Keep Hearing About Everyone Picking Up A New Skill During The Lockdowns And Well I’m Proud To Announce

Italians were hella right in combining pasta, olive oil and garlic. I’m convinced that they’ve got eternal truths hidden in their cuisines at this rate.

Just add pecorino to something and your day is made. Or black pepper. Or some fresh tomatoes. And that’s it. Keep it simple and fresh and heavenly.

I’ve been throwing money at the wrong things my whole life.

There are two types of people:

Type A: Life is a mess but every app on the phone is categorized into neat folders and knows exactly which folder to navigate to for an app.

Type B: Got life figured out but the phone is an unholy mess waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano. Knows where to find stuff, but anyone else trying to navigate is just heading towards a level 7 migraine.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’ll head into the kitchen in the dark, get me a glass of water, sigh and whisper ‘hydrated’ into the empty void.

Remember that time in 2012 when we all thought the world was going to end and did some unredeemable embarrassing shit to celebrate the end of times?

Yeah. Same.

Out of all the things to fast track in life, I went for a mid-life crisis.

“Hey fuckface, get off my property.”

“Not until you return my limited edition Ben 10 watch with the camo strap.”

“Already sold it, what ya gonna do?”

“Hope you like your phone flushed down the toilet.”

Exit stage right.

I’m right and I should say it

Life just makes so much more sense at 3am.

Can’t explain it, it just does.

Maybe I’m sleep deprived but I probably wouldn’t give a shit since my mind is uninhibited like the members of barenaked ladies.

Wei WuXian:

*Looks for LAN ZHAN all the time in the first life*

*Always chasing after LWJ in the first life*

*Got branded for a dude*

*Always saving and helping LWJ in the first life*

*Seeks him out even after death and reincarnation*

*Constantly giving him ‘eye-fucking invitations’*

I mean he lusts after him worse than any straight couple flirting I’ve seen...it’s a wonder he didn’t make LWJ’s block list.

And LWJ suffers through all of this and more, ever so patient and generous.

I bet if he had a phone, LWJ would be his emergency contact which would of course make JC extra mad.

Even the gods went, you’re not a villainous soul but please go find your man, he’s pining too hard on earth.

Meanwhile, the Untamed:

Two bro’s chilling in a bath tub five feet apart because they’re what? Not Fuckin’ Gay.

Professions BL has introduced me to over the years:

Engineers

Doctors

C-Suite everything (CEO, CTO, CFO)

Gym Instructors

Vets

Cafe waiters / owners

Millionaire rich kid (daddy’s little boy gets paid a hefty sum every month to ride around in a souped up coupe)

Businessman (shady or legitimate, who cares, look he’s wearing a turtleneck)

Intelligence operatives

Bar tenders

Laundry Operators

Team manager (of what and why exactly? We don’t know, but he manages a team)

Salesperson

Hackers (ethical or redeemable)

Criminal (street and organised)

Creative Director

Painters

Pornographer

Dancer

Loan sharks (probably the only one that caught me off guard)

Lawyer

Dentists (because dentists are not doctors)

Hairdresser

Stewards/pursers

Fashion Designer

Interior designer

Model

Aircraft technicians

Tutor

Deliveryman

Makeup/Skin care promoter (for those brand placements)

Actor (theatre and film)

Artist manager/creative director

Producer

Race car driver (omegaverse included)

Shareholder (it is a career path if you’re rich enough right?)

Bodyguard

Graphic designer

Farmer

Architect

Meteorologist (and a horny one at that, who would’ve thought huh?)

Game Developer

Cultivators

Grim reapers (even a pre-ordained one counts)

Landlord

Political Activists

Athletes

Writers

Ceramic artist

Filmmakers

Videographers

Photographers

Boom operators

Singer

Editor

Manga artist

Ice skater

Producer

Ghost (I don’t know either.)

Project manager

Chef

Kpop idol

Teacher

Influencer

Gamer

Military officer

Supermarket owner

Real estate broker

Medical examiner

Gangster (a constant favorite)

Police officers

and

A two timing snitch (you read that right, there’s always one so it’s gotta be a paying gig.).

It’s a diverse bunch y’all.

If you can guess the bl from these positions, congratulations, you’ve watched all of them probably.

(I ran out of tags by the way)

Watching big cats meow and purr feels weird because it would be similar to watching mob bosses do the baby voice.