hurries to untangle the same black and red scarf [Name] has once attempted to give him. The same fabric he has rejected.

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.” he hugs her with all his might, with his soul, and with his heart before he’s back up on his feet and running. I love you, too, nee-san.

“Get him!” someone roars from behind.

And although he wishes to turn and slice them away, he couldn’t—because he’d be seeing the fallen figure of the same person he had neglected to cherish. So, instead, he nestles the scarf around his neck whilst clutching onto the Vision of his friend.

Down the path, he runs.

Years ago, he will be accompanied by the people he loves, chasing a faraway future.

Now he is running on the same path alone, running after a dream that can now be turned into reality.

Far from Inazuma.

Far from home.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

a/n: did it hurt-

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　Return to the Scrying Glass　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

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@lehra @melkxsh

A Price to Pay - Ayato x f!reader

Summary: You first knew Ayato years ago. He was handsome, charming, and loved to provoke a reaction from you. Yet, the love of your life, the next head of the Kamisato clan, left you. Now he was at your door, shocked to see you were home. If you put your anger aside, perhaps you'd learn why he had to leave you. You were one of the few who can cause him to lose composure after all.

Other info: Angst with comfort, hurt/comfort, 2.6k words, spoilers for Ayato's story quest in the first paragraph

(Inspired by his story quest. I wondered if something in Ayato's past could've made him more personally invested in the main conflict of the quest and it somehow turned into this. I hope you enjoy it.)

Passing by the notice board caused your stomach to drop once again. You knew it was irrational. The wedding was cancelled because it was merely a rumor to begin with. Nonetheless, it left a bitter taste in your mouth, churning up memories you thought you had put to rest.

You stopped in your tracks when you saw a figure at the front door of your home. He was tall, handsome, and elegant as always. You knew him well, many years ago.

You sighed as you approached the door and Ayato was startled to see you. He adjusted the collar of his kimono and you scoffed at his action. Despite now being older and more accomplished, he had the same telling habits when he was in an uncomfortable situation. He had better feel ashamed.

"My apologies," he told you. "I did not expect you to be home."

"What? Your informants gave you the wrong info?"

You struggled with the key at the door and when it opened, you glanced back at him, only to raise a brow at his expression. It was brief, but you were sure you had seen a small smile from him. You disregarded it.

Blocking the entryway, you stood in front of him and crossed your arms. "Why are you here, commissioner?"

His eyes widened, but only slightly, before clearing his throat. "I have business to attend to with your father," he told you.

"For the upcoming festival? He has more pressing matters at the moment. He left me in charge of it for now."

"Ah. I shall return another day then," he said with a polite smile, proceeding to leave.

"If you need to discuss something with me, you might as well spare me the pain and say it now." There was a deeper meaning to your words but you dared not to mention it now.

He fiddled with his sleeve, unsure how to reply. He resorted to a shrug and a chuckle. "I thought you despised being in my presence."

"I do."

Lightning striked in the distance, an ominous sign the skies would pour down with rain any minute. You sighed over the unfortunate circumstances.

"Come inside," you told him. "I have quite a few drafts that need approval. I was going to ask Ayaka but it seems my point of contact has changed to… you."

You gestured to him to come inside, and just as he stepped into your home, a trickle of rain began.

The inside of your home felt a lot smaller than usual. It was never as big as the Kamisato estate, but the last time you were both here was when you were much younger. Your retainer rushed into the room to welcome Ayato and to see if he would care for any refreshments. You went to your office in the back to retrieve the paperwork for the festival.

When you returned to the living room, balancing a stack of binders, Ayato quickly came to your aid. You pushed his hand away and walked to the table before dumping all your work on it.

Over the next few hours, the two of you discussed the drafts of the posters, brochures and other signage for the event. You needed to verify the accuracy of the information, not wanting to give the illustrators and designers the wrong information.

There were quite a few vendors selling goods at the festival, so it was a challenge to consolidate all of their information. Fortunately, Ayato was competent at his job and was familiar with each one like the back of his hand. Almost all.

"There's one more vendor from Liyue," he told you. "But I can't quite remember the name."

"Qingce textiles? You mentioned them earlier today."

"No, not that," he said, placing a hand on his chin. "I don't know if the spelling is correct. I will require one of my retainers to verify it for me."

"No need. I'm familiar with them," you told him. "I frequented their store." You dragged your pen as you wrote out their name. Traveling to Liyue in the past was a nice change of pace from the busyness in Inazuma. No, not the busyness.

You went there after Ayato called off your engagement.

"Have you heard from Watatsumi fisheries?" you asked him. "My father last told me they were still deciding on participating in the festival. Many people waited in line at their stall last year."

