“Hey Fuckface, Get Off My Property.”

Me: I don’t have any seemingly recognizable human emotions that you could pin me under. I’m impenetrable and indecipherable. The ultimate warrior archetype.

Also me: listens to 6lack at 2am imagining a bad breakup and craving a booty call to supress these sudden feelings.

Huh.

Them: Can you check whether this specific transaction would be governed by the donation laws or would it be considered as a loan favourable to our clients?

Me: I’m only on fractions.

That’s it. That’s the joke. Thank you for coming.

Keep hearing about everyone picking up a new skill during the lockdowns and well I’m proud to announce that I can now successfully unravel and re-ravel my self at will.

Watching big cats meow and purr feels weird because it would be similar to watching mob bosses do the baby voice.

Did a little soul searching...I am in fact, a narcissistic little shit with no concern for consequences but if someone mentions a cat I will build a shelter with my bare hands and protect it from the elements.

Watching those restoration videos on YouTube and commenting hoping that one of those creators will entertain the possibility of restoring the shattered pieces of my sanity back together once this year ends.

Put potato chips in the oven and then forgot about them because BBQ flavored just doesn’t cut it anymore I’m going for charred and cracked now.

I run on sex, sleep, chocolate and anger and if that isn’t wholesome I don’t know what is.

So yes, I do fully react to fictional characters doing dumb things with incredulity and rage and then turn around and encourage myself to place my hands on a burning stove....what are you trying to say?

The weirdest thing about online teaching sessions are that the lecturer is explaining this abstract concept that flies by your head while you lie in bed and check the WhatsApp group where everyone is commenting on his drapes/lighting/interior decoration.