"That's a pity. I was told they ran out of their last batch of fish. A certain hired hand left them on the boat to spoil."

You widened your eyes in panic, wondering how your friend was dealing with the situation. But after spotting the slight uptick of the corner of Ayato's mouth, you rolled your eyes and returned your papers.

"That shouldn't be a problem for you, correct?" you asked.

"Of course," he replied. "Thoma also informed me they have plenty in their storehouses. Besides, they still have quite a bit of time before the actual festival to obtain fresh fish."

"So ultimately, your information was irrelevant."

"Perhaps," he told you. As you shuffled more papers, Ayato glanced at your empty cup. "You should get some more tea."

"I'll ask Mizuda to fetch it for me."

"I was implying you needed a break. I can continue here."

Your heart skipped a beat without your permission. Why was it that just after being with him for a mere few hours made you forget that you hadn't conversed in years? You ground your teeth, hoping his business with you would end swiftly.

When you returned from your tea break, you walked back to the living room with a cup in your hand.

"Is that… boba?" he asked. He glanced outside the window as the rain continued to pour down. "Where did you get it?"

"I made it."

You held out the cup and he stared at the drink in front of him. When he took it, his fingers grazed over your hand and he almost dropped the cup in the process. You eyed him, questioning his behaviour and he apologized for his uncharacteristic clumsiness.

The next few minutes were strange. Ayato knocked your biscuits off of their plate when reaching for a new sheet of paper. His sleeve got caught on the edge of his boba cup and caused it to flip over onto one of your binders. It was fortunately empty. You finally snapped when he dropped the ink bottle, which had just missed your rug.

"Ayato, what's going on?" you groaned.

"I–." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It seems you still have this effect on me."

You bit your lip, picking up a few papers but you forgot why you needed them. "You–," you began before taking a breath to compose yourself. "You have no right to have any feelings for me."

Ayato was the boy who promised to go through everything with you. You were best friends turned sweethearts and he was elated to learn his arranged marriage would be with you. He loved to tease you yet you didn't mind. It was some of the few times he had fun as he diligently learned to be the next head of the clan.

You gripped the paper in your trembling hand, holding back tears threatening to blur your vision. "Why– Why couldn't you stay with me?"

He sighed as he leaned back in his seat. "You were simply the price I had to pay," he said, closing his eyes and head tilted towards the ceiling.

"What about me?" you snapped at him. "Don't you think I suffered as well?"

You knew he would be the next head of the clan. He prepared his whole life for it. But it was accelerated when his parents died. It was the burden he had to carry, you understood that. Despite this, the two of you promised to be with each other through these times and were excited to wed each other when you reached adulthood.

He continued to stare at the ceiling before rising from his seat and occupying the space in front of you. He bent down, knees on the floor, and, very gently, tucked in the edges of his kimono.

"I promised myself to never appear in front of you again," he told you. "I never considered an opportunity would arise to apologize to you."

He placed his forehead on the rug and you clenched your fists, your nails digging into your skin.

"I am sorry you had to suffer on my behalf."

"Don't you think it's too late? You never told me why you called off the engagement. Of course, I suffered! You got up and left without a word! How could you do this to me?"

Silence. He didn't give you an answer. Your sweet beloved had left you in a blink of an eye and yet he was here in your house.

You rubbed your temple. "Forget this. Let's just get back to work."

You picked up your pen but he hadn't moved from his spot. "Ayato?" You glanced below you; a small patch of the rug was damp.

You pulled him up. "Ayato," you said in a panic. Tears filled his eyes and coated his cheeks. He quickly hid them behind his hand.

"I've overstayed my welcome." He got up to rush out of your house but you took his hand. It required little force to halt his movements. The feeling of your hand in his had shocked him.

"Ayato," you said again, this time with a gentle tone. He bit his lip, attempting to steel his expression. But it was no use. The tears had already betrayed him.

"My love," you called him this time, and he turned around, embracing you in his arms. His sleeves spread over your back as his tears soaked your shoulder. You stroked his broad back in the same way he used to comfort you.

"Mizuda," you called your retainer and she entered the room. "Please retrieve a handkerchief for me." She nodded and left the room.

"You need not to worry about her," you told Ayato. "She's astute and tight-lipped. I trust her with my life."

He chuckled as he finally lifted his head. "How is it that you are comforting me when you have suffered unjustly?"

"Ayato," you said, staring into his eyes. "I was angry with you because you never gave me an explanation. I thought you didn't care about me anymore."

Your retainer returned with a handkerchief and Ayato wiped his tears. "This is quite amusing. After all these years of leading my clan, I am still very much immature. I am able to confront nobles, stand up against assassins, and uncover the deception of others," he takes your other hand, "but wasn't able to appear before you."

"Were you afraid I'd be angry with you?"

"No. I was afraid you'd be too understanding," he said. "And you would bear the cost of my decision alone."

You rubbed your forehead with the heel of your palm. "Now why would you do that– No, of course you would." He had his own way of dealing with his personal problems.

"I couldn't think of a solution that wouldn't cause you any pain." He released your hands and turned his head away from you. "I thought that you would at least have some consolation if you could direct your anger towards me."

"Is that why there was also an increase of suitors for me when you left?" you sighed. "Were you hoping I'd somehow be comforted by it?"

"No," he shook his head. "I had no hand in that. I considered it, but there was no one I could trust to take care of you."

You let out a sigh when your heart skipped a beat once again. "So why leave in the first place?"

"If I didn't, my sister–" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, disregard that. It was ultimately due to my incompetence that I could not fulfill my promise to you." His hand shook as he spoke, and he clenched it before hiding it from your view. "I could not rely on your family, lest we drag you down with us."

"Drag us down? Did you really think–?"

No. That wasn't it. He needed to ensure stability for his clan after his parents died. If it were only him left in the clan, the Ayato you knew would have run into your open arms, accepting any help you gave him. But if he chose you, he couldn't provide what his sister needed, a strong head of the family who'd forge a path for her. Her, along with the rest of his weakened clan and all who were under his care.

"You wanted to be able to stand on your own two feet." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. "Incompetent indeed."

You didn't agree with him. Power dynamics didn't consume your mind like they did his. But now you could make some sort of reason behind his actions. Perhaps you were both too young and immature back then, not to mention Ayato had little time to grieve over his parents. And after you left for Liyue, he thought it best to not keep in contact.

"I do not ask for your forgiveness," he told you. "I have already put you through too much. But I will not allow you to suffer again," he said, looking directly at you. "I will ensure it."

He folded up the handkerchief and placed it next to him. "Did… you have any other questions? I hope it'll make our future interactions more bearable for you. If not," he continued, "I can arrange for someone else to take my place."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. This was too much to process. "Let's just finish up what we can for today."

The two of you worked for a few more hours and the sun had already set. You had difficulty concentrating and the side glances from Ayato didn't help at all. But one thing was for sure. You missed him. And he missed you.

"It's late." he told you. "I must return to the estate. I can arrange for someone else to come next time."

You crossed your arms, shoulders relaxed, as you leaned on a door frame, watching Ayato retrieve his belongings. "Will you be attending the festival?"

"Of course," he replied, squinting his eyes at a sheet of paper due to the dim light. "I must ensure it'll run smoothly."

"My retainer won't be working that week." You'd be alone then.

The paper fell to the ground as he lifted his eyes to you. He raised his hand to clear his throat. "Perhaps I… should come back to work here tomorrow. So that I won't be as busy during the festival." You raised a brow. "Or not. I'll get Thoma or Ayaka instead to–"

"I'm free Saturday."

Ayato's eyes grew wide. He tightened his lips together and you snorted as he struggled to hold back a smile. He nodded and quickly packed the rest of his papers before leaving your house.

The rain had stopped. The dim lampstands outlined his silhouette as he stood to stare back at your house once more, the man who sacrificed much to accomplish what he did over the years, the same boy you had loved dearly.

Perhaps fate would be kinder to the two of you this time around.

I hope you liked it. :) Fun fact: the textile business is a reference to the reader's occupation from my Kazuha drabble and the fishing business is the reader's from my Itto fic. I was too lazy to think of vendors so I used them. lol. Those two fics have completely different moods from this one though. :)

Please consider leaving a comment if you enjoyed this.

Edit: I wrote a fluffier part two here. :)

Reblog if you want anons to tell you who they ship you with and why.

Celebrities, other tumblr users, anyone..

Pain

starting a new thread since the other was getting quite long hehe

thank you for the tag @sugawara-sweetheart

NO CHEATING: you’re starring in a movie with the last person saved in your camera roll and the last song you listened to is the title. Who/what is it?

hmmm...interesting 🤔 but Hirooooo 💕

tagging @kiyoo-omi @mintmatcha @saetyrn9 @myelocin and whoever else who wants to play!

[GI Military AU]

And I did this for what

Watch me trip and fall to your ask box. I just saw your post about needing new friends and that you're new to tumblr and I'm here with my application. I wasn't sure if dms were okay but same, I need some more xiao friends. Xiao is always valid. (P.S ty for the support^^)

Omg let's be friends 😭

Just found out this is donna

REBLOG IF IT IS OKAY TO COME INTO YOUR INBOX AND SAY THE RANDOMEST SHIT I CAN THINK OF BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO INTERACT WITH YOU.

I wanna live in here